When we first met we learned that we shared the same birthday though you were older by 4 hours, my first thought of you was that you had the kinda smile that could light up a room. over many late night conversations and dorky inside jokes i could feel my self growing a crush on you, but i was overly shy and awkward so i never said anything. She had a petite figure, long black hair and a grace like no other, she was one of my closest friends so when she told me she liked you i prepared to give up. Then you asked me out on a date and i felt as if i had used up enough luck for a life time. The date was great but my anxiety made it hard for both of us, i couldnât even give you a hug. After that a lot happened my anxiety got worse and depression from family circumstances made it hard for me to even keep living let alone have a relation ship. so i told you i was struggling and we broke up. My heart not once strayed, for you were all it could see, it took me a few months to regain myself and be some what whole again. It took but a week for us to go back to being friends again but your bright smile was no longer pointed in my direction. It hurt but i was happy for you and her. After awhile i decided to try to move on and i met him he took all my first bar (one my first love), and it was one night after making love with him i realized my heart wasnât with him, that i had been lying to my self, just pretending to have moved on so i would feel less lonely. That was the time you started to push me away, no longer were we close friends. I started growing closer to him and slowly pushed you into a smaller and smaller place in my heart, until that cold winter night when she broke up with you. She told my that she never felt your love, and you told me that you missed her already. My studies and home life got hard to deal with and i started crashing again, i wasn't going to take him down with me so i told him i was moving and he broke up with me. when i think of him i feel guilt because i never loved him the way he loved me. I moved and we stopped talking you and I.
Every guy that's showed interest in me since, i have compared them all to you and not a single one has ever gotten close you and i don't think anyone ever will.
We saw each other a month ago and said our polite greetings, you had grown taller and more built, even your messy blond hair had grown. when you caught my gaze my breath caught in my throat and for a moment in time it felt as if we were alone in the universe but alas we weren't. The moment was short, bitter-sweetly so.
They say you never forget your first love, that they will forever hold a place in your heart. but instead of a place if feels as if you have claimed the whole of it.
You sent me a message yesterday and we once again began talking like we had many a times before, I wish I had the strength to tell you to leave me be so I can forget you or at least try but given just the slightest bit of hope and my heart wont have a bar of what the logical side of my brain is telling me.
To the man who has made Carry On by Fun heart breaking for me, because you told me it made you think of me and now it makes me think of you.
To the man whoâs smile could make my day in a matter of seconds.
To the man who I am forced to think about on our birthday every single year.
To the man who changed my world forever.
To the man who was my first love.
You truly will forever hold a place in my heart and should you ever offer me your heart again I would take it in a heart beat and never let it go this time.
gummygunk
pixelskylines
discoholicmusic
jbbartram-illu
theartofmadeline
