44 (The Annual Birthday Rant)
THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT I EVER RECEIVED FROM A STRANGER
What I’m about to tell you all happened about twelve days ago.
I was walking outside of my local grocery store when an African American man approached me. He slowly approached with a wide grin on his face and was dressed in an old brown secondhand suit that was a few sizes too big. Although his physique indicated he was maybe ten to fifteen years older than me he looked much older and worn. He had a story to tell
“Now, I’m not gonna hurt cha,” the man said.
I stood and smiled hesitantly.
“How can I help you?” I asked.
“You probably don’t remember me, but we met before… a few years back.”
I searched through my mind, but found nothing. “Oh really? Where did we meet? A book store event? A school?”
The man stopped his approach. He stood safely about ten feet away.
My mind still drew a blank.
“Anyway, sir, I don’t want to take up too much of your time…. But I wanted to give you this…”
He reached into the pocket of his oversized suit and slowly pulled out a healthy wad of nicely folded cash.
And then in that instant. I remembered.
It happened two years ago in 2017. I bought groceries and was carrying the bags to my car. A homeless African American man wearing tattered clothes hobbled with a limb over in my direction. He was in rough shape. He clearly hadn’t showered in weeks and his body appeared gaunt, and malnourished.
“Hey, man, I was wonderin’ if you could spare some change?” he asked.
I placed my groceries into the trunk of my car and pulled out my wallet. I had just gone to the ATM because I was going to go out to breakfast with some friends after dropping off the groceries at home.
I pulled out a $20 and gave it to the man. His eyes popped open wide and a huge grin crossed his face. I would typically only give a few dollars in a situation like this, but today was special.
“Aw, thank you, sir, I really appreciate it! God bless!”
Just as he was about to walk away I stopped him.
“Wait,” I hollered, “Hold up.”
The man turned and looked back at me. I paused for a moment thinking about what I was about to do.
“*sigh* Today’s your lucky day.” I said
I opened my wallet and gave him all the cash that was inside.
The man was flabbergasted. “Wh-….. What?”
“You look like you need it way more than I do. There’s about $400 here… Just take it.”
“Wh…wh…why are you doing this?” he stammered
I paused for a moment. Was I really doing the right thing? You hear people tell you not to give money to homeless people because they’ll just go use that money to buy drugs or alcohol, but I proceeded with my decision, “It’s my birthday today, and every year I always make it a point to do something special for someone to make their day better, and today you’re the lucky person, I guess.”
The first time I ever decided to be generous on my birthday was at a local car wash on my 35th birthday. Now, I never found much value in the machines that car washing facilities provide. Those contraptions that you would drive your car though to get washed. It was simply a series of spray hoses and soap suds being lazily dragged over your car by a set of waving rags. The real cleaning job was done from the guy after that process. The guy who would drive your car off to a dry corner of the lot and scrub off those tough stains with a spray bottle and a towel. Here in LA, they were most likely illegal immigrants earning a measly wage just enough to get by here in Los Angeles (one of the most expensive cities in the country) The man who cleaned my car that day spent a half hour wiping off the dashboard, and the tires, and even parts of the door joints you wouldn’t normally expect a car wash employee to clean. The guy was cleaning my car better than I would have ever done myself, and when I approached the car it was absolutely immaculate.
The car wash was only $19.
That day, I gave the man $40.
He was so grateful he shook my hand with a smile, and in exchange I felt amazing. I helped make his day a good one and it was an absolutely wonderful feeling.
Ever since then I try to do something kind for someone on my birthday. It’s my gift to myself.
In the years following I would give $40 tips to waitresses, $60 tips to a trio of buskers, I once bought an entire box of candy from a kid who rang my doorbell trying to save up money for camp. That was about $75.
But this was $400. What the hell was I doing?
The man waved off the money. “$400?! That’s too much,” he responded, “I can’t accept all that! A dude gets stabbed on the streets carrying that kind of cash around”
“I want you to have it, and I don’t want to sound rude, but you look like you need this money way more than I do.”
He stood hesitant. His own pride was preventing him from taking the money.
“What are you doing with that much cash on you? You a doctor or something?”
“HAHA! No, but there was a time my parents wished I was.”
