Here is what they do not tell you about Death: when Death says ‚You are born for this’ , she clearly means ‘You will die for this’.
r.m | Excerpts #22 (via ibuzoo)
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Here is what they do not tell you about Death: when Death says ‚You are born for this’ , she clearly means ‘You will die for this’.
r.m | Excerpts #22 (via ibuzoo)
Vanitas - Still Life with Books and Manuscripts and a Skull, 1663, Edwaert Collier
Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker
‘Aren’t you afraid of my darkness, my dear?’ Hades asked with mischief in his eyes. ‘No,‘ Persephone replied, ‘You haven’t even seen mine yet.’
kfg (via katefullergecko)
Let yourself be strangely drawn by the quiet pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.
Rumi (via weltenwellen)
ARINA ZAHKAROV
TWENTY-ONE ❈ ALKEMI THE ORDER OF FABRIKATORS (MATERIALKI)
She was born amid mortal customs and propriety, with a midwife by her mother’s side, her father’s cooing washing over her mother’s panting and hushed, awed murmurs, and all she would ever need then and now within reach of her tiny, pink fingers. But even then, there were murmurs of her peculiarity, how she never quite acted like a child, much less a girl born with all the world’s luxuries and silver spoons offered to her at every turn. She was alone often, mostly out of choice and preference, impatiently shooing away her father and mother and peers when they become too noisy and disturbed her reading. Arina was nothing less than an enigma, almost ethereal in her disinterest of material indulgences and other preoccupations that seized the hearts of her peers, but terribly mortal in her eagerness to learn of the secrets of the earth, the space in between stars, but especially of the body and what happened to in death and beyond.
Wild-haired and never quite tethered to the earth, Arina eschewed convention as if it was an easy choice (and it was always easy to her), finding her home in tomes promising ancient secrets, passages seldom traveled, the strengths of men and their weakness, and the morbid shadows most sought to avoid. How fitting, that the Alkemi with fire for hair and hands made slender to lift veils was born to seek out the macabre and to find her talents in poisons. For while explosives are much too flashy for a wisp of a girl who operated in the forgotten minutiae of the universe, toxins in all their delicate fatalities suited her nicely. The workings of poison were quantifiable, easy to study, calamitous with the right mind commanding them, and conducive to an elegant, beautiful death. However, it was the idea of death, of inciting it herself and watching the soul drift from one plan to another in however way she wanted, not the aesthetics, that beguiled her most. With physical trauma it was no mystery what killed the body - look for a puncture wound, gashes, signs of injury and you’d find your cause of death, sure enough. But poisons were riddled with intrigue and mystery and puzzles, and so was she.
Arina had no illusions about herself. She was no battle-torn soldier, and neither was she a survivor. War and strife and battles weren’t made for her, at least, not initially, not at first glance. Her realm was in the unknown and obscure, a scholar of the strange and unexplained, and the thought of fighting and working for a man she didn’t know and frankly didn’t care about offered her simplicity in her choice. “The Second Army? Preferably not.” Feather light in voice, thin-lipped smile that was an enigmatic as it was dismissive. “Wherever we decide to place you is not your choice to make.” “I know. But I will remain here, in the Little Palace. I’m wasted anywhere else.” Cockiness or insight, it depends on who one spoke to and their impression of the little Alkemi, but in the end she was kept in the Little Palace, a decision she expected and accepted with little more than a tilt of her head. Feet that seemed to float and not walk turned on their heels to head back to the library, as they always did, when a man cloaked in shadow approached her with words irresistible. Not the Darkling but his right-hand, a Corporalki, perhaps the strongest in the Second Army - had he not specified, she wouldn’t have known. Until now, her experimentations were entirely theoretical, the dark edges of her curiosity too sharp to put into practice. But when Altan offered her the chance to study that which she thought was impossible, the effects of different poisons on the human body (on the living, on prisoners, on the dead), she found her fortunes changing irrevocably.
Most things that are capable of burning brightly happily consume themselves to watch the glamour of their glow turn to ash, to find meaning in the last flicker of light of a dying spark. She glimmers like a wayfinder navigating through a sea of fog and strife and anarchy, searching for truth while weighted by unfulfilled knowledge and promise, beguiled only by that which promises wisdom beyond Grisha and humans and self-righteous kings. Innovators and savants rarely live on the same plane as the politics of men, but one managed to fathom her out just long enough to realize matters of territory and strength and power wouldn’t coax her into action, into loyalty - the promise of a veil lifted would. And so, like Alice into the rabbit hole, she happily immerses herself into shadow and darkness in the hope it will shed light.
