You know, I've never been one of those annoying people that say Toy Story should've ended at 3. But after seeing this and 4, maybe I'd rather they would've ended at 3 and just stuck to shorts or something because holy SHIT are they some of the worst Pixar films behind Brave. Maybe this one is slightly worse than 4. Like, I don't usually think most Pixar films are bad. Hell, I thought the Good Dinosaur was just mid. Although, looking back on it, it may be just a pretty bad film but it was mostly just boring. Brave, Toy Story 4, and Toy Story 5, however were painful and frustrating to sit through. And before you ask, no I have not seen Cars 2. I have not seen Lightyear. And I have not seen the fucking Incredibles 2. But I have seen about 20ish Pixar films and I do have to say that I think Toy Story 5 is only slightly worse than The Good Dinosaur. Toy Story 4 might be on par with it, but I don't know.
So... I'm not going to say much about the first act of the film. I think besides setting up that pointless ass mass buzz lightyear subplot and Woody rescuing this fucking bitch who somehow got stuck up in the tree and is probably the drama king of Pixar movies. I actually like how it sets up. Bonnie is now 8 years old and is still playing with toys but she also has trouble making friends. So, she tries to say hi to the other kids and she's really shy but they end up either brushing her off or teasing her. I don't usually like bullying movies, but at least THIS makes sense because I can see preteens teasing other preteens for still playing with dolls and action figures.
She then gets this lilypad to help her make friends and this is where the movie gets a bit confusing to me. How is this lilypad able to connect with other lilypads or tablets from local kids? Like, I initially thought they were getting her the lilypad so that she can connect with people on the Internet which thank GOD that's not the case but how was this lilypad able to connect with other kids? You know, maybe they shouldn't have set this in the Summerrrr, maybe they should've set this during a school year unless Bonnie is homeschooled. Then, the parents would have to find some local group for Bonnie to get into.
So, Bonnie becomes addicted to her tablet, which understandable. Lilypad and Jessie start beefing with each other, also understandable.
Where the movie falls apart is when Jessie ends up back at her old owner's place because she just somehow happened to have her address on her coat for whatever reason. And okay, let's just go through it a little faster. I really don't feel like making a long ass post and analysis on this trash heap. I just want to get this review done and over with.
First of all, the film kinda suffers from some of the same issues as Toy Story 4. The toys are always active around humans and the humans don't even bat an eye to how a toy got there or if there's a ghost in the house or something because they got to make the movie work in their favor of course. So, Jessie decides to stow away in Bonnie's suitcase so that she can help her make friends. Which, idk about that, maybe you should let her make her own friends. Let her figure out her own shit and make her own mistakes, stop trying to solve her problems for her. If she comes home and it doesn't work out, then maybe you can do something.
Jessie, is just not as good as a protagonist as Woody. I don't inherently have a problem with her being the protagonist but she just seems like your basic average sassy bitch and it's just not as likeable as Woody. Like literally, in this movie, Jessie acts just like Woody did in the first movie. She gets easily jealous, she fights everyone, blames them as if THEY'RE the problem. Like, I understand her beef with Lily because she's cocky as all hell, but why is she beefing with these other motherfuckers all because they're technology? It's not their fault that they were made and a fucking kid plays with them like have some perspective, cowgirl. Also the movie really LOVES to shoehorn in the fact that she was Emily's owner. I mean, why else would they have like 70% of it take place at Emily's house, where she finds Emily's stuff buried under and such.
I don't even understand why they even needed to have Woody become a lost toy anyway. Like, basically, Jessie has to take on all Woody's roles because Woody decided to be a fucking idiot.
Also, the other toys don't get much of a time to shine. Woody and Buzz apparently have this subplot that they don't do much with. They apparently have a bit of bickering which basically regresses their character to the first movie. There's also romantic tension between Jessie and Buzz that the movie never hints at (I heard this was hinted at in other movies but I haven't seen the other movies in a long fucking time so why not hint at it more in this movie, hmm?). Not even Forky reacts to fucking getting replaced when he used to be Bonnie's FAVORITE TOY.
At first, I was okay with Blaze from Sonic the Hedgehog. I thought she was just going to be some fun minor character but no, they had to tie her into the plot by shoving it in your fucking FACE that she needs Bonnie to be her friend. By showing her struggling with the same thing Bonnie is struggling with, which is more stupider to me since it didn't seem like people didn't want to hang out with her like it is with Bonnie but because someone forgot that they were planning a playdate. And she suddenly cries like a baby back bitch like that person never wants to play with her. My problem with this is that they make it seem so easy and obvious just so that "Jessica" (why is this her full name anyway?) would have someone to play matchmaker on Bonnie with. Just having her basically being another fucking Bonnie. Whoop dee freaking doo. Here's a bright idea, movie, how about make her completely different from Bonnie? Like idk, make her more boring and uncreative or something. Or... I know! Make her obsessed with technology too. Make Jessie question if she's actually a good choice for Bonnie. Then have her get to know her and realize she's not all that bad of a person. Maybe this would also create more conflict than we got between her and Bonnie. Yeah, go Ivy and Bean on this shit or something SOMETHING to make it better. Like, we know that this bitch is going to end up being friends with this other bitch at least make it more subtle and unpredictable? Idk what I'm even saying... make the audience question whether they're going to get along.
