Last night Damian picked me up in his black BMW. He asks me, do I want to go get some ice cream? I’m on a diet, so in the back of my head I’m thinking HELL NAH, but outside I say, sure! Because even now, after he broke my heart, he makes me happy. I want to spend time with him.
So we went to Baskin Robbins, down the street from my parents house. There isn’t anyone inside and the open sign is shut off (it’s about 9:00PM) so we say shit, what now? He looks over to me and asks if I want pie from Shari’s instead. I love pie! Heck yes. So we take off. The whole time my heart is racing, I’m talking about anything and everything, asking him about his life and trying to make him smile as much as possible. It’s making me giggle, and I can’t help but smile the whole way.
We pull into Shari’s and he makes fun of the Best Western sign in the driveway. I laugh and laugh, and we head into the restaurant. We’re seated and we immediately grab the dessert menu-Damian ordered a cherry pie slice and I order the cookies and cream pie slice. The nice waitress tells us they’re out of ice cream! I look at Damian, and giggle. I swear to god, I’m a pile of goo for him.....
When we’re done, I tell him I don’t want to go home yet. So we decide to go sit at the park down the street from my parents house. As he parks, I open my door but it is COLD outside, about 30 Degrees Fahrenheit. I look at him, and I said “It’s too cold!!” He smiles, tells me we can stay in the car.......
Immediately he puts his seat back and lays down, so I follow. At this point I can feel my heartbeat, I’m hyper aware of him. He says something along the lines of “I miss you.” And I start crying!!! But not because he misses me, because I can physically see the effort it’s taking him not to touch me, snuggle me, he wants so badly to keep me in the friendzone. I ramble about how I’m different now, how I’ve changed so much already. How sorry I am for being such a brat, how I really wish we had tried to date when we were a little bit older (20 year old me was not ready for him) and how I feel so guilty.....
He tells me he needs to be completely alone, free of everything that made the old Damian so sad. I cry, and tell him it hurts that he wants to get over me. But he says he needs to, in order to find himself. And I tell him I understand and I giggle a little bit more.
I look at him and laugh hard, telling him I have to Pee pretty bad. He offers to drive me to my house so I can use the potty, and I tell him if he doesn’t I will make a mess in his car (I was sooooo serious TBH) and he waits outside while I tinkle.
When I get back in the car, he just drives down the block and parks in the dark ally between two streets. We talk for hours about nothing, laughing and getting along wonderfully.
Then, I hold his pinky. I already know at this point that he’s feeling the spark between us. I laugh at him a couple time for his *cough* situation. He starts rubbing my back, touching my hand, staring into my eyes. I feel myself getting lost in him, lost in how he makes me feel. It feels warm there, safe. I feel like we are perfect in that moment. Happy and innocent.
Until I kiss him.
It’s all gone from there, a flurry of touching and kissing and as much as I try, I give him a little more of my soul in those moments. I promise him that I am not asking for anything from him, except for him to do what makes him happy. That’s all I ask. He took a part of me home that night, and I don’t know if I ever want it back.
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