“i don’t think you’re too bad at it.” she slides close towards hanna, comfortably clinging to the side of her arm as she tilted her head, watching the other girl with careful eyes. “but what do you need me to help you with?” she looked over hanna’s shoulder, comfortably resting her chin upon the other girl’s shoulder after a momentary hesitance. hanna wouldn’t blame her for being so comfortable around her, would she? she tucks that extra thought carefully into the back of her mind, before shuffling on her butt over to study hanna with watchful eyes.
“are you not comfy with the sexy theme?” she pouts slightly, almost feeling apologetic for the other girl’s plight (if–well, her intuition was slightly true and not that off the mark)
✦
when miyeon comes over to her and clings to her arm, hanna can only smile slightly; not because she doesn’t like the action (she honestly doesn’t mind it, for that matter) but because she has trouble accepting the younger’s comment. “really?” she asks, a bit monotonously but still with some disbelief laced in her tone.
to be fair, hanna doesn’t think she’s outright terrible or completely unable to pull off the sexy concept their song requires, she just feels so out of her depth that she finds it difficult to take that first step into getting used to it. it’s a bit of an uncomfortable feeling, honestly, but surprisingly miyeon’s skin ship somehow helps hanna feel more at ease - perhaps because of the warmth she felt, both figuratively and literally, what with the other’s chin now sitting on her own shoulder, and she ends up leaning into the girl without thinking.
she can only nod at first once her group mates accurately pinpoints her dilemma and almost deflates in admittance with a weak nod. “yeah... i think i can do it once i’m more used to it but it’s starting it that has me kind of, you know...” hanna trails off before sighing, unsure of what else to say and hoping miyeon can understand. she already feels embarrassed enough over the fact that she’s even asking for advice on something like this to begin with considering her age. “i know you’re really charismatic on stage though so i was wondering how you just... turn on your charm like that? i feel awkward trying to be sexy.”
yumi approaches two sets of doors with confusion. she’s staring between them, unsure of which she’s supposed to go through. trick has to be the scarier one, right? after all, isn’t that the whole point of the word “trick”? that it’s not a good thing?
she’s thrown out of her reverie when she hears someone speaking to her. “oh, hanna, i didn’t see you there,” she notes with a chuckle. when she’s in her own world, she tends to forget there are others around her. “oh sure, of course,” she nods her head. “but you’re right, i’m not sure with one either,” she muses. “like, i think treat must be the lesser of the two evils? but maybe it’s a trick and the trick room is better…” she trails off, indicating that she really is unsure. “maybe spin me around and i’ll put to one with my eyes closed,” she jokes ( even though honestly, if that’s how she’s going to have to pick, she would do it ).
hanna laughs and shakes her head, slightly waving the other off. “no worries, i didn’t notice you at first either. i guess i was thinking too hard about what door to pick,” she replies with a grin. “see, that’s what i thought too! like what if it’s some sort of reverse psychology?” it’s a plausible possibility but she has to wonder: would whoever planned this go that far? and that’s what gives hanna pause.
however, it’s not like she was easily frightened or scared should anything happen so maybe she should just pick ‘trick’ and deal with whatever comes - but along that same vein, maybe she should pick ‘treat’ instead? at least that way she has a chance at being faced with something better, rather than having no chances at all if she chose ‘trick’.
“hmm...” hanna ends up saying, still feeling a bit unsure even though she thinks she’s leaning towards a certain room already, until she hears what yumi suggests and lets out another burst of laughter. “should we?” she asks, amusement clearly written on her face. “that could solve our problem as long as we promise to follow whatever fate decides for us.”
hanna has never been too fond of parties, simply because she feels like unless she’s with the right people, she falls into the habit of staying off to the side quietly, people watching instead of participating in the festivities. while she doesn’t have a problem initiating conversations or approaching someone if she has to, when given the option, she most likely won’t - it’s just easier to keep to herself and less stressful, even if it’s more boring. (she kind of hates this side of her though, wondering if the reason she feels equally as boring when in front of a camera or on a show is because she herself actually is.)
