my real blog is for rebloging purposes

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well i dont have a dog anymore but on the plus side i have learned that my stepmother is a pet psychic

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i am having trouble wrapping my mind around this.

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i feel unpleasant. this was a very unhappy surprise. i really admired her work. I was looking forward to the story she was telling. i feel like i am being callous, but i didn’t know her in any other capacity. once, years ago, she was worrying on the bottom of the chapter about her wordcount- she was afraid that fanfiction.net wouldn’t support something so lengthy. I looked up the longest fic on the website (well over a million words), and left a comment with a link to it telling her not to worry.

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had a terrible shock. i’ve been following this one fanfic author for nearly a decade, on and off. she wrote these amazing character studies in all of her fics. she was an immensely talented writer. I just learned about her sudden passing earlier this month.

Just last month, I finally went back and finished the first part in her 2.3 million word epic, because I saw that she had begun book 3. i read it obsessively, as I am prone to do when I love a story. I read it day and night because I wanted to catch up. her profile says she was in a car accident on June 3rd, 2022 and died.

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did a bunch of room cleaning ♪(´▽｀)

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reread all of my posts instead of cleaning my room

gotta clean my room tho

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gotta clean my room gotta clean my room gotta clean my room

putting that energy out there

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ive never seen descendants because I was too old when it came out but i read fanfiction about it anyways and

what the fucccccccccccccck

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fi saw one of my beanie babies in the window of an antique store so that happened

^ this isnt the antique store, this is someone selling the same doll for twenty bucks

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a man in my family once asked me if i had depression. something along those lines. he already knew about my struggles with my mental health, from some stories hed been told and i was not privy to. it made me uncomfortable because it was too personal. i dont remember what i said. he compared it to his daughters depression; she once had to be institutionalized. ive never met her. it was so fucking invalidating. ‘your depression wasn’t as serious as MY daughter’s depression’

its not a competition. its not a competition. you dont know how serious it was and you never will, and it isnt your place to judge.

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ive never tried to hurt myself directly but i do it indirectly. i dont eat or i dont sleep or i dont get out of bed all day. i wonder if its depression or just symptoms of my anxiety rearing their head since i dont have enough structure

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i am too self aware like i know exactly why i have the problems i do and how to fix them but i actively choose not too because i am comfortable in my unsustainable bubble of doing nothing

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whats a good job to have if you feel like you suck at the stuff you are supposed to be trained in

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anxiety is like living with pins and needles stuck to your brain, and they poke you more and more when you try to think about how you need to do stuff

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i don’t respect people who trash podcasters or vloggers at random. seriously, what is people’s deal with Travis McElroy? As far as I can tell, people are just mad that he isn’t a very experienced GM. wild. 

Also, I saw something decrying Sarah Z recently (something about shipping) to which I must say.......... GROW UP. I’ve seen some of her videos, and she’s exactly the same as every other youtuber that reviews pop-culture whatzits. Generic, really. Why care?

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brain is m u s h ...

i need a bedtime

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minecraft is not fun