growing in and out (breathing)

a place for wandering words

[leakinglyricallucidity]

semblance 

[leakinglyricallucidity]

cardina

true north 

10th house 

full power

[leakinglyricallucidity]

re.so.na.te

witness///kin///tri.pers.spective///leo///luci///fir///pine///skin///bliss///dark///night

///bloom///see///intra///verse///snake///speyeder///slumber///scapegoat///

spacegoat///ramble///raven///dragonfly///hummingbird///nova///rain///golden///

sunshine///water///clouds///sunlight///bare-skin///naked///sin///scape///symbi///

spy///simple///win///amplify///magnify///fly///sky///high///root///deep///cry

down on me///ground you be///sound you see///this is me

///underneath///thunderkeeps///dancing///

[leakinglyricallucidity]

coun.cil.of.the.in.tra.spec.tive

because nothing else made this much sense 

as little sense as this seemed to make... 

it’s 1:14am. it’s march 6th, 2019. 

my mind is racing. it’s been hours of just me in this room. 

microdose//not so micro//clean sheets//clean clothes//lofi tunes//color//form//

day-dreaming//plot-scheming//dream-weaving

... the ever-changing now has brought me here to realize that it’s poetry and story and song and its a mess and a beautiful tragic multiplicity every waking, sleeping, dreaming moment. and in this one... in this one... 

i am dreaming of a council. of youth. of wizdom. of us gods. taking our power back. making our voices heard. listening. 

this is why i am here//thisiswhy///this is...

of all the things i know about myself, this is the one i’m most sure of; at least when it comes to what i may be truly good at :,

the words i have for it don’t quite resonate... yet they’re all i have for now...

mindfulness, mediation, mentoring, guiding, facilitating.

things i want to be better at///i am getting better at: 

writing///weaving///painting///singing///playing///snowboarding///photographing///pleasuring///taking-pleasure///change-making///acting-directly/// leading///modeling///speaking///breathing///stretching///strengthening///building///designing///defining///describing///assigning....

endlessly over-poetic. 

anyways, the whole reason i am writing this is because i am really trying to         f o c u s     on what i truly feel i am on this earth, in this body to do.

 (((random side note to demonstrate my lack of focus: i never learned to type properly even though i took a class on it in 2nd grade and my mom has been doing it for a living since i was 10)))

but forreal though.. 

i am here to bring the young people together. facilitate council. be a living, breathing compass that has been lost herself. that is sometimes still lost but points the way. and listens. . .

i am here to be present. to invite others into presence. to breathe. to drop in. deeper. to hear what is being spoken. by my own body. the wind. the earth. the waves. the rain. the sky. . .

///i am here to bear witness///

and to be witnessed. to be the raw, refined, radical truth that i am, to express it fully, openly. to make a scene. to evoke interest. desire. upset. uproar. 

i am here to light it up 

[leakinglyricallucidity]

káyo

tree in ilokano

[leakinglyricallucidity]

"When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending." -- Thich Nhat Hanh

[leakinglyricallucidity]

"Once there was a young warrior.

Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear.

She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly.

But the teacher said she had to do it and gave instructions for the battle.

The day arrived.

The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other.

The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful.

The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked,

“May I have permission to go into battle with you?”

Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.”

Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?”

Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face.

Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say.

If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power.

You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me.

You can even be convinced by me.

But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.”

In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear."

From "Heart Advice" by Pema Chodron

[leakinglyricallucidity]

When I express gratitude, my feelings respond. I Feel Gratitude. I Am Gratitude. My vibration changes, and that ripples out. Have you ever walked into a room full of laughter and happy, smiling faces and find yourself smiling/laughing yourself? The energy we put out has affects the life that surrounds us. We can transmit and amplify our love, and we can transmute our fear and our pain.

