Life 'n' Limonata

Sitting with my lemon yogurt pondering life with all of it's sour and sweet. All writings, photos and videos are my original handiwork unless reblogged. Join me.

[lifenlimonata]

Forgotten at the Wash

It was a beautiful day less than a month before Spring and there I was minding my own, getting ready to wash my gleaming silver stallion next to all the other fine cars with their massive horses rumbling amidst the spray. Windows rolled down, sunroof open, drinking sun and the chill upon my forehead. Amidst the beeping horns, revving engines and cars separating between the express and full service lines. I was in line making casual conversation with the attendant as I slowly swerved my car in the wash thinking, “Wow! I’ve arrived, finally at the big boy’s wash with a big boy car to boot!” The moment of pride lingered as I got out the door waiting for the attendant to take my car into the wash. Sunglasses shimmering that violet essence of cool I open the door and walk in not knowing what is waiting for me inside. I walk passed windows with the suds coming out of every corner and brushes swirling non-stop and I get in line as others shop for knick knacks, candies and unnecessary trinkets.

Air fresheners galore

The line was moving when I saw this gorgeous lady checkout over priced air fresheners and I couldn’t help but intercede my opinion. “Excuse me, but yeah—I wouldn’t purchase that air freshener from here. You’re can get two of those at Target for around $5.00. Save your money.” To my surprise she erupts in laughter and thanks me graciously for sparing her from a horrible mistake. And I laugh as a result. I go to the register and pay eagerly $11 on top of the monthly car wash I have a $50 membership too. I walk outside as I see drying cloths tumbling in every directions with vacuum hoses tossing blue jacket attendants from left to right, right to left, left to right.

Outside waiting…

There I wait with everyone else. Wait and wait and wait. There she appears outside next to me. I try to chat it up with her and find she's been visiting churches, hanging with friends and moved back to Denver from Durango. I ask her to invite me to church but she never gives me a way to contact her and so I go in for the plunge, the one that leads to heavenly bliss or earth shattering rejection, yes: “Can I have your phone number?” She obliges and gives it to me casually. I wish I could say this is where the story ends but alas there is much more to the story. Snatched from the getting to know you faze, like a person begin ripped from space and time a shout comes over the noises that surround, “Your car is ready!” How I shuddered to think that this was goodbye, she shakes my hand, states it was so nice to meet you and wishes I have a good Sunday afternoon. There is no summons to call, text or follow up. Just goodbye. I should have learned but no I have to test the waters.

God awful self-help robbery

It’s 8:00 PM Sunday evening and she is still on my mind, not moving, just there at the forefront of my thoughts. I stare as the seconds click slowly bye just thinking, wondering, sighing, dreaming. I then decide maybe just maybe I need to reach out to her so she doesn’t forget about me. After all you can’t make the memory fade, right? You can’t let time pass before she wonders, “Huh? Oh. Yeah. Not.” I turn to a self help e-book about texting the opposite sex. Yet another dumb thing but I was desperate and had no one to provide wise counsel at that moment. Well $29 later I find that I’ve just been scammed with a poorly written e-book that is only 37 pages. Highway robbery if you ask me but I was to blind to see otherwise. The book tries to give practical advice about “pinging” just to see if the person you want to text is busy. This seems simple enough. Tons of examples and I still do it my way (don’t cringe just yet). I make the decision to make it my own. This is the message:

“Hey this is Branden from the car wash earlier. Crème brûlée or Tiramisu”

Specifically the e-book emphasizes do not use a “?” and that she will automatically know it is a question. Ugh! I click send and hope, and wait, and wonder, and feel like I messed everything up. Immediate questions come to mind: How do I recover? How do I say that in a different way? How do I get a second chance? I for the most part followed instructions by not placing to much immediate value in the text by saying, “It was so great to meet you,” or “You’re such an awesome person,” etc.

Deafening Silence…

Yep she hasn't texted me back at all. Some say toss your line back, others scuba dive for it and others just power up that ship of rejection and move on. A lot of voices, a lot of advice, a lot of confusion. I’m not sure what to do or if it is worth me doing anything at this point. I was closer than I thought but further than I realized. Here I am again waiting as crickets pack there bags to go to the next hopeful stranger. Here I wait…

[lifenlimonata]

The road I traveled.

[lifenlimonata]

Upside Down in Reverse Motion

Life upside down, panic in every direction, holding fast to reality, rushing and moving, searching for meaning, grasping on to everything but holding on to nothing. I sit and wonder about the life I once had in motion right side up, the feeling of everything in its place with gravity working for my pleasure.

