I still love you. I didn't know under the pressures of your love I would bloom and that change would fate our doom. I never knew I would fear hell for it meant being separated from you. what scared me the most was that if I had to choose between you and I to my surprise I would choose you. betray my morals. betray my mind. betray my intelligence just to rest between your thighs having you hold me in a way that made me feel fine. and that was it. you made me feel okay just the way I was. I was enough. but then I became more and was relegated simply as a whore. a chore. no longer worth fighting for. I still love you. the you I saw when it was just us two shielded from the worlds view. the you I would get on my knees and consume like divine fruit. the you I would bow to even if it meant I was denying the truth. perhaps love such as this was too pure for our tainted world. I still love you. I always knew you would never be enough for me. even before I became more. but even now I'm unsure. I was made to wander the planet but that was done long before I was born. saving me from myself, you let me wander you. feeding me the treasures of your body. Allowing me to lap the waters from your valleys and shores. giving me an experience I thought was lost to my ancestors of exploring a place you adore. making me a cartographer to your topography. making a biologist to your flora and fauna. making me an alchemist to the elements of your chemistry. making me more. the me you could see when we were shielded from the world's view. at least I thought you could. when I would plant myself inside you, you were all I needed to be. you were my world. you were all I need. you gave this orchid a tree, a taste of immortality. but then I become more and was no longer enough for you. I still love you. the journey I would take so we could be lost in each other's gravity was worth it regardless of what I would endure. no matter the cost or any violence wrought against me I knew I would be restored due to you being my fountain of youth, rejuvenating me, making me me brand new. making me realizing realize at the end of the day all I needed at the end of each day was to be entangled in your embrace. the way you would look at me I would never assume it was I before your eyes being seen for want I truly am. a galaxy encarnate. I still love you. I knew no one can be enough for me. it isn't their responsibility but loving you taught me I could. I fell into myself the way I fell into you. completely. even the parts of me I deemed too ugly and I am beautiful. and I am terrible. and I am beautiful. and I am terrible. and I am beautiful because I am terrible. I thought that this is what you could see when you would look at me with those eyes that complete me. as I descended into the pits of my soul I expected to find you there waiting to greet me. smiling so carelessly, as you are one to be, asking me what took you so long to see that this is why I love you but lo and behold when I reached the bed rock of my being I was alone. I still love you. I still blame you. I put the onus at your feet. I know it sounds crazy but if you hadn't looked at me that way that said you saw me and I was okay even though I was broken, I would have never delved into tartarus to get more. I thought you wanted all of me, the terror and the beauty, monstrous divinity. I still love you. I refuse to hate me. I'm sorry you feel used because it's true. I used you. I used loving you to teach me how love myself. maybe I seem deluded to you but I know the truth. I know you are me and I am you when our love is sheilded from the world's view. I was finally complete, then I had to wrent bone from flesh, to cut my heart from my flesh. remove you. leaving me empty. leaving me hollow. leaving me without you so I could be me. I remember when you said to me "you don't love me the way I love you" and it know it's the truth because I still love you.