The Invisible Backpack: Managing the Mental Load with 4 Kids 🎒✨
Let’s get real for a second. Being a SAHM isn’t just about the "doing"—it’s about the thinking. It’s the "Mental Load," and when you have four kids ranging from an 8-month-old baby to a 15-year-old teenager, that load feels like a mountain.
My husband is out the door by 5:30 AM and doesn’t walk back in until 7:00 PM. That is nearly 14 hours of carrying the mental weight of this house alone.
What the Mental Load actually looks like in a house of 6:
• Remembering the 8-month-old’s nap window while helping the 10 and 12-year-olds with math.
• Knowing the 15-year-old’s mood before she even speaks.
• Tracking grocery lists, doctor appointments, and school spirit days in my head.
• Being the "Chief Problem Solver" from sunrise to long after sunset.
The Advice: Ownership over "Helping" 💡
When your partner works long hours, it’s easy to fall into the trap of saying, "Can you help me with this?" but that still keeps you as the manager. You still have to remember the task and assign it.
The Shift: Assign Ownership. Even if he’s only home for a few hours before bed, he can "own" a department.
• The 7 PM Handover: Maybe he owns the 8-month-old’s final bottle and bedtime.
• The "Big Kid" Crew: My 10, 12, and 15-year-olds are old enough to own their "departments" too (like the Pet Department or the Kitchen Reset).
Survival Tips for the 14-Hour Solo Stretch ⏳
1. The "Sunday Sync": Sit down for 15 minutes before the week starts. Put every appointment and meal on a shared calendar so he can see it on his lunch break without asking you.
2. The "5 PM Pivot": That last stretch before he gets home is the hardest. Lower the expectations. If the house is messy but the kids are fed and safe, you won.
3. Protect the "100% Me" Time: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Even if it’s just 20 minutes after the 7 PM handover, find a space where you aren't "Mommy" or "Wifey."
What’s the heaviest thing in your "invisible backpack" today? For me, it’s the mental gymnastics of balancing a baby’s schedule with a teenager’s social life. 🫠
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