LearnSlowStillGrow

Armah or Ham/24/ Male

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It’s been a year since I last visited this site. I back read my posts. I realized how immature I was. I graduated, at last I finished my bachelor’s after all the things I need to go through and all the consequences I had from all the troubles I get myself into. I realized so many things as I enter the real world of an adult.

1.) Not all friends values friendship the way I value them - it doesn’t mean that they don’t care about me, its just the painful reality that how you prioritize them will never be the same as they will to me. 

2.) Not all dreams are worth dying for - there are dreams that are meant to die for me to live. Because there are dreams that’s actually killing me slowly, physically, mentally and emotionally.

3.) I get used to being alone - people have their own life, we all have path we need to take, some crosses with each other and they get to walk with one another for awhile but time will come that they need to go on to their own journey and me as well. It’s okay to be alone time to time, this way I learned to value time of people I get be with.

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1

At this point of time when almost everyone in the social media is talking about anxiety, depression and how to help them is the hardest part of having one. As a person who always go to church, with people I know that can possibly help me with my problem, as a man, as a person that people used to go to ask for advice, comfort and help it’s really hard to talk about it. It’s not hard to tell if you’re just overthinking or having anxiety. Anxiety means worrying something you don’t even know. It’s a feeling of uneasiness you have of expecting that you yourself might screw something up. Depression is not just about feeling sad, it’s a loneliness that lingers. As a Christian, I know that I only need to depend on Christ, reading the bible helps a lot, but making people understand even though I undoubtedly holding to God’s word I still feel lonely most of the time. I hope I can do something about it. There are times that I would just try to start something new but ending not doing it because it feels like it doesn’t make sense to do something new ALONE. The hardest part of telling this feeling to them is the moment when you are going to tell them, but you kept being reminded by the things you already know and then gets disappointed or angry because as they described it, I’m illogical, immature, stubborn, attention seeker, emotional and a burden. In short, for me I don’t have anyone to run to. I don’t know anyone who’ll be patient enough to understand something even I don’t understand. By the way sometimes everyone feels like a stranger. If you’re thinking if I have suicide thoughts, I don’t. I want to live, that’s why what I’m feeling sucks. Because as day pass by it feels like your whole life is disintegrating. It feels like everything is getting smaller and smaller. I want to feel valued, I want to feel important to someone. I want real human connection.

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Di ko akalaing ganto ang magiging response ng nakakarami. First let me explain, there was a video that trends advising a girl who already want to have a boyfriend to set aside her standard to  a guy more if they both like each other already. He also told the girl to just put rules and limits while on they are on that stage.

Here’s my comment on the post:

“Isa pa to, bash me or not but I need to say this. This is one of the things that corrupts us guys. It takes away the sense of being a gentleman. Gusto mo sya? Paghirapan mo yung Oo. In courtship there you will see whose men and who are still boys. Boys, do want shortcuts but real men will always fight for you. You want a good woman but you keep destroying those good women. Have some balls. Gusto mo? Paghirapan mo, di to instant noodles na pag gutom ka in 3 min pwede na. Gumugusto ka na boy? Be a man. Truth ka mo? This video is not the truth. Be true to yourself, gusto mo? kaya mo ba responsibility? Walang shortcut sa relationship. Gusto mo malamang kung balasubas yung lalaki? Kilalanin mo through his friends, peers, hobbies and lifestyle. If di ka sigurado sa lalaki, wag mo isugal, I-sure mo muna. Ano yun when you like her and she likes you gusto mo kayo na, kasi naaatat ka na kasi may gusto kang ma experience? Di yun yon. Pinaghahandaan yun, pinaghihirapan yun. Kaya maraming takot na babae, kasi na trauma sa mga lalaking balasubas. Mga ate wag kang susugal, manigurado ka. Gusto mo? Makakabuti ba sayo? Mas gusto mo naman siguro dun sa sure ka na kesa sa susugal ka na pwedeng talo pala. Lalaki ako kaya nasasabi ko to. Sa ligawan? Kung magpapanggap ka lang tropa sa panliligaw mo, pakitang tao ka lang. Kaw ang talo. Sasayangin mo ang taong pwede sanang makakasama mo habang buhay. Kung hindi mo kayang magpakatotoo sa panliligaw wag ka nang manligaw. Girls, please don't just give your yes so easily. In this world full of now na, be the girl to stand on your ground about your standard. Cause even your standard is high as the sky, the right guy will always make a way to be that man of your dreams. Men please put some decency and let be the standard that these women hope for.” We all have opinion and we should respect that. But I just want to remind to both men and women that relationship is not something to experiment. It’s something to experience to that someone you’re going to spend time with. If you want help because you’ve been struggling in this issue. Let’s have a talk. :) Just chat me in my FB account you know my name.

