Can you elaborate? I want to know if I may be on your DNI :/
If you're against any kind of queer people, you're in the DNI. I put the etc cause I couldn't fit every type of inter-community discrimination I could think of. Like biphobes, panphobes, enbyphobes, anti-mogai, anti-neopronouns, things like that. Basically if you try to gatekeep who can and can't be queer, or what labels people are allowed to use.
Except for the very obvious exception of people trying to identify as labels exclusive to different cultures. Like if a non-native person tried to identify as two-spirit. Telling them they can't doesn't count as gatekeeping imo because the reason why they can't is completely separate from being queer, that one's just a matter of racism, you know? I've never seen anyone doing that for the record, just putting it here as an example.
Also thank you for asking :) It's always cool to see people checking these things, cause it shows that you're respectful of other people's boundaries and that's always a plus in my book.
And If you're still confused feel free to ask for more specifics. You can even send a message if you think it'd take more in depth back-and-forth, and I promise I won't judge you if you if you do end up fitting in what I was aiming to describe in the dni. I'll calmly just say yes or no, and explain why if you'd like.
Hi, I've had a question stuck in my head for a while. I have scars on my arms and they're still pretty visible. I instinctively hide them the best I can but sometimes I don't think about it when I take off my vest, and I'm scared to make people uncomfortable or worst possibly make someone relapse. The problem is summer and hot weather is coming up and more importantly Pride is in a few days for me, I want to go but I'm scared to show my arms,, It makes me feel uncomfortable that people can see an judge me based on them. And again, I'm very scared to trigger people. Should I hide them or try to act normal et natural and wear a tank top or a t shirt? Thanks in advance
For things like this it's all about your own comfort, not any one else's. If you want to cover them, you should. If you don't then don't. You're not responsible for other people's reactions to your body.
If you decide to cover them then I suggest some sort of gloves/arm sleeve type thing.
There are plenty of different styles and colors, and any of them would fit right in at pride imo :) the mesh/lace ones are probably the best to avoid heat! You might get sweaty under the solid ones.
Stay safe and have fun!! Wear a mask, bring some water, wear sunscreen, etc. :p
hey! is there a sexuality (in the asexual to sexual spectrum) that's having periods of feeling your sexuality and periods being completely repulsed by anything and everything sexual? does this experience belong on the a-spec or is it regular allosexual? can it be aceflux or graysexual? I feel like I'm 25% asexual (on the asexual to sexual scale) and don't want to take up space that's not fully mine.
That sounds closer to aceflux!
aceflux- feeling fluctuating levels of sexual attraction.
And I’d say it belongs on the a-spec! Of course, there are certainly situations where a completely allosexual person might experience sex repulsion.
And as far as taking up space that not yours- don’t worry about that! The great thing about the queer community is that there’s limitless space! You being here doesn’t mean someone else can’t be, it just means there’s more people!
Is there a word for it when you acknowledge the possibility of feeling romantic attraction someday but probably only if you're sure that person is a match for you. Like having a existing bond with them,not necessarily a super strong bond, but like knowing what they like, knowing if we have the same goals and views of different topics and just making sure that this person could actually be a good match for you?:/ + Feeling sensual attraction is mandatory in that case too :o
I’d say that sounds like Demiromatic! Or perhaps grayromatnic, but demi seems more in line with what you’re describing.
Demiromantic- Feeling romantic attraction only to those you have a per-existing relationship or emotional attachment to.
Grayromatic- Feeling romantic attraction rarely, vaguely, weakly, or feeling fluctuating levels of romantic attraction.
I’m struggling with my gender at the moment. Sometimes I feel feminine but sometimes I want to seem masc/androgynous. Sometimes I’ll just really want to be seen as nothing at all but i like girls and still like the term lesbian. I want to be a girl in a relationship with a girl but sometimes I just simply don’t feel like a girl at all and even the word seems crushing and not me. Other times, I’m okay with it. Is there a word for something like this?
hey! sorry for taking so long to answer you. I hope you’ve figured things out by now, but in case you haven’t here are my thoughts on your situation!
So first of all, I am not a woman. I am AFAB, so I do know a bit about living as a girl, but not enough to be an authority on the subject. I say this just so that you’ll know to take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m going to break your ask down piece by piece because you’ve got a few conflicting issues going on (which is normal! gender, gender presentation, and sexuality, while not inherently linked all the time, often can influence each other.)
