Analyzing Lily Orchard losing her fucking mind in real time
@lily-is-a-gooner has the post debunking the fact that this event was not staged, but I wanted to go over some of the noteworthy things I think are worth dissecting. Strap in, this oneâs probably gonna be long.
Video link for anyone playing along at home:
[3:15] âYouâve got these things causing fucking car crashes, cuz they go off in peopleâs cars, startle them and cause them to veer into oncoming traffic!â
Iâll need to see a source on that before I believe it. Looking up âcar crashes caused by amber alertâ only brings up instances of kidnapped children that the amber alerts were for being involved in a car crash. Wouldnât there be some study showing that reports for car crashes have an uptick within the hour of an EAS alarm being sent out?
[3:26] âAND THEY SEND THEM ALL THE GODDAMN TIME! [âŚ] Youâre gonna get one of these things once a fucking week!â
No you wonât. Like. That is factually false. Excluding the test that just got sent out this month I get MAYBE one every three months. They are NOT common.
I thought maybe I was the outlier in that I live in Middle-of-nowhere, Alberta so I asked my Ontarian friend if they were more common there (you know, given the larger population) and what do ya know
[3:42] âWe had one of these come out when Covid was happening! Like, Stephen, we all knew Covid was deadly, we didnât need you to blow up everyoneâs phones over it!â
I was ready to clown on this given I thought she was referring to Stephen Harper who hasnât been PM since 2015 but I THINK sheâs referring to Stephen McNeil who was the Premier of Nova Scotia in 2020. I donât personally remember that alert going out (but I also have the memory of an anemic goldfish so that isnât a high bar to clear) so maybe it was only a NS thing but I would assume for a national state of emergency that would be sent out by the NPAC? So, all parts of Canada? What would that have to do with Premier McNeil?
Donât take this part super seriously Iâm mostly just spitballing, this very well could just be an honest slip up on Lilyâs part
[5:52] âI get amber alerts for shit that happens in Yarmouth! Thatâs a 3 hour drive away from me, the fuck you want me to do?!â
Hey, you know how earlier you said the amber alerts are usually about kids that wander off or are taken by a parent in a CUSTODY DISPUTE? Ya think that parent taking the kid is gonna STICK AROUND? They very well could be in Halifax by the time the alert actually goes out depending on how far the parent is willing to go. I myself jumped provinces to escape an abusive situation, thatâs not exactly a long drive in comparison.
[6:36] (Iâm gonna paraphrase this but essentially sheâs talking about how 911 got swarmed with calls just bitching about the alarm going off in the first place and when they said not to abuse the line Lily calls this hypocrisy)
Lily the alerts are reporting imminent emergencies. If a kid (or really anyone) goes missing and they arenât found in 48 hours itâs safe to assume theyâre GONE. Calling 911 to complain about the alarm waking you up (despite them not being responsible for it) clogs up the lines when an ACTUAL report could be trying to get through. This is not comparable to a province using an emergency line for something that needs immediate attention just because it doesnât affect you directly.
Feel like itâs also worth noting Iâve never seen anyone who wasnât a conservative complain about the alerts at night. If itâs really that much of an issue you can turn your phone off at night (which you really should do anyway, itâs better for the battery) and get an alarm clock. If you know this to be an issue for you and the solution is completely within your control it is your responsibility to avoid this specific issue.
[7:46] (paraphrasing again: Lily is accusing people who are okay with the alerts going off at night of being hypocrites because theyâll just click their phones off and go back to sleep)
Again, this reeks of self-centrism and Iâm once again unsure if Lily is aware that people who arenât her exist. Yes, the person who acknowledges night alerts as a good thing may dismiss the notification. However, they acknowledge that people working night shift, such as hospital workers or those working at 24hr drive thrus/gas stations ARE awake and able to keep an eye out for certain descriptors, licence plates etc. This is not a hypocritical stance.
[9:10] âI canât do anything while [the alarm] is playing. I just have to clap my hands over my ears and wait for it to end.â
âŚno??? You can literally swipe it away like any other notification and the noise stops. What are you talking about.
[9:30] (Not typing allat: Lily uses Japan as an example of how they use different alarms for different emergencies)
Oh hey look! Lily saying Japan did something good for once!
Gotta love how she picked the one country that doesnât have an alarm thatâs ominous as hell because literally almost every other country has an alarm that is just as if not more shit-in-pants worthy than Canadaâs if it was played abruptly and at max volume
Maybe this is just personal opinion but I think itâs a good thing that all emergencies are regarded at the same level here. If we had a different, lessened alarm for when a child goes missing then people could immediately go âcool donât careâ instead of reading it at least once quickly to see what it says.
Alright thatâs it for me I didnât have a closing statement Iâm gonna go take a nap⌠with my phone off
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