A Story.

A blog for myself, for my stories. My grandfather passed away after a long battle with dementia. I don't want to forget these moments. No matter how small. This blog if for me to look back on, but if you enjoy it, feel free to stay.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

August 08, 2022

Heyo!

Been a bit since I've updated here. I don't use this Tumblr much anymore. A few key things that have happened I guess! My best friend had a baby. She's the first and only child I've ever liked/loved. My goddaughter. I've been on testosterone for well over a year now! Got the most horrible beard. I went to DisneyWorld for the first time for my 21st birthday. Love it. So much left to do there, hopefully we can go again soon. Also went to Hawaii for the first time!

Ohau, went shark cage diving! Literally a dream come true. Had dozens of Galapagos sharks and a barricuda! Got hella thrown around in the cage through. Then we went to Kauai. It's absolutely beautiful I would love to live there. We went snorkeling, went to a luau, a beautiful beach wedding, and got engaged on the last day. The ocean there is so blue and warm.

Going to Cali here soon, my first time flying! Going to take Vaya and dia. It will be vayas first time in the ocean! And on a plane. Fingers crossed it goes well.

Came out to my family as well so that's been kinda awkward. But we're dealing. Got lots of stuff left to do this year, hopefully it all goes smoothly.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

LIFE POST

Made on: May 27, 2020

Last Update: January 1, 2019

Name: Samael Jo Adams

Age: 18, 19 in a week.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Relationship Status: Taken

Best Friends: Naudia, Brylon, Jacob

Hair Color: Blue&Brown

Where I Live: Orem

Celebrity Crush: Tom Ellis

If I could go anywhere . . . Disneyland

Height: 5'4

Weight: 160

Favorite;

Food: Panda Express Chow Mein

Color: Forrest Green

Place: Newport Beach

Candy: Jolly Rancher Gummies

Show: 911, Gravity Falls, or Steven Universe.

Movie: Monsters Inc

Book: What if it's Us

Animal: Shark

Song: La Vie en Rose

Band: All Time Low or Have Mercy

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

Made on: October 11, 2021

Age: 20

Celebrity Crush: Tom Hiddleston

If I could go anywhere . . . Up the mountain to see the leaves changing colors.

Favorite:

Food- Frozen Yogurt

Candy- Fudge

Movie- Cars

Book- Bloom

Song- Jackie and Wilson

A few changes.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

Made On: August 08, 2022

Age: 21

Relationship Status: Engaged

If I could go anywhere . . . Kauai, Hawaii

Song: Matilda - Harry Styles

Book: Heartstopper

Show: Summer Camp Island

Candy: Unreal Dark Chocolate Coconut Bars

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

LIFE POST

Made on: May 27, 2020

Last Update: January 1, 2019

Name: Samael Jo Adams

Age: 18, 19 in a week.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Relationship Status: Taken

Best Friends: Naudia, Brylon, Jacob

Hair Color: Blue&Brown

Where I Live: Orem

Celebrity Crush: Tom Ellis

If I could go anywhere . . . Disneyland

Height: 5'4

Weight: 160

Favorite;

Food: Panda Express Chow Mein

Color: Forrest Green

Place: Newport Beach

Candy: Jolly Rancher Gummies

Show: 911, Gravity Falls, or Steven Universe.

Movie: Monsters Inc

Book: What if it's Us

Animal: Shark

Song: La Vie en Rose

Band: All Time Low or Have Mercy

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

Made on: October 11, 2021

Age: 20

Celebrity Crush: Tom Hiddleston

If I could go anywhere . . . Up the mountain to see the leaves changing colors.

Favorite:

Food- Frozen Yogurt

Candy- Fudge

Movie- Cars

Book- Bloom

Song- Jackie and Wilson

A few changes.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

October 11, 2021

It's almost been a whole year since I was last on here. I wish I would remember more. 2021 is definitely going better than 2020 so far, but definitely still insane. I'm now 7 months on testosterone. It's great, kinda awkward. Lots of acne. Makes me want top surgery even more. Unfortunately that cost a lot of money.

Everything costs a lot of money right now. Really wish we could move out of this small apartment but we can barely afford this as it is. I'm glad it's finally fall again, the summer was so hot. Not excited that it's already snowing though.

My best friend is having a baby in a couple of weeks which is crazy to think about. I hope it all goes smoothly. Finally getting to go back to Disneyland next week. This is the longest I haven't been in awhile. Finally got to go to a derby after missing all of them for the past year. And God do I miss concerts.

I finally saw a whale after years of trying, so that was cool. We're going to the aquarium in Long Beach, I'm so excited to find my favorite little sharks from Loveland that got transferred there.

Hopefully next time won't be so far away.

Unfortunately won't let me add more pictures than that, but at least a little bit of the past year :)

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

October 28, 2020

The world is kinda scary and I always have a lot on my mind. The closer this election gets the scarier it is. I want to be able to marry. I want the right to have healthcare and birth control. To legally change my name and gender. To live without fear.