with a sigh and another sip of her drink--unfortunately non-alcoholic because even though she’s never been a heavy drinker, maybe it would’ve loosened her up a bit and she could enjoy this party more--hanna considers calling it a night and leaving the party early. would anyone even notice if she slipped out right now? there were a lot of people here after all but she was just one of the many faces in the crowd and she doesn’t think she ever stood out anyways so she decides to try after all and places her now empty cup on a nearby table before making sure she has all of her belongings. all she needs now is to escape unnoticed and hope no one registers her disappearance.
however, as she’s about to reach the exit, she bumps into someone and panic immediately rushes through her. looking up to see who she encountered, the look of fear she probably had on her face quickly dissolve when she sees who it is, her expression instead lighting up. “rian!” hanna smiles, happy to see a friendly face and already forgetting that she was just trying to leave a second ago. she hadn’t seen the girl in a while, what with legacy girls summer and now future dreams, so she was excited to meet up with her like this. “what are you up to?”
hanna’s going to be honest: she’s not the happiest about the song she was chosen for. she knows it was just luck of the draw, that it all came down to whoever picked her name out of the box, but she was still not excited. what she really wanted was ‘stereotype’ but instead she ends up with ‘easy’ and while she has no problem with the song or dance itself--in fact, she actually does like it a lot from a viewer perspective--she just doesn’t feel like she fits the song. despite being one of the older girls, hanna doesn’t believe she’s that fitting for a sexy song like ‘easy’ - but again, it was selected by a random draw so she has no choice but to suck it up and do her best. a debut was on the line here after all and she refused to miss it-- or be the reason another girl does because she failed to keep up.
which is why she wants to ask for the help of one of her teammates who she knows is a much better dancer than she is, and thinks could pull the song and concept off with no problem. “miyeon,” hanna calls out to the other, a mix of a pout and a frown on her face. their team was in the practice room right now, doing a bit of individual preparation before coming together to start working on the overall performance, but she had spent that time looping the choreography video they were given. “can you help me? i feel so out of my comfort zone right now,” she laughs, sounding a bit uneasy and a little ashamed, as she finally looks up from the tablet she was watching on.
she was trying to hype herself up and build some confidence but her efforts felt wasted when she couldn’t help but cast nervous glances at the cameras that were set up to film them, hoping she wouldn’t be framed as incompetent or the weak link on their team in the final episode. the memory of filming their lgc girls summer variety show still lingered in her mind too, because being portrayed as boring was the last thing she needed on top of everything else going against her already.
Anyways, Yuzhuo had been rushing out of her room—water bottle and dry package of instant noodles in her hands and all—checking the time to see if she’d be late for her morning practice when she walked straight into another girl coming out of her room. It wasn’t like Yuzhuo knew who exactly the other girl was (she’d rather not discuss how she barely knew who the people living across her dorm though in her defense the other girl seemed to be a senior trainee so it’s not like they ever had the chance to really get to know each other), and besides, it wasn’t something that couldn’t be bypassed with a simple apology. Well, it wouldn’t have been had Yuzhuo not squeezed her packet of noodles so much in surprise that the entire package fell apart. She groaned in her head. So much for arriving on time.
the world had it out for hanna, it seemed - for by some stroke of bad luck, her alarm failed to do its job and she slept way past the time she needed to wake up at if she didn’t want to be late to training. she never minded being in the morning group because waking up early wasn’t a problem for her (her grandparents on her mom’s side of the family made sure of that, by forcing her to grow accustomed to a ‘proper’ and strict schedule where no sleeping in was allowed except on weekends) but she had stayed up particularly late the night before with extra self practice and now she was kind of hating that she wasn’t in the evening group.
but of course, the world couldn’t leave it at just that; no, even though she still had some--albeit a very little amount but still, it was better than nothing--time to get to the practice rooms, another obstacle had formed in her path: running into another trainee who apparently seemed to also be late. and to top it all off? somehow, hanna now had bits of dried ramen on her clothes and everywhere on the floor, courtesy of the girl she’s run into. great. she really isn’t the type to snap easily or lose her temper but after a string of unfortunate incidents, she felt her patience wearing thin.
