PIZZA HOUSE

fin | semi-qualified translator | lover of cats, Donald Duck, bad jokes and random language facts

[chronicallycreepinginactive]

I hate when people ask me “what did you do today?” like buddy listen I woke up at noon and then it was five pm okay I don’t kn o w

[thisobscuredesireforbeauty]

[thebootydiaries]

me: *writes adult email*

me: *hits send while screaming loudly*

[chewbaccacat]

[owochimuwu]

I've done nothing wrong. Except for all the atrocities. Besides that I'm innocent

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[ukrainian-psycho]

I'm taking a bath with lights off and a lit scented candle, I thought it would be a nice relaxing experience but I feel like a draugr in a skyrim dungeon

[tothearkmoved]

[100menormore]

[tinderventure]

[beeefy]

i just heard my mum say ‘you are very naughty’ and then a meow and then another softer ‘okay but next time there will be consequences’ and then another meow and then a ‘you’re right probably not’ 

[ittybittytatertot]

Every day my joints are shocked and disgusted that I would use them for their intended purpose.

[danishvetstudent]

[absoluteconceptofbeauty]

when i start saying weird shit to you thats the equivalent of a cat exposing its tummy

[strongermonster]

hey what’s up how’s everybody’s weekend going it’s 11am here and i just had to hear my nana use the word ‘precum’ incorrectly in a room full of like 40 people how y’all doin today

[strongermonster]

it’s rly important to my nana to stay ‘hip and cool’ so she parrots a lot of the slang she hears us use. so last thanksgiving i was trying to put ketchup on smthn and i forgot to shake the bottle and got that gross watery bit first and went “oh no the ketchup precum” and my nana overheard and asked what that meant, and instead of telling my sweet 70 y/o nana what precum meant, i told her it was just a silly word for the unmixed liquid that comes out of squeeze bottles

anyways, cut to today where we’re having a  birthday lunch for my cousin and she goes to put mustard on smthn and gets the watery shit and sighs to herself “mustard precum” in her sweet lil welsh accent and every single person who knew what it meant and overheard took 30pts of psychic damage and sat there for a minute like

[caffstrink]

Oh You Know 👀

[anxietyproblem]

[pyramidsandpistols]

Constantly sanitizing everything in stores

[shmoodylee]

Wearing MEDICAL masks when you’re sick.

[donkeydickjess]

Curbside pickup and 50% capacity

[siege1]

Knowing a greater number of grown adults are washing their hands. With water AND soap.

[marzipanandminutiae]

More outdoor seating at restaurants in urban areas. That needed to catch on here in America anyway

[thebibliosphere]

Online access to jobs which have traditionally been cited as being “impossible” to do from home, thus preventing a large percentage of disabled people from being able to work or attend online classes.