Lazy Sneakers

Crazy bits of everyday thoughts. Exploring all the sides of the Earth.

[lazysneakers]

Day 14 of 21 (grateful heart challenge)

Today i am thankful for:

1. waking up again

2. walking safely

3. jiu jitsu

4. friends who remind me that am not alone

5. hope

6. technology

7. languages

8. connection between people

9. discernment

10. ice cream

[lazysneakers]

Day 13 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

Today I am grateful for:

1. people who genuinely care about me

2. waking up worry free

3. early morning walk

4. light chat with friends

5. The K2

6. buckwheat noodles

7. some pie with cheese eggs tomatoes & basil

8. fruit tea

9. time with friends

10. friends getting home safe

[lazysneakers]

Day 12 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

Today I am grateful for:

1. undeserved grace

2. clear-sky morning

3. bizcochos

4. friends

5. music

6. warm day, good for walking

7. time & good memories with friends

8. tears of joy & sadness

9. vulnerability

10. safety

[lazysneakers]

Day 11 of 21 (Grateful Challenge)

halfway! i am grateful today for:

1. sunny day

2. moisturizers

3. bizcochos

4. friends

5. time with friends

6. place with trees

7. natural pine scent

8. mish who can share testimony

9. freedom to meet & talk about mish

10. mish mobilizers

11. translated bible

12. gift of teaching

13. safety while walking late at night

14. the chance to pray for my friend

15. internet!

16. hope

17. clear vision

[lazysneakers]

Day 10 of 21 days (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I thank the Lord for:

1. meds i can share with sick friends

2. close distance of my project

3. no rain so i can walk to work

4. free time in between work

5. keyboard at work

6. strength to work amidst headache

7. enduring the cold workplace

8. R I C E

9. korean inspos

10. safe streets

[lazysneakers]

Day 9 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I am thankful for:

1. sunny cold day

2. 30-min walk under the sun

3. bonding time with HS volunteers

4. coffee!

5. steak & salad!

6. energy to work

7. shared time with german friends

8. quality talk with friends

9. my biological mom

10. faith that can move one to love people

[lazysneakers]

Day 8 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I thank the Lord for:

1. songs that lift up the heart

2. breakfast with friends

3. baking soda to clean ugly stuff on clothes

4. F O O D

5. C O F F E E

6. food parks away from home

7. a weekday prayer meeting

8. friends who can go with me to PMs

9. co-mish who will arrive here

10. friends who walk me home

[lazysneakers]

Day 7 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I thank God for:

1. a new week

2. rest day hooray!

3. SUN to dry my clothes

4. the gift of time

5. the ability to walk

6. friends with faith

7. food to share

8. clear vision (literal)

9. movie bonding with fwends

10. film as art

[lazysneakers]

Day 6 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I am thankful for:

1. the energy & strength to finish a loooong Sunday

2. the freedom to meet & enjoy each other's company in church

3. F O O D [free food]

4. people who have initiative

5. people who are humble

6. hope in children's eyes

7. safety even if i walk home at night

8. technology to call friends from other countries

9. deep sleep

10. warm bed

[lazysneakers]

Day 5 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

I skipped 2 nights, my mind was filled with boggling things, but hey? get back up & continue to be grateful for everything

I am thankful for:

1. the light rain this morning on my way to work

2. the comfortable bus (w/functional wifi)

3. the kids who still came to my work despite of the weather

4. the rap composition of my students this morning

5. the hot chocolate & biscuits for the kids at work

6. the warm space i can call home

7. the technology that connects me to my friends in other timezones

8. the privilege to have clothes for the cold winter & a bed to lay my head on

9. the freedom to read & talk about the Bible

10. the time to be with the people i love

[lazysneakers]

Day 4 of 21 (Grateful Heart Practice)

I thank the Lord today for:

1. blessing me with 1 more day

2. waking up with hope

3. being able to rest

4. being able to learn

5. giving me time to talk with friends

6. my daily bread

7. having friends in my current countrt

8. getting a movie discount

9. the rain which reminds me of a particular summer camp

10. the mind that can be creative & critical at the same time

[lazysneakers]

Day 3 of 21 (Grateful Heart Practice)

List 10 things you are grateful about your day before sleeping.