however, she managed some kind of semblance of calm and after exhaling a deep--and very obvious--breath, she bends down to start brushing the broken pieces of noodles together so it’d be easier to scoop up and throw away. she really shouldn’t be taking the time to help clean up but not only did she not want to get in trouble or be accused of making a mess if a manager somehow found out, she also simply felt bad. admittedly, hanna wasn’t watching where she was going either so it’s not entirely the other girl’s fault that they bumped into each other. plus, the sooner this was taken care of, the sooner they could be on their way. “sorry about that,” she apologizes as she continues cleaning up. “you’re not hurt or anything, are you?”
hanna should’ve known legacy would never throw a normal halloween party. there’s always got to be some sort of trick or game up their sleeves and this year it was in the form of two doors, each marked with ‘trick’ or ‘treat’. she’s familiar with the concept but she has a hunch that whatever lies behind the doors won’t be easy so she can’t make a decision on her own. does she go for ‘treat’ which should be nicer if going just by the name? or will the result be better if she goes for ‘trick’ because it would likely be more challenging but the reward will be better (although part of her wonders if there will even be one at the end of either of these options)?
as she’s sighing and still trying to decide what to do, she notices a presence next to her and turns her head to see who it is, immediately registering the person to be yumi. “oh, hi!” hanna greets, smiling and happy to see a familiar face. she had gotten to work with the other during the summer project for ‘bungee’ so she’s glad to see the girl and is about to say as much when an idea enters her mind suddenly. “um, since you’re here...” she trails off and bites down on her lip, contemplating whether she should ask her former teammate about what she wants to, before deciding why not. “do you want to go through one of these rooms with me? i can’t pick which one to open,” she laughs.
coaching memory
✦ backdated to 2018, shortly after joining lgc ent.
there are many times hanna wonders why she ever became a trainee. the days are long between scheduled lessons and personal training--which while the latter wasn’t mandatory, it was an unspoken understanding that you should no matter how good you are (and doubly so if you were bad)--and if she thought the constant criticism and cutting remarks from her grandparents were bad enough, the feedback and advice from the coaches at legacy are worse.
yes, hanna is aware she is not a strong dancer. she’s obviously passable now and wouldn’t be consider the worst but it’s definitely her weakest skill even currently so when she had first started training, she was outright terrible. she struggled memorizing the moves and picking it up as fast as others which meant she was holding everyone else back (the coach had to make sure she was up to speed before continuing the rest of the lesson) which then led to the obvious annoyance of her training group. as if the shame and embarrassment and guilt from being singled out like that wasn’t awful enough, she had to withstand the lecture given afterwards.
things like “if you know you’re at a level way below everyone else, you need to work 5 times harder than your peer just to catch up,” and “you can’t expect us to teach you everything 1-on-1 and step-by-step when we have an entire group to train and teach and watch over as well,” were commonly heard by hanna and while she hated being treated as some sort of problem child when it wasn’t like she was trying to intentionally slow everyone else down, she also knew that the coaches were right. fighting back would just prolong the lecture so because hanna wanted it to end as soon as possible, she wisely bit her tongue, kept her head down, and nodded quietly.
she does understand, really, where the coaches and teachers are coming from. she understands, too, why the others in her training group would be annoyed with her if she was in their shoes. but she’s trying and for someone who's never danced or properly learned before becoming a trainee, she feels like they should go easier on her. it’s not like hanna’s not practicing--because she is, day in and day out, whenever she can (and with her not being in school nor having a job, she has all the free time to)--but she feels like all her efforts are pointless and don’t amount to anything and in short, it’s demotivating.
on more than one occasion, she’s even thought about giving up and throwing in the towel. maybe being an idol wasn’t something she could do after all; maybe she would be better off trying to get signed to a different company who might be more tailored to and focused on indie artists and musicians, rather than idols and entertainers like legacy is. maybe she just doesn’t fit in here and her being a trainee is like trying to finish a 100-piece puzzle but every single piece you try just doesn’t work. it was a painful thought to consider but also a hard one to ignore.
however, after thinking on it for days and weeks, hanna had come to the decision: she would quit if she couldn’t improve by spring. it was the season of new beginnings so in her mind, there was no better time to leave if she was going to. she was already 22, too, and she wasn’t getting any younger which made her wonder if she should be spending this time chasing after a lofty dream when it was so unstable and competition--which were mostly girls younger than she was--was stiff. what if she ended up spending years as a trainee if she did stay, only for it all to not result in anything?
