adulting is hard work y'all. sometimes i write. most times I just flail and fangirl. oversharer. will tell you life story while abusing the tags. you are advised to ignore it all. be cool (and kind) soda pop. moi
Soon we will meet our little pirate princess - so today i want to talk about the person that writes perfect CS family one shots - @losttalongthewayy - even if CS baby girl has there different name (also wonderful one) and her stories are more like canon divergence, i know all of you will love them and CS family life created by her.
She also wrote back to you - amazing s3 canon divergence - i’d be so so happy if she ever finds time to continue that perfection. I’d also love to read more viraha and it was fate - epilogue or one more part, anything - i just love her stories so very much!
@losttalongthewayy thank you for creating stories that are exactly what i want to read when i think about CS future, thank you for all this amazing worlds you create, thank you! <3
Her stories that i read and rec:
Canon/Canon Divergence
back to you - Season3 canon divergent. What if Regina’s fake memories didn’t work on Emma? What if she remembers everything when Killian goes to find her in New York?
forever - set after 5x21 reunion - Killian and Emma go home after the events of the finale. Let’s pretend there was a minute or two to breathe and soak in their reunion between crises
always - “I’m not leaving this town without you again. Last time I did, you ended up in a complete different realm; I’m not risking that happening again.” In the midst of yet another crisis in Storybrooke, Emma gets a phone call that gets her to step back from the fight and leave town for a few days —however, this time she’s not leaving without her pirate boyfriend.
post docks scene - s6 CS drabble
CS family stories
making you happy - Emma’s pout + reassuring Killian
for you only - CS + Killian learning to captain THE BUG
uh-oh, surprise - CS + Emma figuring out she’s pregnant + DaddyCharming | Part2 - the one in which Emma actually finds Killian and tells him she’s pregnant | Part3 - CS family fluff
l u c k y - late night convos about their growing family
prettiest little duckling you ever saw - CS + BabyDuckling’s first hours + CaptainCharming | Part2 - BabyDuckling + Henry meeting the babe | BabyDuckling’s first day | welcome to the family, duckling - BabyDuckling’s coronation ceremony | the one when Ollie is born
welcome home duckling - CS + taking BabyDuckling home + babe’s lil nook | part 2 - morning ducky - future cs family Sunday morning | part3 - li'l brother | part4
hush little baby… - in which Killian and Emma are in awe, and amazed, and so in love with their five-week old baby girl
O, Captain - Swan-Jones family feels + SwanBeliever | future CS family angsty-(ish) fluff
Captain Hook - Captain Hook is a father —a clichéd, loving, amazingly doting father that would do anything in the world for his daughter. Anything. Even dress up as that horrid, beyond wrong, caricatured version of himself.
the beginning of something new - CS + Baby Snuggles
once again - cs + Daddy Charming + baby numero two
Disney family vacation - Swan Jones Charming Family vacation in Disneyland
ordinariness - Early morning snuggles and conversations. Swan Jones future Family fluff
everything - Swan Jones Family perfection
goodnight little love - CS baby feels
Henry leaving Storybrooke - Swan Jones Family story
snow day - CS family fluff + winter + beanies
a little something extra - CS family fluff + worried daddy!Killian
r e w i n d - CS + back in time adventure. Or y'know… the one in which going back to the Beanstalk to retrieve their very own ‘magic little baby tree’ becomes a family affair of sorts. CS future family fluff.
breathe - cs future family — CaptainCharming II CaptainCobra — “I broke down crying in your Grandfather’s arms the night my daughter was born…” — or, you know, the night the wee babies are born and how these guys handled the whole thing.
AU
walking the high line - Captain Swan NYC neighbors AU – It’s Emma Swan’s 28th birthday and she finds herself stuck helping her upstairs neighbor —the very one she’s sure she hates.
viraha - (n.) the realization of love through separation. CS modern au. Friends to lovers. Part2
it was fate - Enchanted Forest AU || or… Princess!Emma meets Deckhand!Killian during what was to be a regular ole lonely walk in the woods
Multi Chapter
Pure Magic - AU - They are friends of sorts, the two of them —not in the most conventional way but they are. Their relationship works just as it is, no attachments, no complications, no real feelings. It just works.
She’s always been alone, and he understands that. Look out for yourself, and never get hurt. It’s their life. They understand each other in ways no one outside the two of them can and yet they are both too scared to ever admit it openly. Of course it’s only a matter of time before the universe catches up with them and everything becomes a mess.
