A Love Letter to Her from the Absent Space
My dearest and darkest beauty,
I still reminisce about my time living in the heaven in your palm. A world with a silver ground that radiated only enough heat to keep you breathing. It was the only warmth I felt for miles while traveling from one earth to another. I remember when you held it out to me and let me sleep there. I practiced standing still when you’d shake the ground, to watch me stumble. I know you had to drop me and let me float so I’d never forget what it was like to feel the bitter temperatures from all places that you were absent from.
That’s what gods do, you know, to remind you that the mind itself can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven. So my body learned to live in your frost for it was warmer than the ice of having no place to sleep at all… and oh how your palm was my heaven, Dearest beauty –I forgot to thank you for the strength you gave me to walk in a straight line through your earthquakes, to rise while drenched in the fear of god. I know you had to crack the ground I walked on, when I was at my strongest. Things like that will never stop me from admiring the moon in your sky, and the way you’d take my hand and dance with me under it.
I loved the way you shook the earth or maybe it was that you could make the earth shake at all. Yes, I’ll admit I let you do it. Oh dear, how I’d smile even when your asteroids struck me more than once. I hope you know that the stars in my eyes that I’d carve out and hand to you, are limitless because I loved touching your hands. I stood within your universe one layer out of the cold and four away from you ever actually letting me in (thank you for pretending to).
I’d call you my best friend, light of my life, but I can’t because you weren’t. Oh dear me, trying to address you when I can’t … in my mind we’re still holding hands even though we’re not –because, when I told you all of your stars shining are beautiful and you smiled at me for real, I did mean it. If I could see you smile like that, one more time, I’d stop traveling again, because it shined brighter than the light of a billion suns, and I’d happily burn forever in your heaven. But I know, I know, you have to keep your planet temperate so your poets and soldiers keep dancing. I, myself, never truly learned to breathe in the cold. So I appreciate you understanding me when I jumped and dropped nine days away, in the forgotten betweens of traveling from one earth to another. I’m not from here, so I never learned how to worship a false god. But just know, my dearest, darkest beauty, that I hope you still roll them when they enter your universe