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[lettingithappen]

I am so Ambitious that I feel like I am running out of time everyday.

I am so lazy that I feel like I have all the time in the world.

My own thoughts overwhelm me, while my own efforts underwhelm me.

Why should I even bother when I can just procrastinate rather.

Bye bye dreams and hopes, you are at a cruel place to live at.

#life #procrastination #regrets

[lettingithappen]

Yearning for something out of my reach is torture.

Seeing a different life with this person, but knowing it is not meant to be.

Dreaming of them, admiring them, trying not to admit to them.

Thinking of them ever so often, while knowing they don't.

I yearn, So I suffer.

Yearning is suffering.

Maybe in another life.

[lettingithappen]

What is being rich if not being able to pursue your interests, your passions?

But I am not rich, though.

I want to be, so I will be.

I just want enough money so that I can freely pursue all the interesting, inspiring and awesome things which are stuck in my mind for forever.

One day, maybe.

[lettingithappen]

Who am I?

I am an afterthought.

I am a regret.

I am a Monday morning.

I am a Sunday night.

I am the benchwarmer.

I am the spectator.

I am the deadbeat.

But, I am also a dreamer.

[lettingithappen]

Life is boring most of the times.

But life is also exciting many times.

I want to do many things, learn many things.

I want to travel the world.

I want to learn business, history.

There is so much to do, so many things to learn, I'm open to an information overload.

And I love learning history. Did I mention that I love learning history?

It's such a shame if I die not knowing the things I want to know.

[lettingithappen]

I realized something recently.

That achievements are achievable.

When I was working everyday, allday and nothing turned out good, my spirit was broken.

I was watching everyone doing good, feeling hollow everytime I congratulate them.

But something good happened recently, made me happy, made my proud, turned things around for my self belief.

Now, I dare to believe, dare to hope, dare to achieve.

[lettingithappen]

Once I left home, life was never the same.

Everytime I return to home, I know it's not the same as it was.

I am learning, growing as a person, and in my career.

But I return to home once in a while.

Hoping to feel the same things I did before.

The feelings are not same. They are not lesser.

They are just different.

I am what my home made me. And saying goodbye always leave a lump in my throat.

[lettingithappen]

Cost of ambitions is steeper than I thought.

It is taking time, energy and time.

It is taking away my piece of mind, which I valued more at some point.

It is taking away my hobbies.

It is taking away my people.

It is taking away everything in it's way.

Still, there is a small flickering sense of satisfaction which I find enticing.

The feeling of accomplishment maybe worth it.

[lettingithappen]

I miss whoever I used to be.

Not because I was happy, not because I was great.

Missing a version of yourself is painful.

Because I miss the city I was in, the people I used to talk to.

The movies I used to watch, the music I used to listen repeatedly till it's stuck in my head.

The sport I used to love, the person I've adored, all the accumulated small things make me miss the person I used to be.

[lettingithappen]

For all the ambitions I have, I wonder if I am capable of fulfilling them.

For all the dreams I have, I wonder if they turn into reality at all.

For all the the sacrifices I am making, I wonder if there will be a outcome worthy of them.

For all the people I am missing, I wonder if there will be a day to meet them.

For all the work I am doing, I hope to learn something everyday.

Dreaming, Working, Wondering. Days pass by.

[lettingithappen]

What happens to us after we die? Is there a heaven ? Is there a hell?

Where would I go? What would I to? These questions plague my mind.

Because, I fear death is inevitable.

We can die today or tommorrow or few years later. Death is an inevitable, inexplicable, all encompassing thing which swallows us up as a whole, our dreams, our pleasures, our memories.

Our people will cry. But life goes on eventually. Because like death, life waits for no one.

Death is humbling. Death is chilling. It lurks deep in our bones when we see other deaths. The whole experience of seeing dead people makes me so sad and anxious.

I fear Death. Mostly, the unknown after death scares me the most.

[lettingithappen]

When Billy Joel said, "Slow down, you crazy child", I thought, "Wow, he is right. Why am I in such a hurry? I've got my whole life ahead of me."

Guess what? I got fooled by Billy Joel. Now, I'm not calling Billy Joel a fraud. How can I? When he says, "It's sad and it's sweet and I know it complete."

Nonetheless I got fooled by him. Bamboozled. Discombobulated. Bedazled. Googly-ed.

Now, I do not have time to write, read and do other everyday things. I do not have enough time to watch a movie. I do not even have enough time to listen to Billy Joel.

Now, I think. Think of Billy Joel's sweet, sad, funky music in my ears. Some crazy 90 minute movie I've searched for 120 minutes. Some novel I left unfinished forever. Unwritten letters to people I won't see again.

Was Billy Joel wrong? Yes. No. Maybe. Depends.

Do I hate Billy Joel? No. No. Definitely Not.

How can I hate Billy Joel when he says, " I never said I was a victim of circumstance"?

[lettingithappen]

Sleepy Head, Sleepy Head

No time to sleep.

If you sleep so much,

You will lose your grade.

If you sleep so much,

You won't get a job.

If you sleep so much,

You won't earn money.

If you sleep so much,

You will grow fat.

You want so many things,

Sleep won't get them for you.

Sleepy Head Sleepy Head,

No time to sleep.

But what if I just want to sleep?

[lettingithappen]

I rack my brain to remember those faces.

I strain my ears to relive those voices.

Once they are in my dream, I try to remain in my dreams, even if they are nightmares.

For those dreams are better than reality.

To not hear them, to not be able to touch them.

I searched for them in those stories told, the stories a soothing balm to my heart.

But then again, I see those pictures once in a while, that damn smile, the arm over my shoulder and I get lost in those memories.

Those memories for which I shed bitter tears once, each tasting of salt on my tongue.

Once again while I sleep, I hope they come in my dreams, be it nightmares if that's all.

Because the soothing balm is not enough anymore, a stronger medicine I await for.

[lettingithappen]

I watch people pass by,

Drifting on clouds, drowning in floods.

The perfect in between they strive for, a dream, a fantasy, a possibility.

Set of dreams, masters of trades, ready to excel , billion possibilities, handful of them eventualities.

The friends they ghost, the family they lost,

mere spectators like myself.

Such a cliche, makes me cringe.

Searching for salvations, or obsessions, drifting around aimlessly, drifting apart agonizingly.

I watch them pass by........ trying not to emulate them, but doing it anyway.

[lettingithappen]

Kingdoms fall,Kings dethrone,Lives detoriate and places become ruins.

The Greatest Warrior becomes a casualty, Burried in grounds,will be dinner for bugs and their friends.

There is no one immortalized in this world. Everyone emerge and eventually die, and the part between is a wreckage called life.