I remember learning what a decade was. It was a huge amount of time to my young self that I couldn't fathom someday living through. Well I've lived, danced and sometimes crawled my way through the last decade. Today is Fox's decade birthday....and mine, because when your baby is born, so are you. The person that walks out of that hospital is a transformation of your former self and life. I never fully knew what it was like to breathe until I took my first breath as a mother. And every single one after that has been so much more meaningful and significant than before. Becoming a mother a week (and 1 day) after my sixteenth birthday I think has blessed me with a unique relationship with Fox. We raised each other in ways I could have never guessed before this incredible journey. Fox was born at 10:43 on the morning of April 4th 2007. It was a Wednesday, not that that made a difference in how scared I was, a Friday would have still left me sobbing in the bathroom after my family left for the night. I had just become a Mother 2 years before I would become an adult and I had no idea what I was going to do with this tiny person. I was incredibly clueless on how to take care of a newborn. Many tears, laughs, smiles and more tears have made motherhood live up to its expectation (and beyond). With love, guidance and many, many lectures from my mom and dad, I manage to keep us alive, happy and mostly sane. At age 2 1/2 Fox was diagnosed with autism and I knew I only had about 5 minutes to feel sad before I needed to make a plan. I threw myself into being an advocate for my son and learning a new style of mothering and within this journey of therapies, doctors, meltdowns and testing, I transformed yet again into something new. This is where I truly learned that I would literally go to the ends of the earth to help my children and move mountains to ensure their happiness. At 3 1/2 came Killian and each day after I've had the privilege of witnessing a unique and magical type of brotherly love. From Killian's early years the bond between him and Fox has been unbreakable. Many times Killian has been Fox's translator and mouthpiece. And continues to be right by his side, yelling, laughing and quietly whispering "your butt smells stinky". 🙃 In the depth of the lowest points in my life my children have been my constant, my happiness, my unwavering support and #1 fans. My muffled nightly cries often times gone unnoticed but just as often cured with a good cuddle puddle. Thankful that I've always had the motivation to continue, even at the times it felt impossible, it is thanks to my children that I found the strength to weather the storm. In my darkest times I've always been able to count on my children to be the flashlight that guides me back to self love, dedication and perseverance. At 6 Fox and Killian(3) were finally gifted a Dad, Mitchell. And every moment after our bond as a family has grown and evolved into an amazing gift. Every day I am able to witness the love and strength of Mitch and Fox's bond is so special to me. In my young years during those long nights alone with Fox I dreamed of having a partner to love and support Fox in the way I did and couldn't. In a way that only a father, who's love runs as deep as mine could. Fox is blessed to have a dad that would do anything in this world to make him happy and understood, even if it means answering the same question 20 times in a row 🙃 And at 9 came our sweet Sullivan. Being able to watch brotherhood and love through Fox's eyes has been an incredible experience. Fox leans into Sully and whispers "I love you little baby" and my heart melts. Learning to love a child differently than you had envisioned is not always easy, but this process has strengthen my love and revealed to me the sacrifice a mother's heart is willing to take in order to ensure your child receives everything they deserve in life. At times I have cried for my son's future, as much as I have rejoiced in the milestones we were told he'd never reach. I've loved the past decade of my life. It has made me the person I am today. I was a scared 16 year old girl who had never held a newborn baby before and I think through it all, Fox and I just made life work they best way we could. I've spent the last decade doing my best to raise this beautiful, unique boy. I've always counted on him to be right by my side and at times needed him to lean on as much as he needed me. I hope that my children can be a reflection of myself, and the love they've awakened within me. Thank you universe for choosing me to be Fox's mom. Thank you for deeming me worthy enough to raise this spectacular, incredible, unique person. Thank you for teaching me the meaning of love, sacrifice, passion, dedication and family. Here's to what the next decade has in store for us 💕 lastly, my favorite quote about parenthood. "Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest." -Debra Ginsberg April 4th 2017 (Photo credit: Keshia L. Photography.)
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