I don't usually cross-post, but here's a little something I wrote the other day on my forum's drabble thread that I thought could fit well here as well:
"Ha Eshoo! Jill *sniffle* I deed a dew box of tissues" said Brice.
"Go add get ode yourself thed. I'b too tired" Jill whined.
"Seriously? It was you who gave be this stupid cold *sniffle* the least you cad do is get be a dew box of tissues Ha Ashoo!" Brice sneezed.
"Hiya PchiShooooo! Ugh *sniffle* fide" Jill got up from her bed and went to get a new box of tissues before going to the living room to hand it to Brice, who was sitting on the couch.
"Here you go Haaaa A Pchiooooo!" Jill's sneezes were somewhat girly, but very strong.
"Look! There he is agaid!" Brice said, pointing at the window.
"Brice, you deed to let this go" Jill sniffled. "There's dothig we cad do about it".
"You're just sayig that because you thidk he's E Shoo! cute" said Brice.
"Shut Up! I dever said adythig about hib beig cute" Jill denied.
"Thed why do you keep defeddig hib?" Brice asked.
"Hua Pchay Shiooooo! I dod't" said Jill. "All I'b sayig is there's dothig we cad do".
The guy in question lived in an apartment in a building right next to the one where Brice and Jill were renting theirs. Since the day they moved into their apartment a few years earlier, the only thing they saw when looking out the window was the closed window of that apartment. It all changed a few months earlier, when a young man moved into that apartment. Jill and Brice had never met him in person, but at some point they started to notice him looking at them through his window. At first they thought little of it, but then Brice came up with a theory that he was staring at them when they were sneezing. Jill had several allergies and a notoriously bad immune system, so it was not uncommon to hear sneezes coming from their apartment. She did find the guy at least slightly attractive. Maybe it was the combination of his buzz-cut and his piercing stare. Brice, however, was much less impressed. As time went by, she started trying to catch the guy "red-handed", looking at them when they were sneezing. It wasn't easy, since he would only appear in his window for a moment or two before disappearing back into his apartment, but Brice was determined. Now, with the nasty cold that she caught from Jill, Brice was bored and feeling mean.
"You kdow what? I thidk there is sobethig we cad do" she told Jill.
"I dod't like the way that soudds" Jill said.
"Sdeeze od be" Brice said, taking her roommate by surprise.
"Ew! Do way!" Jill called. "That is so gross. You cad't be serious".
"Cobe od *sniffle* it's dot like you cad get be sick agaid" said Brice. "If we start sdeezig od each other *sniffle* I'b sure this pervert wod't be able to keep hibself frob starig at us lodg edough for be to catch hib doig that".
"This is bessed up" Jill sniffled. "Why cad't you just let this crazy theory of yours go"?
"You wadda see crazy? I'll show you crazy" Brice got up from the couch and stood in front of Jill.
"Ha Ashoo!" she sneezed right into her roommate's face.
"Gross! What is Haaaaai Pchiooooo! wrodg with you?" Jill unintentionally "returned a favor" with a sneeze of her own. Brice wiped the spray from her face and then smiled mischievously.
"Oh yeah? Two cad play that gabe He Eshoo!" she sneezed on Jill again.
"Stop sdeezig od be! Huaaai Pchiooooo!" Brice's whole upper body got drenched by Jill's sneeze.
"Dod't be shy" she sniffled. "Let be Ashoo! have it".
"You kdow what? Fide! If you wadt by sdot so badly you cad have it" Jill said before grabbing Brice's shoulders, making sure she won't be able to escape what was about to come.
"Hua PchiAy, HiAsh Pchooooo, Haaa PchiShooooo!" she slammed three messy sneezes into Brice's face, leaving her roommate almost blinded by the spray.
"Where's by phode? I wadda catch this guy lookig at us add take a picture of it, baybe eved a video" Brice stumbled across the living room, looking for her phone.
"He's lookig at us right dow. Better be quick" Jill told her.
"Foudd it" Brice grabbed her phone and pointed it towards the window. "Let be just Ha Eshoo!" she dropped her phone just as she was about to take a picture. By the time she picked it up again, the guy was gone.
A few days later, Jill and Brice were walking back to their apartment from the store. By that time, they had both gotten over their colds. Suddenly, Jill noticed the guy from the building next to theirs walking towards them.
"Check it out" she alerted Brice, pointing ahead. "Look who it is".
"You know what? I think I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind" said Brice.
"Wait, maybe it's not" Jill tried in vain to dissuade her friend, who walked briskly up to the guy.
"Hey! You! Did you like that view you got the other day?" Brice was talking so loudly, Jill was afraid people nearby would stop and stare.
"Excuse me?" the guy looked baffled.
"Come on, don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about" said Brice. "You're always staring at us when we're sneezing. We saw you, standing there like a creep, watching us suffer through our colds. You must've had the time of your perverted little life".
"Oh, I see" the guy said, sounding not afraid, but more like... sad? "Look, I can explain".
"Please do" Jill said, hoping Brice won't start lashing out again.
"Alright, here's the thing" the guy took a deep breath. "I don't want to make you self-conscious or anything, but you have quite loud sneezes" he told Jill.
"Wow, you've got some nerve" Brice huffed. "Not only were you staring at us, now you're gonna try and claim this is somewhat our fault"?
"No, I didn't mean it like that, please let me explain" the guy was almost begging.
"The thing is, ever since I got back from my second tour, I've been really sensitive to loud noises" the guy blushed. "I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, it's just that loud noises make me jumpy. Looking for the source of the noise is an instinct. I'm trying to work on that, I really am, but nothing I do seems to work".
"Hold on, did you say 'tour'? You're a musician?" Jill asked with starts in her eyes.
"No, you idiot, he was a soldier!" Brice's facepalm was so strong it was almost audible.
"Look, I don't mean to be rude, but if I show up late for work again I'll get fired. It's my fourth job in six months, so I really can't afford to lose it. Once again, I'm sorry if I accidentally made you feel uncomfortable".
The guy started walking away and was almost gone before Brice mumbled "Thank you for your service" in a voice that was nowhere near as loud as her lashing out. She feared he might not have heard her, but he turned around, gave her a sad smile and kept walking away.
"Seriously? A musician?" Brice found her loud voice again by lashing out at Jill.
"What? It was an honest mistake" said Jill.
"You're unbelievable" Brice huffed and the two of them then kept walking back home.