I'm Litsen, quite of a mess of a person from France. I'm in my mid-30s and I try to do things... Can't promise to be coherent or to make sense. Please, bear with me 😅
I mostly post about BG3, especially about Astarion, through screenshots and gifs, but also personal opinions and analysis of the characters, and also through a few fanfics, sometimes centred on my Durge, Ellith, and sometimes not (I like writing from the general "you" pov to explore some Astarion fluff or angst).
Oh and just in case you're not sure, I'm kinda genderfluid/nonbinary, and you can use any pronouns when you talk about me, I really don't care (But I'll always respect your pronouns of course 💜)
Also, here [updated], you’ll get some information about my blog (and myself), mostly PSA + I have the personal stuff tag for my life and rants, and the pet family tag for the fluffy babies!
Ah! And if you strongly disagree with me; it's ok. We can agree to disagree. But if you feel like being insulting, disrespectful and/or passive aggressive, you should unfollow [/block] me right now. It will be better for both of us.
Also: if you think using Gen AI is okay - or /can be okay sometimes/ - just unfollow me.
Thank you! 🙏
The masterpost about my Durge Ellith is HERE.
The masterpost for all my fanfics is HERE.
My opinions, headcanons and analysis:
Astarion and Irony
Astarion's boundaries
How Astarion handles tenderness and care
How a former sex-worker relates to Astarion's experience
Why does Astarion claim he enjoys killing so much?
Astarion’s state of mind in the first sex scene
Refusing to sleep with Astarion a second time
Astarion craves connection and a long answer to a comment about it
Night two: Astarion asks you how you'd want him to kill you.
Astarion's feeding and the "Hot Vampire Fantasy"
Astarion's midnight snacks, but on his own terms
Bonding with Astarion in the Shadowlands (Act 2 hc)
Being Astarion's friend
Astarion / Lae'zel: similarities and differences Part I - Part II
Astarion's scent
How the idea of Astarion’s ascension affected me (cw eating disorders)
Astarion's cheek biting
Act1 Astarion: When the mask falls for a second
My two cents to a post about Astarion's ptsd
My two cents about Astarion 'not getting cuddly'
My two cents to a great to discussion, esp. about AA being "kind when you're nice to him"
My two cents to an excellent essay about AA, concerning how he perceives love and if he needs his consort
General perception of Astarion's and Halsin traumas
Garlic love (silly little hc)
Durge pre-game chronology (questions)
The influence of the companions on Resist Durge
Degrading yourself
Gortash in French
Gale in French
Horny BG3 tierlist
Astarion's heartbreaking face during that first night and here for more
Astarion's type? (No.)
Astarion as a hero
"The charming rake", the anti-hero(?)
Astarion realises heroes don't have to be flawless
Minthara about Astarion running from the sun
Cazador and children (cw mentions of child abuse)
My two scents on the alignment system
The flophouse scene; Astarion's violence
"This isn't about sympathy"... or is it?
Durge created the Absolute: Astarion's reaction
Astarion/Sauron?
The Crimson Manor, AA's eternal prison + Health and safety violations in the Palace (crack post)
Astarion and Thaniel/Oliver: a similar story?
Astarion: An addict to blood and freedom?
Astarion, a "banisher of shadows"
Astarion's self-esteem and sense of worth
Helping Astarion on his healing journey: a few leads
What to do with the spawns after Cazador's gone for good?
Astarion Origin second nightmare
"Don't eat your friends"
Wyll encouraging Astarion in act 3
Karlach being proud of Astarion
Former Magistrate Astarion offering his service
The Gate as Astarion's home
Astarion always "ending up in crypts"
HC: Astarion's precious place in the Gate
Astarion's denial in the cells
My two cents to an excellent post about Astarion's reaction when Raphael reveals his scars
''Astarion and Durge never met before the tadppole adventure': STOP TAKING YOUR HC FOR CANON FGS
Astarion's painful decision to break up with Doomed Durge, or with a Mind-flayer partner.
My two cents to a lovely post about Radiant Astarion's tenderness
Astarion's views on polyamory
When dangerous places remind Astarion of his home
My personal tribute for BG3 (video)
Letting Astarion bite you during the first sex night, and the struggles of vampiric compulsions.
Other tags:
This tag for my screenshots
This tag for the gifs of all my fav Astarion reaction
Requests and asks:
First thing first: I'm really not into AU, unless it's the kind of more or less 'canon' AU in which different Tavs and Durges meet (because I like it when OCs interact!). So yeah, don't expect me to play with AUs, that's really not my cup of tea (Determinism is still a thing to me, with a lot of nuances, but still)
Just so you know, if you have any request in terms of Astarion screenshots (a dialogue or cutscene in particular, an expression, body language, or photomode silliness, that kind of thing...), feel free to send it to me.
Likewise, if you have a question about my interpretation of a scene, or a dialogue or banter, my askbox is open! It also works for my Durge, if you ever have questions about Ellith 🖤
I can't promise I'll do everything you might ask, but if I can and if it inspires me, I will. ✨
Ah, and here are the specs about my current computer system.