Today i am grateful for:

1. waking up without backpain from sports

2. eating breakfast with friends

3. drying my clothes under the sun

4. having a friend who cooked food for me

5. having a friend share her fruitshake with me

6. being able to pray for a friend before he works

7. being an option of friends to confide with

8. having friends who invited me to a prayer meeting

9. knowing people who r serving in creative access countries

10. having the freedom to worship & pray in an almost atheist or agnostic country

*11. being reminded that my current country is a place full of hope

*12. being affirmed that the true gospel still transforms lives in my current country

*13. walking home safe at night

*14. receiving a call from a friend in russia

*15. receiving a message from my sister

[lazysneakers]

Day 2 of 21 (Grateful Heart Challenge)

the challenge is simple, list 10 things you are grateful about for each day (21 consecutive days)

am thankful today for:

1. the sunny weather which dried my clothes

2. the cheap basil pasta

3. the chapters i finished on my current book

4. the time i spent to breathe & rest

5. the brave author who boldy narrated the history of Eastern Christians

6. the technology which enables me to talk with friends overseas

7. the fries with blue cheese

8. the walking distance coast

9. the exercise time with a friend

10. the new techniques i learned in jiu jitsu

*11. arriving home safe even if i just walked

*12. not getting sick even if it's almost 5 C the whole day

*13. the clear opportunity to travel & learn other realities first-hand

[lazysneakers]

Day of 1 of 21 (gratefulness practice)

to list 10 things am grateful about today

1. that i was able to walk safely on the streets

2. that i had & ate healthy food

3. that i was free to go to church without any threat

4. that i was able to sleep inside a warm space

5. that i talked with my friends both inside & outside of my current country

6. that my family is safe from the typhoons back home

7. that someone cared to ask how my family is bc she saw the news abt typhoons

8. that i heard 2 powerful messages from church

9. that my friends are safe & are able to work

10. that i did not get sick today

[lazysneakers]

like 10 things i hate about you

out of my faves of faves, John 17 resonated with me these past few weeks, so here i am trying to be my own Kat Stratford writing my own version of this nerve wrecking prayer

Lord, the time has come when I should stand firmer for my convictions, I have to finish this work amidst the odds, they're supposed to be on my team, but you were right, they did not hold on to your word as it is, now they're attacking us just because we don't do the things they do. Let us seek the only protection that we need, please protect us from comfort, from pride, from lust & from self-righteousness. Sanctify us by the blood of Jesus, the only blood we need. We are now with those who believed through the message of your disciples, it's still hard & we are swayed from time to time. Let me look forward like my Jesus, who was able to finished his task faithfully. I ask for your will to be clear in my life, that anything outside your word i should discern immediately, anything outside your leading, if it costs my peace i should run away from it, no matter who and what i leave behind. That i should pursue making my life count, not for me nor for others but for your glory. Still my heart, I've been so mad at those who profane your name and mission. Continue to remind me that like me, they are accountable to you not me, that I should love them and be kind to them not because I can but you can, in me. That my real spirituality can be revealed and proved once all the accesories, the labels are no longer there, when am just bare naked in reverence to my holy God. Am losing strength each day, but I know it's just you who can fill me up. Take me to the places where my way to get through is only by your grace and favor. Let me rest on your promise that I will be with you when you return.

[lazysneakers]

veinte cinco

Las películas me fascinan, especialmente el sonido y la iluminación. Además, la sequencia de escenas predecibles e impredecibles que me hace preguntarme cómo el genio creativo terminó o por lo menos aún limitó ese proceso de pensamiento en 120 minutos o menos. Cuando cumplí 18, pensaba que ya tenía mi vida resuelta. Ya en ese tiempo estaba haciendo planes con mi novio, apliqué en un instituto cinematográfico en California persiguiendo mis sueños de ser productora de cine, luego recibirme de la universidad. Resumiendo, me recibí antes de cumplir 20 años y mis planes predecibles se empezaron a desvanecer (gracias a Dios!). Para abreviar el camino, trabajé en un festival de música internacional, y luego en el departamento de relaciones públicas de una empresa de telecomunicación y luego por 2 años, como doscente en la universidad pública en mi provincia. Ahora, hace poco que cumplí 25 años en un pais de habla hispana en mi cuarto trabajo luego de la universidad.