of course, she knew this would be a risk if she passed the audition but at the time, hanna genuinely believed she could do it if it was for the sake of her dream. what she didn’t expect was the swift reality check that came in the form of dance lessons which knocked any confidence out of her and made her second guess and question everything - even herself. but she had made herself a deal and she was going to see it through: either hanna would be praised and told she’s improved for the regular evaluations they did or she would have to find a new path if she didn’t.
so after months of doing everything she could to prove her potential and see if she could actually keep doing this, their evaluation day comes and hanna is a nervous wreck. she’s never been one to get stage fright but she had worked herself up so much that she almost felt like she would be sick if she thought about what awaited her after the evaluations were over - so naturally, it was all she could think about.
but then her name is called and she’s directed to stand in front of a camera set up on a tripod, a table of coaches and staff staring back at her as she gets into position. the entire evaluation is a blur to hanna, honestly, with how high on adrenaline and anxiety she is and her mind focusing more on just performing accurately and doing it well than anything else so before she knows it, the music she was dancing to fades out and she can finally breathe. then, without further comment, she’s told she can leave the room so with an uneasy smile, she nods and makes to do just that when one of the coaches makes eye contact with her.
hanna recognizes her, obviously, since she’s the regular dance coach hanna sees often during lessons and the one who’s probably given her the most feedback out of everyone. there’s no way she would forget who she was so her first thought is ‘oh no, what did i do wrong.’ a drop of dread begins to fill her stomach as she waits for the other shoe to drop - only it never happens because instead of the criticism or advice she’s expecting, what hanna gets instead is a smile--and dare she say it’s a proud one at that?--and a reassuring nod as the coach mouths the words, ‘you did well.’
and hanna almost doesn’t believe what she sees.
she really received praise? her, baek hanna? trainee known for being a slow learned and poor dancer? did well?
that means... she improved, right? that finally, all her hard work and literal sweat and tears paid off for once? it wasn’t explicitly said but that’s what the coach meant, didn’t she? it was difficult to wrap her head around that realization but as if remembering where she was, hanna snaps out of it and bows deeply on instinct, shouting out a relieved “thank you!” before raising her head again and actually leaving the room this time.
as she walks down the hallway though, she can’t help the huge smile on her face that refuses to lessen or disappear. she’s earned this and she’ll be excited about it if she wants to. she doesn’t know how long it’ll take her to get to a level of dance where she doesn’t drag down others, or if she’ll ever get to debut but this had to be a sign that she can do this - and she should hold on to her dream for longer.
wow she’s kind of a natural isn’t she? you can tell she’s played the guitar a lot because her singing and playing are like one~ and her voice is so sweet! i bet if her songs are good, she could do well on the charts?
will she ever debut though? lol she’s on the older side for idols and i can’t see legacy debuting a soloist right away if they’re not confident she can do well from the start… at least she’s pretty so i guess there’s still hope for her ㅋㅋ
the fact that she’s showing off her singing and guitar playing instead of something else… it’s refreshing but i wonder if it’s because she can’t dance? she might not even be able to be added to legacy girls if she was ever given the chance LOL but i’m looking forward to her!
hanna got my attention when she said that she was going to play a song that she wrote!! i’ve spent so many years trying to write songs but they’re nowhere near as good as hers… do you think i borrow her talent??? ㅠㅠ
she’s so my ideal type! ♥ the fact that she can play the guitar, write songs, and sing… omg… she’s like one of those protagonists that i’ve seen in musical dramas…
what are your muse’s current goals and motivations?
hanna’s end goal still remains the same: becoming an artist who sings her own self-written and composed songs, and being able to do so while playing her guitar. she doesn’t need to became extremely famous but she does want to be successful enough both for her own sake (living and career wise) and her dad’s, to show him that she achieved what he wanted to. she also feels like if she’s able to accomplish this then it’ll prove she doesn’t need her mother’s side of the family, either, and that she can still be successful while following her dreams and passion.
currently though, she just wants to debut even if it’s as a girl group member. that’s her first step to being able to achieve her end goal (not to mention, she worries about her age becoming an obstacle the longer she doesn’t debut somehow) but in order to do so, she has to be a competent idol and performer so she’s been prioritizing her performance skills more than her creative skills and true interest (song writing). however, ever since the acting workshop she took on a whim, she’s been developing an interest in acting too so she has a lofty goal of maybe trying to audition for or land roles in some works - but again, that seems only more likely to happen if she officially debuts in a group which comes back around to her main, current goal as of now.
as for general motivations, she just wants to be a performer her dad can be proud of and someone who doesn’t need to depend on others to live. idol-wise, she wants to be someone who won’t drag others down if she’s not the best or most skilled dancer. she knows her strongest skill is singing so she makes sure that at least she excels and does well there, if all else fails (or is at least lackluster in comparison to others).
do you think your muse has accomplished any of their goals mentioned above? if so, how did they do it? if not, what do you think could help them accomplish that goal?
she definitely hasn’t accomplished either of her main goals, although her participation in legacy girls summer was a good start. she got a taste of what a real group debut would be like with a whole song recording, a full music video, official release on public portals and sites, and even a variety show all in the span of a few months. while the entire project was an extreme learning experience and was generally overwhelming, she can look back on it happily because she was entrusted with carrying some of the main vocal part of both the songs she was in and despite all the practice it took for her to get the choreographies down, she didn’t think she stood out from the other girls either for being bad or too over the top.
in that sense, she did accomplish a couple of things, although it’s something that’ll never actually be finished--but by keeping it up, it’ll never end as a failure either--and that is making sure she didn’t drag others down, and proving her talents as a singer. they wouldn’t make anyone do high notes and adlibs if they weren’t a good singer, after all, which meant that when choosing who got to sing what, they thought hanna was a good fit.
as for everything else she wants to achieve, she can only keep working hard and pushing forward in whatever opportunity she gets which is why she’s leaning towards participating in the upcoming future dreams season. she held back on previous seasons due to various reasons but after doing the summer project, she feels ready to try and go after more.
describe one significant memory that has happened to your muse during this trimester (positive or negative).
it would definitely be legacy girls summer! the entire project was a positive memory for her because although there were some negatives--there always is--the good outweighed the bad and she honestly had a fun time and enjoyed the entire process. she might not have been so comfortable with filming their variety show as the couple of episodes she filmed were enough to convince her that variety was probably not the path she should go down, it was interesting and eye-opening. although she dreaded the filming, hanging out with the girls was fun and she still viewed it as something good and that she can learn from.
legacy girls summer also convinced her to seriously think about being an idol, rather than the kind of wishy-washy feelings she had about it because she knew by being an idol, there was a certain amount of freedom and creative liberty you were giving up in exchange with all the planned concepts, releases, schedules, etc. being able to experience what it would be like to debut excited her and made her want it more so she’s in a pretty positive and determined mindset and place right now.
what is one thing you (as the mun) have learned about your muse throughout this trimester?
hanna is soooo awkward when it comes to being filmed?! like when i first thought of hanna, she definitely doesn’t have stage fright in terms of performing due to having grown up in her father’s cafe where there was a small stage set up for various performances, and she used to sing and play her guitar there. but when she’s doing a vlive or recording for a variety show, she kind of clams up and doesn’t know what to do and finds it hard to think about what to say.
she doesn’t want to seem boring or too quiet but she’s never been extremely outgoing or chatty either, possibly a result of how her upbringing drastically changed once she moved into her mother’s family home and was immediately trained into being a prim and proper ‘lady’. it seems to have remains even after becoming a trainee so while she’s begun to open up and be more relaxed since then, hanna still finds it hard to shake that image off when in front of others she’s not familiar with or meeting for the first time - like a whole filming crew or an audience of viewers she has no idea who they are or what they think of her (which is kind of ironic, considering that’s what she’ll have to deal with anyways even if she becomes the singer-songwriter she dreams of being but at the same time, she reasons that by then she’ll hopefully be more used to it at that point).
“hm, i guess you’re right—doesn’t mean it isn’t still weird, though,” he agrees with a nod of his head. “like, in retrospect—i think that’s how you use that word correctly—even though i technically trained for as long as—or maybe even longer than—the other guys on ‘future dreams’, it never really felt like it, ya’ know? ‘cause of age differences and whatnot, but now, trainees who are older than me are calling me sunbae-nim, and it’s just… well, weird.”
now he’s the one going off on a tangent, and just as he realizes the fact, he’s quick to metaphorically-bite on his tongue to spare her the pain of his trademark one-sided conversations. “o-oh! no need to apologize, i’m the exact same way. my brother always used to tell me i probably talk so much because i love the sound of my own voice.”
hanna can’t help but laugh, listening to nathan talk. it’s kind of adorable and in fact, she thinks he’s adorable. but from his perspective, it would be weird having people older than you call you sunbae-nim just because you debuted before they did. it’s like that with training too, even though she was older than a lot of others who were already at legacy before her, she still referred to them as seniors just because they’ve been training longer. it was all very weird when you think about it, despite knowing that’s just how things are.
she shakes her head and grins. “don’t worry. we’re even now, right? talking each other’s ears off,” she chuckles. “you have a point though. just because things are like that doesn’t make it less weird. maybe you’ll get used to it over time?” hanna knows her words might sound like empty comfort but for nathan’s sake, she genuinely hopes he’ll grow accustomed to being called a sunbae since it’s still a fact that he debuted before anyone else who comes after him. “on the bright side, you could do well on variety?” she tries, an amused look on her face. “maybe even be a good host or mc?”
“it’s pretty crazy, but, like, in a good way,” he’s quick to try and clarify with an awkward laugh, a nervous hand to the back of his neck. “just sucks that y’all couldn’t all perform on stage together, but then again… i guess having twenty girls performing all at the same time might be a bit overboard.”
there’s an unconscious nod of his head as silence lulls its way into conversation before he clears his throat in anticipation of a reply. “huh? oh—yeah, it’s insane, isn’t it? like, to think such senior artists would give up the last few performances up for us. it’s mind-blowing, really, to think that we’re the… next generation or whatever they like to call it. talk about pressure, am i right?”
hanna chuckles at the other obviously trying to clarify himself in case his words came off wrong. she wasn’t offended, really, because honestly the entire project itself was unexpected in general and still surprising to herself despite having completed it already. “it’s okay, i know, and i think so too,” she smiles again and shrugs. “yeah but didn’t the original legacy boys and girls units have like... over 15 members each and they managed somehow? although...” now that she thinks about it... it is kind of overboard having that many people on stage at once who are also all supposed to be doing precise choreography. the amount of time it’d take to coordinate that many people to make sure they’re all in sync and timed right with each other would stress her out. “i’m not mad about the units being smaller. i like it, actually.”
nodding, she listens to nathan respond and says, “yeah, no kidding.” she feels for him. even if she’s not the one who’s in his spot, she can only imagine how much pressure it’d be to be the last act especially when you’re following more senior artists. no doubt fans of them would point out that it’s weird for rookies to be allowed to perform last and they might even hate on them for it, not to mention the guys must be anxious about showing a good performance so the concert doesn’t end on a low note. not that she thinks they won’t be amazing but--well, things happen.
“it was only a matter of time though, right? someone has to come after and i’m sure you guys practiced a lot. plus, eventually you’ll become a senior artist to the next group too so type zero would likely be the last act at some point anyways - it’s just happening sooner than you expected.” hanna pauses, realizing she kind of went on a tangent and probably sounded like she thought she was so important as if she, a mere trainee still, had any weight - her age aside. “sorry,” she apologizes suddenly, a sheepish laugh coming out afterwards. “i didn’t mean to just go off like that and you probably don’t want to hear those kinds of things either...”
she nods in excitement at hanna’s question, her smile only growing when the question is asked. “i would love to!” it’s then that she finally turns to see who’s up on the stage getting ready for their own rehearsals and her jaw drops, eyes widening as she see’s Lee Shinhae and lets out a small gasp. arin hadn’t even realized that she had grabbed a hold of hanna’s arm gently. “oh. my. gosh~ how is he so handsome, even without makeup?” she says this while swaying back and forth just slightly, taking a moment to look over at hanna. “oh! sorry! i didn’t mean to grab your arm!” she looks at the other worried before letting go. “i just got a little too excited there…”
“don’t jinx yourself!” hanna playfully scolds, laughing all the while. “i mean we’ve practiced these songs how much? we’ll do amazing.” she had originally intended to just joke along with arin but before she knew it, she had added on those last words of encouragement-- maybe for arin but if she was being honest, she knew deep down it was for herself. she still couldn’t get over how they were going to perform their own song because it all felt like a dream still. would it be bold of her to think maybe this was legacy’s way of seeing who was capable and ready for a debut? were they finally considering their girl trainees now that they were about to debut a second (and third, depending on how you looked at it) boy group? hanna sure hoped so but at the same time, she was worried she was the one jinxing things now so she forced herself to shake the thought away.
luckily, arin is bright and bubbly which makes it easy for hanna to ignore getting stuck in her own thoughts, instead re-focusing on the other and their conversation. “really?” she asks, eyebrows raised for a moment before they fall back into place as she chuckles. “maybe i should get someone to record you and show me later,” she teases, grateful for any kind of distraction right now. “although if i was more confident in my dancing, i’d probably try dancing to ‘icy’ too... and if it was allowed, i’d cheer for you from backstage than from our waiting room.”
another thing to be thankful for is arin’s easy agreeance to sticking around with herself so they could watch the next rehearsals together. hanna wanted to see lee shinhae up close, knowing she’d probably have a hard time to otherwise, but she didn’t want to do it alone. it was much less awkward to be with someone else so she smiles gratefully at the younger and nods excitedly, even letting out a laugh at the other’s reaction to see him. she may have flinched slightly at being suddenly grabbed but it was hardly painful and hanna understands the other completely. “right? it’s hard to believe he’s real. i mean, handsome and talented? i know all idols need to be but he’s just...” she doesn’t finish explaining, for once unable to find the right words to describe the man, and wordlessly gestures as if it says anything. “i just can’t believe we get to see him perform so close!”
some of the girls are still backstage when type zero’s called up next for rehearsals; he sees them, eyes glued to a couple of screens as they monitor their performances and discuss any last-minute changes with staff members of the like.
“y’all look good,” he compliments pretty casually as he makes his way behind the group of girls; his eyes meet with those of one towards the back—hanna? he thinks? “the company really shelled out for not one, but four lgc girls performances, huh?”
it’s so surreal to hanna, seeing herself on the monitors from their rehearsal just moments earlier, because although it’s definitely not her first time performing in front of others, it’s never been for a crowd as big as the one they’re expecting to have tonight.
she’s never performed as an idol--and not just another nameless trainee in the crowd doing a cover or being backup for another artist--and certainly not with her own song either so it’s all a very new and startling experience for her, even more so when she thinks about how she’s only getting to go through this now at the ripe--hah--age of 25 (but that’s a whole different issue altogether that she doesn’t want to think about right now).
thankfully, she doesn’t have to think about it because a voice interrupts her thoughts, causing her to turn around to see who it was, when their eyes meet. she knows nathan--who doesn’t at this point though--because he’s been chosen for a real debut but doesn’t know-know him past his name and group. they never crossed paths or had any reason to after all so she’s surprised to say the least that he’s approached them - but then hanna remembers she isn’t the only girl here. maybe he was looking for someone else? still... his words are pretty general and don’t seem to be aimed at anyone in particular so it didn’t hurt to reply, right? she didn’t want him to feel awkward if no one responded either and she could always ask him later if he was or not.
“thanks,” she smiles and nods at the compliment before laughing. “yeah, surprise, huh?” hanna wasn’t expecting it either although in hindsight it made sense. they had poured in money to give them a full music video, official song releases on all the music sites, and a whole variety show; why wouldn’t they push them more to try and earn some kind of return on them?
