Facing The Consequences. [Happy x Reader]
[Anon requested: Happy Lowman / You’re no good for me darling.]
WARNINGS: Death, Murder, Mention of Corpses & disposal of a body, Mentions of blood.
A/N: It’s been a while. I hope you all enjoy this. My writing is a little off lately because I haven’t been doing it as much. This is pretty tense this one. The reader can’t face what she’s done and comes to several realisations.
The barrel of the gun was still smoking in your hand as you stood staring blankly at the scene before you. Your mind was flooded white with shock as you considered what you had just done. Happy’s hand on your shoulder shook you from the white and made you focus a little more on the situation in front of you. The situation that you had created. Feeling a little more grounded, the white faded from your mind and was instead replaced with the red that had begun to seep out of the dead man before you, covering the dry sand in a new crimson shade. Suddenly there was so much you wanted to say, but your mouth was still paralysed from the shock of it all.
“You did good,” Happy reassured, as he stood behind you, his voice soft and low as he leaned in close to your ear. “I’m proud of you.”
You mouth fell open slightly as you tried for a sound, but the body lying in front of you seemed to freeze all normal functioning again and had you freeze on the spot. You mind was awhirl with all sorts of thoughts; eternal damnation, the family of this man mourning him, the sleepless nights you were sure were about to come for you. That life; you had taken it.
“Y/N?” Happy stepped in front of you, finally taking the gun from your hand and lowering your arm which was now almost numb, and shaking due to the straining muscles. “Baby, you good?”
“He’s dead,” you began, finding your voice at last and staring into Happy’s eyes. The initial shock had faded slightly and allowed you to at least focus on something other than the corpse in front of you. “Hap, I-“ you began, crumbling as you fell against him, taking deep, jagged breaths in a panic. “I-I-“
“Shh,” he cooed, the gun falling from his hand as he pulled you close to him, pressing your head against his chest. “Breathe, Y/N. Breathe for me, baby.”
Happy pressed his lips onto the top of your head in a reassuring kiss. It was a hard kiss, as if he couldn’t put enough pressure into it to ensure that you knew he had your back, no matter what. But Happy always had it. No matter what. This thought calmed you a little as you closed your eyes tight and focused on the way his chest calmly ebbed against you, and soon enough your breathing matched his.
“I’m sorry,” you breathed, shakily, pulling back to meet his gaze. “I promised I wouldn’t be like this. Shit.”
“Some people are made for killing, others aren’t. This is a first for you, I had a feeling it would hit you the way it did,” Happy replied, bending down and picking up the gun. He dusted it off and placed it back in his holster before shooting a look at the corpse still laying on the ground in front of you both.
Suddenly your rational mind kicked in and wanted nothing more than to move on and get rid of the evidence quickly and efficiently. You were almost too rational – too rational for normality. Like your mind had turned on some sort of coping mechanism, and deep down you knew that these supressed feelings would come back to haunt you later.
“So, what’s next?” You asked, shaking your arms in an attempt to get the blood to flow better into them. Happy looked surprised, eyeing you for a moment before sniffing a little and looking past you to assess the situation.
“Get the tarp from the truck,” he ordered, and you quickly followed. Dashing to the truck, you fetched the tarp from the back and returned to his side as he knelt down next to the body.
“Here,” you offered, holding out the tarp and trying you best to keep your eyes from the body. Happy stood up and swiped the sand from his hands.
“Lay it out flat right next to him, then stand back.”
With one swift shake, the tarp opened out to its full size before you spread it out over the coarse sandy ground, keeping your back to both Happy and the man you had killed. Pulling it taught, you backed up to the body til your heels hit his leg. This caused you to quickly move out of the way, stopping to watch what Happy did next.
With a grunt, Happy pushed the body over before allowing it to fall onto the tarp – face down. The thud sent a shudder through you as you watched the body be manoeuvred like some inanimate, worthless object. You swallowed hard as Happy dragged the body into the middle of the tarp, before wrapping him up like some morbid roulade.
“Go back the truck up,” Happy called, and you simply stood there staring in a daze, realising that you weren’t quite back to your ‘rational’ self yet. “Y/N!”
“Sorry,” you apologised, shaking yourself from the thought while breaking off into a run towards the truck.
Jumping into the driver’s seat and slowly backing the truck up enough, you remained in your seat for a moment as Happy loaded the body into the back, pulling another larger tarp over the body to hide it.
“Move over,” Happy said, appearing at the window next to you. Obligingly, you moved over to the passenger seat as Happy hopped in, taking hold of the steering wheel and driving off to begin the journey of disposing of the body.
Remaining silent, you kept your eyes forward trying to focus on anything other than the rising nausea that was gathering in your stomach. You weren’t really in the mood to talk either, and Happy picked up on this leaving you to wallow in your own silence for most of the journey as you mulled everything over.
“Hap?” You eventually piped, Happy’s attention now divided between the road and you. “Does he just disappear now?”
“For now,” he replied, an honest truth that you really didn’t want to hear. The idea that this could come back to haunt you had been on your mind from the moment you set the bullet free from the gun. With one hand still on the wheel, he reached over and placed his other hand onto yours. “This will never come back on you, Y/N. I promise you.”
“How can you be sure of that?” You asked, swallowing hard as you, once more, mulled over the consequences you would face if this whole incident ever came out. “I’d take the rap before I ever let you go down,” he said, his voice now more serious than before. “This was my idea, Y/N.”
“The club wouldn’t be happy if I let you take the rap for something I did,” you replied, swiping your hands over your face in an attempt to both comfort yourself and wipe away the dewy sweat that was building up. “They’d hang me if I did.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time someone took the blame for someone they love,” Happy informed you, his eyes steady on the road as he took an unexpected turn in the road, to somewhere more secluded.