Me gusta organizar los cumpleaños de mis amigos, pero me hace sentir incómoda ser el foco de atención cuando la gente lo hace para mi en mi cumpleaños. En realidad, no me gusta celebrarlo. Pero esta vez fue diferente. La celebración empezó en la noche del 5 con un grupo de voluntarios alemanes y uruguayos universitarios. Supuestamente iba a ser noche de asado, pero como la mayoría de nosotros no tenían ganas de preparar nada, se convertió en una noche de pasta. Mientras algunos cantabamos, otros tocaban la guitarra y cinco minutos antes del día 6 ellos cantaron la cancion universal de feliz cumpleaños en español y pusieron velas que eran las letras de feliz cumpleaños en ingles. Dos amigas alemanas también hicieron un pastel de chocolate con 2 velas más que fue mi torta de cumple. Fue realmente reconfortante. La primera celebración hecha. El mismo día de mi cumple, tuve que ir a trabajar. Antes eso, 2 amigas junto con una pareja jubilada organizaron mi segunda celebración. Era su día usual de pescado. Ruth hizo una torta de especies mientra mi amiga uruguaya hizo las banderitas del Uruguay y Filipinas arriba de la torta. La torta se veía espectacular y estaba realmente deliciosa. El mismo día, despues de mi clase de jiu jitsu, tuve otra celebración con amigos. Mis amigos saben qué práctica que soy. Y yo le pregunté si planeaban hacerme un regalo, se aseguraran que fuese algo que yo necesitaba no solamente algo que yo simplemente quisiera. Y lo hicieron así, yo estaba tan feliz a leer las tarjetas de cumple con los nombres de mis amigos de distintos círculos. También me dio vergüenza abrir los regalos en el momento delante de las personas que me lo daban. Me sentía como una niña tratando de cantar en público por primera vez, me sentía tan vulnerable. En este momento, comimos carne y chorizos antes que llegar la torta. Estaba tan feliz porque 2 de mis compañeros de jiu jitsu habian pudieron venir. Elena, mi cumpañera de casa alemana, hizo la tercera torta. Creo que tenía jugo de naranja, mi sabor favorito. Casi me pongo a llorar cuando la abrazé para despedirla, porque era la última vez que nos veríamos por ahora. La cuarta torta de cumple apareció el jueves en mi proyecto. Una de los voluntarias compró un volcan para ponerla torta que la esposa de mi supervisor había comprado. La quinta y última torta de cumple fue hecha por una de mis compañeras de jiu jitsu. Afortunadamente, me patearon sin querer esa noche y lloré, fue muy doloroso y me apareció un chichon en la cabeza. Luego, esta compañera mía que es una chef me llamó y vino con una torta con baño de choco y una vela verde con brillantinas, ellos empezaron a cantar feliz cumpleaños. Por supuesto, me puse a llorar no por el dolor del chichon, sino por el gesto extravagante y generoso q habían tenido conmigo. Nunca había soplado tantas velas antes de este cumple.

Me quedé sin palabras. No me salía más que gracias y lágrimas en mis ojos, lágrima de gozo. ¿Cuántas veces hemos experimentado el quedarnos sin palabras, ya sea por tristeza o alegría? por miedo o coraje? por odio o amor? cuántas veces quisimos retroceder en tiempos de vulnerabilidad y vergüenza? estarás de acuerdo conmigo si digo q ésta es la prueba más sencillo de orgullo o miedo? Me encanta como esta version aclara algo: “Y no solo en esto, sino también en nuestros sufrimientos, porque sabemos que el sufrimiento produce perseverancia; la perseverancia, entereza de carácter; la entereza de carácter, esperanza.”Romanos 5:3-4, NVI. A pesar de que podría parecer algo muy pequeño para otros, el sentimiento que sentirse expuesto, vulnerable o avergonzado es aún una corriente difícil para remar tu barca. Uno evadiría estar en esa barca o escaparía y volvería a la costa, donde está seguro. Estoy feliz. No porque tengo 25 años ahora y todo esta bien sino porque encontré un hogar en lugares más inesperados y con las personas que no imaginaba. Igual que en un giro decepcionante (o igual cuando sucedé una contecimiento) en una pelicula, ese punto en el cual estás por llorar y de repente el director cruel le dá un giro inesperado a la pelicula.