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May story ako

There are two kinds of people...

Person A eto yung mga taong nag build ng wall around them so that no one can get near them. These walls sometimes represent, anger, silence and things that push people away. They are afraid to get hurt they are willing to stay inside that wall no matter what it takes and they will keep building that wall if they felt danger.

Person B eto yung mga taong walang walls, they are so open, vulnerable to everything that comes across their life. They are enthusiastically waiting for anything to pass by in their life.

All of us can be either of the two.

The thing is we can also be a person who can walk towards person B and a person who break the walls of person A down. But in this story people have a misunderstanding... that people in the wall are more in need because they isolated themselves because they were hurt.  Probably because they see walls they find a reason or people are attracted by a cause to penetrate the wall and see the person inside of it. Giving the person B an invisible wall. It made him more isolated than the one who has walls visible to the eye of everyone.

Because that wall was made by the people around him. They forgot that there is no wall protecting Person B and that he is vulnerable. But still Person B experience that he still waits for people to come through. A person who’ll be able to notice and decide to stay and keep watch.

Little did everyone know, most of the time, the one who makes effort in tearing Person A's wall is Person B, for a hope that Person A might notice and stay for a little longer than everybody else.

But since Person A just experienced freedom from a long time being inside the walls he ended up, going searching and learning new things.

Leaving Person B on the exact same place, waiting again for someone to come through.

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Somethings wrong.

Today is a very strange day for me. I haven’t post anything in tumblr because somehow I got tired sharing stories about myself. But this day is different. I know. Nagising nalang ako kaninang umaga nagaaway si tatay at nanay through phone. It doesn’t happen. I’m 22 years old and pangalawang beses ko palang narinig na magusap sila ng ganun... (base sa mga sinasabi ni tatay kasi si nanay nasa Singapore) Nanay is so tired, di ko alam kung sa trabaho nya o sa mga nararanasan nya. I can’t blame her kasi puro hirap talaga na experience ni nanay. Somehow I’m afraid kasi malambing si tatay kay nanay. Everytime mag chachat or kakausapin nya si nanay nag I love you sya kay nanay. I know kasi nababasa ko mga message ni tatay madalas. This time wala. Isang bagay na ayaw ko kay tatay eh maingay at madaming pinupuna... alam kong may mali dahil ngayong araw tahimik lang sya. Walang kahit anong sinisita. Everynight may pagtatalo alam kong may mali ramdam ko kasi ngayon pagdating ko di na nya ako kinausap natulog na sya. Si nanay di rin nagrereply sa mga messages ko sa viber... puro seen lang. Di ko alam sasabihin ko. Ayaw kong makialam.

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Perfect nga ako sa class standing sa class natin, 0 naman ako sayo. Aray ko bes.

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Ang hirap pag ginawa mo na lahat pero wala parin.

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I feel crap.

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Last for today, I wonder wat does a kid has in his mind when I ask these 2 questions. 1.) If there will be an opportunity for you to have that one thing you really desire (it can be dream, person, goal or anything as in anything) what would it be? 2.) If there is one thing that you have that you can share to others (things that you think others doesn't have) what would it be and why that thing?

I met this young guy, his name is Lawrence. He is a shy boy but I know, I feel it there is some playful kiddo behind this shyness. When I asked what he wants, I hope I really hope I can give to him anything he might ask. But since I can’t yet I better focus on things that can make do it possible in the future. So back to the answer of the boy. For the first question he told he wants robot. That sincere face when he said that, I know he is not referring to that toy robot but to that big one that can stomp his imaginary enemies to dust!

How fun it is to be a kid. I really want to have more time with him and just share stories with him. Imagine things with this tiny man with a giant robot in his heart the one that will crush anything that will stop him do what he desires. Thinking how kids think never fails to give me smile. Unfortunately, for the last question, he was so shy he can’t answer my question hahaha that’s okay.  Besides her mom, and ate is so cooperating and let me have a picture with this guy.