I don't have much of a problem with Bonnie and I think she's the only somewhat well-written character in this fucking dumpster fire. Because she DID have an arc. She DID have motivation. My problem with her is mostly for the fact that the story LOOOVES to traumatize her like with these other characters. Like, she has this thing toward the end where she doesn't want to play with toys anymore because somehow her jerk of her "friends" find her toys at Blaze's house and decide to make fun of her for it. Like, this is just Ralph Breaks the Internet all over again only this is slightly more believable but then again, I don't think they need to shoehorn in a point about cyberbullying especially since Bonnie isn't even online talking to random strangers anyway. We already know that they're bullying Bonnie, we already know that Bonnie is struggling with technology addiction. Why give her another reason not to play with toys just to muddle the theme of the entire fucking film.
And then Lilypad. She was fine at first. I thought we were finally going to get a good Disney villain that is just evil and mean, but no. THEY HAD TO MAKE HER ANOTHER TRAGIC PIECE OF SHIT. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THESE SYMPATHETIC AND TRAGIC ASS VILLAINS, DISNEY. She basically throws herself away because she feels that she has ruined Bonnie's life, even though it's really not that big of a deal. I mean the bitch is getting bullied. She has to learn not to take it to heart and just be herself. Like the bullying isn't so severe that she's suicidal or whatever so why is she throwing herself away? Just to add trauma on top of trauma for poor Bonnie. This movie may be the most depressing and emotionally draining Toy Story film yet. At least the other Toy Stories's emotional moments DID make sense and wasn't that plentiful.
You know, maybe we should start having Gen Z writing these technology movies instead of Gen X and millennials because they just don't know how to write a good technology is taking over the world story. It always comes back to the same ole "Put your phone down!" and "phones are unhealthy in general" they did it in Mitchells vs. the Machines and they did it here.
So overall, idk. I think I came out expecting more from this film. I think it just lacked the soul and depth of other Toy Story films. In all three Toy Story films, I at least came out feeling emotionally impacted and like I learned something from these films. With this and Toy Story 4, I didn't. They made me feel kinda... empty. Even if I did weirdly enough, like Toy Story 4 when it first came out, a second rewatch just makes me realize it's really not that good of a film. Maybe I'll make a review and an Aleta Rewrites of that film one day if I can fucking get off my lazy ass and do it.
Even more disappointing is that the trailers actually looked okay. I expected at least SOME emotional and deep message about how technology has consumed our lives and the impact it has on the toy industry but I didn't think it would be this sad like hot damn. I mean most of the movie takes place in Emily's house just to manipulate you emotionally but I just felt pretty much nothing. Characters are constantly getting traumatized in different ways. We have a sad villain in there and everything.
Jessie is pretty much Woody 2.0 and makes me just miss Woody. Blaze is basically Bonnie 2.0. Either these characters just don't feel like their own characters or they're not giving much of a time to shine like the other toys with BONNIE being the only one with an interesting arc going on.
I give Toy Story 5 4.0 bells out of 10.
Also, they're apparently making a 6th one?!?!
Here's how I would've rewritten the story in an Aleta Rewrites version.
First of all, we do not need all these Buzz Lightyears. They serve no purpose and they just convolute the plot. This ain't no Love, Actually or some shit. We already have three subplots going on, for a simple road trip movie, we could've just used two and that's it. We don't need the whole stow away scene and Jessie somehow having Emily's address on her coat bringing her to what ends up being a major point in the plot. I would have Bonnie come home depressed because the playdate or group or school didn't turn out too well. And THEN, Jessie and the gang decide they need to find someone to pair Bonnie up with. So, THEN they decide to stow away in her backpack, her bag or whatever and at whatever place they go THAT'S where they meet Blaze and all the other kids. And they try to analyze and figure out which kid would be good for Bonnie. But oh, that kid seems mean. Or that kid seems too aloof. Those kids are so wrapped up in technology. Blaze is the kid they eventually find out would be good for Bonnie but at first, she seems very boring and uncreative and not interested in toys. Then, maybe they see that she struggles with boredom at recess or gym class or something or coming up with a story or drawing and that's where Jessie thinks "Okay, maybe Bonnie can help with that." Bonnie initially doesn't get along with Blaze, but then she realizes maybe she can do more fun things with her. So, she gets out her toys and starts playing with them, imagining scenarios and all that. This gets Blaze to start playing with them too. At first, she struggles with what kind of scene to come up with, but Bonnie gives her ideas. Then, she starts playing along with it. Maybe coming up with her own ideas. This creates a shared bond for them as they learn to love toys again.
I...I don't know. My brain is too fried to write a whole plot on this fucking piece of shit nor do I even care. I have better things to worry about than dwell on a movie that makes me miserable.
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