"Letters to Thrive" is a project from Easterseals that features women with disabilities writing to their younger selves. Originating from the Thrive community, we seek to promote self-confidence, positivity, and advocacy through shared experiences.
Want to help me improve shop accessibility? Find out how, along with some stories of my good bad experiences shopping as a disabled, chronically ill woman.
"When I say that I am Disabled I am not reducing myself to a label - I am embracing a personal and cultural identity that affects every aspect of my life."
Letters to Thrive: Your Prince Charming Rides a Wheelchair
[image: Mandy, short dark hair and glasses, cuddles with Bill, both smiling]
Dear Freshman Mandy,
The last few months were a trial of your strength and emotions. You see, that guy you met at a community service buddy program, you somehow have feelings for. And you don't know why.
You've been fearful around guys since you were in high school. You never got to date because you kept yourself secluded in your Neopets games and obsessions for 80's pop culture. You could read men like a book, and knew you would be hurt if you even tried. It wasn't worth the aggravation, nobody wanted to date the legally blind girl. And you knew it.
A few months ago, you met Bill as a way to gain service hours and find a distraction from the classes you were taking at the time. When Bill called you the first time, you were freaked out a bit by his over friendliness. You only met the guy less than 24 hours ago, and he takes the first step to invite you on a trip to the movies where he worked as an usher.
"But....he's....special....." You think to yourself, knowing the man uses a wheelchair and has a bit of developmental delay that according to your roommate, reminded her of Forrest Gump. Your family has high expectations for you to find that college soulmate, get married, and have babies. You try to keep things civil with Bill, but fate had other plans.
You fought hard to break that feelings. But tonight, you had your first kiss. And right now, you're sitting in your dorm trying to talk yourself out of those feelings with your roomie.
Well, sweetie. Life will be one big adventure for you and Bill that will stretch well into the next decade and beyond.
You'll start dating him in secret, trying to hide your relationship from your roommate and your family but to no avail. But you kept at it all freshman year and well into your college life.
As you and Bill became closer, you soon realized that this relationship would help you find your voice in self advocacy. Bill, unknown to many who see him at first, was a member of the board to a self advocacy group, and gave many speeches and workshops in his life by sharing his story on how he got to where he is today despite what others told him he couldn't do.
Bill helped you find your voice by tricking you into presenting a shoebox of your favorite things to a room of about 100 or so strangers at one of those conferences. By doing so, you learned it was OK to be different.
But college came to an end and a so called normal man came into your life, which led you to a crossroads. Do I do what's right for my family, or follow my heart instead?
You will find yourself taking the easy way out, which sadly leads you on a path of trying to figure out what was best for you. Turned out that what people thought was best for you wasn't necessarily the right choice. Society's prince for you turned out to be a toad.
You go through 7 years away from the man who changed your life, but he always found a way to contact you, even in your darkest moments. He never gave up on you.
You will travel the country in search of meaning, at one point chasing a childhood dream of working for Disney, making your grand escape on the road to finding yourself. Disney will be a blessing, promoting you and eventually allowing you full time status.
You will work harder each day, seperating yourself from the normal man society wanted you to have and accepting the fact that destiny played a big part in finding your soulmate. You will eventually board a plane with the paid vacation hours you accrued to be back in his loving arms once again.
In a world where society expects you to be a certain way, you will learn that it's OK to beat to a different drum and that it's actually fun to take chances and find your true happiness.
You will also learn that your Prince Charming doesn't have to ride a white stallion and you don't need to have that fairy tale ending everyone wants for you. You will learn to write your own chapter.
You have each other, and that's all you need.
Your happily ever after may differ due to complications regarding your prince's care and the long distance you have in between. But you are currently making the most of it pulling Cinderella hours and talking through the Magic Mirror known as Skype.
Your fairy tale is just begining, princess. Don't settle for less, because what society may label as less might actually be more than you ever imagined. Rule your own kingdom, and most importantly, love yourself the way your Prince sees you.
Make your own happily ever after. You have the pen, you have the power within. Make your story worthwhile and never be afraid to share it with the world.
Letters to Thrive: Dating & Finding Love As a Disabled Woman
[image: Black woman with short hair and glasses, smiling and wearing a leopard-print top with a black sweater]
Vilissa is the powerful woman behind Ramp Your Voice! Read more about her dating escapades by checking out her “That’s the Way Love Rolls” series.
Dear Younger Self,
You feel like a late bloomer with not having a boyfriend until college. You’re so eager to be with someone and to love them, yet you have the slightest clue as to how to love yourself first.
