Don't touch what you can't afford

and that's me.

[vetchtibbles]

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

[your-personal-ghost]

It’s a mess here: someone looked your gift dark horse in the mouth, led it to water, and jumped back on it. Your ducks aren’t in a row, someone counted the chickens before they hatched. Your geese are silly, your brown cows aren’t explaining how, and every one of these sheep is a wolf but they don’t even notice with the amount of wool over their eyes. I’m fining you one million gold coins.

[vetchtibbles]

it was the goat blame the goat

[bananacockroach]

Hit the hay so hard last night that i found the needle

[bananacockroach]

Hit the hay so hard last night that i found the needle

[iusedtobecharming-deactivated20]

Do we have a franz kafka diary entry for july 1st, i want to know what he thinks!!!

[rehearsing]

happy too tired July everyone

[thememedaddy]

[sindri42]

I understand that most of your calls can be resolved by telling the dumbass on the other end to plug it in properly, or maybe turn something off and back on again. But I, an advanced dumbass, have already tried that and I'm afraid it's worse than either of us thought going into this.

[lentilswitheverything]

Once had an IT guy tell me the only possible explanation was a localised black hole under my desk disrupting the space time continuum, and I've always been obscurely proud of having an error that severe, even though it definitely wasn't me creating localised gravitational anomalies

[bumblebeebats]

I once had a computer problem so weird that it was escalated through like 4 different tiers of Apple Care until I was on the phone with this incredibly earnest guy who told me [in the thickest Eastern European accent imaginable]: "Oh my God... This is so strange... Haha!! Oh my God!!! Charlie, I will tell you, I have never encountered anything like this in my seven years of working here! All my days are spent usually helping people with stupid nonsense, but Charlie, you have brought me a PUZZLE! You have brought me a GIFT! I am FASCINATED! Now, I am going to get my manager, but Charlie, I PROMISE you. I PROMISE YOU, I will be back soon. PLEASE, Charlie, stay with me, and I PROMISE I will return to you and my manager and I will take care of you. OK?" and yes thank you i did tear up

[important-animal-images]

[petermorwood]

Translation not required.

[valtsv]

was playing "fetch" with the ocean today by tossing stones into it and watching them wash back up with the tide a few meters away, and it got me thinking about grief and the things we carry with us even after we lose them

[valtsv]

[apocryphics]

oh ok

[gorps]

[exeuntstormtroopers]

“Why would you stop in hell?” has changed my brain chemistry

[scottsumrners]

[staff]

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

[jtightpants]

[ralfmaximus]

Reblog to come play this stupid homemade board game we're all making.

[feraligatr]

daily affirmations:

i’ve gotta get out of here

this can’t be happening

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????

[whatsupwalnut]

"the world isnt kind" skill issue. I am

[inkieswirlsgaming]

This is a threat

[were--ralph]

official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

[nymphoutofwater]

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

[pieklo]

Reblog daily for health and prosperity

[bacon-dragon]

Some cleansing positive energy for your timeline

[thebibliosphere]

“Fyp” we don’t do that here. I mean, Tumblr the app and website tries, but we don't do that here.

“But then how will anyone see it?” peer review.

“How do you get engagement?” by talking and engaging with other people. Or making a devastating typo. Either way.

“But—” Listen, you’re not doing solo stand up anymore. This is a group improv class being held in a SAW dungeon. Good luck.