LGBT chronicles

[lgbtchronicles]

What are your dreams? . My dream was moving away from home and creating a life somewhere else for myself, which I have done. I always think that in anything, the dream is the first step, and a plan is the second. Knowing what you want and how you’re going to get there is very important. I think doing that keeps you focused on what really matters. I think a lot of people get lost in fantasies. Fantasising about the perfect relationship, perfect job, perfect house. You’re lucky if you get all of that. It’s good to have a dream, it’s good to have a plan, and it’s even better to have a back up plan as well. . . . . . #gay #gayguy #gayman #instagay #lgbt #man #guy #lgbtpride #london (at Fuckoffee)

[lgbtchronicles]

As someone who’s single and open to meeting new people, do you get the sense that there is internal discrimination in the gay community at the moment? . Oh yeah. I think we have an issue of choice, there’s too much choice, and people are too picky. I think the idea of a relationship has become more like window-shopping. I want this and this and this, rather than wanting someone who people want to spend their whole life with, who is going to support them, hang out with them, drink together and things like that. It’s become more about the physical and the now and not how long you can be with that person for. So I think people don’t think about what that person might bring to their life, it’s become purely about physical contact. . . . . . #instagay #gay #gayman #gayguy #gaybeard #beard #fashion #style #mensfashion #menstyle #man #lgbt #lgbt #pride #lgbtpride #london (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

I think it takes a lot of courage for you to be able to accept yourself fully, and it’s even more difficult when you aren’t accepted by people close to you. I think the whole thing about the closet is difficult because you carry this whole thing with you wherever you go, and you don’t have anyone to speak to. You can’t talk to your friends about it, you can’t talk to your family about it, and you feel that you’re going to be rejected whatever you do. So I think that when you feel it’s right for you to do it, do it. Because it’s a great liberating thing to be able to tell people who you really love, but I think you need to pick the right moment and be patient with it. . . . . . #pride #lgbtpride #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtyouth #london #gay #gayman #gayguy #instagay #gaybeard (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

What's next? I'm working with the Association of Project Managers (APM) on setting a virtual diversity network, and Terrence Higgins Trust on a couple of things. I'll keep blogging and talking about diversity. I have some very big ideas, but without big ideas we wouldn’t have LGBT traffic lights in Trafalgar Square, rainbow buses, taxis or trains in London. #lgbt #gay #gayguy #gayman #beard #suit #gaybeard #lgbtq #lgbtpride #pride #london (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

In general, attitudes towards LGBT people are pretty good. Homophobia does happen, but it’s becoming increasingly rare. But what particularly affects me is the rise of casual homophobia. I heard a work colleague once say that it as a real shame when she found out a (well known) guy was gay. She said it more than once and I found it offensive. There’s no shame in being gay, and I had to call her out on it. And it’s the rise of casual homophobia like that which really annoys me. People don’t think how their words can potentially impact someone, and you just have to remind them about the impact of what they're saying. But I see it around me in many different forms and where I can, I remind people on what they're actually saying or doing. - - - - - #instagay #lgbtq #london #gay #gayman #gayguy #lgbt #beard #suit (at Quảng trường Trafalgar)

[lgbtchronicles]

What advice would you give to someone who's struggling to come to terms with their sexuality? 'The first thing is not to worry about it, not to read some of the mainstream press that seem to think it’s a lifestyle choice. It’s not a lifestyle choice. I’m one of these people who grew up in the 1970’s and at the age of 51, I have seen it all and seen a massive change. When I started work, I wasn't out and didn’t have any gay identity at work. It was only when I was working in the late 90s that I started to bring my true self to work. The more authentic you are, the more productive you are, and the happier you are. You just have to be yourself.' - - - - - #instagay #pride #lgbt #lgbtq #london #gay #gayman #gayguy (at Quảng trường Trafalgar)

[lgbtchronicles]

The idea came about when I was in Vienna and I had heard about the traffic lights they had done in previous years for the Eurovision Song Contest and thought they looked great, and I thought it was something that Transport for London (TfL) could implement relatively quickly. I tweeted about it through the OUTbound (TfL's LGBT network) feed and within about 2/3 weeks of Sadiq Khan being elected as Mayor of London, he asked if we could do something similar to Vienna in London. I don’t know if those two things were connected but I had a mandate to make it happen. (at Trafalgar Square)

[lgbtchronicles]

'Discrimination and segregation isn’t great, let’s face it. It sucks. But it happens everywhere and has been happening for a long, long time and quite frankly will still happen because of marketing advertisements using muscled men with 20 abs going up to their neck or with women who’s figure is skinnier than a stick. It’s a terrible shame especially in a community that’s attacked by others on a regular basis (especially these days with Trump) that it attacks itself from the inside. I understand that there needs to be some form of attraction, sure, but to discriminate against someone because of a certain quality, or race, or accent, or weight, or if they’re hairy or not is quite frankly disgusting. I was told by my family that there is someone out there in the world you’re going to marry, which is true but I’d be shutting off that possibility if I put up all of these barriers because you’re ‘too feminine’ for me. I was once told by someone that I would never be attractive because I had body hair and I let that take control for a long time, not accepting myself as me, what I look like, and wasn’t happy in my own skin because of it. However if someone told me that now then I’d probably tell them to f*** off because if they’re too stuck up to accept the fact that real beauty isn’t defined by a certain skin colour or how ‘feminine’ you may be, then it’s their loss, they’re the one who’s missing out on what a great person you are. Segregation’s been a problem for generations and there’ll always be people out there who still discriminate others and unfortunately it takes a hell of a lot to change someone’s mind if they choose to be closed off, but for whoever reads this and has felt or feels they’re not beautiful because of certain stereotypes they may not ‘fit’, just know that you’re beautiful. If people want to shut you down or try and belittle you, then ignore them, focus on you and live your life the way you want because the moment you give into that hatred, they win. You’re an incredible, beautiful human being who has so much to offer the world.' (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

