i slept, finally, and in a dream, had whatever that new point i reached last night confirmed for me.
i was in a building with a dream person, and we'd been gallivanting like how i usually do in adventure dreams. and we were going to round this corner, into a new area. the area we were in had this blue carpeting with geometric patterns, and the carpeting ran halfway up the wall, with a gap opening to another area on the side.
the dream person was leading and mentioned something about my behavior. Something like "I've never seen you like this before." in reference to my quiet, calm demeanor. Usually, basically every time up till now, my dream self is so free spirited, she's like my spirit unleashed from all the tethers and horrors of waking life.
but this time, i wasn't frolicking. i wasn't looking around at the environment excitedly. i wasn't speaking or asking questions or making jokes. i was just following him, wordlessly, eyes trained on the floor ahead. (just like how i'd been watering the garden hours earlier in waking life) and he stopped walking before passing through to the next area, to look towards me, and say the thing about my behavior.
and i stopped where i was, still staring at the blue carpet and how it sloped with the curve where the floor met wall as it covered the lower half of the wall, and in my dream body i had a sense memory wash over me, of the internal state i was in all night last night and this morning.
recollection sat weird in dreamworld for the first time, without the usual giddy attempt at seeing if i could turn it into a fully lucid dream. no playfulness, just what ~is~, no desires beyond, no real desires at all.
i just felt real for a moment and looked at my hands, turning them over, and said "Yeah, last night was different..." before turning my face back up towards the opening to the next area. not to the dream person, just the path.
at least some things are real