And finally, life has been tough lately, since gen AI is stealing my job and I'm very broke, so if you like my stuff, if you want to help me and if you can afford helping, I have a kofi here💜
I’m also on Stoat and Discord for mutuals (only) - Feel free to dm me here so we can get in touch 💕✨
trying to get back into the tag game so thank you @litsenn and @archduchessgortash for the push to get to it today! (I know I've missed about a 1000 tags from you both and everybody else and I deeply apologize for my lack of interaction and deeply appreciate y'all continue to think of me)
No writing or BG3 anything(unless you squint since my mind lives in dnd land and these are probably maybe possible future oc foder), but I broke into digital media about a week ago and so far I don't hate it. Been the first few things I've created in years that I am actually happy with and I'm legitimately proud (which is new) of myself for how well I feel I'm picking it up considering it's been over a decade since I made art and have never used digital mediums.
I never got to really define my style all those years ago either so this has been extremely cathartic.
Anyway have a flower gal I started this morning and will be steadily working on today.
And the merlady I have yet to get back to finishing (she was my first attempt at this so I definitely would like to finish her up)
Technically I drew that merphae first but used the ref so badly and dont love it all, so it doesn't count.
I'll leave this open for anyone who's got something to share since I am so woefully behind on my own tags.
Thank you for the tags, @saylofwaterdeep, @optimisticgrey & @woundedsoul12!
And for the uno-reverses: @gortashsrighthand, @carnivaley, @ele-millennial-weirdo, @lucretiouswept, @defira85, @cinder-rellish181 & @litsenn!
I love reading/seeing all of your wips! 🥰
Let's do two bits today, shall we?
The first is a crumb of the bread on the other side of the shit sandwich that was Mara meeting Tara in the Dead Gale/Dead Everyone AU. I'm saving the full scene for the fic itself. 😈
TW: referenced suicide attempt (but Mara knew she would be resurrected)
“I believe it is my duty to inform thee,” Withers scolded as Mara cast a cantrip to dry herself off, “that thou cannot solve all of thy problems by drowning thyself.”
“Until I face the Absolute, you bet your bony ass I can,” Mara returned through clenched teeth. Then, she added, “And I jumped off a roof.”
“I retrieved thy soul echo from the bottom of the Chionthar,” the skeleton corrected.
Mara scowled. “The roof was near the river. It must have… bounced.”
“Soul echoes do not bounce.”
The second one is Gale in the Fugue.
TW: Dead Gale
“... Mara…” he whispered into the oppressive, if familiar, gray of the Fugue plane. “I must get back! She needs me.”
Gale scanned the seemingly endless horizon that he knew was, in fact, very far from infinite; it only appeared that way to the dead, as a means of further dampening spirits that were already quite drenched in malaise as it was. He found it more than a little excessive upon repeat viewing.
After rotating almost a full circle, he spotted the skyline of the City of Judgement and immediately strode toward it at a brisk pace. Gale expected that he would soon find himself experiencing a sort of slingshot of the soul—right back into the world of the living, as before. However, recent events were… a mite unprecedented in his reckoning.
Mara had lost control of her Urge. Entirely. She was trying, fighting hard enough that it had broken his heart to hear the fear in her thoughts as he'd used the tadpole to contact her, but she was losing the battle. He'd tried everything he could think of in the unfairly miniscule window of time he'd had to work with—short of outright attacking her, that is.
He shuddered even to think such a thing, but maybe… he should have reached out with more. After what had happened in the Underdark, he simply no longer trusted Mystra to offer assistance that followed his intentions. Not where Mara was concerned, at least. Nonetheless, if he could have rendered her unconscious or even effectively restrained her, he would have had more time to find a way to help.
He had been certain he could reach her with the tadpole, and he was right. He did reach her, but it didn't matter. Nothing they tried had allowed her to regain control. That damn thing inside her had murdered him… and it made her watch!
Gale's blood practically boiled at the thought. How… why would anything be so cruel?! It was clear to him now that it was not a simple curse, or even something as mundane as possession, not that any possession could truly be called mundane, but what was affecting her was too powerful, too clever to be easily exorcised. It was… complicated. Fortunately for Mara, and the Sword Coast itself, Gale of Waterdeep was quite adept at complication. He would figure this out.
While he might find himself resurrected within minutes or hours, he knew he couldn't count on that. And… Mara might not have stopped at him. What if no one was left to pay Withers? Would she remain trapped inside her own mind, forced to watch that horrid thing run rampant? There must be something he could do to ensure that would not happen…
Ha! There was indeed, but he'd best get closer to the city before he made his first attempt, as that was where he would need to be should he fail. With any luck, his circumstances and the importance of his mission would grant him a measure of leniency.
It was impossible to tell exactly how long it had been since his arrival, and the Fugue played tricks. He knew already that wise as he might have been to such things whilst living, the rules placed upon the dead were… different.
After an inestimable amount of perambulation, as he neared the serpentine lines of souls awaiting judgment, he caught a flash of something… someone familiar. A fiery light flared momentarily, only slightly dimmed by the leaching gray of its surroundings. Someone was yelling, their tone sharp with fright and anger, though he could not piece together a single word. He knew that voice, didn't he? Great black wings flapped behind another figure as he squinted, wishing he could influence the weave to sharpen his sight across distance, but he knew already that it did not answer the dead. In the blink of an eye, whoever had been there… was simply gone.
