It's the second time I've watched Episode 8 of Insecure. Dressed in my 2011 Destin Beach spray paint T-shirt and black sweat pants, with my trusty wine in my left hand and my laughing stick in the right. I still can't wrap my mind around how she got bored with an idealistic man who always mentions her when speaking of his dreams. Gahhh! Heart Eyes! Okay, its the seventh time I've watched it. Don't judge me, but I get a slight satisfaction knowing there are more lost and single, almost 28 year olds, that fear to be an eternal solitarian who practices faithfulness. Despite the increasing popularity of two-timing. It’s almost like people want to catch the Monkey virus. Either way, I really need to let Insecure go. The show I mean. Well, I need to let go of my own too but after Jermaine, I've been bathing in regret and drying in self-loath. Then I lotion in confidence and dress in 'fuck these niggas', only to go out and witness a known married man all hugged up with some tramp. Then I come home and accept marriage was put on my blueprint for 1962 and I should just adopt 9 dogs, since I attract them anyway.
"You okay, Lanie? I haven't heard from you since Tuesday." She said sounding extremely concerned.
"Quinn, its only Wednesday night, you act like you weren't just over here drinking up all my Pinot Nior. You owe me $20 too." I said sternly.
"Well you taking to long to call me and I got some 'It was all a dream' juicy news to tell you, bitchhh!"
"Bitchhh like Miracle Watts juicy or Deelishous Juicy?"
"Nah Nah, darker berry sweet, like Bernice juicy with a little Big Booty Judy cause it's a throw back."
"Ahhh I am excited now, Tell me!"
"You remember James from Liberty High?"
"Afro James or Sling Ding James?"
"Lanie, the audacity you have to think I would have any exhilarating announcement involving the likes of Sling Ding Pencil miss holes James!"
"Wouldn't put it past you" I said slyly.
"Fuck you!" We laugh for a few moments.
"No no. Its the quiet one who came the middle of junior year and played football. Really cute. I had a crush on him until me and Rich got back together and then I caught him with Hoe Lay?"
"Ohhhh," I said remembering "He was so sweet and had the cutest smile! What about him?"
"Well I ran into him at the mall earlier and we started talking and catching up on missed time or whatever and BOOM, He asked me on a date, a real live date!"
"Like a real real live date?" I asked for reassurance.
"Yes bitch, We going to Ruth Chris this weekend." I am genuinely happy for Quinn, but it seems like whenever I go through a hard break up, every one around me magically becomes the most un-single, deep in love earthlings ever! Its just not fair.
"Lanie, " She said breaking the silence of my deep thought. "Did you hear me? We're going to Ruth Chris! The $60 dollar per person place we would only think of going during tax season. I think I'm going to order a salad so I won't look to greedy, what you think?"
"I think if he wants to spend $60 on you let him spend it!"
"I knew you would say that you're greedy like me, I'm about to send you a picture of what I picked out to wear."
"My screen is on black out, but send it anyway and I'll look at it after I come from the Sprint store tomorrow."
"Damn, I forgot. Okay, I'll call you later.” She paused. “And I ain’t paying you shit!” she said laughing right before hanging up the phone.
The next morning, I dress for work in my sexy black lawyer pant suit with my "move bitch" pumps to try and redeem myself after looking like a depressed, lament bum this whole week. Despite my attempts to lift my soul out of Desparia, I’ve been cutting people off in mid conversation and hiding in my office all day. Maybe some fresh air will do me good. During my lunch break I head over to Sprint to see about having my phone brought back to life. When I entered the store, they either thought I stole $82 from their wallets or I was the announcement of Beyoncé's twin pregnancy. Either way, even in my shitty mood, I didn't mind the attention. I proceed to the empty front desk so I can add my name to the wait list. I'm sure no one wanted to approach me since I had the 'y'all bitches better not have me waiting to long' look on my face. After a long 67 seconds of standing there riled, this skin smooth, dark chocolate, gym 4 days a week built brother approaches me. I think he was saying something to me. I'm not really sure and he may think I was being rude, but really I was in distress over his full lips slowly rising to display his straight solid white smile. "Ma'am are you alright?" I finally closed my slightly opened mouth and shook off the hypnosis. “What can I help you with?”