I hope that the end of this year will bring better things. I feel like every time I turn around months have gone by. So many things have happened this year, admittedly not all bad. But I've definitely had times of struggle. At least I have my love. And I pray to whoever will listen that I never lose him for as long as I live, because without him I won't live long.

If I don't make it back here before then, Happy Halloween and here's to 2021.

[Pictures: 1. Jacob leaning over the hull of a fake ship, reading about sirens at LLPA as part of their Halloween decorations. (October) 2. Me and Jacob with arms around each other's backs, at his cousins wedding. He was the officiant. (September) 3. A selfie of me and Jacob cuddling infront of a camp fire at his family's property. Covered in an orange glow. (October) 4. Me, Jacob, and Yasy. A penpal I met online. We finally met in person after almost 3 years. (October) 5. Bridal Veil Falls up Provo Canyon with all the fall colors. (September) 6. My new tattoo. The reference photo next to the final product. A sharktooth, my lucky symbol. (September) 7. A selfie of me and Jacob. He's kissing my cheek Infront of the ocean in Newport Beach, CA. 8. The sunset at Newport Beach. You can roughly make out me and Jacob, photographed from behind. (August) 9. Sunset over Newport Beach. (August) ]

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

July 19, 2020

Don't really feel like writing too much, but I thought I'd post some of my recent adventures.

Floated the river this weekend, a wedding next weekend, and hopefully going out to California soon. Always something.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

June 9, 2020

Skating through semi-empty parking lots on a Tuesday night. Doesn't hit quite the same as screaming in a small-town church parking lot until 3AM, but it's not supposed to.

It's growth.

Leaving for Lake Powell in the morning, nervous. I miss my friends. I miss my cats.

Never thought I'd miss that small town. Want to go tubing.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

LIFE POST

Made on: May 27, 2020

Last Update: January 1, 2019

Name: Samael Jo Adams

Age: 18, 19 in a week.

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

Relationship Status: Taken

Best Friends: Naudia, Brylon, Jacob

Hair Color: Blue&Brown

Where I Live: Orem

Celebrity Crush: Tom Ellis

If I could go anywhere . . . Disneyland

Height: 5'4

Weight: 160

Favorite;

Food: Panda Express Chow Mein

Color: Forrest Green

Place: Newport Beach

Candy: Jolly Rancher Gummies

Show: 911, Gravity Falls, or Steven Universe.

Movie: Monsters Inc

Book: What if it's Us

Animal: Shark

Song: La Vie en Rose

Band: All Time Low or Have Mercy

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

May 27, 2020

Man the world has changed since my last entry hasn't it? A lot of things have. I finally moved out of my hometown, not to my ideal place, but it's definitely a lot better. And getting to live with the love of my life? I'll take that over living with my parents anyday. Things have been a little bland with quarantine and everything, stuck sitting 8 hours a day at a cubicle for a job that I hate. But money is money, and it's definitely something I need right now. Especially because my car decided to take a shit and now I have to find a new one.

Everything else has been relatively okay though. Stressful days here and there, sure. But pretty okay. Life with Jacob is going great. Lilly graduated last Friday. We have a decent apartment in a good area. I get to skateboard a lot. LLPA finally opened up again, so we've been going there a lot. And this weekend Splash Summit is opening. I hope it's warm. It's still weird though, even though it seems like most things are going back to normal, it's not normal. Its a new normal.

We're going to be pretty busy the next couple of weeks, but it should all be good. I'm going to Lake Powell for the first time soon, with Jacobs family. Don't really care to admit how terrified I am for that. We have a couple other things planned too, it's still scary to plan things for the future with him, but it's different now. I have a feeling he's going to be in my life for a long time, at least I hope so. God I hope so.

A lot of things have changed, but it's mostly for the best. I do miss my cats. I miss being able to head up the mountain on a whim and go to the lakes and float the rivers. But I guess that's just the price you pay when you move to the city. I miss mom's cooking too, surprisingly. Really wishing I would be getting BBQ chicken and strawberry cake for my birthday. It will be weird birthday for sure. My goal is to hopefully not end up crying by the end of the day, we'll see if that actually happens. Seems unlikely.

Anyways, this blog came across my mind for whatever reason so I figured now might be a good time for an update. I'm sure by the time I come back I'll be 19. So, happy early birthday me, I guess.

Samael

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

February 20, 2020

Well, I officially spent my first Valentine's Day not alone! So that was fun. Me and Jacob went to Evermore Park, it was kinda confusing and definitely frustrating but we still managed to have a good time, even in the cold. We talked to the characters, had hot chocolate, made smores, and had a good time wondering around the park. We also got memberships to LLPA. I think they were totally worth it, it's a place we both love and I don't think we'd ever get bored there. He's coming here tomorrow, right now he's transporting a patient, it was about a 16 hour drive round trip. Which I'm sure sucks enough for him, but I'm bummed I haven't been able to talk to him pretty much at all today. Got everything cleaned and ready for him to be here, I can't wait to move in with him. Then we won't ever have to worry about one another driving between our places (Which is at least a two hour commute, for the record.) God I wish money wasn't such a struggle. Anyone wanna hit me up and give me a small fortune? I just wanna move in with my boy, take him to Disneyland, go to college, be able to afford surgery, and buy Animal Crossing.