AHHHH THANK YOU?!?!?! You’re the loveliest, most kind one around here! I’m so happy my stories ended up on your radar somehow and you’ve liked the fluffy family bits!!!!!!!
cs modern AU ღ They are friends of sorts, the two of them —not in the most conventional way but they are. Their relationship works just as it is, no attachments, no complications, no real feelings. It just works.
She's always been alone, and he understands that. Look out for yourself, and never get hurt. It's their life. They understand each other in ways no one outside the two of them can and yet they are both too scared to ever admit it openly. Of course it’s only a matter of time before the universe catches up with them and everything becomes a mess. (( AO3 ))
— o n e —
They are neighbors. They have been for a little over two years now.
They share the second floor of a decent, yet modest apartment building in Queens.
She works during the day while he works in the evening —Emma’s 7-3 job at a PI firm in the city, a contrast to Killian’s evening tech job at a theater in midtown.
They are friends of sorts, the two of them —not the kind that text each other every day, or chat on the phone every night and share their every feeling with one another. Not at all.
They are more the kind that share pizza and cheap beer when life becomes too much.
Which is often enough, sadly.
They are fuck buddies of sorts at times too —the attraction between them too grand and too intense right there from the start.
It’s just sex though.
Neither he, nor Emma, are very good at feelings and openness. They’ve been burned before. They’ve been burned enough.
It just doesn’t come easy to either of them so their relationship, just as it is, it works.
It works really really well.
That is, of course, until it doesn’t.
It’s only a matter of time before the universe catches up with them and everything becomes a mess.
— ღ —
It takes Emma weeks to accept the truth. She ignores it. She ignores it as best as she can, and for a few days here and there, she almost convinces herself it truly isn’t happening.
It is during her bi-annual checkup that reality slaps her on the face.
Fourteen weeks.
She’s already fourteen weeks along when the doctor —rather disapprovingly– confirms her suspicions. He judges her —completely baffled as to why it took her so long to get checked out.
It stings, but even so, she knows that a random doctor knows nothing about her or her life.
Nothing at all.
Despite being privy to her medical history, he has no idea who she is or why she did as she did.
She’s a mess, but that’s nothing new.
Emma at least does know with all certainty that it’s Killian’s. There's no one else these days —not really.
She doesn't date; she works, she works a lot and makes a decent living for herself.
She's alone though.
Alone if not for her often irritating neighbor from across the hall —the very same one she could love if she weren’t so afraid to do so.
But then again…she guesses alone is a relative term now —that if the small human growing inside her is anything to go for.
— ღ —
She isn't showing, she doesn't think.
When she gets home that evening, (not really home; more like her one bedroom apartment with the too small kitchen and even smaller bathroom) she inspects herself in front of the mirror.
She does this for almost an hour. Just staring at herself. This angle and that. Her face, her breasts, her middle…
She doesn't think she sees anything resembling a bump; her stomach perhaps softer and squishier than usual, but not quite round.
She wonders when that will change.
She wonders when he'll take notice.
She's going to tell him.
Not now, of course.
She's still too shocked and in slight continued denial about the whole thing right now.
But eventually, Emma knows she will tell him.
He's a good man. A good man hiding behind skyscraper high walls just like hers.
She knows deep down he's good at heart though.
If it weren't for her utter inability to trust, truly love, and open up, she knows the two of them would have become something more than occasional fuck buddies a long time ago.
He's attracted to her. He's never made of this attraction a secret. He's flirty and playful. Always knowing when to throw the extra compliment and racy innuendo when she's feeling particularly down or sulky.
He's good even if he spends his days trying to convince the world he isn't.
He'll probably make a good father, she thinks.
Underneath his seeming hard core, she knows he cares. He gives a fuck about her when nobody else in her life does or ever has.
She's too broken though. Too fucked up. Even if she wanted this –and truly, she doesn't. She doesn’t think she does anyway —she knows bringing him into her life like this would only ruin him.
Emma Swan, as fucked up as she is, can't bear to do something like that to him.
— ღ —
It's days later and she's still gathering the courage to tell him. He’s not stupid and has taken notice of the way she’s changed toward him.
So he confronts her.
Emma is tired; stupidly so. So she doesn't argue back when he sort of rants at her that she's been acting stupid and he misses her and “What the hell, Swan, I thought we were bloody friends.”
And he's right, she knows.
Despite everything and how much she tries to deny it, she knows she can count on him.
Not that she does but past all the teasing, the fake (and real) flirting, the sex, she knows friends is a word she would also use to describe their relationship.
Or maybe it is the word she would have used. In the past.
Before that little thing that is supposedly half him and half her, decided to take residence inside her, making her sore all over, hungry all the fucking time, and in need to use the restroom 95% of her time.