I came out to my friends who were all hugely supportive, but then came the bullying which was hard and the trouble is bullying doesn’t stop in school, it still happens at adulthood and it’s still hard. It always will be. What helps is having the comfort of my family and friends to stick up for me people bullied me. So to anyone who can come out to their family and friends no matter what age, do it, because it’s a massive weight off your shoulders and 90% of the time they already know and are waiting for you to tell them with open arms. For those who can’t, there are organisations and places where you can visit and people you can turn to like the It Gets Better project, which help and support you at times like that to give you that comfort when you can’t access it. (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

'My experience coming out to my family was hilariously anti-climatic. I was 15 when I did and I had built up all of these problems in my head, and all of these concerns that my family won’t love me anymore after my dad walked in on my first ever kiss with my boyfriend at the time. And coming out was a massive relief because it helped me solidify who I am, I always knew I was gay from an even younger age but felt I had to try and cover that up to a lot of friends and family until that moment because of my fears but after coming out, my mum and dad slowly turned and said ‘Oliver, we’ve known since you were four when you were dressing up as a girl and we couldn’t care less, you’re our son.’ To have that reassurance and comfort come from my family was incredible so I’m glad I came out when I did, what was tough was then dealing with that in school.' (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

'I think that the LGBT community still have a long way to go because everything is still described at ‘gay XX’. For example, people will describe going to the wedding of two men a ‘gay wedding’, when really it should be just ‘wedding’. I know it’s small, but sometimes it’s the small things that count.'

[lgbtchronicles]

If you’re struggling to come to terms with your sexuality, just know that nothing is wrong and you’re not alone. There are plenty of people, online support groups and local communities that are there should you need them. If you’re not comfortable to do so, don’t talk about it until you have the right people around you, the ones that will call you up at 2am just for a chat or the ones that give you a hug when you’re down and you’ve not said a word to indicate this. There is most certainly no rush to come out as you have the rest of your life to be a part of the LGBT community and it’s not going anywhere! (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

I don’t think my coming out is your typical story, but then again there isn’t such thing as typical coming out because each one is personal. However, back when I was 13, I knew that I was ‘different’ from everyone else at school. Even with around 2,500 pupils in my high school, I felt that I stuck out from the crowd. What did, however, push me to come out at 13 came from my lack of patience, everything has to be done now – a habit that I still have – in addition to the paranoia that my mum was talking about gay topics around me on purpose. So, to get it out and avoid confrontation, I wrote it in a letter, placed it into her flight documents when she heading to NYC for a short trip with my Nan. I told her not to contact me, enjoy the shopping and time with Nan and we can talk when you get back. Those few days I was filled with worry, thankfully though when my Mum came back she ultimately couldn’t care less, as long as I was happy. Of course, she had her worries about STI’s, being alone, bullied at work, being unhappy but that’s Mum’s for you, they worry for their kids. My Dad on the other hand is a different story, my Mum informed him which I was happy about. His response to the news though was, “fuck!”. Following this, he suggested to my mum that they hire a female escort to ‘sort me out’. It took a while for him to come around and of course there were a few instances of ‘straight man questions’ – “Surely if there is no woman involved to say no, don’t gay just fuck all the time?”. Over the years, he’s shown more interest in my personal life and asked how things are going, which for me is more than enough. Big test would be to introduce a boyfriend to him, though with 6,000 miles between us and no boyfriend on the horizon that it’s a worry... (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

I believe some of the most significant challenges lie within the community itself. We now live in a much more accepting world, but the damage has been done and will take some time to truly eliminate. Suffering rejection and hatred towards oneself has a significant toll and can lead to self destructive behaviour when the original trauma is long gone. (at London, United Kingdom)

[lgbtchronicles]

Be yourself and believe in yourself! Don't ever feel you need to act in a certain way to comply with what you believe others think you should be. Steer clear of using drugs or alcohol to escape your fears and feelings, let them come to the surface and explore them. It's the only way you will actually deal with problems in your life! I spent most of my teenage years repressed and depressed. When I came out at 20yrs old I felt I had lost ten years of my life to self loathing. Coming out turned out to be the easy part, it was then ridding myself of this self hatred that has proven to be the life long task ahead. I would highly recommend a talking therapy to anyone feeling similar, life can get so much better!

[lgbtchronicles]

Focus on the people who make you smile.

[lgbtchronicles]

I created @ldngaymers with my boys to tackle the issue that faces many lgbt communities in the London scene. The London scene itself is very cliquey and people generally tend to find it very difficult to make friends. Through gaming and having similar interests in the geeky world we have been able to bring people together through our gaming nights. Instead of people being at home we encourage our members to come join us for cinema trips out, laser tag nights, gaming nights. And through this we have successfully helped some of our members deal with their anxiety of big crowds and living in London. I hope to keep doing this to then be able to tackle the homophobia that gamers online deal with everyday. But to those who do want that sense of community you have a place amongst us as a Gaymer. Never feel like you're alone, you have us, you have a community that WILL help you.