Curious as he was, he had more important matters to contend with at the moment. Saving the woman he loved from unspeakable evil, for one. He was close enough to where he needed to be now.
Gale sighed, shook his head ruefully, and puffed, “The moment of truth. Here we go...”
With that, he began to pray.
A gentle uno-reverse to any who tagged me, and to... @missfortunetherogue, @dr4gonwriter, @afilmnoirdetective, @bladesingerlily, @echoechowhiskey, @flamemittens & @perpetualmaladaptivedaydream.
Thanks a lot spillingteanotpermitted @optimisticgrey @archduchessgortash @missfortunetherogue @lilhumanoid @gortashsrighthand @starlit-serpent @bloodsol94 and @scoldingdarjeeling for the tags 💚 It's been a while since the muse visited me, and I'm sorry for making you wait (Uno reverse tag to all of you, friends!)
I've started to work on a little something today, taking place during the Third Act in the House of Grief, post battle against Viconia.
Ellith wandered through the large chamber, sticking their tongue at the many Shar statues that adorned the place. As they reached one corner of the room, a subtle breathing sound caught their senses. And a smell too. A sweet, familial scent which happened to be eerily comforting.
There were a few sobs as well, from behind those heavy doors. Without waiting for their friends, Ellith pushed open the wooden panels and stepped into the room. Weapons, supplies and a few other outfits… nothing unexpected here; nothing other than the huddled form hidden between the weapon racks.
The bard didn’t hesitate and walked straight to the curled-up figure, as their own fingers brushed against the hilt of their dagger.
A human woman. Grey hair tucked in a loose bun, her face hidden in her hunched knees. Ellith could smell the fear oozing from her very being, but the heavy flowery smell was all around the place.
And then it hit the bard’s nostrils and mind.
Lavender.
She smelled like lavender.
Ellith’s head started to spin, and they had to take hold of the rack on their right to keep balance. It took them a few seconds to catch their breath. They needed to keep their mind sharp; No matter how harmless this woman seemed to be, she could be one of Viconia’s followers.
“Look at me!” Ellith commanded with a stern voice, fighting against the dizzy spell. “And tell me who you are.”
Their threatening shout alerted the other companions, and before long, the sound of their quick footsteps was getting increasingly closer.
The old woman obeyed, slowly raising her head to reveal her face. Wrinkled and tired, with a deep sadness in her eyes. She looked positively terrified... and lost.
“What are you doing here?” Ellith asked, trying to keep their voice stern… but the face in front of them was making it quiver.
“Forget her…” Shadowheart whispered as she joined Ellith’s side. “Just another victim of Shar’s bewitching. I suppose her memory’s gone. Let’s not waste our time with her.”
Ellith nodded. They knew their friend was correct… and yet, there was something about this woman that kept them stuck. The scent, those deep brown eyes filled with fear… why were they so familiar?
“Wh-Who are you…?” The woman asked as a spark of recognition appeared in her eyes. “I know you…”
Taken aback, Ellith stumbled backwards, only to plough into Astarion who had joined the party. “Careful, honey-bun,” he said with a gentle but playful voice. “Remember that you have a few curious friends around.”
If you read The Uncanny Urchin, you might have an idea about what's at stake here...
Gently tagging @elceewunjo @burnt-by-marigolds @lucretiouswept @theya-art @wasteful-sam @judasiskariot
@bloodless-sandpiper @bhaal-battle-beer-bard @echoechowhiskey @et-augury @izumiphoenix if there's anything you want to share 🌟
WIP Wednesday (a different sort of WIP this time 👀)
Tagged by @lucretiouswept and @optimisticgrey over the weekend! Thank you both 🖤 and pls consider yourselves uno-reverse tagged!
Also very gently tagging @missfortunetherogue, @spillingteanotpermitted, @riddlerosehearts, and @litsenn~
So. Hi. I got really, really, overly invested in the Companion Jamie collection.
For some reason, my brain decided it would not rest until I gathered some "in-game footage" of Jamie's recruitment scene (rather than, y'know, writing it, which would make more sense and take less time!). This required me to watch some Blender tutorials and make a unique pose "mod" and PUT IT IN THE GAME AND TAKE SCREENSHOTS AND EDIT STUFF AND
*deep breath*
Anyway. I'm making a little video and adding captions to things as my next steps. I fear I have lost a few sanity points while working on this but, fuck it, at least I sorta know Blender now. I already have 3 pose ideas and I am not sure my brain will let me ignore them.
