My father died last Friday, 4/3. He was only 61. They said possible stroke, cerebral hemorrhage. Or heart attack. ALL of his arteries were clogged. I’m so devastated.
And I feel an incredible, unshakeable amount of guilt that I didn’t attend my father’s burial, in Sicily. I’m in America. There were a few reasons. I didn’t push through my chronic illness (Long Covid) or try harder to get a passport in just 4 days, and overcome my awful, crippling fear of flying, to say goodbye to my dad. I disappointed him even in death. I couldn’t be there for my family. I can’t deal with this. I feel like all I do is let everyone down. Even more so after I got sick with Long Covid. I’m so devastated. I hate myself. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live like this anymore.















