The Desk of L'yhta Mahre

Adventuring mage, researcher, and mentor | Master of Mysterium, the Ivory Tower Final Fantasy XIV | Balmung Server IC posts, screenshots and art, RP reblogs, and character asks — Sometimes NSFW, usually depressing.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

So I made a blog for OOC posts, specifically about my transition. I can't promise regular posting there, but I'll try, and my ask box is, just like here, always open. :)

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Reblogging in case anyone else happens to be interested.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Small pages, 32s, 2 UM

She despaired.

She wept in the corner as we spoke, the Young Blade having walked off in disgust at me; the Machinist, afar, intentionally avoiding my words; my reflection, mocking us as she showed "friendship;" the Magiteknologist and Chirurgeon, trying to force my reflection to show her hand.

And in the corner, she wept, despairing that she caused great trouble, that she had made any of hate her, that she had done some great wrong both by seeking justice for me and by, incidentally, bringing my dark reflection back to the Tower.

We were able to pull her back from it, with calm words of love and trust and, perhaps, the connection of the ring she and I both wear. But I remained trembling, nonetheless. She is so loved. She told me she has so much to live for, that while she cared naught for her life before, she sees meaning and purpose in it now. That she could be drawn into a darkness that might have consumed her once again...

The thought is a heavy weight to bear.

, Y.

The edge of the page is oddly frayed and bleached, as if it were exposed to some sort of dissolving magick.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

So I made a blog for OOC posts, specifically about my transition. I can't promise regular posting there, but I'll try, and my ask box is, just like here, always open. :)

[furys-mercy]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝔽𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕪 ℍ𝕠𝕞𝕖

I have finished the redesign of Mercer’s family home. I wanted something darker with more wood and less foliage. I am pretty happy with how it came out.  Please feel free to drop by and give it a look!   Balmung. Mists. Ward 22. Plot 60.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

If you were a deity, what would you be the god of?

labyrinths and confusion

a god for the lost souls. you can often find makeshift altars for you deep in forests, cave systems, and other uncharted territories. you guide those lost back onto the path. the souls of those who disrespect you are lost forever, trapped in a winding labyrinth, never to leave or see sunlight again.

That's an interesting result. I'm not sure if I agree with it or not, exactly!

>> Take the quiz here. <<

Tagged by: @rokachan's open tag, thank you!

Tagging: @hanidahlia, @pale-eastern-star, @furys-mercy, @kellachfromthewoods, @gravyffxiv, @huntinghare, @erahsae-ffxiv, and anyone else who wants to do it!

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Would people be interested in me making posts about my transition stuff, trans and non-binary issues, stuff like that? I'd probably make another blog for it so as not to fill up this one.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? - Miqojak!

"I like to look on the bright side of things, you know? The world'll get better with everyone working to make it a better place, and! Just because there's been a cycle of Calamities doesn't mean we have to keep making the same mistakes, right? I'm always happy for all of my friends and partners and they're always learning and trying to be the best people they can be!"

Despite her rosy statements about others, L'yhta is often very pessimistic about herself and anything that relates to herself. She worries regularly that people will get sick of her and push her away, or that she'll do something horrible, intentionally or unintentionally, that will harm others. Part of this is her long-standing issues around abandonment, and part of it is the consequence of being an adventurer and seeing so many people die -- and sometimes having to make hard tactical choices so that others may live. Every casualty or death weighs on her soul.

Thanks for the ask, @whitedawn-wra! :)

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Time for a rare (and possibly needlessly self-indulgent) OOC post about the player behind this quasi-functional miqo'te mage.

One of the reasons I've been quiet relatively recently is because I've been in the midst of a pretty big shift in my life -- coming out as a transgender woman IRL. There's a lot of ups and some really big downs, especially with the world being a fairly scary place right now for trans and non-binary people. Sometimes these lows drain away all my desire for RP or end up calling forth some pretty old anxieties and wounds I've got OOC, and sometimes I end up questioning other parts of my identity and being troubled about how those do, or don't, relate to various aspects of my RP.

I'm making this post for two reasons. One is to apologize for being less active than I'd like to be (I was trying to keep to one post a day at least, for instance). The other is to remind everyone that trans and non-binary people do exist and we could really use some support right now, emotionally and otherwise. I have some people in the community here who have been so caring and so loving to me, and without their help, I couldn't be where I am now.

Also, for anyone questioning out there who might think they're too old to transition: I'm 41 in real life at the time I'm writing this, and I can definitively say putting words to the pain I'd been feeling for decades and taking steps to fix it were some of the best things I've ever done.

No age is too late.

No time is better than now to start your journey.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Small pages, 17s, 2 UM

We went to the Moon.

My excitement was shattered when I found that we are indeed Her children, the result of her handiwork in a philosophical dispute from an age long lost.

We are broken, shattered, because of Her.

Have I been serving and worshiping a grand evil all this time?

, Y.