Custom Jamie pose VP WIP (I swear to every god, if a similar pose already exists in someone else's pose pack, DON'T EVEN TELL ME bc I will be so mad at myself that I couldn't find it and did this shit instead):
I think their left arm looks kinda twisty but let's just pretend it's the jacket, it actually might be the jacket, but I don't know for sure and I don't care anymore. It's my first Blender project and it suits my purposes and I am proud of it regardless
Jamie pre-recruitment video WIP:
Shoutout to Rachel Dekarios for the amazing YT video that walks through the actual mod creation process beautifully - I would not have been able to do even 1/10 of the pose project without it 🖤
-jahen belongs to my friend fin @ranger-jahen! he's a half-wood elf ranger who plays a kalimba, loves fruit and desserts, and is a big sweetheart with a beautiful sunny smile (which is why the sunflower embroidery is in there. jahen is like a sunflower to me). 💛 i made this as basically an incredibly late birthday gift and tried to include things that reminded me of jahen or that i thought he might like. and i really hope you like it, fin!
I was reading one of your other posts about Astarion and you mentioned some things about his predatory instincts. That reminded me of something I thought of before in regards to Astarion's big approval boost if you let him bite the first time you have sex with him that I don't see get discussed much. Not only was he dealing with being forced to sleep with his victims, but he was doing it while being a starving vampire. He would have been struggling to keep control while getting up close and personal for extended periods of time with people filled with fresh blood on top of everything else, and then may have had to watch Cazador drink from them while he got his rotten rat as they "dined" together. Do you have any thoughts on this and the bite in the clearing?
Hello, and thank you for your message! I’ll try to answer as best as I can according to my understanding of the characters, and I hope it will help (and sorry for the many digressions!)
There’s quite a lot to unpack here, but I’ll try to be as clear as possible. I’m going to put some links to some of my older posts and to quote myself, so if you haven’t read those posts yet, I’d recommend you discover them to better understand my opinion here.
The Urge to Feed, Cazador's command and self-control
I think there’s something to be specified here: When Astarion was under Cazador’s power, he could not bite at will. Even if he wanted to bite his targets, it was physically impossible because Cazador forbade it. Vampire spawns cannot go against their master’s orders and will, and we know this was one of the rules:
In Astarion Origin, we understand that the bite night happens not just because Astarion is hungry (as you can see, he can go hunting beasts instead), but because he wants to see if he can go against his master’s rules, if he can actually bite a thinking creature.
But indeed, once he stats to drink, after so many years of starvation + the “natural” bloodlust of vampire spawns, it’s hard to stop. He has to ‘fight’ the bloodlust if he doesn’t want to kill his companions. But before biting them he can easily decide to not bite them.
So what does it teach us? That without Cazador’s power on him, Astarion can rather easily keep his fangs for himself, but when he starts drinking, it’s hard to stop. And I tend to believe that it’s something he has to learn, a form of self-control (which is at the core of this little fic of mine).
So when he was sleeping with people back then, he didn’t “struggle” to keep in fangs for himself, because he simply could not use them. That said, it was probably extremely torturous, as you said, to be so close to a living creature and being unable to satiate his painful hunger.
Another thing: apparently Astarion couldn’t watch Cazador drink on his targets; they were taken away and brought to Cazador’s chambers (and dungeons) when Astarion was done with them, and Astarion probably never saw his master drink from them.
Which isn't very surprising since Cazador never "killed" the victims and didn't want his spawns to know about it. So he took the victims away and told them that he simply fed on them.
Now there are several jars of blood in Cazador’s study, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the bastard filled his glass with humanoid blood while he “invited” Astarion to dine with him . Another way to torture him indeed.
In that regard, the “dine together" is also interesting. In act 1, if the PC tells Astarion that from now one he will feed from them, Astarion uses the “dine together” expression… Because here again, his diet remains controlled by someone else, or at least, that’s how he may see it (even unconsciously).
It's obviously sad, especially since the PC cannot know all this at this point. They offer Astarion to feed in order to help him and make sure he's happy, and Astarion does his best to pretend he's ok with this situation.
But having to rely on someone else to feed must be quite complicated for him, whether he consciously acknowledges it or not. Hence his contradicted and conflictual relation to biting.
But beyond the ptsd of having to "wait" until someone let him feed, there's also a lesson on self-control here. I'm not saying it's easy for him, I'm just saying we can see that Astarion is capable of controlling his "urge to feed on people".
As I said HERE: “Obviously he’d prefer to not have to rely on you to feed. Of course, he can still bite your enemies even if you told him he can feed on you, but that’s a question of game mechanics. If the PC tells him he'll feed on them, they never explicitly tell him he can feed during the fights. [Fortunately, you can have your own headcanons about it, and fill the gaps with your imagination.]”
Another detail: Even as a feral, starving spawn he could still keep himself around rats and didn't ultimately jump on the rodents. In fact, when you read his thoughts during the bite night, you can see that it was his master's orders - That Cazador "commanded" him feed on the rats, whether Astarion wanted it or not.
He can even recommend the Gur children to try the rats- meaning that he suspects they didn’t instinctively went for the rodents, although it’s clear that the children are torn by hunger, to the point that they can’t focus.
To me, those two examples indicate that even starving and "feral" vampire spawns won't always eat whatever creature they can find: if they're disgusted by a stinky rat, they won't ultimately eat the rodent, no matter how starving they are. So they're still some kind of "self-control" at stake here, at least when it comes to beasts.