The man looked at me with a hint of suspicion.
“You’re crazy. How do you know I’m not gonna go use this to go buy crack or something like that?”
“HA HA! Are you?” I laughed. The thought of the possibility of my own hard earned money being used to buy illegal drugs was somewhat humorous to me at the time.
“N- NO! NO! I won’t! I promise! But are you sure you want to give me all this? I don’t even know you.”
I hesitated, half thinking for a split second that I would perhaps reconsider and just give him an extra $20, but what would an extra $20 do for a man who needed so much more help than that? What if he had enough money to change his course in life if he really wanted to? From that perspective, $400 seemed like just a drop in the bucket.
But maybe it was also a start?
“I’m not sure, but I know that no matter how you got into this situation, I know it’s not because you’re a bad person. You’ve probably just hit a string of bad luck.Hell, for all I know maybe you WILL blow all this money on booze and drugs, I don’t know… But what I am hoping, is that it gives you a chance to get back on your feet if you really want to…”
The man glanced back at the money.
“Take it. No strings attached. Do whatever you want with it. Buy booze or crack or whatever you want with it. I’m not gonna lecture you on how to live your life because, dude, you’re already totally down on your luck and I think that you just deserve a little kindness. You know the mistakes you’ve made and you don’t need to explain yourself to me or anyone. I just thought this money would help make things a little bit easier for you, that’s all.”
The man looked away for a moment. His lower lip trembling. Then he slowly glanced back and took the money.
“Thank you….. God Bless you, sir. I really appreciate it.”
“Take care of yourself.” I replied as he walked away.
The man walked away and never looked back.
Standing in the same parking lot in front of the same grocery store.
“Holy shit! I remember you! You’re that guy! LOOK AT YOU! I DON’T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU!” I shouted.
“Now you remember me, right!? HA HA!”
This man’s voice once a whisper was now strong and deep as if his lungs consumed every molecule of oxygen around him and projected it out like water from a fire hose. He was no longer gaunt, but healthy, if not slightly overweight. His hair was clean and trimmed, but he still carried himself awkwardly with a shaky newfound confidence that now occupied a body that once resembled a dilapidated house.
“You look amazing! Where have you been!?”
“Aw man, It’s a long story-“
“Wait. I’m- I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I just want you to know that I’m really REALLY proud of you, man. I know we don’t know each other, but dude, you’ve completely changed. I don’t even recognize you. You look amazing.”
There was an awkward pause in our conversation. We were like two friends who had just reunited after a long absence, but suddenly also realized at that moment that we were also two complete strangers who knew nothing about one other. The man took a deep breath, “I’ve been coming around to this grocery store every now and then hoping I would run into you…I’d stand out here waiting for you for a half hour or so hoping you’d come by to buy groceries… I wanted to thank you for the kindness you showed me a few years back and… and I wanted to finally pay you back.”
He grabs my hand and presses the nicely folded bills into my hand. The folds and creases tell me they’ve been sitting folded like this for quite a while.
“$400. Every cent of it.”
“Hey, you don’t need to do this. It was my pleasure. I’m glad the money helped, you can keep it.” I reply.
“Well… “ he paused, “I don’t want it. Too many painful memories from it.. That day you gave me that money I took it and I used it all to get high.”
“Oh…Shit… I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have-”
“And afterwards there were some more really rough months after that. I felt so ashamed. I hated myself and I didn’t wanna live no more so one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I went over to the Colorado Street Bridge and I was gonna climb the fence and jump off…. I was gonna kill myself and end it all… but I chickened out.”
(FYI, The Colorado Street Bridge is the bridge you see in the movie, LA LA LAND)
“Man, I was so scared, and I was crying on the ground and I was thinking about my wife leavin’ me… and how I let my son down, and now he had his own son.. you see, I’m a grandfather, and I got so messed up I couldn’t be around any of them, you know?”
Meanwhile, my groceries were sitting in the hot car. My milk was going to go bad, but I continued to hang on to his every word.
“So shortly after that incident the cops pick me up off the side of the bridge and they take me to this local homeless shelter. I get cleaned up, I get a little something to eat, and then later on that evening they gathered us all around in the cafeteria at one point and they read us this story called, After the Fall.”
