things i learned during my first year of college
I’ve been home for two weeks now, and I’ve been thinking a lot about my first year of college and everything I’ve learned. I’ve definitely changed and grown into a better person in the last 9 months so here are some reflections on the most important things I’ve taken away from the experience.
It’s okay to be lonely (sometimes) because everyone is. This is the hardest thing to come to grips with, and I don’t think anyone at any stage of their life really understands it. It’s especially heightened in college, when it seems like everyone else is hanging out their their friends all the time while you’re sitting alone in your room or eating dinner alone. It wasn’t until I was talking to some of my first-year friends near the end of the year that I realized everyone feels these moments of isolation, no matter how many friends they seem to have with them all the time. It’s normal. But, if you’re feeling lonely or isolated from the community often or it’s in any way detrimental to your mental health, reach out to a friend or mental health professional.
Lower your standards or it won’t be manageable otherwise. I was in group therapy this year, in a group geared toward getting things done (helpful as a chronic procrastinator with ADHD). And while discussing me not finishing Spanish readings, someone in the group gently reminded me that I wasn’t in high school anymore. I was still getting good grades and participating in class; who cares if I didn’t read every page or used English aids to help me get through. Now this might be different for others–maybe you don’t copy out your notes until they’re pristine anymore, or don’t work every problem til it matches the answer key. But college is different than high school. Depending on your future plans, getting straight As may matter less, and it’s definitely more difficult. You have to recognize that and adjust your study habits accordingly or you’ll be stressed constantly and not enjoying your new experience.
Please, don’t buy your textbooks before the first day of class. You’ve heard it before, but it’s a real issue. I know you’re excited, but save your money and sanity. Wait and head to the library for any pressing needs in week 1.
Find a professor you can talk to. aka go to office hours. My Literature Humanities professor has been an absolute gift; we’ve had amazing conversations about literature, politics, and life in general. She’s helped me through hard moments (like an issue with affording textbooks) and given me amazing advice. Having someone like this in my life has been indispensable. And guess what? I only connected with her after going to office hours. (An older friend can serve the same mentor role, but still go to office hours anyway. They’re more useful than you think, and you’ll need letters of rec some day)
Say yes to new experiences. Don’t do anything that will put you in danger or that makes you incredibly uncomfortable. But that club that seems cool and totally different than what you did in high school? Go to a meeting or fill out an application. Your friends are going to a party/concert/museum/something? Tag along and see what’s up. I joined our school’s blog, and ran for band board on impulse and it’s been some of the best and most formative experiences I’ve had so far.
Have some kind of reliable income. I didn’t have a job my first semester and it made my year so much harder than it needed to be. From buying spring textbooks to being able to do fun things with my friends in the city, I was so hindered in every way. Whether it’s a job or an allowance from family, having a small, steady stream of money makes life so much less stressful in the long run.
Make friends in class. I’m so bad at this, and next year I’m going to work on taking my own advice more. Having someone to do your homework with or get notes from when you miss class is so important. You’re going to miss (or skip) occasionally; that’s when you need it. They also make class(especially a bad class) more enjoyable!
Your friendships are going to take work and time. Unless you’re going to school with a dozen of your closest friends, you’re essentially starting from scratch with your relationships. Don’t try to push things too hard; it’s okay if you only have surface-level friendships with everyone after a few months. You have to be willing to be the one to make plans, open yourself up, and dedicate time to these new friendships (or romantic relationships). Reaching out can be hard and, it’ll take trial and error, but you’ll find what works best for you in this new environment and, hopefully, a great group of friends as well.
You will fail. It might not be a test or a class, but it’s going to come up eventually. I got rejected from every club I applied or auditioned for and it made my first month at Columbia hurt a lot. My summer internship search was a disaster and it was all my fault. You’ve got to pick yourself up after and make the best. It’ll teach you more than success ever did; for me, it was incredibly humbling and showed me where I need to work. Push past the “I’ll never do well again” toward the “Well, that was shitty. What do I do about it so I can make it better or it doesn’t happen again?”
Advocate for resources/what you need (your adviser should help). Colleges have so many resources: from free counselling to study abroad fellowships to lending libraries for low-income students. It’s all there for you. But you’re going to be the one who has to navigate these often confusing straits. Talk to older students and your adviser, who should have knowledge of all of these resources or be willing to help you look. If they’re not helpful or supportive (not just in looking for resources), it might be time to think about getting another adviser.
Ask for help. Whether it’s seeing a counselor to help your mental health, getting advice from a friend, or asking a professor for a much-needed extension, don’t be afraid to speak up. These people are here to help you, and most want to see you succeed. And if you get a hard-ass professor or a bad counselor, don’t let that be a deterrent to asking for a different counselor or an extension in a different class.
Talk to your roommate. Maybe you don’t want your roommate walking in on a heavy make-out with your significant other or you can’t sleep with the lights on. Know that whatever dumb rooommate agreement you sign at the beginning of the year probably won’t hold, and adjust accordingly. The important thing to remember is that the conversation is always ongoing and you have to speak up if something is bothering you.
It’s okay to change your mind. I came into school a political science and Hispanic studies double major and I was determined to stick to my path. But one day, at a group therapy session, I was complaining about my frustration at being unable to finish my Spanish readings for seemingly no reason and an upperclassman basically asked “Have you ever thought that you don’t want to do it because this isn’t right for you?” He basically changed my life in that moment and I realized that my plans can and should change. If I’m spending thousands at this institution, I should be loving what I study instead of trying to maximize my potential to sell out to finance or corporate law. As a first year, you have so much time. Don’t be afraid to admit that what you thought was your best plan when you were 6 or 12 or 17 isn’t working for you now and go for something that’s more rewarding for you.
I could keep going, but this is long enough. If you want to hear any more about my first year thoughts, experiences, advice, don’t be afraid to ask!
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