But I would add that it's still possible to keep control with thinking creatures too: Except for the bite night, which is, again, more like a way for Astarion to "test" his freedom than an urge to bite the PC, he perfectly controls himself around the companions. I'm not saying he's not struggling, but he can even joke about it and play with the idea in a rather light way during the "tasting party" discussion.
He's even hopeful for the spawns in the cells, explaining to Sebastian that they all can learn to control themselves around people.
And don't take me wrong: I'm not saying it's easy for a vampire spawn to "resist the urge" to bite people - there must be a lot of struggles here that Astarion never mentions during the game. After all, Chessa makes it clear that her hunger is so painful that she can't even focus, comparing herself to a "beast".
And I wouldn't be surprised if Astarion went through the same state as Cazador's spawns (especially during that year in a tomb - but not only). But when the adventure begins, he can easily hunt animals from day one, and so does he. Of course, feeding on animals doesn’t give him the same strength and level of happiness, but it can still satiate him to a certain point. The bear's blood is strong enough to make him "drunk" after all, even if it doesn't taste as good as someone's blood.
He insists that the other spawns were not doomed to become a threat for the entire city - because he could learn to deal with his hunger, why could they not?
Now that they're free, there's no fatality anymore: it becomes a question of choice and personal responsibility.
Again, not saying there's no struggle in learning to control their "instinct" when a tender neck walks around - but it's clearly possible, and Astarion has proved it since Act 1. The vampire spawns weren't allowed to feed on people under Cazador's command, but they could feed on beasts - and yet, they didn't spend their nights hunting cats and rats. Beyond Cazador's command, there was also some self-control at stake back then.
The Hot vampire Fantasy and his conflicts with the act of biting
We also know that Astarion as a conflicted relationship to biting as a sensuous act. I already talked a lot about it here and here (I'd recommand you to read them to better understand my points).
On the one hand, feeding feels amazing, and if he trusts the PC and is attracted to them, there would obviously be something very enjoyable in this sort of intimacy.
But on the other hand, the act itself puts him in a position he struggles to appreciate: that of the hot vampire, a stereotypical role that turns him into some kind of walking fantasy, with people attracted to him for what he represents and not for who he truly is. A role he takes on more or less willingly during most of act 1 and a part of act 2, because he uses it as an asset, and also because he doesn’t really know how to do otherwise.
As I explained in the posts linked above: when you discuss how you're going to keep him fed, he’s probably conflicted if you tell him he can feed on you (hence the absence of approval and of disapproval). In truth, he’s playing the “hot vampire”, like he was taught to, because that’s what Cazador expected from him. That’s maybe what some of his sexual partners expected too (even though he couldn’t bite them back then).
When you tell him he can feed from you, he sees it as a sexual transaction: if he wants to feed, he has to indulge in a form of intimacy with you. BUT your character doesn’t know it; at this point you have only very little information about his past and his torments. You can’t know that he sees that way and he does everything he can to make you believe he’s happy with that option.
And the PC understands everything only in act 2, after the encounter with Araj: Vampires are sexy, being bitten by a sexy vampire is a kink, and he doesn’t really feel comfortable about it. To him, it feels like being used, even if he gets something from it. In other terms, it's like prostitution, it's about giving you some sort of carnal pleasure, of physical intimacy, so he can eat properly. And he's struggling with that concept. In Act 2, he no longer wants sex to define him, for all the reasons we progressively learn about.
But in act 1, it's too early for him to really acknowledge that. Besides, he needs you to want him.
The first night in the clearing
Now, the clearing scene....I already talked A LOT about it here, so I’ll start with quoting myself:
“But I believe that, as the night unfolds, he finds himself enjoying it.
Maybe it’s just me, but I tend to feel like he’s getting more like his playful and silly self when you let him bite you. Whereas if you trust him to not bite, he keeps on performing, in control, like he was told to do by Cazador.
If you let him bite you, you roll on the ground and he looks pleasantly surprised. And I think he starts to have fun here. And I think he can enjoy it even if he dissociates. As I said, the switch is automatic when the brain finds itself in a situation that represents some kind of danger or discomfort. For two hundred years, Astarion experienced sex in a way that was all but comfortable, sex he didn’t really want. It makes sense that his brain automatically switches off. Even though he’s having a good time here, intimacy itself is a trigger, no matter how much he’s enjoying it. It’s instinctive, just like flirting is instinctive to him, paradoxically.”
Now please, look at his different reactions to the PC's words about biting them.
It’s clear to me that he kinda “lets go” when the PC presents their neck, if only because they express a real trust in Astarion’s ability to control himself and they want to share this moment of intimacy with him.
At this point, he begins to trust the PC, and he’s surely attracted to them.
But that night is all part of his plan, and when the PC meets him in the clearing, he’s obviously wearing a mask: that of the seducer, that of the ‘hot vampire fantasy”. But look at his face when the PC lets him bite them, and they roll on the ground: he’s surprised, and he looks genuinely happy with how the situation unfolds; and I believe it's not just because his plan is working. After all, if the PC doesn't offer their neck, he keeps on performing in a more "classic" way -> plan is still working.
