@lexithelime - Tumblr Blog

virgil-anxiety-yikes

Hey, please stay safe

supernaturaltakeover

SIGNAL BOOST

crowsciphers

Small account but my followers might have big accounts, idk so spread the word

cxffeeandtxaforme

I don’t care about your damn feed. re-fucking-blog this to save a life.

bakugou-tm

As a model myself, I really want to warn people big time about this.

Large name brands will never recruit via Instagram or social media, they will contact your agency to book you!

If you get any DM’s from big brands like this especially if they don’t have a checkmark by their name (but don’t count on that either) they are scammers trying to take your money or even worse lead you into sex trafficking.

Stay safe and follow your gut! Never trust any unofficial recruiters!

i-heard-a-rumour

Five: Who broke the coffee machine? I’m not mad. I just wanna know.

Vanya: I did. I broke it.

Five: No. No, you didn’t. Diego?

Diego: Don’t look at me. Look at Klaus!

Klaus: What?! I didn’t break it.

Diego: Huh. That’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Klaus: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Diego: Suspicious.

Klaus: No, it’s not!

Ben: If it matters, probably not… Allison was the last one to use it.

Allison: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Ben: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Allison: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles! Everyone knows that!

Vanya: All right, let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Gerard.

Five: No. Who broke it?

Klaus: Five, Luther’s been awfully quiet…

Luther: Really?!

Klaus: Yeah, really!

-

Five: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

trash-unbrella-academy-blog

Imagine the Umbrella Academy doing their childhood the second time around as a family. Diego listens to Vanya play her violin and she helps him get rid of the stutter again. Alison uses her power to help when her siblings are having a rough time (“I heard a rumor you fell asleep” “I heard a rumor that you weren’t having a panic attack”). Klaus helps Vanya convince dad she’s still taking her pills. Five jumps to the mausoleum so Klaus isn’t in there alone anymore. Ben and Five help each other re-adjust to being with people again. I just like to think their childhood goes better this time

incorrect-umbrella-academy

Reporter: We’re here with thirteen-year old Five who fended off a kidnapper earlier today. How did you do it, Five?

Five: Well, thank ya for askin’. I used the Bittenbinder method. When I saw the perp approachin’, I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm.

Five: Then I reach into his jacket pocket where I had planted a gram of coke and I went, ‘Whoa! What the fuck is this?’ And he goes, ‘That’s not mine. I never seen that before.’ I go, ‘Boo-hoo, it’s in your jacket. You’re doing two to ten and ya kids are going into Social Services.’ Now he’s cryin’!

Five: Then I grab a telephone book and I beat him on the torso with it. ‘Cause as any Chicago cop will tell ya, a phone book doesn’t leave bruises.

Reporter: …Well, that was thirteen-year old Five, currently being sued for police brutality.

laufeysons

☕️😁✨

27-umbrellas

Diego obsessively plays Just Dance 4 and is often credited as being the best in the family.

But they are wrong.

They are all wrong.

The only person who has more sass, sting, and style on the Wii is none other than Five Hagreeves

maxipaddy

Rare photo of John Mulaney killing Princess Diana

costamacncheese

How do I explain to my family that Brie Larson can hip thrust 400lbs without making it sound like the gayest fact I’ve ever learnt

queer-things-and-stuff

HoW!?

queer-things-and-stuff

moon-drippin

Umm

theclownacademy

Ben And Klaus PT 2

Klaus: [about to kiss Dave]

Ben: Wait a minute, what would Leonard Bernstein do?

idicays

me: yeah i like umbrella academy there are diego, allison, five, klaus, ben, vanya and…

me, looking at a smudged up writing on hand: lucifer

mycomputerthinksimgay

Sorry but ImAllexx is the queer YouTube icon we deserve tbh. Big Bi energy. I dig it. Stream The Camp Cast on Spotify. Yeehaw.

nomadicbeard

apparently the cut-off between millennial and gen z is 1995 and Tom Holland was born in 1996 so I’d like to formally claim Tom Holland on the behalf of gen z thank you all

throwupgirl

i usually hate true crime documetary type things bc theyre all “lets get into the MIND of the serial killer…. tortured soul” or whatever but i like the buzzfeed unsolved stuff bc theyre just like “what a freak lmao”

terriamon

mailman: *tries to put mail in my doors mail slot*

me: *shoves my sword through and goes for the knees*

shortviolet

most iconic things shane madej has said in buzzfeed unsolved

“yeah, that rings a bell or two, that shakes a tambourine.”

“let me spin you a yarn, that you shan’t soon forget. I’m being eaten alive by crabs right now.”

“I’M STRAAAANGE, AND OFF-PUTTING !”

“I’m disrespectful, but I’m talking to dust and cobwebs.”

“HOW DARE YOU DISPOSE OF MY BODY”

“Cops in the 70s were like, oh you just killed someone ? You got 20 bucks ?”

Everything he said on Goatman’s Bridge.

*imitating a man claiming to be D.B Cooper on his deathbed* “I have something to tell you…… I’m the phantom of the skyyyyyyy”

*laying down on a pentagram* “ROCK N ROLL, BUCKAROO”

“Look I’m not here as a doctor. I just wanna see some of this crazy shit.”

“You better watch out or Yankee Jim will give you some taffy. Some folks say they hear him playing a jolly little kazoo tune in the middle of the night.”