I can’t help but to think and pray for this guy for him to know as early as possible what he has and start appreciating it… This experience with the kid gives me an idea how easy for an individual to expect when he/she can receive something from somebody but hard enough to think of what we can give to other people. Maybe the second question is really hard because most of us don’t know yet are gifts and purpose. I hope this blog may encourage other people to really be intentional in finding out what their gifts are, so that others may found theirs as well.

We are connected to one another. What we do affects someone out there without us knowing it. Let’s touch other’s life. Let’s build robots. :D

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Juji or if I may Ate Juji (I hope I have the right spelling for her name.) is a mom having a family time who sat beside me while I was blogging, after I posted my first blog I immediately ask her the same question I asked to the first group. 1.) If there will be an opportunity for you to have that one thing you really desire (it can be dream, person, goal or anything as in anything) what would it be? 2.) If there is one thing that you have that you can share to others (things that you think others doesn't have) what would it be and why that thing?

Ate Juji as I’ve said is a typical mom have a family time with her family. She spent almost 15 min sitting beside me before I asked her a question. Somehow I got intrigue about what she wants for herself.  What I felt to her answer on my first question is it seems like it came out of frustration, I don’t know maybe she’s been through a lot recently. She told me she wants a house and lot. I can’t blame her for that. Everyone wants a place that they can call their own or home. For the second question, she said to me that she can’t think of anything that she might be able to share because she doesn’t have anything. That’s sad because most of the time that I felt I can’t give anything anymore is when I am beaten down with discouragement from failures and disappointment. I hope that she’ll be able to find the happiness she’s been looking for.

I asked for a selfie with her but she didn’t like the idea of it so she told me I can have one with her son. So this is him.

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Yey, I finally accomplished one of my dream is to really blog. I have two question to people who are completely strangers that will sit beside me all throughout the time I’m here blogging... 1.) If there will be an opportunity for you to have that one thing you really desire (it can be dream, person, goal or anything as in anything) what would it be? 2.) If there is one thing that you have that you can share to others (things that you think others doesn't have) what would it be and why that thing?

Here are some students from Our Lady of Fatima University (OLFU) that sat beside me while I’m here at Fairview Terraces. I am the guy at the most right, the guy beside is Aaron. He said if he can have an opportunity to get or be someone freely, he wants to become a theater actor. I was a bit excited when I heard him say that because I once been part of a theatrical play at our school. I think if he would give it a try to become a theater actor he might have a chance to get a good role because of the impression that he gave me which is being confident, jolly and a guy who is up to craziness… because acting in theatrical play is crazy. I know because I’ve been part of it. Crazy but fun. For the second question, he answered he wants to share confidence. I think I know why, but I might be wrong for the reason but I really have the strong feeling that he wants to encourage other people that being yourself or showing what you can do is a very fun thing to experience. And everyone should experience it.

Fay, the girl on the most left answered me that she wants to have a complete family, I don’t want to ask follow up questions about it because that is personal. The reason why I asked is the emotion that they share when they say what they really want. And she said it with all her heart. I felt it. Then for the second question, she told me if she will give or impart something to other people that she thinks others lack it would be positivity. She told that too many people are negative about life and wants to make help them see the brighter side of life. Me for this blog. I think I would be doing this most of the time. Their reaction to my questions are priceless. Somehow, it touches my heart. I am starting this blog so that people may know that even though you have something that you really desire but still can’t have it, but you still have something to give to others so that they may be complete.

PS. I forgot the name of the other girl... :D Hope we can meet some other day.

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What does a person with an 8 hour break do?

1.) Look for a room to sleep. 2.) Prepare for Lifegroup. 3.) One on one with cell mates. 4.) Eat. 5.) Look for a room where I can sleep. 6.) Read 7.) Blog 8.) Talk to strangers and blog.

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People are full of shit and you can’t do anything about it. If you don’t want to feel shit. Deal with it.

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Muntik na.