I wait and struggle in reverse motion, suspended in midair against my will, grappling with decisions past, present and future clamoring for my attention. Upside down I wrestle with myself, running in all directions but going nowhere. Life in reverse motion, backwards and forwards, I am surrounded by emotions and thoughts, caught in a timeless void.

Life upside down for a moment, dreams bending to reality, goals no longer obstructed but now within focus. All things set right, the up now down. I’m breathing no longer suspended by invisible forces, motion resumes, meteor showers ascend the chaos, the void turns back on itself. The shadows flee, existence is subverted because now I understand.

– Branden Patterson

[lifenlimonata]

When Lights Go Out in the Morning

Lights go out in the morning, beneath the cover lies two. Unfamiliar with each other, sighs turn to grief. Darkness comes from their coal stained lips, as smoke fills the room. "Open the window," a voice gasps in a wheezy whisper. "There is no window," the other replies as the room becomes unbearable. "Yes there is a window," a voice says from beneath the cover, "It's black, it's black, it's black." When vents open, the smoke clears away, a breeze comes, the morning light shines through the darkened window. As rays of light gleam through, the cover slowly comes off. "What happened a few moments ago?" one replies. "Was there a fire?" "No," the other whispers. As the smoke disappears, the two return under the cover, only for it to happen again and again. – Branden Patterson

[lifenlimonata]

Their Blood Flowed in our Cups

Line the streets with the dead, place their bodies on burning embers, blow their ashes on the living. Let the stench of their flesh be our reminder of the life hereafter, the death we brought to those in viles of decadence and slaughter.

Did they not cry for mercy, begging at the hem of our humanity, as their blood flowed in our cups, while we drank to the last drop. We danced with Enlightenment, we danced with Liberty, we danced with Justice.

Into the hoosegows we did not go, underneath candle light we crept beneath bridges to roast the flesh of the dying. Where is Enlightenment? Where is Liberty? Where is Justice? Did we not pillage them until they were trampled under our feet in the streets.

Now we mourn their death, as we mixed their blood with the victims of yesterday. Do not weep for the dead in the streets, their bodies on burning embers, as their ashes are blown on the living. For who, in the end, will mourn us when we fall asleep?

– Branden Patterson

[stovenly-deactivated20171216]

What’s Left?

My fingers follow your veins in the dark, Light pulse, lost pulse, and I wonder If you remember mine?

When our lips touched, and with my heart, Yours beat. Your pulse, my pulse, Our blood come free.

It’s wrong.

What’s right? A choice at the fork, or The answer? Direction, Or directive? After that, What’s left?

It’s repugnant.

So one more time, We collide. The others steer their meteor trails Above trees with grappling branches. But we crashed in that forest, and Our hearts set fire to the leaves, Our love set fire to the trees. It was blinding, the two of us shining, Our scorching blood come free.

[lifenlimonata]

I had to reblog this. Enjoy!

[wnq-writers]

some women light fires in your soul and leave, other women light a torch up, hold it firm and ensure that flame never goes out.

iambrillyant  (via wnq-writers)

This about sums it up for me.

[lifenlimonata]

More photos from Sufjan’s concert in Denver on 10/27/2015 at the Denver Paramount.

[lifenlimonata]

Shutters Fly Beneath the Windmill. Read below!

[lifenlimonata]

Shutters Fly Beneath the Windmill

It was half past noon when I first saw you in the forest, your hair glistening like rays of starlight, Gazing up we locked each other’s eyes, as you stared with piercing delight from the shutters that flew beneath the windmill, In that moment every electron swirled to life, quarks danced, neutrinos rejoiced.

I will be known, I will be alive, I will be here.

Swish went the blades of the windmill as they brushed right to left, left to right, right to left, There I stood enchanted like a stag caught in the thicket, No flowers, no gifts, just me, Smiling you looked down, snickering to yourself, thoughts twirling like planets in their orbits, Sweet fragrances of honeysuckle and lavender filled the air.

I am known, I am alive, I am here.

Your eyes whispered wait as your shutters flew, creaking back and forth, I wait, I stare, I wonder, I wish, I hope, I think, I dream, Night approaches, darkness settles, stars faintly glow behind the mystery, I’m still here in the thicket waiting for you as celestial beings gaze from above.

I was known, I was here, I was alive.

– Branden Patterson

[lifenlimonata]

Had to share this brief clip from Sufjan's concert I failed to share! Ha.

[lifenlimonata]

Just enjoying a Lamar's doughnut on Sunday morning with my Dunkin' French Roast Coffee in my Starbucks cup. Haha. #wishyouwerehere #happysunday #lamarsdoughnuts (at LaMar's Donuts and Coffee)

[lifenlimonata]

Nothing beats $3 Chipotle burrito night with no extra charge for guacamole and extra meat on Halloween night! (at Chipotle)

[lifenlimonata]

My view from seat 3 on row N. Read my entry below for context.