Emma sighs; she's not looking at him but she knows he's dropped the fight by the way his breathing slows and his ranting stops.
“Did I do something, love?”
This time his question comes in a whisper.
He moves across her tiny living room and kneels down before her. His hand is on her knee and without thought; he strokes his thumb in small circles.
prompt: cs + Henry leaving Storybrooke + babyDuckling <3
— ღ —
It’s a day. One of those days that gets worse and worse no matter how hard you try to turn it around.
Emma almost hung the towel around midday, but actually managed to make it through five in the afternoon, in time for Killian to come home after work.
It’s her day with their kid; the one day of the week Emma usually looks forward to the most and yet…
It simply was not good.
Emma barely waits for Killian to walk all the way in the house before she’s already reaching for her keys. “Estella’s upstairs in her room.”
“Um, whu–” Killian stammers as Emma rushes past him, with not a hello, much less a kiss. “Where are you going?”
At the question, she actually freezes on her spot and turns. She shrugs, ignoring how much it kills her to see the confusion in his eyes. “Out,” she says, and it sounds pathetic —she is pathetic, she feels pathetic anyway.
Honestly, she just can’t do it today anymore. She needs to go somewhere that isn’t home and —
“All right, I’ll…do you want me to save you some dinner?”
“I’m good,” Emma tells him quickly.
They look at each other, share a powerful look, and thankfully, Killian nods, somehow knowing she needs this without her saying much more. “Aye, all right,” Killian says softly in the end. “Love you, Swan.”
Emma nods. “You too.” She promises before stepping out the door at last.
— ღ —
Four hours later or so, Emma returns to a quiet house —a little too quiet if she’s being honest. Killian is in the living room; sat on the couch by himself. The lights are dimmed; a trusty drink of rum is in front of him while the fire burns in the fireplace.
Emma feels guilty immediately —not for needing the time away, but for leaving without giving him any sort of an explanation.
She settles by him on the couch without saying anything. She snuggles into his side and breathes him in deeply —he’s on his second drink and the fact that she can tell, almost makes her smile.
Almost.
“What did Estella tell you?”
He doesn’t reply at first, he hums, hugging her to him tightly, making Emma feel properly at home just like that.
In the end, he softly says, “she only said mummy didn’t bring the stroller…”
“Actually—” Emma wants to set the story straight; take all the blame and then some, but then… “You know what? That actually sums it up pretty well.”
Killian looks at her fully, his eyes soft and understanding, trying to read her. “Hard day eh?”
Emma lets out a pathetic whimper and buries her face in his chest. “Yeah,” she replies simply. That is honestly the understatement of the century. “She was so mad at me, I don’t think she’s ever been mad at me like she was today. " She says, slowly forcing herself to look up at him. "I don’t even blame her, you know? I was horrible. I’m still so upset at myself and I’m not the toddler…”
Killian listens; he nods too, but Emma knows it doesn’t especially mean he agrees with what she’s saying.
“She adores you.”
“I know,” Emma agrees. “Today just sucked,” she adds anyway and shrugs. “She’s three; she’s going to be good as new tomorrow, but… I still —I wasn’t…” she trails off, licking her lips, rethinking how she’s really feeling about all this. “She just deserved better than the mom I was today…”
“Emma,” he says softly.
She shakes her head, avoiding his eyes stubbornly.
“Love?”
“Um?”
“Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to tell me what really happened?”
She takes in a deep breath. “Yah…” She does actually. Despite of how horrible today was, she wants Killian to know about it. She wants him to listen and she wants him to understand —even when she doesn’t especially understands it herself right now.
Killian smiles at her, that encouraging little thing he always does for her when she needs that extra push to carry on.
It helps.
“Today wasn’t actually all bad, you know?” She says. “Estella and I drove to the city, it was pouring rain so that sucked, but she was still awesome about the whole thing. I did take the stroller at first, you know? But it was useless. I ended up getting soaked myself and so did the stupid stroller.”
“Okay.”
“We ended up ditching it and instead walking to the Children’s museum without it.” She tells him. “We had my umbrella and it actually wasn’t so bad then. Estella was wearing her ducky rubber boots so she loved that. We got to the museum just fine then, and we actually had a lot of fun …”
“That doesn’t sound too terrible love?”
“It wasn’t.” Emma agrees, smiling sadly. “Time flew by, she did have fun which was what I wanted for today but then…when it was time to leave, everything just went wrong.” She sighs, rolling her eyes at herself. “She ran out of steam. I was hoping she’d nap in the car for a little while before doing something else, but —she was just not having anything. She was cranky and sleepy, slightly wet still from the rain, and for whatever goddamn reason, on top of everything, I lost my damn car.”