CONNECTIONS
FELIKS BAZIN: Altan’s favorite trophy, the culmination of his talents and capabilities, Feliks is an anomaly that should not be, and yet here he is. He who has been living and dead and must have seen everything in between, logic and reason and compulsion demands Arina’s fascination, and she very much is. She finds herself lingering in his orbit, a persistent star finding a strange new universe to traverse, and she seeks out his company even if it is to sit in companionable silence. He meets her curious questions with impatience, but she continues, intrigue and will unfettered.
ARISHA KOVROV: There is much to say about women whose veneer deceive and bely a more fatal core. Arisha is, as expected, condescending, as is every other human nobility with too much wariness and distrust weighing them down. But regardless, the advisor seems fascinated in her practice, sees it for the art that is is, and for that Arina respects her enough not to ignore her completely, to humor her and curiosity. The woman’s intelligence does not escape her own observations either, how she answers Arina’s riddles with puzzles of her own, and the two have a camaraderie that mixes a distant respect and kinship in shrewdness.
SHONA YUL-JUN: Although Shona seems to have only the most fleeting interest in her craft, enough to take pause to watch her as she works when he passes before languidly moving along to the next shiny thing, his compulsion to say whatever he’s thinking complements her eccentricity well. While she has no opinion on his hedonism, there is no denying their willfulness drives their own respective single-minded disregard of anything that doesn’t immediately capture their interest, and that and the fact that he doesn’t seem to find her particularly odd, or doesn’t care to, has meant his companionship has been the most stable one she’s had yet.
ARINA IS PORTRAYED BY SOPHIE TURNER & IS TAKEN BY JENN.
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the softest palms that never want to touch you until after a bottle of wine. / “ just braid your hair if you won’t brush it, at least, you useless girl. ” / pulling on your skirt with one hand as you shuffle away. / “ you’ll get it done before the day is up. ” / guilt that isn’t yours to have. / it’s a crooked game, but it’s the only one in town. / chains / “ how could you do this to me? ” / the sharp sting of guilt. / you feel something even though you’re paid to do the opposite. / the family you never had. / falling backwards through time. / quicksand. / drowning, but you don’t save yourself. / “ you’re getting better. ” / “ they smile like a snake.”/ you’re the stars and the sky. / there’s a part of you that couldn’t stay away even if you were forced to. / they are your wings, there’s no doubt there. / “ let’s take off somewhere. let’s fly. ” / you edge a bit too close to the sun. / another ghost to take your place after every stumble. / deep roots in the ground slashed open in the sun. / rock candy melting in water. / waves rise and leave the foam behind. / the precipice you call home has a tip you’ll reach eventually. / happiness is the best front a man can take. / “ i’ve never seen someone as beautiful as you before. ” / you disagree; they’re more beautiful. / discomfort at the tiniest of touches. / the sky opens up when you see them. / rain comes down. / poppy fields. / your sanity hanging by a thread. / “ oh god, what have you done? ” / roommates weren’t supposed to be the smartest ones of all. / they’ve got a devil on their shoulder and an angel in their mind. / you try to help, but it only got worse. / now they’re dead, it’s all your fault. / adam & eve in the garden. / a temptress in crisp button-downs. / “ fuck, you’ve gone off the deep end, haven’t you? ” / they lie so perfectly you almost forget yourself. / the spark that lit the kindling on your funeral pyre. / sugar and spice and a taste for the dark side. / yves saint laurent black opium on your pillow, a scented cloud drifting behind you like a cape. / crisp green apples piled up on the table. / your shoes are sharp, but your wit is even sharper. / what a pretty one, they say. / you laugh without humor. / a soft, hollow spot sits in your chest. / there’s a place you’ll never leave no matter who tries to stop you. / the seat of power fits like a glove. / heavy is the head that wears the crown. / you share a space, but not a mind. / they think you are weak; you are, maybe. / “ what are you going to do with all of these pills? ” / an empty bird’s nest. / broken pencil tips. / there’s an empty paper in front of you that you’ll never fill. / “ we want you to succeed. i hope you can grasp that. ” /“ they weren’t there when it happened. ” / corruption. / there’s a red string tying you together. / the scent of whiskey on the horizon. / “ you’re the best friend i’ve ever had. ” / pink tipped fingers lock in secrecy. / 99 red balloons drifting through a hazy sky. / you try to lift your head up, but it’s so much effort. / always walking on sunshine. / there’s a million reasons to come down from the clouds, but you can’t be bothered. / loon is the word of the day. / hair twisted up with glitter butterfly clips like a haphazard mobile. / you drift, but you know where you’re going. / no one has any dirt on you because you’re infinitely spotless. / the empty side of your bed they crawled into when they were nine. / court hearings. / “ i miss you. ” / siblings are a funny thing. / they point out every family-shaped hole in every picture on the mantelpiece. / ivy infiltrating an empty, corroded church. / proud marble busts faceless & crumbling: a proud mirror to your waning sanity. / you will do anything to keep them. tear apart the world, mass murder: all that matters is that you’re together. / a cemetery by the moon, unblessed. / even when you walked one would think you waltzed. / madmen know nothing, but you should have seen me. / my blood ran cold, ice cold. / power corrupts.
