LLL

Thoughts and impressions

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

Man’s desire is the desire of the Other-Lacan

Throughout the history of humanity the leading force of our existence consists in two feelings-lust and fear. Lust makes us pursue life, fear-survive. These main components generate a desire of validation and control over our image, therefore essencial for our survival.

This desire is a collective phenomenon that puts into perspective the real reason behind our desires.

What we want is simply what the Other lacks. It can be deconstructed in two ways- the desire of social validation and status or our Other self. Human beings are social creations, being kept apart brings suffering, therefore creating a constant internal battle of wanting to be desired and to desire what the other wants. The need of external validation creates a need to leave a timeless fraction of self. The fear of dwelling into meaningless existence is present throughout history in countless manifestations as the world is composed of will and representation.

When we fail shame leads it’s way into the desire of not exist. Not experience the experience. The idea of something that is impossible without experiencing the dwelling way to afterlife.Something that no one else can control, a fantasy impossible yet perfect.

[fridayiminlovemp3]

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

Now this is scary

[selfindulgentraptor]

Being autistic is knowing exactly what you need to say, at all times, but being unable to because opening your mouth is equivalent to negotiating a flaming steamroller please not run you over.

It’s a game of survival in which you concede any attempt of showing or explaining your genuine self in order to exist.

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

I really do feel like existence is not for me. I can’t live in this world. I don’t fit in. I can’t live in this anxiety and depression forever. I want to escape this.

I just wish my brain was different. Asperger’s in adulthood is fucking unbearable. Combined w bpd and adhd I feel like I’m living a constant nightmare. Meds don’t seem to be that much of a help either. Feeling hopeless and I honestly don’t know if want to do anything with my life. Just the thought of living like this and learning how to seems so pointless.

[aspergersissues]

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

Feeling like I’m living a lie. Everything I say, do, show is just a product of my mind to please all those around me. My sense of identity is extremely distorted at times, nothing seems real.

I don’t feel like i came to this world to live a long and happy life. My perception of people is very relative. Some days I can’t bare the thought that I’m a human being. I don’t long to have kids, a family. These things seem so uninteresting to me. So unlike me. But what am I?

I feel so alone surrounded by people. I hate the fact that I need energy to be with people I like. Unmasked and shut in my own world would be an ideal life. Just spending all of the time alone until the day comes.

Sometimes I feel like it’s creeping on me. Reminding me that death is a quick way for eternal peace. And I just want peace. Even if it’s for a couple of moments. My last attempt was in January, failed by almost nothing. I guess it’s not the day yet.

Sobriety isn’t easy as well. What sobriety even?! I spend my days immersed in haze of any sedative I can find, anything that can ease of.

Would it be that damaging if I just disappeared?

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

It’s been a while since I wrote here

Lots of things happened including receiving a diagnosis that left me in way that a lot of things make sense. At the same time the dreading weight of knowing that you’re not “normal”.

I’ve always perceived myself as an alien. Being different but also very gifted gave me a sense of hope that maybe I’m just like the other kids but I just do things/ say things in a different way. Being called weird also was a prominent thing in my life which with time made me isolate myself from people and create a wall to protect myself.

Knowing that I will always have ups and downs in an extremely deep way is heavy. When I think about it I feel so heavy and hopeless but at the same time I believe that I’m able with time to handle things.

Emotional burnout is heavy, especially after so many things or constant hyper alter state, masking, repressing emotions. I feel like I’m learning how to live again.

P.s this is a painting that i made today during a very episode

[sheymaaaaa]

[riceisholy]

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

I would say that this depicts perfectly my hypo mania demon

[anatomiau-deactivated20240816]

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___ ❀ ᓚᘏᗢ ★____ ❊____⚘____❀___⚘__ ❊_⚘_❀_⚘_❊

cat inspecting a fallen star outside in the garden

[thotsfortherapy]

honestly, normalize quitting. it's so okay to drop a course, quit a job 3 weeks in, leave a relationship when it isn't giving you what you need. quitting isn't a sign of weakness, isn't a sign that you're not trying enough. a lot of the time, it's a sign that you are prioritizing yourself and your values, and that should be honoured.

[sparcky]

me, looking back on it all:

[allthebipolarknowhow]

Ah, to freak out your therapy office’s nursing staff trying to explain what’s going on with you over the phone. Good times, good times.

[lifeandmemoriesposts]

So today I pulled an all nighter and I’m working rn. I wanted to come here to “expose” one of my most hated sides. I can’t control myself around drugs. I simply can’t. It’s never just one line. It’s never just one hit. I just lose myself. Almost black out. Almost pass out from the amount. And I always found the way to convince ppl to let me take them. And that it’s alright. But it’s not. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I don’t want people I like to know about it. I don’t want to be judged by them. Fuck this mental illness

[bipolarings]

needing to take a lot of pills every day doesnt make you damaged or broken.

needing medication isnt a personal failure.

your brain just needs a little extra help making chemicals and thats okay

[allthebipolarknowhow]

When the mental illness hits: meme edition

Add your fav reaction meme and what symptom/illness it represents

[221bluescarf]

Mixed episode: