sick marmalade, grandpa!

born to rock and hates ducks navigation ask a thing my face butt one

[lipsticksandknives]

none pizza with left beef

[thebootydiaries]

me: hi ma'am how are u today

customer: *ignores me*

me:

[the-flawless-unicorn]

What is this creature???

[thebootydiaries]

that’s me after being ignored don’t be so rude

[zeroenthusiasm]

[strongermonster]

i need to say something that maybe not everyone here will understand but: 9pm is the shortest hour

[butch-king-frankenstein]

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

[twerkyvulture]

i don’t say that. “hot” would imply it’s been in the toaster for more than fifteen seconds lol

“your lightly warmed bread is done” i tell u

[twerkyvulture]

one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”

[butch-king-frankenstein]

“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me

[1000drawings]

by  France Corbel

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[5618161-deactivated20230316]

I fucking love these things

[boyx-deactivated20190424]

[8-bitstories-deactivated2020062]

[jvlianbashir]

there is no validation quite like when people really enjoy something you cooked

[jvlianbashir]

winning the nobel prize <<< bringing home a completely empty container from a social function

[e-leutheromani-a]

[teavibes]

[paulthebukkit]

soup

[hustlerose]

welcome to mcdawnalds do you wanna phucking beesechurger

[big-red-gum]

p-please, i just want to s-see my wife again

[hustlerose]

chinken nunget

[rinasawayamaupdates]

Rina Sawayama photographed by Laura Allard-Fleischl

[mobpsycho100]