"huh?... oh yes umm.. I need to see about getting my phone fixed. I dropped it and my screen has been black since." Realizing my daydreaming, he let off a half smile. Damn, that half smile was deadly!
"Sure thing, Can I get your name?"
"Lanie,"
I couldn't help but examine his fresh cut and perfect symmetrical face. This may just be me, but its something about a man looking down while I look at the top of his head, reminds me of....never mind.
"hmm, I don't see you in here, have you been to this location before?"
"Oh yeah, try Janeice, Janeice Pothucker."
"Found you. Is your phone number 615-364-0741?"
"Yes, that's me." He paused for a moment.
"Cool, it looks like we don't have anyone ahead of you for the technician, so follow me to the back and I'll get you all set up with Mike."
We walk to the back to the area of the large room where all the techs were sitting behind the glass. For a moment I forgot where I was. It felt like he was leading us to our table, a dinner for two at my favorite live music restaurant, Sambuca. Dim lights and subtle jazz in the background and nothing but an intellectual exchange between us two. Discussions range from Angela Davis quick-witted way out of prison in the 60's to if Tupac really is alive and well in Cuba.
The technician advised the phone fix will only take 15 minutes since all of the parts are in store. I stuck around, of course. I walked around looking at the latest phones and gadgets they had laid out for display. The Samsung galaxy s8 plus appealing frame caught my eye, might add to my list of future purchases. As I am going through the phone messages, by nature, I feel a set of eyes gazing at me. I look up to make sure the technician wasn't trying to get my attention, but he was in the back somewhere unseen. I slowly rotate by placing my right foot behind the left and did a ballerina spin. It felt necessary at the moment to slyly look around without making an obvious attempt to scan the room. Somehow in the midst of my spin I sped up and I forgot I had the new s8 in my right hand that was attached to a cord on the counter. The cords elasticity spun me back facing the counter, forcing me to loose my balance. Don't worry, I landed perfectly on the left side of my face. Smooth. I was so embarrassed! I wanted to run out the store like I just got my chain snatched by Debo. Before I could fully open my eyes, Donny Savage look-a-like is gently grabbing my right arm helping me up. Strange, because I could of sworn before my failed pirouette I saw his melanated reflection in the corner of my peripheral on the other side of the room.
"Are you alright?"
"You like that question. Yes I'm fine, I just lost my balance. Thanks....Solo." Glancing at his name tag.
"Well I'm no doctor but it look like you're going to have a nasty knot on your left temple. We've got some ice in the back I can get you some."
"No No, I'm fine really, thanks." I said pained as I gathered my purse and a few of my unmentionables that scattered in my fall. "I'm just embarrassed." I mumbled.
"No need to be embarrassed, I fell down a flight of stairs just last week." Fuck! He heard me.
"I didn't get to witness you fall so it doesn't count." I managed to say with a chuckle.
"Do you dance?" He asked.
"Huh?"
"Dance," He reiterated. "from over there it looked like you were about to hit a nice spin."
"You noticed from all the way over there?"
His face said it all, I found my star gazer.
"Mrs. Pothucker, your phone is ready." yelled the phone technician saving Solo from an explanation.
"It's Ms. Pothucker, and thank you."
"You're Welcome. Insurance covered everything so you're good to go."
"Thank you. Have a nice day."
"You as well, Ms. Pothucker."
I started for the door. I was still embarrassed from my fall to look Solo's way so I sped up hoping my arms weren't bouncing behind me.
"Ms. Pothucker," I turned around recognizing the deep waved, Godly voice. " have a nice day"
"You as well, thank you again."
He nodded. Fine ass!
I hopped in my white Cherokee and scurried back to work with a satisfied smile on my face. Its good to know I wasn't the only one looking.
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