[fluffernuttermemes]

Questions About Your Muse’s Personality

What words or phrases do they overuse?

Do they have a catchphrase?

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic?

Are they introverted, extroverted, or ambiverted?

Do they ever put on airs?

What bad habits do they have?

What makes them laugh out loud?

How do they display affection?

How do they want to be seen by others?

How do they see themselves?

How are they seen by others?

Strongest character trait?

Weakest character trait?

How competitive are they?

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider?

How do they react to praise?

How do they react to criticism?

What is their greatest fear?

What are their biggest secrets?

What is their philosophy of life?

When was the last time they cried?

What haunts them?

What are their political views?

What will they stand up for?

Who do they quote?

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy?

What is their sinful little habit?

What sense do they most rely on?

How do they treat people better than them?

How do they treat people worse than them?

What quality do they most value in a friend?

What do they consider an overrated virtue?

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

What is their obsession?

What are their pet peeves?

What are their idiosyncrasies?

[creativichee]

Send me a number and I’ll write a micro story using the word or phrase

(creator note: I recommend 3-10 sentences but go for a longer piece if you really feel it! Replace pronouns as needed for the character / point of view)

don’t leave 

this was a mistake

[I] trusted [you]

one chance

help

illusion

silent fury

sunbathing

falling

righteous

drastic

candles

too loud

overgrown

trembling hands

in dreams

empty

flinders

sea change

alone, finally

collapse

nap

sated

tender

senseless

how dare [you]

hide

something about [them]

sweat

harsh whisper

breeze

dust motes

saccharine

bauble

filthy

total control

defy

soak

accursed

pet

comfort food

savior

undone

cheap

svelte

shimmer

crave

rampage

nightfall

accost

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Small pages, 14s, 2 UM

I am aware acutely of the chaos my words have caused, when we went to attempt to rescue the Engineer's sister. I could not handle such woes, along with the fires in the skies, and so I fled. I told myself the lie that I was seeking answers in the other world, the key to prevent further innocents from being hurt, but in truth I was wounded and, in my foolishness, withdrew.

When I returned, it was into the arms of the Pale Star that I landed. I blessed her impending binding to the Storybearer -- it is a ritual of great meaning to him, and I wish for him to know the same strength of vows she and I have shared upon our rings -- and she reminded me that I she cannot hold me back if I choose to flee, and that my departures wound her as they wound me.

And so, as I did with the Machinist before, I swore to her that I would honor the promise of our rings and run to her, if she would have me. She has other partners, of course, and it will be a challenge to battle the voice in my head that says I am the least of those, that I am an intrusion upon her life, but in a way, it quiets that voice to know that the Storybearer sometimes feels the same.

Now I must needs pick up the other pieces.

, Y.

[word-stuck]

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Very late to this party, but... 🌈with 💌 or 💕 as the case may be, developing into 💘 through 💗 (although really, how much slower can you get than this candle Rex has been holding onto-) and after like years of 🔥 (at least on Rex's part) possibly move towards 💟? As I recall they are definitely compatible at least in some interests...! The most important thing is the 💜 though. (this reads like a weather report I am so sorry)

Yes! We definitely need to get these two interacting more and maaaaybe getting closer than just friends? It so often seems they run into each other at the most inconvenient or awkward times, but perhaps they can share in a dramatic adventure soon enough?

Thanks for the ask! :)

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Small pages, 24s, 1 UM

She and I spoke last eve, after she had invited me to her room. At first, I could not make the words come to express myself, to her great frustration, but from her love I was able to finally summon the strength to speak my mind in full.

It seems I had made the same mistake I had made with the Machinist, so many moons ago. I had put up a wall, believing falsehoods told by my own mind. I had created the distance I feared. She apologized for her running from me in the past and told me to be myself, that there is no reason for me to push myself away and to fear, that she is not how she was before

I swore to her that I would be better, that I would try harder, that I would not listen to those dark voices in my head. And just as I was able to push them away with the Machinist, I will do the same with her, because she is my awai hoshi, clad in dream and starlight, and she deserves all the love in the heavens and earth.

, Y.

[little-purple-thundercloud]

Small pages, 23s, 1 UM

The Ascian is, we believe, the source of my foul dreams. The Priestess and the Monk filled in the blanks for my weary mind: the time the dreams started, their resilience to the wards, the seeming desire to cause me pain that would make me turn inward, rather than outward. The Priestess's incisive nature proved greatly useful, forcing me to speak up instead of holding what I knew inside.

And so now we have an immortal being seeking to cause us harm, but not "violence," as she says. Exacting precision is often the province of the wicked, who use the definitive definitions of words to protect their ill intent and shield themselves from retribution.

It will not work in this case.

, Y.

[teo-linh]

“It is the family you make, not the one you are born into, that matters.” ― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Wings and Ruin

((Featuring: @pale-eastern-star, @little-purple-thundercloud, @khalacrumbles, and @gravyffxiv​))