Zayne x you (Love and Deepspace) (I love him sm)
Growing old is a scary feeling. You lose a part of everything; family, friends, ambitions and… yourself. Everything is uncertain and it is horrifying. The thoughts have been clouding your mind for a while. It can be hard when you’re stranded in the middle of the sea. You don’t know how deep it is and what lies beneath it. You feel the sea level rise as it tries to swallow your island in its wallowing waves. You’re trying your best but you limbo through your past and future to find answers like a madman; the present never felt so distant before. You feel the hands of the abyss claw your heart until it’s bleeding from its wound and there is an inferno in your stomach that aches with the feeling of hiraeth over a lost past of another universe.
Perhaps it was pathetic to sit on a bench in a park to dwell on your existential crisis, you could have done this in the comfort of your bathroom in your house. You would have cried wondering what the hollowness in your soul meant, and perhaps avoid looking in the mirror as you do. But… what was the use? You cry, you feel your chest grow heavy, you wash your face, you go to sleep and then, rinse and repeat. The fire in your body was growing and was slowly burning you with it.
“What are you doing here?” A familiar voice asked. “You will catch a cold.”
You don’t feel like meeting your gaze with the man who spoke to you. You didn’t need to confirm who it was in front of you. The clinical yet gentle deep voice could belong to only one person. Your hands fiddle with the can of coffee, your eyes remain trained on the ground that you don’t even register the warmth and the scent of comfort envelope your senses. It… eased your anxiety stricken heart, just by a smidge. You take a deep breath as you close your eyes and nuzzle into the source of warmth and comfort.
“…What happened?” His gentle voice continued as you felt his warm and strong figure sit beside you, it felt safe…
You try to hide your face into the soft scarf Zayne had wrapped around your neck and you try to swallow the thick emotions in your throat. It was a miracle how you weren’t breaking down already. Words couldn’t come out of your lips, you couldn’t describe this feeling to anybody without becoming a sobbing mess. How could you explain to someone how much you wished to disappear yet be so afraid of death? You want to reach your goal, you want to see the world, you want to watch the beauty around you, but only the heavens knew how exhausted you were. Only the stars knew how tired you were from explain yourself again and again.
You feel your thoughts halt when Zayne carefully held your hand. And finally when your eyes meet his, he tenderly squeezed your hand. ‘I am here for you.’
You reciprocated the action, but, it was executed with more strength and bitterness than you initially calculated. ‘I am stuck.’
His thumb, slowly and with so much consideration, runs over your knuckles. It fills you like an oasis. ‘I can listen.’
You intertwine your fingers with him, your grip tight and trembling slightly. ‘I am afraid.’
Zayne looks in your eyes, his gaze soft and searching for answers. Somehow, he understands when he brings your hand closer to his lips and kisses your fingers one by one. ‘Take your time.’
And perhaps it was different with Zayne. None of you were good with words when it came to your fears and emotions, when things drown deeper into the silent dark waters. Words were not needed anyways between you two. His gaze, your touch, his subtle actions and your eyes spoke a language carved from the archive of your hearts; it was only meant for both of you. And even if your tears were finally rolling down your cheeks, Zayne doesn’t question nor utter a word as if he could read your thoughts. He just pulls you close to his side in his arms and softly rubbed circles on your back.
Your fearful heart calms down as you feel him hold you like he would never let you go. The cold melts away and your chest feels lighter as you nuzzle into his embrace. Your dark and panic ridden thoughts calm into static until they start to whisper like a lullaby in your ears.
Growing old is not scary if Zayne is by your side.