Sammy Jo

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

January 30, 2020

It's been a minute since I've wrote here. Been a minute since I've felt like writing. Things are looking up lately, at least as much as they can. Life definitely still has its ups and downs, right now I'm stressed to the max about money. I need to move out. Possibly go to UVU and get my GED. As much as I love OCC and Orange County, I don't think that's where I want to be anymore. I'm honestly kind of lost right now, not sure where I want to go. I also want to freeze my eggs before I start testosterone, I was hoping to start by the end of the year. But looking at the costs of that procedure, it might be awhile. I met a man, Jacob. He's really great, I think I actually found a good one for once. It's been almost two months with him . . . he's already looking at apartments. For us. The thought of the future in a relationship has always been terrifying for me, I've never been lucky in love. But with him, there's a level of excitement. Like somehow thinking about what we'll do in the future is okay, as long as he's next to me. He gets along well with my family, and I think his are starting to come around to the idea of me. First time he's dated a guy. I've had a lot of new experiences with him, and I look forward to doing so much more. I hate to jinx it, I really like him. But I think this will be good.

Not much else has happened really. Had a pretty shitty couple of months, lot of drama. Ended the year pretty great and so far it's been good. Hopefully getting a job soon, hard enough to find a job down here, let alone one where I can get every weekend off. I'm in Orem with Jacob pretty much every Friday-Monday. And I don't want to change that. Fingers crossed I guess.

Samael Jo

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

October 2, 2019

Time is such an irrelevant concept nowadays. Constantly flying by, yet seemingly in slow motion. I've went to Blink-182, Comic Con, and Yungblud. Grandma died about two weeks ago, we got the first picture of our family all together in 13 years, and I finally saw my other siblings in person. It was so weird to have to acknowledge their existence. I got another hamster, Cayde. He's got such a personality, spoiled little shit. I've spent more time with my friends in the past few months than I have in my entire life, Palisades, Meadow Hot Pots, floating the Sevier River, camp fires at Fish Lake, longboarding around town and random adventures to fuck around at 3 AM.

Until next time.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

July 28, 2019

I feel like time is flying, like every time I look at the calendar I've missed 10 days along the way. Thursday was my last day working full time at Fish Lake, hopefully I can find the time to go back up there. I stayed there that night, went for a walk in the rain and appreciated this amazing place that I've been so fortunate to live in for the past few months. I spent the night with the crew, eating pizza and watching movies. I'm definitely going to miss my lake family. Now I'm in Salt Lake, spending way too much money on clothes. This is the first time I've went clothes shopping since I've started loosing weight and fuck, I really didn't realize that I had lost so much. Which is absolutely amazing and I'm definitely not mad about it it's just insane to actually realize that difference. Going from extra large sizes to smalls is an amazing feeling. Looking at myself in October vs. how I look now is definitely a confidence booster and motivation to keep going.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

July 20, 2019

It's been about a week since the accident. I'm still in a lot of pain and full of frustration. I feel so useless in everything I do and embarrassed by all the judgement from those who don't even know me or know who I really am. My neck and chin where cut up from the seat belt and my shark tooth necklace, which is pretty much destroyed now. My hand is scratched up and my entire arm is bruised to shit. Went and got my chest checked out today after getting sent home from work because I'm entirely fucking useless. Four more days.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

July 11, 2019

Long time no see, eh? A lot has happened since the last time I wrote on here. I turned 18. Went to my first Pride. Got a tattoo. Started work. Hedwig passed away, that was really hard on me. Lost some friends, but gained some too. I gave my two weeks notice at Fish Lake today and I'm actually really sad about it, I love it up here and I love everyone up here but I need to go home. I miss my friends and my animals.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

May 31, 2019

Well, today started out great, wish it could have ended that way. I went hiking with Kaylene and Ash this morning, the trail was washed out but we made it work and got as far as the water would allow us. Now I feel like absolute shit. Managed to go from feeling on top of the world to in pain and feeling like I have the flu within a day. Mom won't leave me alone about my birthday and she's being all pissy about me going to Pride. If Lilly could just stop being a dumbass and pick literally any other weekend to go to salt lake other than the same weekend in going that would have been so fucking great. I'm so tired of everything. So tired of everyone doubting me and constantly blaming everything on me. It's killing me. But here's to 18 years on planet fucked up I guess.

[lastyoungrenagadeheartache]

May 24, 2019

Man, I finally did it. I graduated high school and now have four years of torture to leave in my path. I've tried a lot of new things in the past couple of months. Now I have blue hair and gauges and Im so much happier and looser with who I am and how I act. It's insane to think that I actually graduated. That come next fall I'm not going to be packing up my backpack and dreading the ending of the summer. It's going to be so weird. I start working at Fish Lake Resorts on June 9th. I'll be moving up there and hopefully keeping myself preoccupied. It will be nice to have a break from everything.

To the SSHS class of 2019, thank you. For the good times, and the bad times, I've learned a lot from the people I've met. I'm going to miss some of these kids a lot, but I hope that the future holds great things and great friends.