But when the PC tells him not to bite, he’s disappointed and puts an end to the meeting. Why? Because with that remark, the PC makes it clear that they don’t trust him. He’s ok with the PC if they don’t offer their neck, but if they warn him to not bite them, it not only creates a distance, but it also feels like the PC has no trust in him, considering him a ‘monster’ who needs to be kept on a leash.
Whereas, if they offer their neck, they prove him that they trust him (which is not only perfect for his plan, but I tend to believe that he might even genuinely appreciate sharing this intimacy with them, even if it's "tainted").
Of course, it doesn't keep him from dissociating (and I already talked at length about it in the post linked above), but I think it makes the experience much more enjoyable than what he expected. In any case, we know he sees this night as "special" and obviously enjoyable in spite of it all.
Did he compare his experience with the PC to the many experiences he had before with his targets? Probably.
Are there common points between them? Surely.
Is it so different because the PC lets him bite them? I wouldn't be so sure.
Although I'm convinced it makes the experience even more enjoyable for him, it's not that important for his general "plan" at this point.
After all, if the PC doesn't offer their neck during that first night, he doesn't disapprove, and doesn't put an end to the romance path. the neck offering simply allows him to believe that the PC trusts him - which explains the approval boost, but it doesn't determine how he feels towards the PC generally speaking. Don't forget how conflicted his feelings are when it comes to biting.
Now, are his "vampiric instincts" triggered by physical intimacy? Possibly, but that falls in the land of headcanons. If you want it to be a thing, it can - but there's nothing explicitly canon about it in the game.
And I do agree that it seem quite contradictory, since we also know how being the "walking vampire fantasy" bitters him. But Astarion himself is conflicted; for the first time in 200 years, he's free to decide for himself...
It makes sense to me that the man doesn't exactly know what he wants or how he feels about intimacy. That's why he prefers to take a break from sex after the confession scene. He needs to figure out what he actually wants to do with his intimacy - and it involves the intimacy of biting his lover as a kinky thing (that's why I like to imagine that from late act 1 and until the graveyard scene, he only bites their wrists when he needs to feed -> less intimate than the neck).
In any case, now that Astarion is free, it's also his responsibility to understand what he wants. That's what healing is about, defining his own boundaries and sticking with people who respect them. It's a long, chaotic path, with ups and downs. He'll probably make mistakes along the way, but those mistakes might also help him acknowledge what he truly wants for himself and his intimacy.
As he explains to his siblings, the choice is rather simple: Can you be more than what Cazador made of you (a staring, feral "monster", who uses their body to lure victims)? or can you become someone who is more like your "true self"? which implies, finding out who this "self" is, beyond starvation, beyond their "vampiric nature/instinct" and beyond the lessons Cazador forced upon them for so long.
Again, freedom means being responsible for yourself. That's why I'm not found of the idea of "infantilising" Astarion in his healing journey, even in act 1 when his motivations are questionable. Because that's also how he learns to find his true self, through mistakes and regrets, which ultimately lead to genuine apologies and open-hearted confessions: a first step in the rediscovery of his true identity, of his needs and feelings, without Cazador's shadows hovering above his mind.
So let's go back to the clearing: The PC "offers" their neck. They don't ask or command, they give him the possibility to bite. He doesn't have to. You can argue that he still feels like he has to bite them because he thinks that's what they expect of him, but the approval proves otherwise. You offer him to drink, he accepts because it feels good. It feels good to be satiated, it feels good to be trusted, and it probably begins to feel good to be with this person he begins to appreciate somehow....
Even if it's not all that clear to him at this point of the adventure.
I hope it makes sense! Feel free to ask if something's unclear 💙
Okay, I'm posting something on this account for the first time in like, a decade to clarify what I meant by making this ask. No one follow me for this you're not getting anything else. And if anyone that followed me way back in the day is still around and didn't sign up for BG3 vampire content, sorry and keep scrolling
So, I did the original anon message. Thank you for answering, and I appreciate the detailed analysis! I think you misunderstood me though.
By "struggling", I didn't mean struggling not to physically sink his teeth into someone's neck. He can't even if he wanted too! I meant struggling to keep his composure and continue to act like a normal elf person that wanted to be having sex.
He mentions that in the worst periods of his hunger, he was "all but robbed of speech and reason". Even though he probably wasn't quite that far gone when he was picking people up, his thirst levels would have been made worse by being so close to someone. Imagine being starving and having to put your mouth on a steak?
Yes, Astarion has exceptional control for a vampire. I am pretty sure that this is how he got it.
He couldn't physically bite anyone. That doesn't guarentee that there were no times when he was a young starving spawn that hadn't developed that control yet when someone he was with suddenly saw him go feral and hiss at them, try to lunge forward but end up struggling against his own muscles contorting and constricting on him as his body just wouldn't physically let him do it (and yes, we have evidence in game that this is how the compulsion works). Or, even just suddenly go moody, or yank himself away from them or shove them off when he couldn't take it anymore and then have to try to recover. And what would Cazador have done to him for breaking the illusion?
I think Astarion got his control the hard way. From having to "keep smiling" through it over and over again, and discovering the consequences for failure.