This morning, ay mali. Itong araw na to, nagsimula ang lahat sa panaginip. I can still remember the dream ng malinaw. First, I’m speaking with my mentees. Nag sosorry sila about things that happened in the past at mas magiging seryoso na daw sila sa life. Ako naman nakangiti, sabi ko “Wala yon” Tapos biglang nag shift yung dream ko di ko na maalala yung pagitan ng dalawang story. Sa sumunod na nangyari sa panaginip ko tumatawa ako at may kasama akong girl. Kilala ko yung girl, di ko nga lang ma recognize kung sino sa kanilang dalawa. Don’t get me wrong wala akong espesyal na relasyon sa dalawa kundi friendship lang talaga. Sadyang may mga times lang na napagpapalit ko yung dalawang tao. Somehow di maayos memory ko about these things… Tapos nagising ako ng nakangiti. Pagmulat ng mata ko, nakita ko sa bintana medyo madilim pa pero papaliwanag na. Napatayo akong bigla, na realize ko kasi malalate na ako at bawal akong ma late sa subject na to (statistics) kasi ma drop na ako due to number of late and absences. In short, di ako nakakain at nakapaligo. Naghilamos at nag toothbrush nalang ako. Tapos nagpahatid kay Tatay kung san mas madali akong makakasakay papuntang school. And malupit lahat ng pwedeng daanan traffic. To make the long story short, late ako.

While having sa classroom, everything went right naman. Meron nga lang akong kaklase na 3rd year na babae tapos ang ingay nya lang nung nagtanong ako sa kanya bakit daw sya inaaway ko. Napansin ko kasi mali sagot ng class about a question so naninigurado lang ako na tama ang nakita ko. So in the end tama. Then the class went naturally, hanggand nainis ang prof naming sa maiingay at nagtatawan… Masyado kasi syang mabait. Yun nga, nainis sya, at nagbantang may mag di na papasok next week kasi drop na. At dahil late ako, kasama ako dun. Kinabahan talaga ako. Sabi ko patay, niregaluhan pa naman ako ng laptop para makatulong sa academics ko tapos may UW. Di ako agad pumayag nagtanong ako ng nagtanong kung pwede pa manghingi ng chance, kaso wala na talaga. Hanggang sa maalala kong absent ako nung midterm week at may excuse letter ako nun kaya I asked about the excuse letter. And yun dahil sa excuse letter nabigyan ako ng change pa para makapasok sa class. Pambihira talaga yun, di ako nakikiusap sa kahit sinong prof pero sa kanya kahit mabait na, nagawa ko paring makiiusap. Kasi naman, di talaga problema ng mga procrastinator yung hirap ng activities, ang problema is yung time. Para akong may sariling oras mula sa lahat ng taong nakapaligid sakin. At the end, papasok pa ako next at di talaga ako drop. Yey.

Pumunta na ako sa school for my lifegroup, sabi ko sa sarili ko pupunta parin ako kahit may issue ako sa isa dun. Kaso di pa ako nakakapag devotionals (spending time with God) so for 30 min nag devo muna ako sa dunkin donust, SM nova. After it, go straight sa LG. I thought I was late pero wala pa pala sila, at naghintay pa uli ako for them for 30 min. When we were having a lifegroup madaming daldal ng daldal. Tapos yung snack namin PICK-A. Then LG was finished, and I wasn’t able to go to my follow up check-up.

So Ito ako ngayon nagsusulat after makipagkwentuah sa Muslim friend ko na si Al about things. Then naalala ko lang about things. I’m trying to remember things din ng paunti unti, and naalala ko lang na hindi ko pala nasabi yesterday na nagpm sakin yung dati kong crush about sa issue sa church. And I told her that it was a long story pero okay na ang lahat. And to tell her the details if we had time to meet in person next time.

Sobrang masakit ulo ko kanina di rin ako makahanap ng matutulugan sa school so nag laptop nalang ako at naglaro for 3 hours sa school. Tapos yung class namin sobrang petiks lang. Nakakatamad ng sobra. Grades ayos naman naka 89.53 naman ako sa midterm pero parang di ko desereve kasi halos wala naman kaming ginagawa sa klase. Now nakauwi na naglaba lang. Tapos relax relax nalang. This

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The mandatory selfie before you sleep.

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Hello September.

Di masama di rin maganda.

Naalala ko dati nagtututulugtulugan ako noong bata ako, minsan dahilan nung kasi nanonood ako ng tv. Kahit nakapikit mata ko basta naririnig ko pinapabalas sa tv solve na ako dun, maharot kasi imagination ko kaya pag yung sinasabi ng character sa palabras nakikita ko yun sa utak kop ag nakapikit ako kaya parang na nanonood pa rin ako. Kaso, sa paglipas ng panahon ang dami ng nagbago, ang laki na ng nagbago. Kaninang umaga nagtulugtulugan din ako, kasi ayaw ko yung makikita ko. Sana nga kaya ko ring takpan tenga ko ng di nila mapapansin. Minsan kasi nararanasan ko na kahit di gaanong kaingay pakiramdam ko ingay na ingay ako. Lalo na’t pag nagsimula na tatay ko manermon. Gusto ko lang talagang makatulog nalang bigla. Minsan, sabi ng mga kaklase ko bidang bida daw ako ng tatay ko kaso sa totoo lang di ko ramdam. Pag kaharap ko sya ang dami kong palso na nakikita nya. Minsan napapabuntong hininga na lang talaga ako.

