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@lifeisamisconception
Lowkey never expected to make it this far, now I’m in college and I have no idea what I want to do with my life and all my passion is gone.
Never found anything that represents what I’m feeling and going through right now that is more accurate 🤦🏻♀️
So you’re feeling suicidal…
I’m not going to sugar coat it; it happens, especially for those of us suffering from BPD, Depression, and other mood and anxiety disorders.
And sometimes, it’s really fucking scary
So here’s my unsolicited advice to you; take it or leave it
*Personally, when I get really suicidal, like the “shit the rope is around my neck” or “the pills are in my hand just fucking take them” the last thing on my mind is “how can I save myself”, so…
Step 1: fight the urge. Survive the near attempt. Find a fucking ounce of hope that convinces you to live
*this can be anything, ie: because I love fuzzy sweaters, or because there is so much art I haven’t done
Step 2: ok, so you survived the near attempt, or very scary serious thoughts. Chances are, you’re still feeling pretty agitated, depressed, suicidal, or an impossibly infinite number of emotions. For me, the next step is to focus on something other than myself
*I use an app called “Calm Harm”. It is intended for self harm, but works equally as well for suicidal urges. It gives you suggestions and different tools to help pass the urge to self-destruct. Some are distractors, expressive outlets, or meditative techniques.
Step 2.5: if the urge does not pass, remove yourself from the unsafe environment. I cannot stress the importance or genuine effectiveness of this tool. Go to the library. Take a walk. Do what you have to do.
Step 3: When I manage to ride the wave, pass the urge, I am almost always left feeling numb, emotionless, and terrified of my own mind-more often than not, this makes me want to self harm.
If you are left feeling like you want to self harm, return to step 2: ride the wave, wait for the urge to pass.
If you do self harm- don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens, and usually it’s not the end of the world. However, if you do self harm, please take care of yourself afterwords
Step 4: if you’re feeling like you are able to, or if the option is feasible, remove the dangerous objects from your room; ie. pills, ropes, knives, razor blades, etc.
This can be a difficult step to take. Push yourself to take it, but make sure you take baby steps. Removing all coping mechanisms (such as cutting) can make things worse in the long run. So take it slow. Start with putting your pills in the bathroom so that they aren’t there to temp you, or moving the ropes to the garage. You’ll get there, but give yourself time.
Step 5: Self Care. Whether that is cleaning the wounds, making some tea, curling up with a good book or taking a nap, self care is key. You made it. You can do this. This is not the end of your story.
Being suicidal is no easy feat, and each and every time you get through that battle, you are one step closer to winning this war.
I’m proud of you for making it through those feelings and this post.
You are strong.
You are important.
You have an amazing future.
You just have to do is survive long to find it 🖤
I feel like I’m too ugly to have friends.
It happened again.
I am, it’s sad but true. Being lonely doesn’t mean you’re all by yourself all the time with no one there. You can be the lonliest person in a room filled with people
Having an episode like I did last night is not one I ever want to have again. I was honestly scared of what I would do to myself. I had reached the one of her lowest points in my life so far and never thought I would get into that state. I find it sad I had gotten to that point. I need help. It’s just the asking part that’s hardest to do. I feel as if I am being over dramatic and that no one actually cares, cause honestly who really does? I’ve seen a saying a few times however it really got to me last night.
This is actually quite sad but very eye opening and realistic. There’s no point anymore, I just can’t be bothered to even type anymore so yeah...
Im back. It had taken me so long to be able to even open up about the slightest problems to someone and actually talk about them, however now I just feel like I’ve opened up too much. I think I’m just gonna go back to keeping myself to myself. People only wanna hear problems anyway cause they wanna know just so they know and they can be involved, no one actually cares. People say suicide isn’t an option. Clearly it is, and it’s sad to think people be in so much pain to the point of not even wanting to feel anymore. It’s sad but it’s true. Sometimes going away forever seems like the smartest option. Yeah some people may actually be hurt but they’d be better off not having to “worry” about me all the time. Besides, they’ll get over it eventually and carry on living there day to Day lives happily. That’s the sad truth I guess
I saw a post telling people about how life’s so worth living. But the sad truth is, it just isn’t worth all the mental, emotional and physical pain we will all go through. Everyone dies eventually right? Why not speed up the process?
Sometimes you’ve just gotta take a step back from reality and take time to find yourself again. It may take some time but things like that cannot be rushed
“Sometimes, we give up so much that we end up losing ourselves”
I’ve really been struggling lately, a lot. I’m falling further and further backwards into a worse state of mind. I’ve personally struggled for years with myself and my thought and shit and just to put it straight, it fucking sucks. This repetitive state of mind pisses me off cause I know I should be happy but myself and others make happiness difficult to find. I feel like soon I should just give up because...we’ll, why the fuck not? Everyone would get over it sooner or later and it would be so much easier for people as I always just feel like a burden. Trying to stay my bubbly self is getting so draining but I can’t have people asking if I’m alright all the time so I’ll have to keep it up. But perhaps for not much longer...
What do you miss?
