Can you please share fantasies of you and your husband in stories?
I’ve had several questions about this and I’m sorry to the people who’ve been waiting since I mentioned it way back here.
I never understood why people would choose to quit or close accounts like this and whenever I’d read this sort of announcement I would always think, “Aren’t you being a little dramatic? Why not just post less often?” Now that I’ve been on this side of things it does make sense and it’s actually a thought I’ve been having myself. You come to feel a sense of responsibility and sometimes even obligation to check in and keep the wheels turning. In the same way some applicances draw electricity even when they’re turned off, I often feel like tumblr is pulling my attention even when I’m not on the site.
It reminds me of how my brother used to be with video games. We obviously don’t live together anymore but when we did games were always something he was thinking about and wanting to get back to. For him gaming became such a high priority that unless the alternative was compulsory or essential then it would always lose out:
"Eh, don’t feel like it."
(sound of key mashing in the background)
"Join us for Chinese food?"
"Want to watch a movie together?"
"In the middle of something"
It was like this invisible influence that guided every decision he made. I’m nowhere close to that point myself but there has been some mission creep I guess you could say over the past few weeks. Work-wise March has not been a productive month for me and while that’s entirely my own fault I also know this blog is the main reason. A few times when I would have normally gone to exercise I came here to write a couple of captions instead. In ways like this it’s starting to interfere with other parts of my life and I know the most obvious and only guaranteed solution is to abandon it.
So yes, I’ll at least finish a story or two and upload them since I’ve already started the first and now I’m curious about how they’d fare. I know there’s a market for them and if people are buying anyway then why not toss my hat into the ring? I won’t be making a hard sell so don’t worry about getting spammed. I’m not sure what to expect but if a few readers pick up a copy along with the people who buy them already then maybe that’ll add up to enough that I can justify spending X hours a week in this little world of ours. Otherwise I’ll have to be an adult and accept that this is a fun but far too time-consuming hobby that my life simply doesn’t have room for.
Another thing is that if you’re playing video games or whatever then you can at least give an answer when someone asks what you’ve been up to. I’m running out of things to tell my husband when he wants to know how my day went and I also feel like I don’t have as much to talk about when I see my friends. In general I’ve become a less interesting person to be around just because so much of my attention now goes into subject I can’t openly discuss. Probably some of you can relate.
I’ve also been thinking that having him read a story of mine would be a more indirect way of bringing up the subject? Like, if I have 2-3 from different genres I can say, “Hey, would you read these and tell me what you think?” I’d pretend I just want him to proofread the grammar but I’m sure we’d end up discussing the content as well, and that would then open the door on the subject and at least start the conversation.