Emma’s frustration is hard to hide. She’s still so damn mad at herself. “I’ve never in my life forgotten where I parked a car, but I swear to God, I had no fucking idea where I left it. We walked so much looking for the damn thing. Estella was beyond exhausted. She cried so much. I almost ended up crying myself.” She finds herself confessing uneasily. “I didn’t know what to do. She was so tired she didn’t want to walk anymore and I ended getting so upset with her even though it wasn’t her fault. I just needed her to walk so we could get the hell out of there and it was just such a fight with her. It was awful…”
“Oh love,” Killian coos, tilting her chin up with his finger, making her look up at him gently. “I’m so sorry.”
Emma shakes her head, shakes his hand away. “It’s not your fault, it’s not Estella’s fault either. I got in a mood and that poor kid —I sucked, I completely sucked today…”
“Emma,” he says, but Emma’s stubborn as ever and isn’t having it, she shakes her head strongly instead.
“She cried so much,” Emma repeats then just in case Killian didn’t hear her the first time.
And she knows it shouldn’t be such a big deal, kids cry, babies cry, she knows this, still… “I pretty much had to drag her alongside me as we walked up and down those stupid streets looking for my car.”
“You found it obviously.”
“Yeah,” Emma replies, eyes casting down to her hands on her lap. She shakes her head slightly. “Estella was so done by then; kid was pissed, wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t even look at me, didn’t even let me buckle her in the car. Took her a while, but did it all herself. She’d been really excited to visit the little Ducklings at the public garden later, but there was just no way either of us wanted to stay in Boston after that, so I drove us home…”
Emma’s glad when Killian doesn’t rush to say anything back. He instead hugs her tighter to him and Emma thinks that’s exactly what she needs in that moment.
She drops a tiny kiss to his chest and looks up into his eyes. “I don’t how what got into me today, I was just… I don’t know, I wasn’t … I just wasn’t great…”
He nods at her words, understandingly and Emma feels a little bit of that awful weight on her shoulders lifting.
Of course then he says… “I think I may know what might have gotten into you, love…”
She frowns at that —deep inside she knows it as well, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
She closes her eyes tight when Killian says it anyway. “Maybe you’re just sad Emma…”
And she wishes she didn’t know exactly what he means. Emma also wishes she didn’t agree with him so damn much.
Traitorous tears start pooling at her eyes immediately and Emma feels the urge to get away; she doesn’t want to face those feelings on top of the horrible day she’s had, but…
“I’m going to miss the lad a lot too, you know?”
She gives up then, she can’t do it anymore; she covers her face with her hands when the tears in her eyes burn so much she can’t stop them any longer.
Her heart aches —literally aches and for the first time today, she decides to just let it all out.
Killian’s a rock —quite literally he is. He doesn’t waver or falter as she cries against him. He holds her and strokes her back. He doesn’t rush her, he doesn’t tell her to calm down, or that everything’s well, because the truth is, even if Henry leaving is exactly what their kid needs, it doesn’t mean knowing that makes any of this any easier on them.
On Emma.
“Do you want to talk about that?”
Emma shakes her head against his chest.
Killian nods, humming softly. “That’s quite all right love,” he assures her. “I’m here whenever you’re ready, love —so is Henry.”
Emma breathes deeply but doesn’t respond.
“Estella is probably not even going to remember she was upset tomorrow morning. Everything’s going to be all right…”
“I hope so.”
“I know so, Swan…”
And the moniker alone makes her smile —he doesn’t use it as often anymore so when he does it’s that little bit more special.
“Thank you, Killian…”
“Always.”
— ღ —
For the second day in a row, Emma comes home to find her daughter sleeping. Is just after two, so it’s actually not that odd that Estella is napping.
It takes so much in her not to give in to tears the second she sees her though. They are in Henry’s bedroom, Estella perfectly asleep, snuggled up next to him in all of her three-year-old glory. Henry’s distracted on his phone, the fingers of his free hand idly playing in Estella’s hair as the baby naps using him as her pillow.
To say Henry Mills adores his baby sister is the understatement of the decade.
To say Estella Jones idolizes her big brother is the understatement of the millennium.
Emma waits by Henry’s door for just a little while longer, he hasn’t noticed her yet, so she stays quiet, just watching them.