“Wait… What? That’s my book.” I responded
“Yeah, I know! The book changed my life, man! Humpty Dumpty finding the courage to change his life like that? It inspired me! It made me want to change! And so I see your name on the cover and one day I went to the library with my social worker to look up more of your books and I see your picture in one of the books and I thought, HOLY SHIT! That’s the guy who gave me the $400! I recognize those eyebrows from anywhere! This is a sign from God!”
“So, I’m getting’ all psyched up and inspired and the social worker helped me get me a sponsor, and after a while I got myself cleaned up and started working around town. I used to be a carpenter, and I was doin’ odd jobs here and there and so now I work at a hardware store.”
He pauses for a moment and takes another deep breath.
“You see, I got myself a work related injury years ago and I had to stop working. Then when my insurance wore out I was still in pain and I started trying to find any kind of drugs I could to help with the pain, man. It was awful. I got addicted to painkillers, over time it cost me my marriage, I lost my house, and my kid moved away and he started a family of his own…. I haven’t seen my kid in years. They all wanted to help but you can only be helped if you want to be helped, you know?”
“Yeah, I’m so sorry to hear that, man”
The man begins to cry a little
“And I knew they cared about me, but…. But I let them down, and there’s just a point when the people you love just can’t stand seeing you hurt yourself no more, and they couldn’t stand watching me tear myself apart like that, you know?”
The man’s story cuts me like a knife. I’m starting to well up with tears. We’re now two strangers crying in front of each other in the middle of a grocery store parking lot. The manager of the grocery store who I see often sees us crying outside
“Is everything okay here guys?”
“Yeah yeah yeah, We’re good. We’re just talking,” I rapidly answer as I wipe tears from my cheek. The manager walks back inside.
“…Uh… Weird question… You know my name now, but, do you mind if I ask you your name?”
“Well, I’m glad you got your life back together, Randall. I’m sorry about all that stuff that happened with your family but I think what you accomplished with getting your life back together was huge and, I mean, I don’t know you, but man, I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you, brother. I just wanted to see you in person so I could give you back that money… oh, and I was hoping you could sign this for me….”
Randall reaches inside his oversized brown suit and pulls out a copy of After the Fall and hands it to me with a pen.
“I’ve been carrying this around with me for a few months now hoping I’d see you. The shelter gave it to me. Would you mind signing it?” he asks.
“I’d be honored, Randall… Do you want me to make it out to you?”
“Please make it out to Randall the Third”
“I’m going out to see my son and his family next week. They live out in Arizona.”
“That’s amazing. Are you nervous?”
“I’m excited to see my grandson, but I’m terrified I could screw things up with my family again.” Randall mutters.
“Well, you made it this far. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just take it one step at a time.” I reply.
“Just like Humpty did. One step at a time.” says Randall.
To Randall III,
Your grandfather is a true inspiration to me.
“No, Randall, thank you. This was the most amazing birthday gift I think I’ve ever received.”
“Oh, it’s your birthday today?!”
“No, it’s in twelve days. Heh… it’s when my milk expires”
“Oh shit. I should let you get going man, I’m sorry I took up all your time!”
“No, man. No! I’m so glad you did this and that we could catch up… and…. Here.”
I pull out the $400 and I hand it back to Randall.
“I know you don’t need this, so I’m not giving you this money. Get something nice for your family, you know, a housewarming gift or something, that’s all. If you ever want to pay me back you know where to find me.”
In front of this grocery store.
“Use it to buy a huge ass teddy bear for Randall the Third. Shit get him a Playstation 4 or something I don’t care. As far as I’m concerned you worked so hard to get where you are now and you earned every cent of this. This money should be yours”
“HA HA HA! Aw sheeeeeeit….Thank you, brother.”
I grab Randall’s hand and I place the nicely folded wad of cash into his palm.
“Well, I should get goin’…” Randall says.
Then after a few quiet moments we exchange a hug.
“Thank you, Dan Santat…. God Bless you.” Randall whispers
We complete our goodbyes and then head off in our own opposite directions.
I’ve received lots of amazing gifts over my 44 years, but never one as incredible as the rebirth and transformation of Randall.
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