leiyulkeung:
“It would be impressive, but I don’t think you’re capable of that. I’m merely saying that everyone’s looking at the alkemi and the healers as if they have the cure tucked away somewhere and are just waiting for the right time to reveal it to the world.” Lei was as eager to get the plague over and done with as any other person, but he knew it wasn’t going to be gone as quick as everyone hoped. “The plague. What a way to go out.” He was bitter. When he imagined his death he imagined being able to get the revenge that he so sought after. He wanted to take out the hans that hurt him so long ago. He didn’t want to die in a pile of bodies.
He wondered how long until it was over with. The humans were dropping quickly, and it was only a matter of time before the grisha started to hit the second and third stages of the illness and started to die off as well.
Lei always found it funny how versatile water was. Water could heal, water could hurt. Water made up a good portion of people yet they could still be sitting there dehydrated. One could do everything right in the world but if they didn’t drink water they could die regardless. He used to be a fool and only see the good things that water could bring. Rain, healing, cure of thirst. It wasn’t until he was older that he realized water wasn’t always a calming presence. No, it could be cruel as well as kind.
He sighed at the mention of war. The one good thing about the plague was that people stopped feeling apprehensive over his shu roots. There’s no need to worry about the potential of a spy in their midst when dehydration and hallucinations were around. “It’s because you have more control over your death in war. You could choose to be front and center on the battlefield despite the greater risk or you could hide in the background and be less honorable in the end. You can’t hide from the plague.” He shrugged, waving some of the water still dripping from the faucet over to his mouth.
A smile tugged at her lips and she let it blossom pale pink and small on her features. She would, in fact, like it very much if all cosmic answers were hers to bestow on the realms of men and Grisha but as Lei stated, she was not capable of it. A dream if ever there was one. As quickly as her grin blossomed, it withered notwithstanding the looming plague. With a weak sigh, her lips pursed. “It is rather depressing. Tragic really, that a country half peopled by Grisha should be struck so viciously by a sickness.” Grisha who were invincible to almost all disease. A furrow creased between her brows and with a slow shake of her head she said, “This isn’t normal.”
What is it like to choose your own death? she wondered. Was there freedom to die at your own hand? A sense of relief? Defiance? In the end, she could only see Death’s will and no one else’s. “But it’s an illusion. None of us really have control over our deaths. Choices maybe, but never control.” The sight before them was but an exhibition of the lack of control they had. True, they could choose to die by their own knife ( or hers if they preferred to have their deaths serve a cause ) but it’s only because all other choices were stripped away by hands divine and unholy. Sometimes men were the cause, as was the case for the many casualties of war. But the result was always the same. “If we had control over our deaths, it wouldn’t even exist. It would be tucked away as a secret is tucked away and forgotten in a place unreachable.“ Her words, while seemingly heavy, were spoken with a featherlight tone. Only Arina would speak of Death like an old friend or lover but by her sheer will she was determined not to warm Death’s lap so soon. Not yet, she told herself.
There was still work to be done.
Because as much as she’d like to explore the relentless darkness, a puzzle remains to be solved. This blight upon them was wrecking at her brain. She watched Lei play with the water, how it snaked in the air into his mouth, how he manipulated the rivulets as if it was naturally airborne when it was not. "Do you think this…plague is an act of war?” She spoke her thought before she could bite her tongue because she had to say it—What if the plague was just a puppet to be manipulated? It begs one to question who is its puppeteer? It was far-fetched but just what if.
✧
I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you.✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧ I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you.✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).
✧
I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you.✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧ I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).
✧
I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧ I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).
✧
I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧ I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).
✧
I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧ I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧ I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).
CLEOPATRA : The stroke of death is as a lover’s pinch Which hurts and is desired.
William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra (via antigonick)
And what’s the use of talking, if you already know that others don’t feel what you feel?
Louise Bourgeois, Destruction of the Father / Reconstruction of the Father: Writings and Interviews, 1923-1997 (via nitrogen)
Dmitri: Girls are so hot.
Dmitri: Guys are hot too, man.
Dmitri: Why is everyone so hot?
Arina: Plague.
I want to read and write and be very quiet.
Martha Gellhorn (via wordsnquotes)