This is primarily a personal blog so most of the posts here are mixed but I try to keep things tagged accordingly! This is NOT a fandom blog or an art blog, don't follow me if you're expecting both of that. If you want to check out my art posted here you can click on my art tag in this blog or my other selfship side blog!
BLOGS I OPERATED:
@miutonium : Selfship blog! Feel free to follow this account for free and cringe content! All i yell about is wanting to kiss Professor Utonium :D
@/m*****o : Persona/art blog! Mostly Persona 3 posts!
I block and report empty blogs with default pics. I just assume you are a bot if you hit those criteria yet follows me! No grace period! Please put a non-human PFP and a decent short bio or you will get the Block Glock! You have been warned!
I don't tag my vent post either this is a personal blog! If you dont like it dont follow this acc!
I graduated yesterday. I'm going to post pictures soon but anyway, I was kinda upset yesterday. I didn't get to enjoy the graduation because I have to stay backstage due to getting an award but also none of my classmate bothers to tell me they are taking pictures with everyone after it ended and I only found out after I left and they posted it in the gc. I manage to get pictures with a few of my friends. I also got upset at my dad mostly because even when I get an award, he said I didnt get better prize unlike others because I didnt get better awards and didn't tell them that I won an award initially. Idk I guess there's just no way for me to please an asian parents.
I'll post my bouquet soon. Its pretty and that's the only good thing I can remember about graduation for now
i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.
Celery sticks (add some peanut butter or cream cheese for extra flavor and protein)
Broccoli (good with ranch, cheese, or salt/pepper/butter)
Canned peas (you can microwave in a microwave-safe bowl. Good with salt/pepper/butter)
Bell peppers (cut into strips, good with cream cheese)
Canned green beans (can be microwaved in microwave-safe bowl. Good with salt/pepper/butter)
Hummus (good with crackers or tortilla chips)
Salsa (good with tortilla chips)
Guacamole (good with tortilla chips)
Need it in something?
Can't see it:
Hummus
salsa
Guacamole
Can see but disguised flavor (can usually be found store bought or done at home and use different veggies):
Dressed up ramen - just toss in some random veggies in ramen of your choice. Pretty much everything I've tried goes fine with it.
Chicken pot pie
Vegetable soup (with so many together it's hard to taste any specific one!)
Chicken noodle soup
Sweet and sour pork (haven't tried it but chicken should be fine in place of pork)
Texture problems:
Need it soft:
Hummus
Salsa
Guacamole
Cooked carrots
Avocados
Beans (personally I prefer black beans and canned baked beans)
Peas (make sure to cook well, great value brand has the softest peas I've tried)
Cooked broccoli (note: it does smell bad while cooking)
Cooked asparagus (note: also smells bad while cooking)
Cooked zucchini and squash (good together but can be eaten separate)
You can also puree most vegetables and eat with a spoon or use them as a dip
Needs to be crunchy:
Raw carrots
Raw celery
Raw bell peppers
Salad (remember you can put whatever you want in it! Even if that means no lettuce)
Most veggies are okay raw, and are usually very crunchy
Veggies google says stay crunchy after lightly cooking:
Snap peas
Brussel sprouts
Cabbage
Water chestnut
Bamboo shoots
Broad texture tips:
You can change textures by eating raw, cooking, chopping, pureeing, etc
You can separate different textures to use in different ways (ie using broccoli tops in a soup and eating the bottoms raw)
It also really helps to think about why you dislike a vegetable. I found that I am scared of green foods so I like to use those veggies for ingredients in things they are well hidden for. I've also learned that watching something while eating helps because then I'm not looking at the gross green things. When possible, I also like to get help hiding it (ie using cream of celery soup in my chicken and dumplings).
Remember that vegetables are important because they contain nutrients that other foods don’t contain. NOT because they are low calorie.
Eating vegetables slathered in pork fat is always better than not eating vegetables. In fact fat will help you absorb the nutrients. Get those nutrients in your body by any means necessary.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking that you HAVE to eat vegetables raw or steamed or some other diet-culture-approved way.
The buttery, honey-drizzled vegetables you will actually eat are WAY better than the plain steamed ones you DON'T eat. It's not like the butter and honey take AWAY the vegetables' nutrients. They don't.
I mean it's kinda over (hopefully) and of course healing takes a lot of time but I am really not kidding about having a hard time communicating with people. Like I'm still feeling so so anxious about talking to people and starting new friendships online because theres just lingerong effect of distrust and me keeping my guard up because of this experience zzzzz
I wanted to come back and explain my hiatus over the past few months but I will post that note after I post this one because it's really important for me to type this out.
