to be a person

[longlivelevi]

Petals of a Peony

DAY 0 This cigarette is soon to be a memory and like a memory, it clings on and on and on and on until it eventually fades. The embers of i

Sophia, the Virgin Pistol (UPDATED JULY)

PART ONESanguineI’m sorry because imperfection stains me. It’s impossible to rinse off. In fact, you can name a hundred things and out o

on Consciousness 2/2

[longlivelevi]

oh cruel, God. will you find what you're looking for finally and leave me alone? there is not much left to excavate in this body of mine.

[longlivelevi]

i really, really loved her so, so much. it's hard for me to fathom i lost something that i did love so desperately. i just want to hold this hurt child in me, even for a while, soon you'll be displaced by these other feelings i have, but right now, you are here, child, and i am here.

[longlivelevi]

i have, again, arrived at the conjecture and need to interrogate myself. there is an endless stream coming from inside of me that i don't understand. and again, i will have to write or wish that i die.

[longlivelevi]

i am not this thing

[longlivelevi]

i can say i am happy with what i will leave behind, i have become complete, in a state of solipsis, i have become perfect, and therefore, i cannot die.

[longlivelevi]

an apostheosis had occured, something that was only accessed in their dreams. and every night that they slept, they became a god, able to shape reality into whatever they wanted to be, and as they woke up, they had returned to humanity, in a state of rage, hating everything.

[longlivelevi]

and as the pieces

were assembled

a great realization had formed

that the impossible had came to be

[longlivelevi]

there is a song, and it binds

[longlivelevi]

i am becoming something i don't recognize

[longlivelevi]

i move forward, relentlessly. there is a light at the end of all of this, but even if there isn't, these moments matter the most.

[longlivelevi]

i think im writing something repulsive. i want it so badly to be beautiful, but most truths are all ugly and little beauty

[longlivelevi]

i think about all the talents that died silently, buried under the weight of survival responsibility

[longlivelevi]

Sophia, the Virgin Pistol

PART ONESanguineI’m sorry because imperfection stains me. It’s impossible to rinse off. In fact, you can name a hundred things and out o

I've never been more proud to write anything in life. To give life to a state, to a thing, and make it something that can be felt, read, experienced is a miracle in my eyes. Even if nobody reads these things, nobody ever hears of their existence, I'll know in my heart that it exists, that it's real, and that's more than enough.

[longlivelevi]

Petals of a Peony

DAY 0 This cigarette is soon to be a memory and like a memory, it clings on and on and on and on until it eventually fades. The embers of i

I'll just leave this here, knowing, I might not be anymore

[longlivelevi]

[longlivelevi]