Naranasan ko nanaman yung pakiramdam kaninang umaga yung pakiramdam na yun. Panganay kasi ako sa magkakapatid at ginagawa ko talaga best ko para maging close sa mga kapatid ko. Pero madalas kong nararamdaman na ayaw sakin ng bunso kong kapatid. Yung tipong wala syang pake. Madalas nginingitian ko nalang yung pakiramdam na yun.

Madalas ko nararamdaman na para bang ang taas taas ng standard ng mundo at hindi ko maabot. Nakaka frustrate minsan pero nasanay na rin ako. Kaya okay na ako ngayon na hindi talaga. Pagpasok ko sa school, someone PMed me sa FB. Puntahan ko daw sila, they want to hear daw more about God. So I went, dapat tomorrow pa tlaga lifegroup namin but how can I say no to people who just want to know God more. I shared them a part of my devotionals. That more than anything they think important, si Lord sila ang inaalala hindi ibang bagay. Then there is this guy sa lifegroup na cellmate daw sya ng coleader ko and di na daw sila nagkikita, I know because I asked him. Then I told them na if may questions sla, dikit lang sakit (I mean don’t hesitate to ask.)

Then yung coleader ko PMed me sa fb. He sent me a print screen sa fb. Yung guy sa lifegroup sent a message to him about things na di ko naman sinabi. I got confused, because I don’t know if I really said it since may mga bagay bagay ako na biglang nakakalimutan or di matandaan. So I went to ask if I really said it. Then the guy from the lifegroup said sorry he misinterpreted it. Then I thought since di ko naman pala sinabi talaga things will be okay. Hindi pala, my coleader thought na I corrected his cellmate, and said na baka daw umalis because of what I did. Which is just asked. Di naman sila masama sakin. Talagang may pangit lang na kakambal ang pangalan ko because of the things I did in the past. I still bear them with me.

Ang pangit lang din talaga sa pakiramdam na may brand ang pangalan mong di maganda. And no matter what I did, it stays the same or in short people still looks at me as if I did something wrong. I always wanted to be close to them pero they seem not interested. They actually don’t listen when I share story. I know it, I feel it. Yung pakiramdam na parang sawang sawa na sila sayo pero wala silang magawa kundi magtiis. Ito rin yung mga times na sinasabi ko lang talaga na. I’m doing this because I love God. I may not be the best but I’m doing my best. Yung di ako susuko. I don’t mind anymore of what I feel. Well, this is not about me. This is about God’s love for me and his and my love for others. That’s why I won’t stop. Kahit masakit at mahirap pa ang pagdaanan ko….

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Ito ang araw ko ngayon.

Heto yung mga araw na parang ang layo layo ko sa katotohanan. Di ko alam kung maipapaliwanag ko ng maayos na yung tipong maiintindihan ng iba pag kinuwento ko. Pero ito yung mga sandali na parang ang bagal ng mundo, yung tipong sa sobrang bagal ng paglakad ng oras pakiramdam mo napagiiwanan ka parin. Weird man pakinggan o malaman pero madalas ko ginagawang pupunta lang sa isang mataong lugar kung san uupo, manonood lang ako ng mga taong dumadaan. Minsan kasi ang sarap lang nilang panoorin. Ang saya nilang tignan, tapos minsan napapatanong ako bakit parang hirap na hirap ako sa pagiging masaya. Minsan napapatanong din ako kung nararanasan din ba ng iba yung nararanasan ko. Tapos maalala ko yung dahilan kung bakit ko sinusulat to. Wala kasi akong mapagsabihan, madalas nagdadasal lang ako pag sobrang na prepressure na ako sobrang nahihirapan sa mga bagay bagay. Pero eto ngayon kung magdadasal ako ito ang mga sinasabi ko kay Lord.