As everyone here knows, I am dealing with an online stalker for 2 years now. I'm giving everyone a recap in case people aren't aware of it. This will be a long post so please, skip if you dont want to read. I promise I will come back and make funny post or something idk, but this aint it.
Basically it all started with me not responding to their dms on instagram (and the reason I didn't respond is because the first text sounded like they're asserting their dominance over prof and it came off as passive aggresive) so I did not reply because of that. Then they continue to reply to my stories (the replies are harmless) but I continue to ignore because again, the first text already gave me a bad vibe so I rather not reply. But as time goes the replies seems to try to entice me to respond back and I do not like it when people forced me to reply, it's rude so I continue to ignore. The last reply from my story was a "Hello?" from them in my dms. Since then, they followed me, unfollowed me, blocked me, unblocked me and repeat the cycle. At first, I didn't notice it but then it became frequent and I keep seeing this same user doing it over and over again as if to grab my attention. It took me a while to block this user because whenever this happens, I was asleep (I'm in a different time zone) so by the time I wanted to click on the notification, the account is gone. I started being paranoid of interacting with people online at that time, I limited my story replies, messages and eventually my inbox. I was so unhappy with instagram because I really want to share my art without feeling anxious but this user made my experience so unpleasant. Eventually, my negative experience from others (unrelated to this user) and this user on instagram made me privated my art acc. I finally able to block this user because right after I privated my account, they send me a follow request. Not too long after that, I noticed they followed my twitter account too and I'm lucky I'm able to catch that because my notification used to be flooded and it's just luck I was able to see that name and block them. I have privated my twitter and currently on hiatus from twitter and I don't think I will be returning due to the recent block policy change. I don't like the idea of people I've blocked for my safety and comfort be seeing my post.
I have a public pinterest account that I made many months ago to post my Utonium art because I noticed my art got reposted there so might as well just start posting there so I posted just a few of my solo Utonium art there and then I forget about this account. Yesterday, I went on pinterest (under a private acc) and decided to search for prof and see that one of my post apparently gained traction and I remembered about that account. I decided to check my page and noticed I gained new followers. Imagine how upset and frustrated I am that one of the follower was this user that has stalked me.
At this point, I am so so frustrated and fed up. I have done everything to keep this person away from me. I stopped using instagram because of this user. I privated my twitter because of this user and I very much contemplated on privating this sideblog too because I could not stand that someone is actively tracking me down online, because I didn't response to their dms 2 years ago. Im just so frustrated because this experience really made me so so anxious and fearful and wary of interacting with people online. I want to keep sharing my art, I want to meet other people online that's into the things I like, but this experience really left me so anxious of talking to new people and has affected me mentally. I cannot say that this experience alone is the main factor of my mental health going to shit ever since I'm done with art school and I spend most of my days in my room just crying but I can say this is one of the reason why I have trust issues with trusting people because I don't know if any of you might end up doing this to me again, I really can't take that. I feel so alone because I don't have many friends irl and this situation really makes me think twice of making new friends.
I'm so tired of having to run away and hide from people , of not being able to enjoy my time online and im so done with this feeling of anxiety and fear over making my own space because of this situation. Enough is enough. I finally have the courage to message this person on pinterest today.
I won't post the screenshot (although I will show it to my friends here privately if they want to as confirmation that I am not making shit up and be the judge) but to summarize it (i format it like this so its easier to read):
- I send a lengthy message telling them exactly why I have blocked them everywhere and how their action has left me with severe anxiety and affects the way I interact with people online. I explained how me blocking them is a sign that I definitely DO NOT want to interact with them and them constantly tracking me down is considered to be stalking. I tell them to leave me alone.
- They replied immediately saying that I blocked them because I was jealous of other people having a crush with prof and said this is an issue of jealousy. They said they did that because they liked my art and THOUGHT (they wrote the thought in caps) they could be my friend. They mentioned that I didn't even give them a chance to know them and i dont even know them.
- I clarified that jealousy is absolutely NOT AN ISSUE and I always open to sharing. I have stated countless times that I am always open with sharing and openly supports anyone and draw people who ships with prof before. I have clarified that the reason i blocked them is because the first text they send me sounds like they're asserting their dominance of their ship to me is rude and of course I blocked them because they give me the wrong vibe and I dont even know them so of course I blocked them. I also said that them consistently following, unfollowing, blocking, unblocking and repeat cycle makes me think theyre forcing me to reply to them and it makes me very anxious. I stated that what they did was not normal behaviour and if I actively avoid them, that means I do not want to interact with them.