Not only was he being forced into prostitution, but the act of going through with it would have been incredibly painful in the best of circumstances. Because he had to keep performing all while dealing with the hightened effects of vampiric thirst.
I think that Cazador did this on purpose.
The bite in the clearing
So...I kind of disagree with you on this one. I think that part of it definitely has to do with you trusting him, but the jump in approval is way to big for that. Especially because of his issues with the whole "sexy vampire" thing I think that by letting him bite you, in that specific moment, you are letting him act out a fantasy too.
How many times when he was with someone did he think about sinking his teeth into their neck? It was so close, he could smell the blood rushing through him. We know he dissociated. How many times did he distract himself with that fantasy, of being able to feast, not having that limitation on him.
So he goes into the clearing ready to act his part. Ready to perform like he always did. And for the first bit, he does. Then, suddenly, that warm neck is in front of him, and this time he doesn't need to hold back. You remind him that even though he's doing THIS again, Cazador's orders no longer work on him. That he has more power in this situation then he ever did before, and he no longer needs that control.
I was about to answer your last messages when I saw that you explained your thought process here 😁 Thanks for clarifying your points and sorry for the misunderstanding!
{I'll be mentioning SA and torture below}
I agree with you, he did learn to smile "through it" the hard way, that's for sure. But also, we don't know the details... Who knows what Cazador actually made him do, as a literal puppet master? Maybe Cazador forced a smile on Astarion's face at first, maybe he commanded him to not hurt his targets no matter what, maybe he controlled Astarion's every movements in the bedroom during the first years, until those movements became automatic.
We can also imagine that the young spawns didn't go out on their own and were accompanied by older spawns, or any other servants that bowed to Cazador's will, if only to make sure they wouldn't fuck up.
Cazador could keep "an eye" on his spawns, even when they were out in the city. He would know if one of them became feral. In that case, he would either take control of their bodies, or punish them, or make them punish one another.
And I can believe that's the reason why he forced them to feed on putrid rats: not only to humiliate them and torture them, but also to make sure they were just fed enough to not become feral when they had to go out.
I don't know, again that's all about headcanons. But there was clearly a violent "training" behind all this.
And I don't know how long it would take for a spawn to build that mask and stick to it through their torments (after all Leon is a "young spawn" but he was nonetheless among the "fav ones", which means Cazador must have been happy with the victims he brought back to the Palace.
But what's clear to me is that, that mask, the performance, the smile through it all, it has become instinctive.
It has become so easy for him to "pretend", to put on the smiling, seductive face even when he's feeling awful. Because his survival depended on his smile for so long,
Astarion no longer has to think about it when he "performs" for his target. It's an automatism which relies, I think, on both dissociation and defence mechanisms (which are closely related anyway).
That would explain why he thinks intimacy feels "tainted", because he no longer remembers how to genuinely make love, without the façade, without the pretence, without the performative stance he had to display for so long.
As I said, he needs time to rediscover what it means to respect his own needs and boundaries while having sex, to listen to himself and not just to his partners. The brothel scene with the drow-twins makes it clear that he actually needs more time to rediscover all this, even though he thought he was ready to have an orgy again. As I said, healing is full of ups and downs, and mistakes happen. He needs to learn how to stop performing, but it also means accepting to be vulnerable... which can be terrifying.
As for the bite in the clearing, I suppose it's all up to anyone's imagination. You make some good points, and I totally agree with the idea that Astarion delights in being in control of the situation during that first night. But I also think it's a little more nuanced than that, if only because of his conflicted perception of himself as a "vampiric lover".
Fashionably late! (apologies) Oh-la-la... this looks like fun! Thank you 🌻@cursed-nyxan! I shan't disappoint! Check out @cursed-nyxan's steamy answers here (it's a work of art) Also, @missfortunetherogue, I hope you don't mind me borrowing your format 🙈
RULES: bold kinks that your oc likes to do, italicize kinks they like to receive, use both if they enjoy giving and receiving, strike the kinks that don't appeal to them whatsoever.
Likes | Receive | Give & Receive (the rest is as yet unexplored and left blank for this very reason)
spanking | impact play | fisting | CNC | humiliation | public sex | free use | bdsm | orgasm control | edging | sex toys | object insertion | nipple play | pet play | objectification | figging | breath play | multiple partners | double penetration | double penetration in one hole | multiple penetration | gangbang | group sex | cuckolding | sounding | photos & videos | enemas | medical play | virginity | lactation | CBT | watersports | oviposition | size kink | sensory play | cockwarming | facefucking | age gap | pegging | prostate milking | cum play | age play | rimming | knife play | manhandling | praise | shibari | bondage | food play | body worship | breeding | pregnancy | feminization | degradation | flashing | voyeurism | exhibitionism | pain play | lingerie | force & power struggle | anal play | mommy/daddy kink | branding | collars | glory hole | stripping | thigh riding | overstimulation | temperature play | wax play | clit play | bath/shower sex
Summary:
“My little Storm Cloud… Not only do you sneak into a Grand Druid’s private baths to ogle my cock and toy with it as you please, but you nearly made me spill into your very hands…” 7. —Wash My Dreams Away, Act 3
Tempest is a bratty, switch-leaning submissive. She is all about that intensity, restraint, praise, and being physically overpowered by someone she trusts - but she still needs clear consent and the ability to stop at any point. Tempest enjoys provoking Halsin almost as much as she enjoys surrendering.
