Barely Surving, Miss Living @livingvssurviving - Tumblr Blog

chronicallyjessica

“Who could have that many conditions”

[ID: Gif of a man smiling slightly shaking his hands]

entropicbrain-deactivated201909

The gals this rainy morning.

Not Pretty

There is no way I could date someone the way I am now.

That sounds like a really negative thing to say but I would actually consider it positive.

I have anxiety attacks and flashbacks fairly regularly. On bad days I'm left with blood under my finger nails and bruises on my body from things I didn't realize I was even doing as I screamed and cried and hyperventilated. Some days I get up multiple times during the night to check the doors are really locked and if I'm having a worse night I will end up checking the closets too.

On good days, which are far less frequent, I constantly convince myself not to look behind me and manage it. I still can't sleep unless I'm absolutely exhausted.

You can't protect me from my own mind. You can't save me from the night terrors I wake from screaming but unable to remember other than to know I'm terrified. I can't properly convey the weight behind the memories I have. There is no sure fire method to know when tapping me on the shoulder will be just fine or send me into a fit of sobbing. I'm not ready for a healthy romantic relationship yet.

My mental health is a hideous monster that I am taming little by little, but I know that it is ultimately my challenge. No matter how ugly it is, no matter how much fear I have to trudge through, I'm not going to let it beat me.

I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this.

....maybe 😅

staff

Tumblr Tuesday: The Otherworld

Scopic Impulse (@scopicimpulse)

Oh look, nothing makes sense anymore. The rules of physics need not apply.

Narcym Noesis (@narcym-noesis)

Is it a portal into another dimension? Is it a full-length mirror for mermaids? Is it rising out of the water, or sinking into it? I guess we’ll never know.

Formicalage ( @formicalage)

Oh hi there, cute green island, maybe I’ll visit sometim—oh, wait, what’s that unwholesome darkness? Nope. Nope nope nope nope.

Cinema Gorgeous (@cinemagorgeous)

Oooh I like my city art dank and eerie like it’s 2019. How many people are we looking at here that we can’t see?

entropicbrain-deactivated201909

Nutella!!!

I wish I could give you all a try. It’s amazing. I almost burned the hazelnuts, which would’ve given me an aneurism. After about 12 hrs of cumulative unpleasant work the sweet treat is complete.

mysticle-deactivated20211227

Who's the awesome cutie? You are! ❤️

😊

astraldreamers

aestheticfelicity

livingvssurviving

Mmm, story inspiration

wonders-of-the-cosmos

Eye vs space (Cat’s Eye Nebula, black hole, neptune, sunspot & rosette nebula)

Instagram @wonders_of_the_cosmos

spinningblueball

Star Trails By Lincoln Harrison

spinningblueball

The Tarantula Nebula

Visiting

Trying to repair my relationship with my mom is difficult. Biggest obstacle? Her inability to recognize her past wrongdoings? Her callus way of speaking about sensitivite issues? No. My dad.

I was trying to explain to him that the way he speaks is often hurtful and aggressive. He made it clear that most people are wrong about what they're feeling. They just need to stop being affected that way. (This is an hour or two in of trying to explain in billions of different ways that empathy matters)

"So, when someone is bullied, has depression, and commits suicide, then they are the one in the wrong for feeling badly"

"It's their fault for being weak"

....his logic is just impossible to argue with because he truly doesn't see anything wrong with what he's saying and doing.

Conclusion: I hate visiting my parent's house.