“Sometimes I feel feminine but sometimes I want to seem masc/androgynous.”
So what you’re talking about here is gender presentation! That is how you present yourself to the world when looked at through a gendered point of view. You can present as masculine or androgynous while still being a girl, if that’s what you want. And you can change how you present yourself daily, even hourly if you’d like! For presentation (at least when it comes to how you dress/act) I encourage people to just do what feels good in the moment. You can change it up whenever and however you want, so it doesn’t matter much how you presented yesterday, or how you’ll present tomorrow!
“Sometimes I’ll just really want to be seen as nothing at all”
I’m not sure exactly how you mean this. If you mean you don’t want to be gendered, then that is possible! Androgyny is dope, if a little hard to achieve at times.
If you mean you don’t want to be seen, as in you don’t want people to see you at all, or you don’t want to exist- I’m very sorry, that’s an awful and frustrating feeling I know all too well. I’m sorry I’m not fully equipped to help you with that. The only way I’ve found to deal with it is to imagine who I’d have to be to want people to see me and then work on becoming that person.
“i like girls and still like the term lesbian. I want to be a girl in a relationship with a girl but sometimes I just simply don’t feel like a girl”
Nonbinary lesbians exist! Genderfluid and Agender lesbians exist. If you feel deep in your heart that you’re lesbian, that’s what you are.
“sometimes I just simply don’t feel like a girl at all and even the word seems crushing and not me. Other times, I’m okay with it.”
It could be the case that sometimes you’re a girl, and sometimes you’re not. You could be genderfluid or genderflux or bigender or any number of other genders! I definitely understand sometimes being okay with and other times it feels awful. For me, that feeling started going away once I got people around me to understand that sometimes I’m nonbinary, sometimes I’m male, and sometimes I’m agender, and that only seeing me as one of those isn’t enough. Even though I am a man and everyone treats me as such, if they ignore the other parts of my identity it still feels wrong.
“Is there a word for something like this?”
Yes! There are dozens of words that can describe what you’re feeling! Look into things like demigirl, genderfulid, and genderflux. And keep in mind that you don’t have to pick just one (I picked three!), or you don’t have to pick at all, if you don’t want to. You seem like you’d benefit from finding a word or two to describe your gender though.
It’s also worth mentioning that this could be a case of internalized sexism. I’ll be honest though, I’ve never met someone who hated being a girl who didn’t later turn out to be Not Cis. But, it’s helpful to think about, if only to eliminate the possibility.
Again, sorry for taking so so long to answer you :( if you’re still following feel free to ask any follow up questions!
is it okay to identify as a demigirl when i relate more to the definition of girlflux? i like the label demigirl more since it is more well known than the label girlflux (also i like the flag more), but my gender tends to be fluid and some days i feel entirely like a girl and others i don’t. Is it harmful to identify as a demigirl when i have these traits?
Yes, of course! The most important thing when it comes to picking a label is your own comfort. If demigirl is the label that makes you feel the happiest and the most comfortable, then it is definitively the best label for you :)
Hi!!! I’m good :) kinda stressed but overall pretty fine.
I’m not really in contact with the ex mods anymore :( which is a shame, they were all super cool people. And Ash (the first mod who joined this blog with me) had a MAJOR impact on who I became :) they were around during my late teens and unintentionally pushed me to mature in a way I’m not sure I would have without them.
yo, so I know that fraysexual is the ability to be sexually attracted to someone apon meeting someone but the attraction fades after a bind is formed, but like I think I feel the opposite?? Not demisexual, but the attraction fades the more the person knows about me. Is there a term for that, or would that still just be fraysexual?? Oh btw I'm aro and use SAM so it has nothing to do with romance.
I don’t think there’s a specific term for that, no! fraysexual could fit it if it’s defined as “feeling attraction until a bond is formed”, because it doesn’t specify the nature of the bond (it could be you knowing them or them knowing you). You could always coin your own term!! If you do, feel free to let me know, I’d love to help you promote it :)
hey im wondering if theres a term for a nonbinary person who is attracted to anyone who is masc-aligned or presents that way? thx
There are quite a few that are for nonbinary people attracted to men specifically, not masculine people.
Toric: A nonbinary person attracted to men.
Marsic: A nonbinary person attracted to men and nonbinary solarians.