- They said I got their intention wrong. They admitted that they fangirled a bit too much because they have ocd and it came off to be rude (for the first text part). They said the reason they did the follow unfollow thing is because they got paranoid (huh?) And think I didnt want to talk to them because of the first text. They said they weren't in the good place in mind. They said they didn't mean to cause me any harm. They said they apologize for the rude first text. They asked we could start over again to know them but they understand if I dont want to do that and apologize for the first interaction.
- I replied that I am sorry that to hear this was all from misunderstanding their intention and their condition. I said that despite that, I could not brush over the fact that their actions has caused me severe anxiety with the way I interact with people online and I have to stress out that their action have cause me fear and anxiety being online. I stated that I am very grateful that them and other people liked my art but they cannot pressure me to talk and what they did with the following spam and tracking all of my socials online makes me think that they dont respect me and gave me the idea that they want to cause harm on me.
- They said they understand and sorry for causing me so much stress for pressuring me to talk to them. They said they admired my art style. They say the respect me and what they did gave me a wrong impression.
- I said that it's unfortunate that it became this way and knowing their intention now, I wished we have started with a good foot but I could not gloss over the severe stress and anxiety they caused me over 2 years and I dont think we can start over again.
- They said they're sorry that I feel that way even though I don't know them and NOW (that was wrote in caps) I know their intention wasn't malicious. They said they've been trying to reach out to me and say how much they loved my art and that's the reason why they did what they did which is to grab my attention. They wished we could've been friends but since I wouldn't give then that chance, it's okay (umm no?). They said if I have known their intention and give them the chance to that back then, it would saved us a lot of this.
- I said I appreciate the clarification and I am sorry that this is how it ended. I said that I need to prioritize my mental health so I dont think there will be any communication moving forward and I need to set boundaries.
- Their last reply is K, nice knowing me and good luck in life.
They then blocked me and I blocked them before I deactivate my pinterest account. In all honesty, I don't really feel there's a closure because there was no assurance that this will not happen again and I really feel that I was gaslighted into thinking this was a misunderstanding when in fact that they breached my privacy by tracking down my socials despite me having blocked them in my socials. The original text sounds more like blaming me that I got them wrong. I don't feel that they understand that their 'good intention' is deemed to be malicious to me due to the fact that 1) their insistence on finding me when I have made effort to avoid them and 2) We do not know each other at all and what they did is borderline Parasocial to me. I am also disappointed that they do not seem to understand how severe their actions has caused me towards my anxiety. Despite that, I am glad to know the reason with the 2 year of constant stalking and I do not wish (hopefully) to talk to this person again.
For now, that is the end of it (I hope). The reason I typed all of this is for people to understand why have I been so... distant from everyone. I am not as cheerful, sociable and vocal about anything these days is due to my social anxiety about interacting with people and this experience really exacerbates my anxiety to an all time high. I want to be okay and make new friends, it used to be so easy for me to do so but now I have to do second guess on everything like if this person is good or bad and if this person is going to get obsessive over me. It really sucks because I have been avoiding people for months due to this (and other stuff that I have mentioned in my previous post) and feeling so lonely because of that. But now, I really want to heal and be me again. I want to draw things that I liked and actually continue my overly delayed commission. I dont want anxiety to get the best of me.
I hope everyone understands me and be patient with me. I really appreciate people's kindness and I think I need to accept that I do in fact deserve that after terrorizing myself for months.
Actually im so frustrated because I deactivated my instagram and I blocked them on twitter just so I wont be bothered anymore and it really left me feeling so anxious about the possibility of them following my blog and now knowing they followed me on pinterest is just so frustrating. Why cant people be normal?? If I blocked you fucking everywhere that means I DO NOT WANT TO INTERAVT WITH YOU!!!
Ok I got the access back and I eanted to block but then after finding out that basically blocking doesnt really prevent blocked users from checking my profile and see my post, i guess I just have to leave it that way 🥲💔
realtalk: i can’t wait for AI to get better to the point where you can have a legit conversation with your computer or phone just for the heck of it
imagine how innocent they’d be, and like they don’t know what swearing is until you teach them then they go overboard with it like a child and hhHHHG
