Poetry Life

⚓️20years old⚓️ “When everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

[skajador]

[skajador]

YALL REALLY DO BRING THIS BACK EVERY SEPTEMBER

[kuboe-deactivated20231023-deact]

tbh(thinkin bout Halloween)

[livingqueen1]

Not Like The Others

You speak to me

I try to listen

You tell me to lead others

To you

To show them your light

But how?

How am i supposed to lead others

To your light

In their lives when

I can’t even see your light

In my own life

I look around the dark room

But see no light

So if I can”t see your light,

How am i supposed to show it to others?

Truth is,

I can’t

Ask others to show people your light

Because i can’t

I dont see your light

I dont see you

I’m not like the others

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Who Am I Really?

When I was 6 years old

I looked in the mirror

I told everyone i was going to grow up

To become a princess

Then I got older

When I was 10 years old

I looked in the mirror

I told everyone I wanted to grow up

And become a teacher

But then I got older

When I was 12 years old

You were born

I promised I’d be the best,

The best big sister in the world

But then I got older

I’m 15 years old now

I look in the mirror everyday

I think I’m doing just fine

But that’s the drugs talking

You’re 3 years old now,

Smiling,

Laughing,

For you all is right with the world

That you know of anyways

I look into your sparkling eyes,

And they are like a TV,

I see this image you have created of me

How I’m this happy person

And that’s when I realize

I’m not who you think

You don’t even know

Who your big sister

Truly is

[livingqueen1]

Your Fragrance

Liquor,

It was your fragrance

The subtle scent you wore daily

Blended with musky cigarettes,

I will never forget

I think of you when I touch liquor,

When I smell cigarettes

Especially combined

You didn’t need any cologne,

You wore your liquor breath.

Every time I smell those two items,

I always think about how it was,

Your fragrance

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Peace

Everyday you see this view

Out of your highest window.

It’s beautiful.

You want to go there,

To this place of peace you see,

To escape the hate of this earth

You see this light outside,

As it gets brighter everyday.

The glass of the window,

Slowly brakes away from the window sill

Just a little bit everyday

Until one day,

When it’s completely open.

You look around,

Close the curtains behind you and

You take in one more sight of the light

You decide it’s time to leave now,

You grab the shutters outside

From inside your room,

Then you jump

To follow that light

So you can finally find,

Peace

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Eternal Rest

You believe it’s your time to go,

You need to leave,

So you finally give in and fly

All the way to heaven.

You walk through the gates

You’re finally up there,

In the kingdom of god.

You’re now there for eternity

The glory then pushes through your previous

Ice cold heart

You’re in the great beyond now.

I picture you laughing with god,

As we now painstakingly lay you down,

For eternal rest

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Last Breath

You expand your lungs,

Staring at the gun in your hand

You drink to get the courage,

To pull the trigger

You take one last look around

At the home you built with your wife

As you do so,

You inhale one last breath,

You shed a tear,

Because you can’t handle the pain

You pull the trigger,

And it’s over

Just like that.

In the blink of an eye,

You’re gone.

You took your life.

Now,

All that’s left down here

Is a huge pit of heartache,

And the depth,

Is endless

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Mental Storm

The raging thoughts,

They all swarm together

I can’t bare this,

The weather inside my mind

Blistering winds of memories,

Roaring thunder of negative voices,

It produces a squall of tears

That stream down my face,

Constantly.

I can’t sleep,

The storm won’t pass

So I deal with the natural destruction

It leaves in its path

Day after day,

Night after night

I can’t get away

From the wrath of my thoughts,

My mental storm

[livingqueen1]

Conflicting Grief:

How do I process this?

I don’t shed any tears,

But my heavy heart still aches

I can’t do it

You hurt people a lot,

But you always loved me

Does your loss cripple me?

In some ways yes,

Though you were horrible at times.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

The shade of pale I saw you,

Will haunt me forever,

But you’re at peace now.

I’m mad at you for leaving,

But my heart still sorrows with sadness

Please tell me,

How do I grieve you now?

