Living With Lesions

Chronic illness, questionable coping mechanisms & aggressive optimism. An MS diary from someone held together by spite, nicotine and coffee.

[livingwithlesions]

Hello there!

Hi. I’m someone living with Multiple Sclerosis, trying to navigate a body that occasionally treats itself like an enemy.

This blog is a collection of thoughts, symptoms, bad days, small victories, medical chaos, art, exhaustion, fear, dark humor and everything in between. Some posts will be raw, some angry, some strangely beautiful. That’s just what living with a chronic illness looks like sometimes.

“Living With Lesions” isn’t about pretending to stay positive all the time. It’s about being honest. About documenting what MS actually feels like: The brain fog, the fatigue, the uncertainty, the loneliness, but also the resilience people rarely talk about.

If you found this blog because you also live with MS or another chronic illness: Welcome. You are not alone here.

And if you’re simply here to learn and understand : Thank you for listening.

[firewalkwithmedvd]

man if you're disabled you've GOT to find some way to make your fuckass body a source of pleasure whenever you can. jacking off. eating good food. wearing soft clothes. kissing an animal on the head. whatever you can do

[livingwithlesions]

Me when my disabilities actually disable me:

[livingwithlesions]

Today has been one of those days where my body simply decided it needed rest. I’ve been feeling incredibly exhausted and ended up sleeping for most of the day. It’s currently 3:40 PM, and honestly, it feels like I blinked and half the day disappeared.

Not exactly the productive Sunday I had imagined, but sometimes rest is productive in its own way. Hoping to find a little energy later and enjoy what’s left of the day.

[livingwithlesions]

No one is coming to save you.

No miracle, no perfect moment, no hand reaching down from the sky to pull you out of the life you hate.

If you want something: peace, freedom, love, purpose… You have to move for it yourself.

Stop standing politely at the door of your own destiny, knocking softly and waiting for permission to enter.

Kick the damn door open.

Bleed for your future if you must, but step inside like you belong there.

Because you do.

[livingwithlesions]

Chillin’ in my… brace? Huh, never thought a single relapse could cause me wearing this. But I guess it can. Shit happens, man.

[livingwithlesions]

I‘m here/I'm functioning.

Nuff said.

[yipyipallyall]

[fibro-memes]

[fibro-memes]

[livingwithlesions]

Nobody tells you how strange it feels when your own body stops feeling trustworthy.

Before MS, I never thought about walking. About balance. About exhaustion. About whether my hands would cooperate today or whether my brain would suddenly feel like it’s full of wet cement.

Now I do.

Some days are normal enough that I almost forget. Other days I sit in bed staring at the wall because my body feels unplugged from reality.

The weirdest part is that most people can’t see any of it.

You learn very quickly how to smile through fatigue severe enough to make your bones feel heavy. You learn how to say “I’m fine” while silently calculating whether you have enough energy left to shower.

This blog isn’t going to be inspiration porn. I’m not here to pretend chronic illness made me a better person.

Sometimes it made me angry. Sometimes bitter. Sometimes terrified.

But it also made me honest.

So I guess this is me being honest.