[leakinglyricallucidity]

the doing, the doer, and the deeds, 

the knowing, the knower, and the known, 

the feeling, the feeler and the felt, 

all intertwine

to become 

one web

[leakinglyricallucidity]

Don't be runnin

[therelatableimages]

[nocturnalentity]

you

gave me your word and it was beautiful

but it wasn’t perfect and it didn’t last

you had me all tangled up in your soul 

but i couldn’t stay and the feeling lasts

[leakinglyricallucidity]

Growing pains

It’s hard to leave a life behind you’ve lived your whole life loving But all the while you’ve believed your actions in that life meant something When really all those choices made and hearts that you’ve been touching Are meanings in themselves, and will always leave you wondering

[leakinglyricallucidity]

lucid manifest

have you ever had that resolved thought when listening to the lyrics of a song? in which thought you may have reasoned yourself into accepting a mismatch between your own beliefs or feelings and the words of the song, by thinking something like, “well, the way the song makes me feel or what it reminds me of is what matters. i can still enjoy it” and in so realizing the true meaning and importance of the song, you transformed it into something meaningful and enjoyable to you, rather than something displeasing or imperfect.

              i feel there is a reflection seen in this transformative thought scenario of a simple but powerful idea that can be essential in life. this idea is that any given moment, or circumstance in life, or even larger scale reality, is like that song. it is up to you to be dissatisfied or insulted or upset by the situation, or to look at it differently and understand it as a tool to you can use to learn, grow, reflect, persist and expand in satisfaction, acceptance, excitement and contentment.

  the truly exquisite reality of living as a conscious being is that you have the power to chose your reality, and to give yourself permission to feel good about any circumstance in your life, and understand that event as part of your journey through and into what you most desire. what is truly important and influential in your life is the energy you emit and reflect at any given moment – the frequency that you resonate with in response to your life circumstance – your moment here and now.

                        once you are able to realize and recognize your self-empowering higher mind and allow it to become a tool in your life by recognizing these things, you will begin to feel and witness your highest excitement approaching and growing, and your contentment with life ground in your being. not only this, but you will also overcome your physical mind’s tendency to worry, to distress, to resist a situation or circumstance. you will find that the less you worry, the less unpleasant or undesired occurrences you will call into your life by giving your attention to them. you will instead leave room in your mind to call in the things you do desire and intend, and allow for you attention to focus on those things and your imagination will no longer be wasted on anxiety. things will then begin to fall into place and you will be freed from the vicious cycle of worry and crisis.

              you have all the tools you need to create the results you want, create the representations of your highest intention and highest desire. it is your choice, your authority, your responsibility, to take charge of your life and your reality. when you find yourself slipping into worry and anxiety, remind yourself to focus your attention to the here and now, this very instant. pay close attention to your breath, the sound, the feeling, the thought passing through your mind right now. do not resist it, just let it be, and then redirect your attention to your desire and intention, the positive outlook that is necessary for your projection into the future you wish to live. 

it may not come easy at first, it may feel like a battle with your own mind and thoughts. and, of course, it is up to you to change the way you think for the better, and without your willingness, determination and desire to do so, it will not happen. when it's difficult, do not let yourself get sucked into the negative spiral.

breath, accept, let go.

[leakinglyricallucidity]

sacred space (sound waves)

everything from the hum to the flutters 

vibration and frequency, echoing waves

everything from itself of itself musters 

mirrors on mirrors and glistening heart caves

everything opens like stillness in silence 

cause and effect, blood through the veins 

everything chosen to come from the inside

to reveal the expression of such lovely strains 

everything reaches for something beyond 

tendrils and branches and crystalline flakes

everything has its own wave, its own song

every moment a birthing, a new being wakes 

stretching out soulfully with true intention

in a sense innocence always at play

always its essence is there since inception 

circling, spiraling, towards a new day 

[leakinglyricallucidity]

lucid experience

i spin out like i spin in 

wholly 

freely

fully 

awake

[leakinglyricallucidity]

silhouetted,

to articulate, that place

where the light and i, meet

  embedded

in the code of perception,

definition of release 

repetition 

mirrored rhythm, in and out 

to breathe the seas 

one perception 

all direction

one intention

all set free