I can’t take it

My head and heart hurts,

From this brittle thing I call,

Conflicting Grief

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

The Bottle Explodes

“Don’t bottle it up”

That’s what I’m always told.

Not to hide my pain,

Not to lock it away

But that’s how I was raised

Don’t cry,

Don’t shut down

Just push through it.

So that’s how I cope

All my feelings,

I shove them in a bottle,

I hide it,

Until it gets to be too much

That’s when it explodes.

I explode.

But that’s all I know

Hide it until it’s too much

Then go back and do it again.

Hide it until it’s too much,

Explode,

Repeat.

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Dark Star

Stars are made for a reason,

To light up the night

Everyone says,

“Be the brightest start in the sky,

Be the star that dances,

The one that everyone can see,”

But I’m not.

I’m not the brightest

Star in the sky

Some stars are dimmer,

Some are just there,

They barely shine at all

That’s me.

I’m the dim star,

The one that no one notices

I’m the least important star

No one notices me,

I’m just there,

In the back

Taking up space

I am,

The dark star

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Answer Me

Hello?

Is anybody there?

I’m screaming

At the top of my lungs,

Yet there’s no answer

All I hear,

Is the lonely echo of my voice.

My shadow,

Is my only friend.

Nobody hears me scream

I feel like I’m buried,

Six feet under

Because nobody hears me,

Nobody sees me.

I feel invisible

Why is my shadow

My only friend?

Why is the only talking I hear,

Is my own echo?

All I want is one person,

Just one person,

To answer me

-[Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Nightmares

Here we go again

It’s the darkest time of the day,

Night time

It scares me

I thought I’d be able to escape reality

While I’m sleeping,

But then I dream.

I dream about the past,

About losing you,

About leaving this place,

I have nightmares about my life

I don’t want to sleep

I don’t want to dream

So I try and stay up

I watch tv,

I read,

I talk to you until you fall asleep

I watch you to make sure you fall asleep smiling

I write,

I listen to music

But then I fall asleep no matter what

And I dream

Ill wake up sweating and shaking,

Screaming and crying

This is why I hate night time

Especially when I’m here alone

No matter if I’m awake or asleep,

I can’t escape the night mares

I dream and have nightmares at night,

But I also live them during the day

Please oh please

Just make them stop

I can’t stand these nightmares

Not anymore

- [Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

This Feeling

How am I supposed to go on?

I fight everyday

I kick,

I yell,

I scream.

Yet you don’t hear me

You stand there in silence

Acting like everything was fine

You pretended to love me

You pretended to care.

Everything you said to me,

You lied.

I don’t know why,

But I can’t hate you

I still love you,

Despite what you’ve done to me

I’m told I should be mad

I should be this,

Or I should be that.

But the truth is,

I’m not.

I still love you.

And now everyday

I have to go on with my life,

And I have to fight the love I have,

I have to fight myself,

I will always have to fight

This feeling

- [Holly Forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Your grandchild

Hey grandma,

It's me,

Down here on earth,

Saying hi

I can't come visit you up in heaven,

But I know this will reach you,

I love you

And i miss you.

I know you're out of pain,

You're finally happy again,

But down here,

I'm not

I cry myself to sleep,

As I stare at old pictures

The memories we made,

playing through my mind

As if it was a movie.

The words you said to me,

I can still hear them as clear as can be

"I love you too"

Is what you said to me once,

And I never forget it

Grandma you may be gone,

But you're not struggling anymore,

You may be gone,

But you're at peace

You may be gone,

But you'll never be forgotten,

Love,

your grandchild

- [holly forsman]

[livingqueen1]

Behind

The first day we met

You said you would never hurt me

You said you cared

And I believed you

You gave me your word

And that ment something

To me

Weeks later you walked into

The locker room

We were getting ready for gym, and then

You looked me right in the eye

And smacked me across the face

It was that moment that I knew, you

Lied to me

You hurt me even thought you said you wouldn't

I forgave you because,

I cared

But later on, I learned it was a mistake

You continued to hurt me more and more

Each time it hurt more and more

You stabbed me in the back

When you went against your word so,

At that moment, I left you

Behind

-[Holly Forsman]