[littlebrownpoet]

it’s been awhile

[littlebrownpoet]

i’ve been feeling moderately okay and i can’t tell if i’m getting better or just repressing so hard it’s working or what

[littlebrownpoet]

hahaha all i want for valentine’s day is friends that don’t ditch me ahahaha i hate life

[littlebrownpoet]

i’m unhappy with my life and i don’t know how to fix that

[littlebrownpoet]

i have never felt more alone in my life and i don’t know how to be okay with that.

[littlebrownpoet]

repress repress repress until you cant feel the sadness

[littlebrownpoet]

surviving depression is like flowers blooming when the rain is not falling on them to help them grow, but to push them back down into the earth

[littlebrownpoet]

do you ever just hate yourself bc nothings working and it’s not like you’re not trying, you’re just really far gone. and you want to get better bc this continuous state of sadness and self loathing is so tiring but you can’t bc it’s just too much and no matter how hard you try nothing. is. working.

[littlebrownpoet]

what do you do when the cutting stops working. how far gone are you?

[littlebrownpoet]

what are we without self destructive tendencies

[littlebrownpoet]

now that i’m gone

i just want you all to know

i was not the girl

you thought i was

the girl who always

had a smile on her face

who was strong willed

with a fierce determination

to go to an ivy league school

the girl who was always

fighting for her beliefs

no matter the person

the loud boisterous girl

filled with energy and laughter

was also filled with sadness

those smiles,

so wild and bright

held secrets

no one would have guessed

they held the truth

a broken girl in despair

and her strong will

quickly chipping away

as she realised

she could never amount

to what she wanted to be

her determination faded

and she wasn’t fighting

for her beliefs

but for the will to live

[littlebrownpoet]

people think

it’s strange

some of the things i say

as if the words don’t belong in my mouth

as if my skin is too dark for them

and what they mean

so when words like

anxiety, depression, mental health, self harm, mental illness

tumble from my mouth

and spill out

into a harsh, unforgiving, cruel words

they look at me differently for a moment

they take a step back

and they wonder

did she really just say that?

they look me up and down

confused to know if that was what i really meant

because people seem to forget

that mental illness knows nothing

it does not know race, gender, sexuality

socio economic status, religion, ability

all it knows

is how to hurt

and how to use itself

to tear people’s lives apart

and leave them shattered

[littlebrownpoet]

hey! for those of you wondering, yes i am alive and (sort of) well. please standby for new work! it's coming soon i promise :) (also: for those of you actually intrigued, i am starting school soon and i know i didn't really post much now, but i will either be posting very frequently or scarcely. depends on time management. though i do write more during the school year)

[littlebrownpoet]

i want to live in a world where pain isn't real

[littlebrownpoet]

me: How to be Straight™, a step by step guide me: Step One, don't. also me: How to Embrace Your Gayness™, a step by step guide also me: Step One, don't.

[littlebrownpoet]

where do you find friends that truly care about you

[littlebrownpoet]

when you realise someone doesn't need you as much as you need them it really hits you hard