My Life in 100 Words

A blog of my life. And whatever else catches my fancy. This is a pretty eclectic blog.

[spicymochi]

choose your fav silly friendslop guy

[lambsneck]

The Beauty of the House is immeasurable; its Kindness infinite.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

[fictionz]

Nothing but.

[porcelain-requiem]

RIP to Daveigh Chase. Gone way too soon. 💔

[nickcarr]

Once, I was scouting a decommissioned wing of a still-active prison when the guard asked if I wanted to try being locked in the solitary confinement cell with the lights off to see what it felt like.

Nope.

[theonion]

Beaming with pride after he slotted the final turkey sandwich into place, local dad Steve Fowler’s eyes reportedly welled up Friday at the sight of a perfectly packed cooler for the family’s weekend trip to the beach. “All the heavy stuff is at the bottom, the beer and soda bottles are neatly organized and surrounded by ice packs, and everything is ideally positioned for an even chill,” said the misty-eyed father of three, who reportedly wiped away a tear as he ran his hand around the rim to verify that none of the contents would obstruct the lid from closing.

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[a-substantial-trash-pile]

the newest hit on my island

[theonion]

Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident

[theonion]

Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is. “If something goes wrong and the lights go off, you’re going to want to know how to get to this,” your father reportedly said while leading you down the basement stairs, before opening the gray metal panel on the wall and pointing out each of the 12 individual electrical switches.

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[cartoonjohn]

Sooo… this is kinda weird. Well, I was overcome by a strange desire to be a little more artsy than usual, so I went looking for Color Pallets to practice with… well, in this case it was more for fun than anything. So yeah… here’s… this. Jacob with a new pallet. It’s a thing.

[spicymochi]

choose your cartoon duo

[theonion]

Local resident Alan Bower’s particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established the 31-year-old policy writer as an absolutely terrible person who is always ready to crack a joke, sources reported Monday.

According to friends of the modern-day Oscar Wilde, Bower has a singular knack for sucking every last bit of genuine enjoyment out of any situation with his hilarious, nonstop incisiveness.

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[sonicheroes]

Soroku traveling around to various worlds

[theonion]

WASHINGTON—In an effort to assuage any fears over the constitutionality of the Trump administration’s flurry of executive actions, a D.C.-area think tank called the Himmler Institute reportedly assured the nation Monday that this is all perfectly legal. “We’ve studied the total legality of far-reaching executive actions for decades, and we can guarantee that everything happening in Washington right now is completely above board,” said Himmler Institute spokesperson Stephanie Heydrich-Skorzeny, adding that this was one of the clearest-cut cases the institute had seen since its founding in 1947.

Read more.

[theonion]

LOS ALAMOS, NM—Giggling as they made sure the atomic explosive’s tritium-deuterium ignition module had been properly engaged, nuclear scientists employed at Los Alamos National Laboratory were seen sprinting away from ground zero after stuffing a fission bomb into a can of Coca-Cola in a friend’s backyard Friday. “Oh shit, dude, it’s going supercritical—Run! Run!” said fissile materials researcher Mark Chalmers, Ph. D., ducking down behind a picnic table as his fellow pranksters recorded the 17-megaton detonation on their smartphones to upload to YouTube later. 

[theonion]

NEW YORK—Finding himself unable to tolerate the continuing stubborn refusal to address the real issues at hand, apartment dweller Jordan Stills has declared himself “sick and tired” Wednesday of hearing his upstairs neighbors skirt around the core conflict of their long-running argument. “Christ! Stop screaming about the dishes and start screaming about how his mother is the problem!” Stills said to his ceiling, adding in a personal aside that he could barely hear his own thoughts over the petty bickering that masks the male partner’s growing inability to be vulnerable around his romantic companion. 

[theonion]

Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo