meet ! xu lili ( 徐莉莉 ), '01 — i’m the prettiest poison you’ve ever seen.
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𝟭 . DISC — upon request! / TWIT — @/ninithots / OOC.

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@lgclili
meet ! xu lili ( 徐莉莉 ), '01 — i’m the prettiest poison you’ve ever seen.
re: prof / points / tags / pinterest
𝟭 . DISC — upon request! / TWIT — @/ninithots / OOC.
"day two, got it." sarang nodded her head as her attention turned towards the snacks she brought. "honestly, i'm a better safe than sorry person. i wasn't sure what you'd like so i went for the most common and known brands." sarang normally wouldn't mind being adventurous on her own but that couldn't be said for everyone. on top of it, it'd be horrible if she brought a gift and lili didn't like any of it.
"that being said, i did bring some of my favorites, mostly japanese snacks." she opened that bag, "you probably know about pocky but these are some of my favorite flavors. i have some mochi here, assorted flavors and seaweed snacks and senbei....and taki's, if you want a chip in that's spicy. i first tried them when went to the states but they're harder to get here."
health conscious due to a almond mom grandma mentality, lili had never really partaken in snacks — often a smoke as you go kind of person, but she wasn’t opposed to trying. what was the saying — life was all about trying out new experiences? “hm,” she hums, gathering her bearings as she runs a scattered gaze among the treats sarang has brought before pinking up a a light blue bag with a croissant plastered across the plastic wrapping. “salt bread snack?” she tugs at the seams until it breaks, taking a small, curious sniff of the contents before picking one from the bottom of the bag.
“have you tried these before?” she asks whilst turning the bag over to sarang. lili nods, eyes suddenly lighting up as sarang brings up takis — “wait, how did you get your hands on takis! it’s like a myth here, i can never find them at the western aisles.”
when she gets a knock on her door in the middle of her gaming session, she doesn't realize it's her actual apartment door for a moment. she ignores it, but call it what you will, there's something telling her that she should check. tugging her headphones off of her head and letting them settle around her neck—honestly it's a miracle that she had heard anything at all, and also that she's not playing an fps right now—she gets up and heads over to the door, peeking out the peephole and startling a little when she realizes it's the newest addition to crystallis.
she glances down to make sure she's decent, adjusting the hoodie she was wearing before she opens the door, a little surprised.
but she doesn't even manage to say anything before something warm is thrust into her face. something warm and spicy she amends, sniffing the air and trying to peek inside the bag.
"is this ddeokbokki?" somin asks, a bit incredulous and a bit confused, stepping back and indicating for lili to step inside her apartment. "wait—is this like, a neighbour thing?" she asks, amused as she sets it on the counter and starts rifling through her drawers for some plates and chopsticks.
“an act of goodwill,” lili says rather than what it actually is — a peace offering — in the off chance that in the future ( or very, very near present ) that lili somehow steps on some toes. ( it wasn’t a matter of if but when, really ) “or at least that’s what i googled last night when i was trying to come up with things to give everyone.”
it was either this or alcohol but unlike those who cried that it was happy hour somewhere, lili liked to keep drinking alcoholic beverages to after the sun went down.
“is this okay? if not, i can totally come back tomorrow with something better.” and possibly write a scathing review on that forum post she had clicked a few hours before for putting such a bad idea into lili’s head.
"no worries." sarang replied easily, while she was quit to unpack. sarang knew her efficiency was more of a strange quirk. "if you need help, just let me know." it was an honest offer and sarang didn't mind helping out, it would give them time to bond. lili was right, they did know each other but not well enough. it still wasn't a lie that she felt better having someone new in the group. it was grounding in a way. when lili returned with the drinks and ice, sarang was setting out the snacks she had grabbed.
"i'll help you however i can, with moving and the group." she wasn't sure if lili was seriously drowning in anything or the other girl was teasing. either way, she was serious in her address. "while i did move in quickly, i'm still getting a handle on the group myself but i'll do whatever i can to help you. and if i don't have the answer, i'll find someone who does!"
she’d never been ‘there’s no i in team’ — she, however, had always been the ‘but there is an i in win’ sort of person. acclimating to a group setting was going to be an uphill battle, lili knows this, but seeing sarang breaching the gap helped in ways lili couldn’t put into words. being the new kid on the block was nothing new and usually lili acted pretty briskly because of it. this was neither the time nor place to reveal her bad temperament so she tries to keep that pristine smile in place, shrugging off her negative nancies that were plaguing her and tried to look on the brighter side of things.
“thank you,” and she means it, the gratitude swarming her in a wave of relief suddenly at the prospect that she wasn’t alone in this new journey she had embarked on. “truly a lifesaver, i have many questions but we can save that for day 2. first let’s settle, what snacks have you brought me? any favorites of yours you’d like to introduce me to?”
in a way, yura finds it funny. she wasn't exactly excited to debut in a group at first but she quickly found herself getting used to being okay with that idea starting from lgc girls. by the time crystallis was announced, yura was surprised-but-not that she felt little resistance to debuting in a group then; she was just happy to debut in something permanent at all, not to mention something she could call her own.
thankfully, she ended up liking her would-be members too and at one point, she thought they were the strongest they could be - until they weren't anymore with member leaving after member, sometimes even in twos or threes at once. new members would get added but they'd eventually leave too, to the point that yura wondered if they were cursed. positions changed as well and eventually she ended up as leader - something she didn't think she'd experience after seemingly failing the leadership challenge in future dreams all those years ago.
now, here she is, facing their newest member and being asked something she couldn't have anticipated in this situation, causing her to blink dumbly for a moment before she finally processes what's been said. yura bursts into laughter at lili's words and the way she said them. "well, come in first so we're not having this conversation in the hall," she smiles, amused, and steps aside to let the other enter her unit.
"there's not really any tea as far as i know," she continues (although she does briefly pause, remembering some of the past... tension she's had with some members before, until she remembers they're not here anymore so there's no point bringing it up now). "but i guess i should mention that there's kind of always been a quiet agreement to cover for each other if we ever needed to slip out without the managers knowing, or if any of us had partners and something came up. we help each other out when needed, basically."
yura walks over to her fridge and opens it to see what she had inside in terms of drinks to offer her determined guest, only to find nothing but water. she really needed to do groceries or something. "do you want water? i can order delivery if you're craving anything too, since you came to visit me," she offers with a grin. "it might be easier if you ask me what you want to know instead, honestly. anything you're curious about is fine!"
by yura’s first words, lili wonders if she’s come to the right place, practically deflating on the spot. that was until yura continues and lili knows she’s exactly where she needed to be. aside from sarang, lili had her two options: somin or yura — both of whom had been with crystallis through thick and thin — and crystallis has been through some nasty splits but despite them, somin and yura had remained a constant. since yura had opened her door first, lili was happy to pick her brains for some well-needed crystallis tea.
“oh,” an eyebrow raises, almost scandalously. “and these … so-called partners,” she clears her throat, a finger tucking a stray hair behind an ear, “is that a ‘all members know’ or is that a ‘unless you need to know’ type thing? just so i know which toes i shouldn’t be stepping on.” lili didn’t want to assume but she also was dying to know just who in the group was taken and was otherwise, free to mingle. lili had a lot of friends and she did not mind setting up those who wished to let their wings fly ~
“or is it too soon for me to ask …” they hardly knew each other but alas, lili was a nosy little bitch. “water is fine! and honestly, mum’s the word — scout’s honor and all that, alibis are practically my middle name.” not that lili breathed white lies but they were a bit of a speciality of hers.
sarang had been around for a while but it felt nice to have new member. everyone experienced it once but it felt good to experience it in real time with someone so, sarang found herself heading over to lili's unit with a few snacks and drinks in hand. one, it was good to push herself, bonding wouldn't help if she only interacted with her member when it came to work. two, things were made bit easier because of the fact that they trained together. sarang wouldn't call them close but they weren't strangers either. she could even member lili witnessing her bathroom break down, something she pointedly tried to forget.
the door opened after a few knocks and sarang entered with a bow. it didn't seem like seungah was around but she had brought enough. the door closed behind her and sarang turned to face the other girls, holding up her offering. "this is my official welcome to the group. i'm pretty new myself but i'll try and help anyway, i can." she was honest, sarang wasn't really sure how she could be of help but she would try her best.
"i can also admit, it feels good to have someone new."
@lgclili
lili was in the middle of a decorating crisis when a knock interrupts her thoughts. “oh thank god,” a welcome disruption as she removes her palm from her forehead and turns away from the wall in her room that lay two identical shades of burgundy of which she wanted her room painted — they were different hues, of which she was absolutely, positively sure of — but staring at them for the last half hour was beginning to make her head ache and the fumes from the drying paint did not make it any better. with a sigh, she departs for the front door, swinging it open without even glancing at the lcd screen beside it to see who had come.
“ah, we love a welcome!” a smile instantly adorns her face, rushing to welcome the girl inside; anything to keep her from staring at her unpainted walls and the litter of boxes she had yet to unpack. “as you can see, we have yet to move in — but please, make yourself at home!”
“thanks,” lili bumps her shoulder affectionately against the other’s before closing the front door and helping with the drinks that other had carried over. “i’m honestly relieved that i know at least someone in the group. you can save me this time — i'm drowning.” an exaggeration but it sure felt like it from the amount of boxes the movers had shoved into this place. she jokes as she sets the drinks down and goes to retrieve some glasses and ice. “i’m still in the water, maybe you can shove a life vest my way or something.”
━ RICE TO THE 떡
lili didn’t always do this. if anything, she was hardly the ideal neighbor but hey, new year, new her, right?
( it did not matter that it was nearly may and the year was rolling on past her heels but whatever, the case there is — the new year was still upon her and she was making a change for the better! god, this optimism was going to be the death of her, wasn’t it )
anyways, lili didn’t always do this — so, because she didn’t, she didn’t know that buying rice cakes for your neighbor to foster harmony and neighborly bonding did not mean the rice cakes you got at the corner stall that was immensely packed with a spicy, sweet and savory sauce of korean chili paste and flakes. but this is what she came to deliver @lgcsomin when she came strolling past one day, the heat filtering from the plastic bag onto lili’s fingertips were making her skin sweat — ugh. switching the bag to the other hand, she wipes her palm against the back of her jeans before knocking, humming to herself as waits to make herself known.
and once the door opens, she’s practically shoving the heated plastic into the other girl’s face in welcome, “hello neighbor!”
━ THE ART OF ICE BREAKING
lili hated being the new girl — anywhere — she’s done it countless times in the past: new schools, new friends, new places. new, new, new. and it was all the same thing: an initial awkward, the breaking of the ice, and suddenly everything was like nothing was new at all.
however, lili was also impatience and she didn’t want to go through the whole breaking the ice bit and wait for the greener grass on the other side, she wanted the nothing was new at all part right now! and what better way to get to that and more than to go straight to crystallis’ leader — newly inducted, @lgcyura. fingers gingerly folded almost pleadingly, lashes batting in that way, eyes practically begging for a favor, “okay,” she drawls on slowly, almost obviously, exaggeratingly so. “i’m gonna need you to give it to me straight.”
“what’s the 411, the tea, the do’s and the do nots of crystallis. what toes should not be stepped on and what fancies can be tickled, i won’t pressure you but i will not be leaving your unit until i get at least a few do’s and do not’s.” jeez, lili, take a breath! a thought that comes all too soon after her long winding spiel, wide smile and all.
she would say she didn't believe in the whole manifestation thing-- for a lot of her life, she had tried to manifest money in her mother's bank account so they didn't have to struggle, only for the cycle to repeat itself. that her sister wouldn't feel so bad about all her achievements to no avail. but... it a way it was true-- they had been talking about this, truly, not too long ago. a constant of wonder of when, and even if-- and then, now-- they were there. she can feel her body buzzing practically, and she hums, biting her bottom lip hard to prevent the squeal that wants to escape.
plus, she wasn't alone. she had seen so many trainees come and go, but this time, lili was going to be right by her side. there was a part of her that hoped they'd be staying together. but... one step at a time.
she laughs a bit, nodding in agreement. "i know, i know but we don't have long to go before the concert anyway. you know they're watching us even more now."
lili was relieved to have someone to share this with — beyond that, she was happy that someone was practically on the cusp of the same journey. just a step or two more and they’d be right there! she could practically taste it! years before, lili would have felt threatened but now, all she felt was a sense of relief that she wasn’t as alone as she had always felt before. “i’m glad you’re here with me.” she hadn’t known emi long but in the short time that she did, growing close to the other had brought a comfort she knew was irreplaceable.
“ugh, you’re right.” she groans, almost exasperatedly — exaggeratedly — not at all meaning this sense of exasperation. because in the end, lili was more than happy to have something to do to offset the elation and nerves that trembled at her fingertips. “let me just bask in this joy for another minute or two. maybe pinch me too for good measure because a part of me still can’t believe it.” despite knowing they both deserved this to bits, that self-sabotaging mongrel from within still sought out doubt. deep down, it was there but deeper still, she knew this chance of a lifetime had finally come their way.
minji thinks about lili's response, noting the both the struggles and the triumphs she shared. she wanted to make sure she knew what specific parts to work on during the next practices. so, she asks "was there anything specific about the choreography that was difficult?"
the idol laughs. "to be honest, a lot of it was sori's idea," she admitted. "she's the one who came up with the idea of using eyes, nose, lips and love scenario as songs. but i did particularly suggest high horse since i felt like it was a good way to tie both the genres and the story together." she thinks about whether any of the trainees caught onto that yet. "is that something you noticed? i was hoping it was a good decision..."
a finger poised at her chin, lili runs the choreographies in her head for a moment before supposing on an answer. “i definitely struggled with the hip-hop aspect, i’m not too used to just letting my body flow in that way.” hip hop was both instinct and being clean and smooth. different from contemporary where it focused on emotional expression and tethered aspects from ballet; hip-hop had her stuck as she didn’t want to seem too forced but she also didn’t want to appear too flawed.
whether they wanted them to be individuals or a collective entity was also something she wanted to ask minji when it came to the choreography. “since it’s a team routine, i didn’t want to stand out too much but i was also wondering if you guys created the routine in mind for us to be one with each other or to be more free as if we were improvising rather than doing a practiced dance.” which would also lend to whether how relaxed lili would do the routine during the concert.
these were all aspects lili kept close to heart when portraying someone else’s ideas through dance.
“you can definitely tell a story was in play, i love how you guys also used colors to speak for you since it’s a actions speak louder than words sort of scenario, at least from what i saw.”
( prev. ) lili pauses, thinking back as she counts the years and slowly realizes how the years have really dwindled by — fast and slow, each with their days of torment and joy. “sixteen? i think i came a month after i turned sixteen. i did the whole transferring schools, learning korean and everything — but that’s almost a lifetime ago.” she says as a woman now snowballing into her quarter-life crisis. “kind of seems silly that i did this for so long and this is all i have amounted for.”
she’s hoping through this concert that something will give — something’s gotta give, right?
if not her, then them?
( them being the company, that is )
she nods, hiding a smile behind a hand as she almost agrees with sori’s words because she can only know all too well how it feels to see everyone as a rival in such a competitive environment. it couldn’t be helped and the trainers definitely didn’t foster a friendly atmosphere with everyone vying for that special spot in a debut group.
lili puts out a hand for a shake — as if in a greeting gesture, almost comically at this point, probably belated but who was she to care — they’ve already tiptoed into this conversation, “well, sori-ssi, i’m lili and i would gladly be a friend to you if you’d be a friend for me.”
“i know i will, it’s just the when that’s killing me.” she laughs, head shaking.
୨୧ ONEART STUDIO DANCE CONCERT : REFLECTION MEETING .
HOW DID YOU FEEL PREPARING FOR THIS CONCERT? WERE THERE ANY MOMENTS THAT SURPRISED YOU ABOUT YOURSELF?
it was no question that lili had felt nervous while preparing — how could she not when prior to the concert, just the meeting to explain the concert of itself had been eclipsed by the announcement that she was in the running to debut. “honestly? so anxious — it felt like everything was riding on this one concert and i haven’t felt that way in a long time. usually, i’m so sure of myself but this time, i was second guessing myself at every turn. i also didn’t want to do sori-ssi and minji-ssi wrong because they worked so hard to choreograph this performance.”
HOW DID WORKING WITH YOUR TEAMMATES & MENTOR INFLUENCE YOUR GROWTH?
“it made me realize that i can’t do it all on my own and it’s okay to rely on someone other than myself. that i shouldn’t immediately assume everything will go wrong if i’m not shouldering everything … that people can be trusted and i should allow myself to trust them since we’re a team.” and she adds, as cliche as it is — “there is not ‘i’ in team, after all.”
LOOKING BACK, WHAT DID YOU LEARN ABOUT YOUR OWN DANCING?
“it reminded me of why i loved dancing in the first place. i had worked so hard to prepare other skills for so long that i let dancing take a backseat to these other skills. i wanted to be an all-rounder or at least good enough in other things to not be looked down upon but that made me forsake dancing, in a way. doing this project had me fall in love with dancing all over again. especially when dancing something as beautiful as sori-ssi and minji-ssi’s piece.” it was true, lili had forsaken dance to practice singing, and while she had loved to sing and found confidence in it that she no longer shied away from taking solos -- dancing would always be her first love.
HOW WILL THIS CONCERT EXPERIENCE SHAPE YOUR NEXT STEPS?
“i believe this to be my prologue to what i hope to be a long, fulfilling career. surely, it won’t be that easy but this experience made me find my confidence again — i was feeling a little down,” if it hadn’t been obvious by her recent song choices via her evaluations, “but this made me feel hopeful that maybe something this year will change and go my way.” fingers crossed!
emi could hear the buzzing in her ears, mimicking her heartbeat. after all the hard work, after all the worrying about what she could possibly be doing wrong-- it felt like it was all coming true. the possibility to actually debut, to actually be an idol and not a trainee. maybe being good and not going out every chance she got was starting to pay off.
she tries to play it cool, nodding, grateful, but as soon as she can, she can feel the tears burning the back of her eyes. lili too was close, and it seemed fitting that she was doing it was someone she'd call a friend. she's dragged to a practice room and she thinks her cheeks hurt from grinning so much. "it feels like forever!" she admits, and as she tries to calm down, she nodding. "i can't believe this. we're actually doing it. can you believe just a few weeks ago we were wondering?!" emi says, and she bites at her lip, nodding once more. "we've gotta put in a lot of work."
lili’s nodding so much that she fears she’s become a bobblehead. she wants to cry, she wants to laugh, she wants to scream — she is beside herself, unable to contain herself from all the feelings beginning to well up inside of her. it’s been so long since she’s felt a sense of relief — like she was on the right path, that she was doing something right.
and finally — something had gone right.
this was the news she had so longed for. and to share it with someone like emi was beyond anything that could ever compare. “manifesting, my friend — it works!” and now, lili truly believed in it. “so, so much work. to our ears! we can’t make them regret their decision.” out of all the things that could have been told to them today, this was not what she had expected but it was practically the only thing she heard. “god, i want to get started right away but i don’t think i could dance right now, my legs can barely stand!”
( prev. ) she’s wanted this for so long — so, so, so long — that she wonders if the novelty of debut has worn off on her and all she wants is peace. but then she’ll find herself back in a practice room, going through the motions of a choreography she learned the day before — tired, sweaty, breathless — and thinking, there’s no place she’d rather be.
and when sori puts the number into facts, the reality is ice cold. she’s been here for so long, too long and she wonders if its pathetic of her to continue waiting. but the praise is a nice consolation, a true testatment of her years of training, practicing, grueling over getting each and every choreographed performance right ( only to grow a chip on her shoulder when the year ends and debut is still closer to a dream than it is a reality ), “thank you,” and its in this instance that lili finds it hard to humble herself down — not that she ever wanted to be considered humble but forcing it now was hard when she’s nearly had a decade of practice under her belt. “it was my first love.” and was almost as easy as breathing at this point.
lili could believe it. when she first got into the company, she had kept to herself — a detached persona shrouded her when she had moved from one company to the next, carrying the shame of her past actions. it had continued until her second year when she finally branched out but it was too late and there were too many trainees who simply didn’t care to be tethered down by relationships. somehow, lili became one of them. “it’s okay, i wasn’t really the most … social either. i thought if i kept to myself and worked hard enough it would make me debut faster but …” she pushes through a wry laugh, “surprise, surprise — still here.” she’s trying to joke, hoping it comes across as funny instead of desperate. “but i have been enjoying this experience. it’s definitely different than anything i’ve done before. i’ve only ever performed at the company concert at the end of summer.”