Dating as a disabled young woman isn’t easy - you feel insecure about being disabled, and constantly wonder if someone could look beyond the 20+ pounds of plastic, rubber, and metal that is permanently attached to you.
You look at your friends and the other girls on your college campus, and see how pretty they are, and fail to embrace your own beauty that is equal to theirs. You think, “the guys I like are out of my league - they couldn’t possibly want someone who’s under 4 feet tall, and in a wheelchair. I’m not perfect for them."
The attention you do receive is from guys who are not good for you, and you don’t have the courage to tell them to screw off. You haven’t developed your fierce voice yet, so you continue to be the “meek” disabled girl and not the take-charge woman you know that’s within.
It’ll take getting your heart stomped on by your first boyfriend, who never loved you in the way you did him, for you to begin to see that you deserve better, and to not let one heartbreak define your outlook on love. You won’t allow this pain to fester; you’ll treat the wound by learning from the experience and being smarter with who you give your heart to.
You’ll take some time from dating to learn to love you fully. You see the beauty and fierceness you have, and start to see a change in yourself. You are slowly coming into your own, in many ways. Some will not like it because they are used to a quieter, reserved Vilissa - not this new evolving individual.
You will learn that you are perfect the way you are during this new growth and perspective period. You won’t see your disability or wheelchair as “guy repellent”; instead, you will use it as a “weeding-out“ tool. The guys who aren’t shaken by it are the ones that may be worth getting to know. You realize that your body is not unlovable or undesirable; it will be treasured by the right person, flaws and all. Our physical makeup is only a small part to our encompassing beauty; the personality, talents, skills, and emotional and caring aspects you possess are worthy of being loved, desired, and treated tenderly by that special person.
You will learn not to be scared to speak up when someone hurts you or does something that makes you uncomfortable. You will find your voice and use it to empower yourself not just with men, but with anyone who oversteps boundaries with you. You will also learn to be selfish, in a good way, of who and what receives your time, energy, and love. Anyone who makes you feel inferior cannot take up room in your space, and you’ll be unapologetic in wheeling away from those who fail to bring value and goodness into your life, including men.
Younger Self, most of all, you’ll learn (and it will be a continuous lesson) to be patient and gentle with yourself when it comes to love. While you witness and be a part of your friends’ joyous moments of getting married and building a life with their special someone, you must remember that your time will come when it’s supposed to. That “late bloomer” feeling will subside and be replaced with the understanding that everything as a season to take place. Your season for love and romance will bloom - just wait your turn. On those days when you get frustrated with the lackluster dating options and foolery that comes with taking the online dating plunge, practicing patience and gentleness are needed. Your “Mr. Right For You” will make himself known; right now, you both are working on yourselves (personally, professionally, and spiritually) so that when you two do meet, you are prepare to create a healthy, strong, loving partnership that will be unlike anything you could wish for.
Younger Self, take your time of singleness to develop the life you deserve to have and be an unapologetically carefree Black disabled woman. That is your charge until “Mr. Right For You” surfaces, and fit perfectly into what has been established.
Signed,
30 years old carefree, fearless, fierce, and take-charge Vilissa
Easter Seals Thrive is a community of young women with disabilities empowering each other by sharing stories, ideas, and offering support. One of our campaigns is Letters to Thrive, where adult women with disabilities write letters of encouragement and more to their younger selves. What are some things you wish you could tell your younger self?
That’s amazing!
Something that I wish I could’ve told my younger self would have been that everything is going to be okay. Seriously okay. Things might seem like they’re falling apart and that no one will ever ever understand but you will soon realize that there are so many incredible beautiful people in this world that will make your life worth living because of YOU are worth living for. Also you’re going to be doing so many awesome things, just hang on tight girl <3
Women who have disabilities can be anything from army lieutenants and Broadway performers to track and field stars and leading scientists — and they sure as hell can enjoy beaches and pools. Despite often facing additional logistical challenges, women who are differently abled "take back the
Now that the #CripTheVote Disability Issues Survey has passed the 400 responses mark, it’s probably a good time to take another look at the results so far. The last time we looked, we had about 300 responses. It’s notable that 100 more responses resulted in fairly little change overall … with a few exceptions.