(There are more proposed than this, these are just the two I like to promote most.)
The only one I know of that specifies attraction to masculinity is “Androsexual” but I honestly do not suggest using that one. It has a few different definitions, one of which is “attraction to male anatomy” which is pretty transphobic.
(Note: I’m not saying the identity itself or those who identify as it are transphobic. I’m just saying that that one definition is transphobic because it implies there is a singular set of male anatomy, and that all people who have that anatomy are male.)
If any of my followers know of a better term for nb people attracted to masc people, please do share!! I’ll reblog this post later for you anon if I get any more information :)
In honour of pride month I decided to redesign the demi flags, the originals of which held bad connotations considering the fact that the black triangle is a symbol of h\\c\\t survivors. They were also, in my honest opinion, a bit unappealing.
I made two versions of each but couldn’t decide which to post, so I just uploaded both. :] I tried to make the base colours as appealing as possible, however considering the fact that they had to match the aromantic and asexual flags respectively I didn’t have much freedom. Oh well, I think they came out OK anyway.
@all demiromantics, demisexuals, and all other demi-s!
As you may or may not know, the current demi- flags make some people uncomfortable, so I am working on a re-design for it! And I need your help!
I am aspec, but not specifically demi-, so I don’t personally have much say on what the demi- flag should be. I’m working with my sister (she’s demiro and demiace) but I’d like more input from the community!
If you’re demi-, please feel free to share your opinion and send me your own designs for the flag! If you’re aspec, feel free to share your opinion, but please do not try to design a flag, it is not our place to. And if you’re not aspec, please share this post so we can get as many demi- people’s opinions as we can!
After talking with my sister and @crimsxnflxwerz (who designed these demisexual flags, which I then edited into demiromantic colors), we think that the flag should:
Keep the original colors
Have some sort of distinguishing feature, as the colors are very similar to other aspec flags
Not have any triangles on it (I’ll explain why a bit later if you don’t already know)
have horizontal stripes
and be unique in some way!
under the read more is a list of proposed flags (and why they aren’t the best choice), and why it needs to be redesigned at all!
this flag is meant to represent the wider oriented aroace community!! it may also be used to represent specific identities, provided a heart is placed in its center like so ❤️
symbolism:
dark blue: our shared aroace-ness
grey: our affiliation with the wider ace and aro communities (fun fact: this color is tinted with a shade of blue that’s located right between ace purple and aro green on the color wheel!)
white: the orientations within our community (bi aroace, aroace nblnb, etc.)
teal green: our non-romantic/sexual attraction
hex codes:
[#161639] | [#7ea2b6] | [#FFFFFF] | [#36aea0]
please leave this post alone if you don’t like it thanks!
I tried my hand at making an allosexual aromantic flag, after some discussion with others; It was fairly well received on Arocalypse, so I thought I’d post it here. Obviously, no one has to use this flag if they don’t want to, and if you’re interested, I’ve created a survey to gather input on the flag: https://goo.gl/forms/PFINgMKNDfa0UDLh2
It was important to me that the flag very obviously look like an offshoot of the aro flag, and I kept the shades of green the same as the aro flag for convenience of use. The color gold was chosen as the second color not only because it looks nice with green, but also because it’s the opposite of purple on the color wheel (with purple being the color associated with asexuality). As for what the color stripes represent:
Green - The aromantic community. Our place in this community and the solidarity and support we share with fellow aros. (Aro green.)
Light green - Lack of attraction, differentiating us from others. This obviously includes lack of romantic attraction, but can also include aros who don’t desire close platonic partnerships, aros who identify as ace-spec along with another sexual orientation, etc. (Also aro green, because lack of romantic attraction is what makes us aro.)
White - Diversity of sexuality. For welcoming and uniting all allosexual aros, no matter what their sexual orientation, and for acknowledging a broad range of sexual experiences and relationships with one’s own sexuality. (White, because white light is made up of all other colors of light mixed together.)
Light gold - Relationships, be they sexual relationships, QPRs, romantic relationships, friendships, family bonds, or any other type of relationships. (Light gold, because our relationships are important and precious, but not always necessary or defining of who we are.)
Gold - Inhererent wholeness and worth. We aren’t missing anything. We’re not broken, we don’t need anyone to complete us, and we are born perfect the way we are. We’re individuals and we have just as much worth as anyone else. (Gold, because we’re gold.)
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