[lifenlimonata]

Sufjan shining bright.

[lifenlimonata]

Swirling Lights

By Branden Patterson

It was a chill October evening and the air had the crisp feel that only a fall day could yield. It was Tuesday, I was in anticipation to see my favorite artist Sufjan Stevens perform. If I had any type of bucket list this concert was defiantly on it. The night before I met a random girl on one of those yes or no dating sites who hailed Sufjan being an angel sent from heaven and to my surprise the next day he was coming to Denver. Can you see the irony of the stars aligning? Normally, I would have never trekked to a concert by myself but I couldn’t miss the man who made Greetings from Michigan, Seven Swans, Age of Adz, Carrie and Lowell, etc. This music shaped my collegiate years up until this point and I could never forgive myself if I yielded to an excuse not to go.

Exhaling loneliness.

Swirling lights in the darkness in every direction, I was downtown, breathing in excitement and exhaling loneliness. There I was walking under the bridge connecting the Pavilion to some other structure I was mindless to observe. All I could focus on in that moment is seeing Sufjan’s name on the marquee of the Paramount theater. If I could just make it there I wouldn’t have to focus on exhaling my loneliness. I accepted the fact that I was alone by myself seeking this music as a source of consolation and affirmation as it has always been.

Booze and Popcorn.

I walked in the door, passed the ticket checkers, passed those getting their booze and popcorn, passed those consoled with friends shouting in their expression, “I’m not alone!” In door number 3 was an usher who took me to my row towards the front. Standing at row N (nervous) with a couple who graciously stood to let me go to seat number 4 I took my seat staring at the stage with no booze or popcorn. The loneliness felt like a familiar but unwelcome companion sitting in between me and the couple—no one there to take in this moment with me, just me and the myriads of other fans with their significant others or friends.

Breathe.

The show is about to start. Suddenly there appears this angel with blonde hair, crystal clear blue eyes who shows up. You know what happens next, right? She comes to row N and her seat is number 3 right between me and the couple. I look up and loneliness moves to seat 5 on my right to make room. Suddenly the nervousness shifts to a different kind, “What do I say?” Hundreds of thoughts sprint through my my mind, “You’re way out of her league,” “She is so gorgeous and look at you,” “Don’t set yourself up for failure,” sigh.

And my boyfriend.

Nonetheless, other thoughts stop along the marathon in my mind stating, “You got this,” “Strike up a conversation,” “What if? …,” and so I do the unthinkable and strike up a glorious conversation or at least I thought it was. Being self aware I plunge right in with friendly conversations about shared music. Then I make the remark, “You should definitely text me when you’re going to another show"and she agrees. Pulling out her cell phone she asks for my number, texts me and I text her back. Hope builds, dreams form into constellations and my heart starts to beat again and she says, “And my boyfriend…”

Rabbit hole.

Like Alice in Wonderland, I find myself free falling in the wrong direction, trying to contain the nuclear blast for which I’m at ground 0. I keep being friendly (because I am) and thinking just maybe there is still a chance. She went on about how her boyfriend never showed interest in Sufjan which is why he never came with her and spoke of her brother with his friends that also were at the concert but further back from us. Then loneliness whispered, “You really thought you had a chance? Ha. No way!”

Why?

I altered my gaze back toward the concert, the reason I was there, in hopes that the music would redeem and rescue me from these feelings. I sat wondering, “Why?”, and “How come?”, and “Really?”, and “No!” Sitting there I took photo after photo with video footage sprinkled in between to distract myself. The concert concludes the best show of my life to date. We walk out taking and she introduces me to her brother. Before leaving she gives me a huge front facing hug. Then loneliness wraps its arm around my shoulder as I make my way out of the venue back to my car.

Ding. A text.

“Send me those pics!” It’s her, she’s talking to me after the concert and I voluntarily let her back in to my nuclear waste land of denial. I send her the pics and then she sends an emoji with heart eyes 😍. The next day she texts me again and I think, “Gosh”, maybe just “maybe she likes me.”

Crickets for a day.

I send one more text the day before Halloween informing her that I’m going to a show at the Fillmore and would like to meet up. Waiting and still no reply the crickets fill the rejecting silence. Then I remember she has a boyfriend as I descend through the silence only to find myself staring loneliness in the face with a heart unrewarded.

The end.

[lifenlimonata]

Swirling lights from Sufjan’s concert. Read my first blog entry below. Cheers!