Being an adult is so lonely and I hate it. Life sucks

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@lost-in-space-69
Being an adult is so lonely and I hate it. Life sucks
I just take up space don’t I? There’s no place for me, no one likes to speak to me, no one wants to be around me, I’m just alone.
No one fucking cares. No one.
Even if they say you do, they say your family, you give and give to them all, hoping to get their love and respect but you get nothing. It’s always fucking nothing.
You set a boundary they are gone, they get upset and you end up being the bad one when you have done EVERYTHING to be the best for someone and others just for them to say you never cared and selfish or anything to say you didn’t do shit.
I fucking endure every FUCKING thing
But when I defend myself, when I get upset and don’t want to give in I’m THE FUCKING BAD ONE
IM FUCKING SELFISH
Everyone only cares about me when they all fucking need something, when I got to do x y and z
I gotta think about everyone else while no one thinks about how it makes me feel
I struggle with literally everything in my life. Money, language, basic fucking skills and it’s like I’m always falling behind and looked at as an idiot because I wasn’t taught properly or my stupid learning disability. I hate it.
My mother hates me, she never cared at all for me and continues to act like she’s a victim while she’s manipulating me
I literally don’t have anyone anymore. I wanna just disappear
I hate my life so fucking much. I cannot do this shit no more
I wanna cut my body all over and feel the release of the pain I’m feeling.
I feel so alone again. This stupid cycle that keeps happening
If I died no one would even care
I wish I didn’t have my mother in my life
She asked me why I’m so angry when SOMEONE else points it out. Not her even pointing it out. She sits there and tells me that I can tell her anything yet when I always did I was shot down and dismissed and that I should be grateful for my life.
I’m scared of death yet I wish I died because I cannot stand my life anymore
I’ll never ever be loved
I kinda just gotta accept that shit
My mother calls me a heartless bitch and it makes me laugh because all she’s ever been to me was abusive but I’m heartless because I no longer care for her?
If I killed myself no one would care