In what could be described as a swamp area, Happy parked the car and switched the engine off, allowing a calming silence to fall over the car. Your mind had started to focus on something that Happy had only just said. Something you didn’t mean to dwell on, but something that your mind hadn’t really considered before he had mentioned it. This murder you had committed; it was all Happy’s idea.
“You stay here. I need to tie the body up in the tarp, before I take it out,” Happy informed you and you gave him a nod before watching him leave the car – slamming the door behind him.
Hearing him hop up onto the bed of the truck, your mind drifted back to your previous thoughts. The man you had put a bullet in had been causing both you and the club trouble for a while. Before Happy had saved you from the dive you were working in, this guy had been one of the more troublesome patrons of said dive. He had laid claim to you in a way, and when he found out you were involved with SAMCRO, he decided to make himself known in more ways than one; beating up a prospect, setting fire to the truck they owned and sending pictures he had taken of you in various places around charming to the club to let them know that he would always be watching you. Clay had told Happy to deal with it, and in turn, Happy had told you to kill him. Why you? You deserved the kill, you deserved to be the one to take down a man who had terrorised you for months now. The way Happy sold it appealed to you in a way you never knew existed. Revenge had never appeared so sweet to you before – but he hadn’t given you both sides of the story. He never told you about the guilt you would feel, the horror of seeing a dead body, the fear of the consequences of taking a life. No, Happy had left all of that out.
“Hey,” Happy called, banging on the window from the rear of the truck. “I’m gonna drag him off the bed, you come get these cinder blocks for me.”
Clearing your throat, you left the truck and wandered around the back of it, attempting to avoid the wetter patches of mud that surrounded the truck. Once Happy had successfully dragged the man off the vehicle, you hopped up and grabbed a couple cinderblocks, taking them over to him and stopping to watch him tie them to the ropes on the corpses feet, and one more for the head. To your surprise, Happy fully walked into the swamp water, dragging the body behind him before using his his strength to push the corpse in before he left the murky water all together. In morbid fascination, you watched the body sink below the surface as a few stray bubbles popped at the top before the sludge settled again, looking like nothing had disturbed It at all.
Happy wandered past you and reached into the back of the truck, pulling a gym bag from it. Looking to him, you raised an eyebrow as he fetched a plastic bag from it and proceeded to undress his lower half, removing all the mud soaked clothing from his body and placing it inside before he tied the back up and placed it in the back. Another dip into the gym bag produced a clean set of jeans and boots, which he quickly placed on, again appearing like he hadn’t been wandering, unlawfully, in the swamp.
“That’s it,” Happy said, placing everything back in its place as he closed the tailgate and motioned for you to join him. “Ol’ buddy won’t be annoying us anymore.”
“So, we just go back and hope no one ever finds him?” You asked, folding your arms across your body.
“Believe me, Y/N. No one is finding him anytime soon,” he cooed, crossing the gap and placing his hands on your shoulders. Leaning down he planted a kiss on your head before snaking his arm across your back to guide you back to the truck. “Let’s go home.”
Back at the clubhouse, you watched Happy celebrate with the others as you sat at the bar, nursing a double whisky. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t help but push the thought from your mind that you had been almost cheated into taking a life. Looking over your shoulder, you watched Happy and the rest of the guys mock Ol’ Buddy as they mimicked the way he spoke before pretending to shoot him down again. Laughter then followed. Turning back to your drink, you swallowed it down, relishing the burn of the alcohol as it passed your throat.
“That’s my girl,” Happy cooed, and you turned to look at him as he raised his glass. “One shot and the bastard went down like a lead balloon.”
The other members of the club raised their glasses too, smiles on their faces like the pack of proud murderers that they really were. Turning back to your now empty glass, you stifled that rising nausea that had begun to creep upon you again.
“You good, baby?” Happy asked, appearing at your side and making you jump slightly as you hadn’t even heard his footsteps. You nodded and reached over the bar to pour another, smaller, drink for yourself. “I meant to say something earlier. I think you might’ve missed it, but I told you something real important.”
“Hmm?” You hummed, downing the alcohol again and bringing yourself to look at the man who had convinced you to kill someone.
“It begins with an L? Rhymes with dove-“
“Please, Hap,” you begged, not wanting to hear of his love for you. Now when you had sat there since you got back, trying to convince yourself that what Happy had done was to benefit you, and not just for his own sick pleasure. “I can’t.”
“You can’t? What?” He asked, confused as he placed his glass on the bar.
“I can’t do this now – or anymore,” you admitted, sliding your glass away from you. “You talked me into this, Hap.”
“Babe, you need to get over this. The guy was a freak – he deserved to die.”
“No one deserves to die!” You yelled, and the attention of the others was on you too. Happy stared at you, his eyes cold as he remained silent. “You-you’re no good for me. And, I’m no good for you either. I can’t do this killing thing. I feel like everything from today is bubbling under the surface and I’m going to go crazy if I don’t just get it out.”
“What are you saying?” Happy asked, the room still focused on the pair of you.
“Everytime I look into your eyes, I see him lying there. Dead. I can’t do this, Happy. I’m sorry,” you cried, hopping down off the stool and running out of the clubhouse, heading for your car and a little bit of space away from the club and everyone.
“Your girl seems a little unhinged, Hap,” Clay warned, sipping on a beer. “Might wanna sort that shit out before she get’s us all in the shit.”
“Yeah,” Happy sighed, cracking his head to the side, the consequences of a guilt ridden girlfriend now preying on his mind.