Question 1: Disability Policy Areas in priority order: (1 = top priority, 10 = lowest priority)
1. Health Care
2. Civil Rights / Discrimination
3. Accessibility
4. Employment (Employment and Accessibility traded spots)
5. Housing
6. Education
7. Long Term Care / Personal Assistance
8. Benefits
9. Transportation
10. Assistive Technology
Notes on Question 1:
Honestly, this first broad category ranking question is probably not that useful. The categories are so broad that they all seem equally important. However, the top three or four issues do seem to make sense as high priorities for the disability community. It’s surprising that Long Term Care / Personal Assistance ranks as low as it does so far. Maybe that’s because people don’t immediately recognize what the term actually refers to. Also, Accessibility and Employment have swapped their 3rd and 4th place spots since last month, but remain close together
Question 2: Disability Policy Ideas: Respondents asked to choose 5 out of 15 specific ideas. (Percent of respondents who chose each one, in order of popularity, most to least)
1. Hire and appoint more disabled people to government and policy-making positions. 54.14%
2. Pass the Disability Integration Act to promote independent living instead of nursing homes. 49.62% (moved up from 4th place)
3. Require disability awareness training for law enforcement. 48.37%
4. Ban payment of subminimum wage. 47.37% (moved down from 2nd place)
5. Change Social Security to reduce or eliminate work disincentives. 45.11%
6. Defend Social Security and Medicaid / Medicare against political attacks. 44.36% (moved up from 7th place)
7. Strengthen enforcement of accessibility standards. 43.36% (moved down from 6th place)
8. Eliminate use of physical restraint and isolation in public schools. 34.34%
9. Eliminate the Social Security “marriage penalty.” 28.07% (moved up from 10th place)
10. Strengthen voting rights and accessibility. 23.31% (moved down from 9th place)
11. Strengthen the rights of parents with disabilities. 23.31%
12. Review and reform guardianship laws relating to people with disabilities. 16.54%
13. Increase federal share of Special Education costs. 16.29% (moved up from 14th place)
14. Ban or phase out sheltered workshops. 15.04% (moved down from 13th place)
15. Strengthen enforcement of “most integrated setting” regulations in Special Education. 14.54%
Notes on Question 2:
The 2nd and 4th most popular policy positions have both received attention over the last week from Hillary Clinton, and to some extent Bernie Sanders’ campaigns. Clinton and Sanders have both come out against payment of subminimum wage, and today Clinton specifically declared her support for passing the Disability Integration Act (DIA). The DIA is pretty consistent with Sanders’ general political views, but given how important and fragile access to home care is for so many disabled people, disabled voters are going to need more specifics from him on this issue especially.
In fact, all of the top issues on this list are ripe for any of the remaining Presidential candidates to embrace or at least address with specifics. The top six alone would make a very credible disability policy agenda. Yet, it’s remarkable how few of these issues can be found on any of the candidates’ websites or in any of their official speeches … even when they do address disability issues directly. Maybe sharing the results of this survey can suggest ways that candidates can re-calibrate and update their appeal to disabled voters.
Question 3: What best describes your interest in disability?
56% I have a disability
21% I have a disability and disabled person(s) in my family
11% There is a disabled person(s) in my family
6% I work in the disability field
5% Just interested
Notes on Question 3:
The ratios here have remained pretty much the same throughout the life of the survey. It’s still mostly disabled people, with a some decent additional representation from families and professionals. It’s about what we hoped for.
This weekend’s linkup we’re doing something a little different. Please post your favorite pieces of writing, graphics, or video that describe or explain fundamentals of disability rights or disability culture.
Contributors’s favorite pieces that describe or explain fundamentals of disability rights or disability culture
Watch Easter Seals’ exclusive Q&A with comedian and reality star Zach Anner by clicking the image above.
Join him and Thrive tonight at 8pm EST for a Twitter chat on disability and reality TV - you can even win a copy of his book! Tag #ThriveTV on Twitter to enter. http://www.easterseals.com/thrive/realitytv/ for more info.
I’d like to take this opportunity to make a shout out to all my spoonies who are unable to work or go to school or do daily activities or self care because of their illnesses/situations.
you are doing great, I am so proud of you for getting through each and every day. it may not feel like much but it’s a lot and you are so good and brave and strong. not many people can do what we do on a daily basis and that makes us amazing. I love every single one of you and if you ever need someone to talk to please come to my ask, it will always be open for you. <3
[images: The book If At Birth You Don’t Succeed by Zach Anner, with text “win a copy!” over the bottom half. Second Image is Easter Seals Thrive Twitter chat announcement with picture of Zach and text “featuring comedian and reality star Zach Anner!’]
March 9th at 7pm CT / 8pm EST, join our chat about disability and reality TV!
By participating using the #ThriveTV hashtag on Twitter, you are entered to win a copy of Zach Anner’s book, If At Birth You Don’t Succeed. Check the link below for more info!
discoholicmusic
jacobvanloon
dededos