Ang pangit ng araw ko. “Ngayong araw, sabi ko magbabago ako at magsisipag na uli.” Yan ang nasa isip ko kagabi bago ako matulog at magaral ng report ko para sa isang subject. 9 am ang start ng class ko so bago matulog, uminom na muna ako ng gamot ko at gatas para maayos tulog ko. Wala naman akong sakit pero madalas sumasakit ulo ko dahil kulang sa tulog. So yun nga, nag lagay ako ng alarm dalawa pa nga eh. Isang 7:00 am at isang 7:30 am pagkatapos… natulog na ako. Nagising na ako, di ko akalain nangyayari pala yung sa mga commercials na pagdismiss mo sa alarm, pumikit ka lang isang oras na ang nakalipas. Tumpak, late ako. Usual traffic ang sinalubong ko, so 1 hour late ako sa subject kung san may presentation ako. Pagdating ko, may exam. Di ko alam kung ano I-eexam at ang malupit pa dun dalawa ang exam. To make this part short… sa first exam 4/25 ako di kasi ako nangongopya, I do my best not to. Then sa second exam binigyan ng chance makapag review so naka 14/25 ako. And that is just the start of an epic day.

The second thing that happened, remember na sinabi kong wala akong sakit pero di okay ang health ko? Yung nahihilo ka at sumasakit ang ulo dahil laging kulang sa tulog so in short low blood pressure ako to the point na malapit na ako sabi ng doctor to have hypertension. Hindi yun ang dahilan kung bakit sumakit ang ulo ko in this one. I’m a church a guy, cell leader, not perfect but doing my best to change for the better towards Gods destiny for me. We help people to know Christ. Well I think I’m the least in our team but I don’t mind about it anymore, ang importante is I keep the main thing which is I love God. So tapos na ang introduction, last Sunday there was this guy who gave his life to Jesus. So lumapit ako sa kanya to be warm to him and represent the church and our pastor. Maganda naman usap naming then he told me he wanted to help his co-worker na makilala si Lord. I took his number para ma kamusta ko sya time to time and in our convo he asked me if I can go to his workplace para makita ko daw yung way ng work nya. Yun na. Kanina pumunta ako dun, I already have a bad feeling kasi sa Quezon Ave banda… Nasa isip ko baka networking, pero I said to myself, “No. Don’t be like that Armah. Malay mo ito na chance mo makatulong sa ibang tao ng proper at maka contribute sa church.” We met at Mcdo, Q. Ave. Then yung akala kong may matutulungan ako, ang napuntahan ko eh parang networking ng isang doctor about his clinic and way of treatment. So yeah, epic fail. Sayang pamasahe… naka 150 din ako sa pamasahe. Isang araw hanggang dalawang araw na pamasahe din yun papunta at pauwi galing school. Before I go back to school for my lifegroup/cellgroup, I texted him about the way I decided to help people which is by sharing what I experienced through Christ.

Nalungkot ako na walang pinatunguhan yung lakad, pero okay lang atleast I tried kesa naman wala akong ginawa tapos kung sakali di ba na marami akong matulungan. Yun palang di na talaga maganda takbo ng araw ko. Until, pagdating ko sa school to conduct the lifegroup I saw my cellmate/friend. I thought naghihintay sya for lifegroup… yun pala magpapaalam na di na sya pupunta ng lifegroup, dahil daw bumagsak sya sa arts subject nila (sa isip ko, lahat ng arts subject ko eh sabit lang grade ko) na grounded daw sya. I convinced him not to go away pero mahirap talagang mangumbinsi ng taong nakapagdesisyon na. For a cell leader, to lose a cell member is painful. Kasi may investments ka dun eh, para sa life nila kagaya ng mga pinangmiryenda nyo, emotions mo to love them. Pero wala eh. Yung dating 20+ people na lifegroup naubos nanaman at isa nalang natira… Ulit nanaman ako sa simula.

At panghuli, ang paguwi. Yung tipong paguwi mo nasigawan ka kaagad. Dahil nagpapabukas ka ng naka - kandadong pinto. Tpos nagtuloy tuloy yun, yung karamihan ng ginagawa mo makikitaan ng butas na tatamarin ka nalang gumalaw at mapapabuntong hininga. Take note bawal sumagot o mangatwiran o sabihin na sila nagutos ng bagay na kinaiinisan nila basta manahimik ka lang. So yun di nilang ako sumagot, naghugas nalang ako ng pingan. Ito ang araw ko and I still choose to be cool. Sabi nga sa last preaching na narinig ko, “Don’t ask what you need to do but ask what God wants you to be in that situation.” And I choose to be the person who’ll take everything that happened today and carry on.