Blank template:
spanking | impact play | fisting | CNC | humiliation | public sex | free use | bdsm | orgasm control | edging | sex toys | object insertion | nipple play | pet play | objectification | figging | breath play | multiple partners | double penetration | double penetration in one hole | multiple penetration | gangbang | group sex | cuckolding | sounding | photos & videos | enemas | medical play | virginity | lactation | CBT | watersports | oviposition | size kink | sensory play | cockwarming | facefucking | age gap | pegging | prostate milking | cum play | age play | rimming | knife play | manhandling | praise | shibari | bondage | food play | body worship | breeding | pregnancy | feminization | degradation | flashing | voyeurism | exhibitionism | pain play | lingerie | force & power struggle | anal play | mommy/daddy kink | branding | collars | glory hole | stripping | thigh riding | overstimulation | temperature play | wax play | clit play | bath/shower sex
(a mini-fic for bg3 pride month day 1: "red - life")
thank you to @worfs-glorious-hair for creating the bg3 pride month event and hosting it here on tumblr! my life has been such a mess until recently, it's been far too long since i published anything and my WIPs have been collecting dust for a bit... but this gave me a few ideas for some short, sweet little starweave fics showing moments of joy in their post-game life together. i'm also hoping to make VP to go with each story!
this one is 604 words and can be read below the cut, or on ao3 here if you'd like to leave a kudos or comment!
tagging my fic taglist just in case you'd like to see this: @ranger-jahen @nerdalmighty @starsthoughtsonthings @starlightweave
(if anyone ever wants to be on or off that list, or if anyone would like to be tagged specifically for my pride month mini-fics, just let me know!)
The Starlit Gallery only held concerts for small audiences.
That was one of Elenion's rules. Here, there would be no rowdy tavern crowd, no drunken requests shouted over the first chord, no sea of hungry faces demanding more than he wanted to give. There were only a few rows of chairs in the entry hall facing a small raised stage. When the weather was warm, they brought the chairs out to the courtyard, where Elenion sang beneath the light of the stars.
This was his museum. And it was a place he could share music in his own way.
Tonight, the entry hall glowed red—from the soft curtains framing the stage, to the lanterns along the walls. Roses spilled from vases near the front row. It was all a bit theatrical, and Elenion knew he might've overdone it. But in his defense, Sune had never said beauty had to be subtle.
As his fingers moved over the strings of his lyre, red-gold sparks curled from each note while Dancing Lights floated lazily above him like tiny embers.
Elenion drew in a breath, watching one of the lights drift toward the curtains.
Red used to mean wanting.
It meant red curtains in taverns gone hot with candlelight. Red wine and lipstick on strangers' mouths. Roses tossed at his feet by people who expected him to be whatever the room demanded.
Some nights, they expected picture-perfect elegance and grace. A flawless bow, a clever story. The untouchable shimmer of the Wandering Star.
Other nights, the crowd wanted desire and seduction. A wicked smile and a slow, sultry roll of his hips. Every lyric shaped into an invitation.
Once, Elenion would’ve given them exactly the version of him they wanted without a second thought. But tonight, he sang of small, beautiful things: red berries after a winter famine. A hearth kept warm through the longest night. Thread tied around a lover’s wrist before a long journey. Poppies blooming through cracked stone.
Once, he might've made even those gentle things sound like a promise whispered against someone's mouth. Tonight, he simply let them be what they were.
He sang of life, stubborn and warm.
He caught Gale’s eye in the front row, smiling at him with a tenderness that showed absolutely no regard for his ability to keep tempo. His heart stumbled.
So did his fingers.
He should've been quietly horrified. Should've immediately hidden the mistake beneath a flourish.
Instead, a laugh slipped out—soft at first, then enough that the room warmed with it. He kept singing, because he may have missed a note but the room was still with him. And life, of course, would go on.
During the final verse the Dancing Lights brightened and dimmed with the rhythm, pulsing softly like a heartbeat.
When the song ended, the applause was warm. Elenion gave a small bow in thanks.
Afterward, Gale found him near the front row. "You were wonderful," he said.
Elenion gave him a wary look. "I missed a note."
“Yes,” Gale said gently. “And the song lived anyway.”
Elenion blinked at him.
Gale smiled. "How do you feel?"
Elenion looked around the room—at the curtains, the flowers, the little stage where he could perform without being devoured.
Then he looked at Gale, the man who had never needed him flawless or dazzling to love him.
"Alive," he said.
Gale’s face softened.
Elenion huffed a quiet laugh. “Rather inconvenient, really," he said. "I may have to keep doing it."
"I should hope so," Gale said, taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.
Elenion's cheeks flushed bright red.
For the record I'm aware that this is an incredibly on-the-nose way of filling the prompt. And just as Elenion shouldn't apologize for his own joy as a queer man who refuses to keep letting others decide who he should be, I will not apologize for writing whatever I want. ❤️