It’s not strange, the way her heart starts aching the more she’s there, the more she realizes this may easily be the last time Estella gets to nap with Henry. The last time he gets to ‘babysit’ her for them while they are both at the station. The last time he fixed her downright awful macaroni and cheese that is barely edible but Estella still loves (and eats) because Henry let her help and made of a stupid ordinary lunch an entire operation.
The last time she gets to spend time with both her kids in who knows how long.
“You know I can see you right?”
Emma groans, disguising her near almost breakdown with a laugh she has to force out and a silly expression on her face as she steps in the room. “Didn’t want to bug, you seemed to be handling it all just fine.”
“Right,” Henry says, lowering his phone to watch Emma moving to sit on the edge of his bed. He gives her a thoughtful look for a moment before asking, “You mean besides all the dishes in the sink and the blackened pot we nearly burned to ashes downstairs?”
Emma shakes her head, smiling; she doesn’t even have it in her to be mad about anything right now. “Yeah, I meant despite all that,” she tells him, before looking at Estella. “You got her to nap, that’s as much a success as any these days…”
Henry gives her that one; he matches her smile and nods. “She was good actually, I think I only had to tell her like five stories and she was out.”
“Only?”
“Yeah mom, only…”
Mom. Emma feels her entire face fall and crumple at that one. She hates it.
“Mom,” Henry whispers then.
Emma looks up at him, trying her best not to actually cry. “She’s going to miss you like crazy.”
Henry huffs a tiny chuckle. “I’m going to miss you a lot too mom.”
Busted.
Emma sighs and just looks at them —the softly way Estella is snoring, the way her little hand clutches at her blankie and how impossibly close to Henry she is —as though she’s physically refusing to let go of him just yet.
Emma wishes she could be as blunt as Estella right then.
“You know,” Henry starts, bringing Emma back to reality. Her eyes snap to his and she listens. “I really love this place, and you, Killian, this kid,” he says looking down at Estella. “I —I’m obviously not going to be gone forev —I mean, you know I’m going to come back, right?”
Emma’s throat feels too tight to form words, so she just nods at him.
“I just need to do this —it’s, I…”
“It’s all right,” Emma interrupts, saving him from having to come up with explanations she truly doesn’t need from him. She does get it. She understands him. “It still sucks kid; we are all going to miss you so much.”
Henry nods, he looks away, and Emma feels an immediate need to say something. The last thing she wants is to make Henry feel guilty about his decision, about anything, really. “We weren’t shocked by your decision, you know? We understand, kid. You’ve been here in Storybrooke your whole life, pretty much…”
He nods, but then says, “Except for that one year in New York.”
Emma’s smile at that comes easy and genuinely. “Yeah, except for that one year in New York…” She agrees.
“It was a good year.”
She chuckles a little —the tears in her eyes be damned. “Yeah, kid, yes it was…” She says. “We were away from everyone, but I still don’t think I’d give away that year with you for anything.”
Henry thinks about it for a moment before just coming to the same conclusion himself. “Neither would I,” he says. “Although can you imagine how much fun it would have been to have Killian with us that year?” He asks her; suddenly his tone is playful and even excited.
Emma can’t help but grin. “Oh, I can.”
“New York would have driven him crazy back then! I’d pay cash money to have seen him navigate the big apple for the first time.”
Emma can’t exactly say that she doesn’t agree. Still, she’s the parent so... “Pray he doesn’t ever hear you making fun of him like this though.”
“Because of his old age and all?”
She laughs, can’t honestly help herself. “Maybe it is a good thing you’re going; I’d hate my husband daring you to a duel on his ship or whatever it is he does for that level of disrespect.”
“Mom,” Henry almost pleads, shaking his head and oh so short of rolling his eyes at her. He doesn’t though, instead he searches for her eyes, looks right through her and the sadness hiding behind her smile.
“I’ll keep in touch, I promise I will.”
Emma nods, somehow their little bubble of blissful denial bursting just like that. “You’d better.”
“I will mom,” he promises once more. “I’m going to be okay.”
Emma nods, she knows he is. “You will, kid. I love you, you know?”
He nods. “I love you too…”
— ღ —
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— ღ —
AN : The way it works in my head;
- Estella was born when Henry was 14 going on 15. So he’s 18ish when he leaves Storybrooke. I’ve had bits of this written forever since I always did think he’ll want to see something (a lot) more than Storybrooke eventually. It never truly occurred to me he wouldn’t do college, but whey, here we are lol :)
-- friendly disclaimer btw, CS babe numero 1 is going to stay Estella in my book lol This is subject to change after the finale and just how much of Baby Hope we see, but truly, I'm quite attached to Miss Estella so most likely I'm going to stick to her and baby Ollie as my go-to cs kiddos =)