Estoy feliz porque soy libre, y lo puedo decir con mi frente en alto. Estoy constantemente en el proceso de liberarme de la expectativas, los estándares de la sociedad y la aceptación de la gente. Imposible, verdad? No, solo por la gracia de Dios. Estoy feliz porque puedo testificar que mi Dios está vivo y se mueve en mi vida. En el proceso de sustituir mis planes por los de Dios, aprendí sobre la paciencia y la confianza. Aprendí que lógicamente mientra está aprendiendo una leccion, un alumno aún no sabe si la podrá aplicar en la vida real. Esta persona solo conocerá la veracidad o falsedad de lo que ha estudiado cuando haya terminado al curso y se haya asegurado un lugar donde pueda o no aplicarla.

De igual manera, estoy agradecida por como esas problemas que nunca quería enfrentar me trajeron al lugar donde estoy ahora. El primer cuarto de mi vida ha sido como una vuelta en una montaña rusa. Las pruebas de fe, el fuego que perfecciona la obediencia y el anhelo de ser como Cristo has sido un desafío constante que nunca me imaginé me llevarían a otras alturas, si sigo adelante. Es como ese universitario que teme empezar a escribir la tesis durante de los últimos semestres. 25 años y aquí estoy en el camino que me lleva a acceptar que la gente viene y va, como ese actor secundario en la pelicula que muere o debería partir para dejarle lugar al protagonista para que crezca o alcance sus sueños. Hubo días en que me sentía tan vieja y hay días en que me siento tan joven, que desería ser mayor para ya saber qué hacer. Como las 5 tortas de mi cumple, re recuerdan la belleza de la amistad y como uno puede desear hacer algo por un amigo, aún si le cuesta mucho trabajo. Igual que la anticipación del sexta día del Junio con mis amigos, irónicamente, recordé qué terrible habrá sido esperar la muerte de un amigo, intensificada por el hecho que conocés el día y la hora; como hubiesen querido que ese día no llegase porque no quieran realmente y ciertamente no podían hacer nada para evitarlo.

Este año pasado antes cumplí 25, hubo días en que simplemente quería huir y volver a mis sueños personales pero ya no es posible porque ya no soy yo, esta visión pequeña ya no está más. Aunque este post pueda parecer desorganizado, creo que es la mejor manera de describir esta nueva etapa de mi vida ahora. Aún así, estoy agradecida.

[lazysneakers]

25 (bente singko/twenty five/veinte cinco)

Films fascinate me, especially sound and lighting. Moreover, the build up of unpredictable and predictable scenes always makes me wonder how the creative genius finished or at least limited that thought process in 120 minutes or less. When I turned 18, I thought I already had my life figured out. I was already making family plans with my boyfriend at that time, applied to a film school in California to chase my dreams of being a filmmaker, after university graduation. Fast forward, I graduated before turning 20 yrs old then my predictable plans started to get wiped out (thank God!). Fast forward, I worked with an international music festival, community partnerships group of a telecommuncations company then 2 years as an instructor in a public university. Now, I just turned 25 in a spanish-speaking country, my fourth job after the university.

