A lot of us have been stuck in toxic relationships. If you haven’t, I envy you. When people hear about toxic relationships, a lot of them automatically assume those to be romantic relationships. This morning I was reading an article about toxic friendships and how some people ended them.
Trying to let go of someone who is a best friend is tough. I’ve had quite a few toxic friendships end. Most of them ended dramatically, unfortunately. I had a BFF, we’ll call her A, many years ago. We went to art school together. She was a semester ahead of me but our program was small so the classes all knew each other. We weren’t close in school, but after we both graduated we ended up working together. We didn’t get to talk too much and after I had been there for a few months, she left. We kept in touch on Myspace (this is how long ago this happened). My 21st birthday was approaching and we made plans to hang out. We became close after that and our friendship blossomed. She was my go-to whenever I had any problems, she always had my back when other friends turned against me, she was my person. in 2006-2007 we both had shitty jobs. We would text each other all day about how much we hated our jobs. In June 2007, she got an interview for a position in our field of study. I drove her to the interview because she didn’t have her license yet. The people she interviewed with told her they were looking to hire more than one designer so if she knew anyone please recommend them. She told them I was also a designer and I got an interview as well. We both ended up getting the job. For a while it was AWESOME working together. After about a year, our bosses promoted us both to assistant managers and this is where things started getting rocky. Everything turned into a competition with her. It was like she was trying to prove she was a better manager than me. I think bosses realized it and ignored it. It started having a negative impact on our friendship outside of work.
I found myself constantly overthinking anything I had to say to her because any time I said something that would upset her, she wouldn’t react to it until months later. By then I had forgotten whatever it was I had said or done. I could tell when she was upset with me. She would write a nasty entry in her Livejournal, or post something on Facebook. They were always vague but I KNEW they were about me. Each time she did this I’d have to go running to her asking what was wrong. I told her I knew her posts were about me because she would treat me like shit to my face or completely ignore me. Whenever I asked her what was wrong she would say “well you said this” “you did that and it upset me”. Some of whatever upset I remember doing or saying but months had passed. I told her first and foremost, I would NEVER intentionally say or do anything to upset her on purpose, and asked why she didn’t say anything when it first happened? She would say that she doesn’t like confrontation and just forgot about it until something made her remember it. I told her to PLEASE just talk to me. I didn’t care how she did it, email, phone call, face to face, whatever she was comfortable with. I don’t like confrontation either but when there’s an issue that needs to be addressed, it’s better to get it over with instead of dragging it out. This went on for about a year or 2. I got really fed up with it in 2010.
Somewhere around November, she stopped talking to me altogether. She would post really nasty shit on Facebook and mutual friends of ours would ask me what’s going on? At first I had no idea because, I’M NOT A FUCKING MIND READER, so I would check her Facebook and read her posts. I told our mutual friends that her posts were most likely about me because she gets mad at me for dumb shit that I said or did months ago. I was tired of chasing after her. I told her NUMEROUS times to talk to me if she was upset with me and she never did. She continued her childish behavior so I cut her off. Even though we worked together, it was still possible. I blocked her on all social media accounts. She thinks I did it because, in her mind, she’s right and I’m wrong and I don’t want to admit it so I blocked her. in REALITY, I blocked her because I got sick of seeing her nasty, immature, childish posts about hating someone while I’m sitting 7 fucking feet away from her. If she can’t grow a set and tell me shit to my face, I don’t want to see it on Facebook. I told our mutual friends I blocked her and to stop telling me what she posts. If she wants me to know so bad she can tell me to my face. She NEVER did. She would just act like a complete asshole at work. Coming in late, leaving early, calling out a lot. Bosses finally got fed up with it and fired her. I didn’t find out right away because I ended up getting a stomach bug. I had left early the day they let her go and ended up staying home the next day. The day after that I came back and saw that any sign of her presence was gone. My supervisor told me what happened and asked how I felt about it. I said I was fine with it and told him how she had been acting towards me during and outside of work. We haven’t spoken in 8 years.
After she left it was like a black cloud was lifted from the office. The other designers started talking to each other more and having more fun. She just sucked the life out of that place with her negativity and immature behavior.
A part of me misses her because we had a ton of fun together. Working together really ruined out friendship though. There’s a reason you can’t really mix business with pleasure.
I occasionally hear from mutual friends that she will still make stupid posts about old shit. Like, why though? Why keep digging up old bullshit? What are you trying to prove? That after 8 years you’re STILL an asshole? I don’t get it and never will. It’s not like I can see any of her shit anyway. She’s still blocked.
I just don’t understand why people insist on being horrible on purpose to people. If someone says something to upset you, just talk to them. 9 times out of 10 it’s unintentional. Anything I said or did that upset her was NEVER on purpose. She knew it but still would get mad at me....months later.
Oh, and if someone asks you if you’re mad at them and you LIE and say no, the situation becomes null and void. You have no right getting upset about it later on. You have no right to be an asshole to that person after you LIED to them. You were asked if you were upset, you LIED and said no, now you have to move on and forget about it. If you’re not ready to talk about it, just say so. If whatever upset you was not done intentionally, the person you’re mad at will understand. Just be an adult about it.
