[left4s0ul]

reBirth: there is no light without darkness there is no darkness without light

[left4s0ul]

i am not controlling. i crave STRUCTURE. those are two complete different matters and approaches. i hate insecure people who make assumptions about me all the time like its their hobby.

[left4s0ul]

im not impulsive in love. even though i feel deeply. and i love that about me

[left4s0ul]

i dont ever be tripping off of what is not mine jealousy is just love and hate at the same time

[left4s0ul]

a person with no internal moral compass are pure parasites. no core self. all they do is merge identities with the "host" & become tethered. they harvest on your ENERGY. pay attention. open your EYES. they experience emotional volatility the moment they are alone only fear of losing is their current perks. you are nothing but the provider of services to them. look closely into their eyes and feel their blankness. they may smile, cry but their eyes stay dark.

[left4s0ul]

trauma is an explanation but is never a justification

[left4s0ul]

some of us just feels deeply in a world full of shallow souls

[left4s0ul]

im my soul and my consciousness. not my body or my face.

[left4s0ul]

people can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves

[left4s0ul]

i need to train my subconscious mind to break the pattern. again and again. alchemize the pain. again and again. i cannot afford to be trapped again. i hate the feeling of suffering in my mind. my beauty and strength comes from alchemy. i deserve to be happy and i hate when the past creeps up on me then i blur it out as much as i can aka dissociate. ive had traumatic experience with all my past relationships except my first long term boyfriend, H. after him, honestly have been very shitty and emotionally draining. betrayal (cheating is biggest but also lied to, manipulated, gaslight, emotional abuse, lead on) is the worst type of pain to deal in my own experience. i dont think about it because i simply cannot access that part of my memory anymore cz i consciously blocked everything after a long time healing in solitude, dealing with difficult feelings and letting go of built up resentment and hate. revenge is just not in my dictionary. sometimes their karma is who they are. they knew exactly what they were doing and chose to do it every single time. that has nothing to do with my worth but everything to do with them. my responses became reactive from fucked up things they did in order to protect myself and my reality. i cannot stoop low to their level then im no better than them. i dont have ill intentions even though they were in the wrong nor do i care about someone who cant hold themselves accountable for anything. its just that leftover pain hurts at times and i hate that im not in control of my own emotions that was caused by someone who was deeply disturbed, insecure and hurt at the time. someone who lacks basic human decency, a soul & empathy. they sadly do exist. but i have to alchemize and take care of myself. i forgive myself for putting myself through it when i could have left. lifes about learning lessons and growing to flourish even better. i choose and cherish myself more than anybody. some days can feel heavy and some days are soft. healing is not linear but the progression counts ☆ time to lock in!

[left4s0ul]

i sometimes have difficulty breathing when im reminded of past trauma and my nervous system goes on full active mode. it usually happens during night time and i hate it. it ruins my mood. this person is no longer in my life and is someone who cheated, abused, betrayed and hurt me continuously in my last relationship. a narcissist who hides behind God. i dont even think about this person its been years since we last spoke. but trauma remembers pain. i want it to STOP.

someone help me

[left4s0ul]

what do you think my brain is made for ? is it just a container for the mind ? this great grey matter

[mintchocolate]

민초세상

[left4s0ul]

hide my tattoos in shibuya

police think im of the underworld

[left4s0ul]

if you have a creative mind you are going to doubt a lot of things about the world, about yourself about something that is completely normal. insecurity is completely normal especially with my own work because im giving extension of myself. when you are giving away some of your art its like giving away a piece of yourself .. i got to be cool with letting people get to know me on a deeper level and then it ALL happens

[left4s0ul]

my thinking brain does not STOP. is this why i am able to turn on/off my feelings..? i genuinely wonder if anyone else feels like this

[left4s0ul]

current larp anthem