I like organizing something for a friend`s birthday, but it makes me uncomfortable and on the spotlight when people do something for me on my birthday. I am not used to celebrating it, to put it precisely. But this time it was different. The celebration started on the night of the 5th with a group of German volunteers and uruguayos. It was supposed to be grill night, but most of us were lazy to do so, it turned to be pasta night. We were singing while some friends played the guitar, then 5 minutes before the 6th they sang the universal happy birthday song in spanish with the letters of “happy birthday” as candles. Two german friends of mine also made a chocolate pudding with two more candles as my birthday cake. It was really heartwarming. 1st celebration done. Come the actual day of my birthday, I had to go to work. Before so, a friend from the US, an uruguaya together with Ruth and Diego, a retired pastor and his wife, set a feast for my 2nd celebration. It was their usual “día de pescado” (fish dish day) due to the weekly farmer`s market near their house. Ruth made a mixed spice cake for me, while Paola (the uruguaya) made flaglets of Uruguay & the Philippines, the cake looked so spectacular & was really tasty. The same day, after my jiu jitsu class, I had another celebration with uruguayan and a german friend. My friends know how practical I am. I really asked them, if they were planning to give me a gift, make sure it is something I need, not something I just want. And they did so, I was so happy to read the gifts notes with the names of my friends from different circles. I even got embarassed by the custom of opening gifts right away in front of the person who gave it to you. I felt like a child trying to sing in public for the first time, I felt so vulnerable. This time we grilled meat & sausages before the cake arrived. I was so happy also because 2 of my compañeros from jiu jitsu were able to come. My 3rd cake was baked by my german housemate. I think it was orange moist cake, my kind of flavor. I almost cried while hugging her goodbye, because that was the last time we’ll see each other for now. The 4th birthday cake was during my work on Thursdays. One of the uruguayan volunteer even bought sparklers or sparkling candle (I have no idea how to name it) for the cake bought by my supervisor’s wife. The 5th and last birthday cake was baked by one of my compañeras in jiu jitsu, it was also after jiu jitsu class. Luckily, I got accidentally kicked that night, I cried because it was so painful and left a bump on my head. Then, this chef compañera of mine called me as she revealed a moist chocolate cake with a green candle, and they started singing happy birthday in spanish. Of course, I cried not because the bump on my head was still painful but for the extravagant & generous gesture they were willing to make for me. I never had so much cake blowing chances before this quarter life birthday of mine.

I ran out of words. I was stuck with “gracias” and “lagrimas en mis ojos”…lagrimas de gozo (thank you and tears of joy. How many times have we experienced the lack of words, whether because of sorrow or joy, fear or courage, hate or love? How many times we wanted to retreat in times of vulnerability and embarassment? Will you agree with me if I say that this is the simplest proof of pride or fear?

I love how this version clarifies something “And we are also happy with the troubles we have. Why are we happy with troubles? because we know that these troubles make us more patient. And this patience is proof that we are strong. And this proof gives us hope.” Romans 5:3-4, ERV. Though it seemed like a petty thing for others, the feeling of being exposed, vulnerability or embarassment is still a difficult stream to row your boat on. One would rather evade being in this boat or escape and go back to the safe shore, dock the boat. I am happy. Not because I am 25 now and traveling to my hearts content; but because I found home in the most unexpected places and people. Just like an annoying twist in a film, that point when you’re about to cry then in a snap, the “cruel” director changes the trajectory. I am happy because I am free, I can say it with my head held high. I am continuously in the process of freeing myself from expectations, society’s standards & people’s acceptance. Impossible right? no, only by the grace of the Lord. I am happy because I can seriously attest that my God is alive and moving within my life. Through the process of my personal plans being replaced by the Lord’s, I learned about patience and trust. I learned that logically that while learning a lesson, a student does not know yet if it will be applicable in real life. This person will only know the veracity or falsity of what he or she studied after finishing the course and securing an active place where he or she can apply or not apply it.

In the same manner, I am grateful for how the “troubles” that I never liked to face brought me where I am at right now. The first quarter of my life has been a roller coaster ride, a wavy ocean with the same rhythm, and a musical masterpiece in the making. The tests of faith, the refining fire of obedience & aiming for Christlikeness has been a constant challenge that I never imagined can take me to greater heights, if I keep on pressing. It’s like that junior or senior student in college, who is dreading the initial writing of a thesis during his or her last few semesters in the university. 25 years and here I am on the road to acceptance that people indeed come and go; like that second lead in the movie who died or should leave to make way for the protagonist to grow or chase his or her own dream. There were days I feel so old and there are also days that I feel so young, I wish I am older so I already know what to do. Like the 5 cakes for my 25th birthday, I am reminded about the beauty of friendship and how one can be willing to do something for a friend, even if it costs him or her hardwork or some tangible form of it. Like the anticipation for the 6th day of June with younger friends, ironically, I remembered how heartwrecking it was to wait for the death of a friend, intensified by the fact that you know it’s day & time; how you wanted for that day not to come because you don’t really like it and the certainty that you cannot do anything to prevent it. This past year before this 6th day of June, there were days that I just wanted to tap out and go back to that personal dream, but then it’s somewhat no longer possible because that’s not me anymore, that’s not how small my view is anymore. As unorganized as this post is, I guess that’s the best way to describe this new season of mine right now. But still, I am grateful.