you live, you love, you cry, you lose, you bleed, you scream
You could say I learned a lot from him. You could say there is a huge amount of the person I am because of him. You could also probably say I owe him that debt of gratitude.
People always thank the people that are influential in their lives when they've achieved something. "I'd like to thank Bob, Sam, Ted, Sal, that person over there, that person over there, my family, and mom... (so on and so forth)."
You don't ever hear, I'd like to thank xxx for being such an asshole that you literally taught me exactly how not to be. Thanks!
And B was. Asshole to the bone. Inside the bone. Down to the nucleus of the atoms that make the bone.
High School drop out, Not even street smart. Addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, and scratch tickets. Always angry on a primal level where common sense and logic would never penetrate. Racist, sexist, and homophobic.
How the hell my mother fell in love with you, I will never understand. She left you once, should have stayed gone. In the end, I always believed you killed her. Maybe not quickly with your hands or a gun. But slowly over time taking away the ability to deal with her life and the stress you created until one day her heart exploded. While I understand that is not the case, I felt that for the longest time with the haunting thoughts of her calling out your name while you were upstairs too passed out to hear. Thank you for that as well.
Everyone you had close to you, you made them estranged. All except the mental patient that you had living with you over the years.
Your own family didn't even want to write your obituary because they couldn't think of what to say.
B died on Saturday. He lived his life selfishly. He left behind two estranged daughters, a step son, and his brother S. We all wondered why it took so long and sorry to say, you will never be able to say how you'll break our necks off and shit down our throats any more.
I know this sounds angry but I've been over the anger for quite some time.
In fact if it weren't for some of the lines above repeating themselves over and over and over and over in my head...
if i get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to - Anna Nalick - Breathe (2 AM)
So there that is. All said and done. A complete chapter of my life is closed.
gummygunk
stormborns
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
snowghoul
dededos
pixelskylines
germansingergirl