“it makes more sense than all eight songs, though, but i’m just glad for any opportunity,” she comments, eyes drifting back to the monitors for a second to see if her performance is still playing (it was not) before turning her attention back to him and noticing his mic. “are you rehearsing next? it looks like you guys get the closing act. nervous?” she’s not sure why she’s so chatty today but she writes it off as it being a result of the adrenaline high she’s been feeling all day.
jaesun had shown up to the empty practice room only to find a notebook resting in the middle of it. “that’s odd,” he murmured to himself. he thought about just leaving it there but at the same time, what if the owner totally didn’t even realize they lost it until it was too late? it seemed almost disrespectful to just leave it there without trying to reconnect it with its owner.
he opens up the pages to try and find a name and he’s barely gotten past a few pages when he hears the door open. he’s about to turn around to look who it is when he jumps at the loud ‘hey!’ that’s yelled at him. he finally manages to turn, holding out the notebook to her. “i guess this belongs to you,” he notes plainly. “i was trying to find out who this belonged to so i could return it,” he adds. did she think he would purposely try to dig through a journal?
“you should be careful about where you leave those,” he explains, his voice lacking the enthusiasm that it usually did if only because he hates being accused of something that he didn’t do.
when hanna finally gets a look at who she’s yelled at, she stops in her tracks. ahn jaesun?! her face drops, regret immediately washing over her as she realizes she’s just accused a very senior trainee--or she should say idol at this point, right?--of snooping. even if the scene in front of her very clearly proves he is--or was--looking through her notebook, it didn’t confirm why - maybe he actually was only looking inside so he knew who to return the notebook to? it’s not like she wrote her name on the cover (or anywhere, if she remembers correctly), and from all the things she knows and has heard about the other, he doesn’t seem like the type to do what she’s accusing him of.
following the regret, a mix of emotions runs through her and probably shows on her face, too: embarrassment, sheepishness, regret. so maybe she did jump the gun; if what jaesun is saying is true, she should apologize, so she immediately drops her head into a bow. “i’m so sorry!” she apologizes first, lifting her head up afterwards, remorse clear on her face. “i shouldn’t have accused you like that,” she continues. “especially if you were just trying to return it...” straightening up, she tries smiling this time but she’s sure it comes out weird with her feeling both thankful and awkward. “i understand if you’re mad, but i am really sorry for thinking the worst.” she knows she would be offended if someone blamed her for doing what she did to jaesun.
“but... um...” hanna bites on her lower lip without thinking, the worry catching up to her now that she’s stopped to evaluate the situation more clearly. “you... didn’t see anything in there... right?” she probably shouldn’t be asking this so soon, not when she’s not even sure if jaesun will want to keep talking to her or not after this but she had to ask. more than being mad about her notebook being looked at, she was more concerned that the contents were read.
she’s walking down from the stage with the others when she’s stopped by hanna’s voice, smiling at the other female. arin steps to the side in order to allow the other girls to get around them as she responds to hanna’s words, head titling slightly to the side. “thank you! i was actually worried i would mess up and get in trouble.” she laughs a little at her own words before continuing, shaking her head quickly and eyes widening. “oh no! i should be the one to say that to you. you were amazing during your rehearsals. i was actually over here enjoying the whole performance and cheering you on~”
"if you did mess up then i didn’t notice a thing,” hanna assures the girl with another smile, nodding as if doing so would help support her words. “and no one pointed anything out to you afterwards, right? so that means you did good!” compliments and praise came easy to hanna, not because she was trying to look good or to butter people up for her advantage, but because she genuinely believes in others’ abilities and wanted to make sure they knew it too.
it was probably presumptuous of her to think anything she’d say would have any impact or importance but if she could help someone feel even a little bit better than before than that was fine with her-- and if they didn’t, well, there was no harm in being nice anyways so she had nothing to lose. as far as she was concerned, she wasn’t just saying these words emptily so it’s not like they lacked any merit.
hanna laughs after hearing arin speak. “you don’t have to be so polite! i might do better with a different kind of song but i think i’d have a tough time trying to perform a song like ‘icy’. you really suit it though,” she insists before giggling. “but thank you for saying that! i just hope the audience enjoys it too,” she jokes, just as a voice from a staff member filters over to them, saying something about the next artist scheduled to rehearse. once she hears the name, her eyes widen and she turns back to arin. “if you’re free after this, do you want to keep watching the rehearsals? i love this artist.”