love scenario
starter for @lgclili
"alright, that's a wrap for today!" minji smiles, clapping for the trainees who'd just worked hard on their choreography for the performance. perhaps teaching is something in minji's blood, given her mom was one. she had been enjoying herself throughout the process of preparing for the performances, especially being able to work with trainees even more closely.
after this day's rehearsals, she noticed lili in the room and decided to approach her. "hi!" the idol cheerily greeted the trainee, trying to remain warm and positive as to ensure the other knew she wasn't in any trouble. "so, how have you been feeling about the choreography?" she asks. "have you been enjoying it? has anything been difficult for you?" minji wants to make sure that everything is going smoothly, so that she can fix problems before they become too big to fix.
lili is no model student, she doesn’t try to stand out nor beg for praise with pristinely scrumptious apples but there’s a little more on the line this time and lili would be damned to mess up this chance for lack of trying. so, she appeals to the inner court of her pride and does what lili usually never do. ( and yes, this may be the desperation talking ) she becomes an active participant in the class, when there’s a specific move that stumps her ( and little does mind you, but rather than take her rough and tumble ‘i’ll figure it out myself’ way ), she’s raising her hand — mimicking the move in the way she has misunderstood and awaits correction.
ostentatiously so that she is not surprised when minji wanders over after the lesson, and lili wonders if the impression of struggling student suit her as much as it did. with a soft, almost wry sigh, lili weighs her choices of an answer before deciding on, “better than i thought, there were a few kinks i couldn’t wrap my head around,” as was obvious during the lesson, “but we were able to work it out. i actually have been enjoying it, it’s been a while since i was able to immerse myself in a choreography.” she’s spent too long trying to polish her singing that dancing had taken a back burner in the last few years. “it makes me wonder how you guys were able to come up with the choreography.”
“me?” was it too cliche to say same old, same old? “not much. just practice, home, practice, home.” it sounded depressing and lili was really trying to not be sad about the mundanity of it all. she wished there was better progress on her end but waiting for the company to get a move on for her career to begin was starting to weigh on her — but lili was trying to not let it get to her! it was just january — she had eleven more months for that seasonal depression to kick in.
“oh, did you have any expectations for the year?” now, this was a good pick me up — hearing about others’ good fortune. something that took lili’s mind off her own … misfortune. “do you believe in new year’s resolutions?”
sena is unsure of her own answer. there have been times where she's tried to have a new years resolution, but they usually don't work out. so this year, while she does have some goals, she doesn't consider them resolutions. "i'm worried calling it a resolution will make it harder to happen but... i guess i want to become better at dancing?" she says it unsurely, like saying it out loud will cause her dancing to just get worse instead of better.
she thinks about whether she believes in them. maybe? "depending on the person, i'm sure it works," she notes, "but i don't think i'm that kind of person. it's too much pressure. what about you, do you have any?"
lili nods, she could understand where sena stood. sometimes putting something into words often made it harder to follow through, but in lili’s case — “what about calling it a … manifestation? isn’t that all the rage nowadays? manifesting something to happen?” that was what lili liked to call her resolutions, goals, wants, what-ifs and the like, anyways. “like how i’m manifesting for a good year.” it was vague but it was true, nonetheless.
at least, she hopes for a better year than last year.
“debut, debut, and debut.” she names once, twice — thrice, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. she had missed her chance last year, but she’d be damned if she let it happen a second year in a row. “that’s the number one priority this year. a goal, a resolution — a manifestation, if you will.”
୨୧ A CHANCE OF A LIFETIME — @lgcxmimi
and suddenly lili felt like she had a lot on her plate. you’d think after months of craving some semblance of relevancy, she’d be jumping off the walls, crying finally when she’s told that she’s this close to debut.
it’s within her reach — she could practically taste it. coming out of the team unknown meeting, lili practically hauls emi out of her thoughts and into the nearest practice room for them to scream to their heart’s desire. “oh my god — like actually, oh my god,” are the words that leave her lips as she stares at her friend after just hearing life-changing news.
she’s shaking, holding onto emi’s hand like it was the only tether keeping her from flying too close to the sun — ceiling be damned! “is this really happening?” she doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh — this was good news!